Jagged Turns and Twisted Fates
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Takes place after E leaves in NM. Follow Bella as life takes her through twists and turns that eventually lead her back to a strangley different E. Can true love overcome all lifes jagged twists and sharp turns?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

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**Prologue ~ A Feeling**

How could Edward do this to her? How could Edward do this to me? None of it seemed right. I had promised Edward I would not interfere, but I couldn't help it. Nothing felt right about his decision to leave Bella; for us all to go without even saying good-bye. I truly felt he was being selfish and told him just that, but Edward would not listen to me.

It has been three weeks since we left Forks and three weeks since any of us had seen Edward or Bella. The grief and sorrow that permeated through the house was staggering. Everyone here was grieving something; whether it was Bella's loss, our loss, the absence of Edward, or just the idea of starting all over again in a new town at a new school.

For me it was different, though; I hadn't quite figured out what it was that was hurting me so much more than it should have. I knew I missed Edward, and I knew I missed Bella, too, we all did, but something was different with me now; I didn't quite know what. I felt like a part of me was missing, and the pain was something I had never felt before. I knew my family was worried about me and were trying their hardest to help me through this, but even they could not help me when they didn't know exactly what was going on with me.

I sat in my room, for what felt like forever, thinking and just trying to figure everything out; trying to process everything that had transpired in the last three weeks; trying to decipher my feelings. I knew I felt sorrow and grief; but the newest, and most confusing, feelings were of anger and resentment.

I resented Edward for making us leave. I was angry with him for making us all suffer over his stupid decisions, that none of us had agreed with. But Carlisle had ultimately decided it was for the best we leave Forks, either way, as we had stayed too long and would have had to move sooner or later anyway to keep people from growing suspicious of us, and our apparent lack of aging.

I knew, deep down, that part was right, but it could have gone differently. If Edward did not want to be with Bella, then he alone could have left; why did he have to want to hurt Bella more by taking us away from her as well? Why did he want to take me away from Bella; I loved her, too. Didn't he see how much he was hurting our family? Didn't he see how much he was hurting me? Did none of that matter to him? Was he really that selfish? I had so many doubts running through my head about my brother; I was so confused. I thought I had known him well, and now I had to rethink it all. I had to second guess my very existence; all because my brother had made a decision that affected us all, and now we were all dealing with it in our own way. But that was the problem; I wasn't dealing with it. I was barely even existing. I had hardly left my room at our new home since we arrived; I was so lost in myself one would not even know I was there if I didn't leave every so often to hunt.

What was happening to me? What was going on? I knew I loved Bella, but that should not be enough to leave me feeling like this? It should not have broken me so much to have to leave her, should it?

I sat quietly for so long my legs actually hurt from not moving. I closed my eyes and thought about Bella. I thought about everything that had happened since Bella had moved to Forks, and that is when it all started to come together for me; that is when I knew I had to find out the truth. I had to know, I just had to.

I opened my eyes four hours later with a look of pure shock and horror on my face, with a tightness in my chest for the pain I was currently in, for the pain I was about to cause, for the pain that would surely come when I figured it all out.

I was scared. I was beyond scared of what the future held for me now that I knew what all these feelings were meaning for me. For once, I had no idea what would happen, or what my family would do or say once they knew, as well; but still I held my resolve and started to pack my bags.

An hour later, I was all packed. I wrote a note for my family and left it on my bedside table, where I knew someone would find it eventually, and jumped out of my window and ran to the airport at full speed.

I bought my ticket and boarded the plane. I sat there, quietly thinking, as the plane took off; it was a four hour flight. Four more hours 'til I would be back in Forks, and back with Bella.

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**A/ N - Okay, so for some of you, this may look familiar. This whole fic, my first eve, is being re-done and re-edited. FF is picking on me, as usual, and would not let me update certain chapters, so, instead I am just reposting as I finish. This whole story is kinda being re-done: New title- re-edited- new summary, ya name it- I changed it....lol. So, if you have yet to read this fic of mine, please do, I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. This fic is complete – like I said- just the editing is being redone as of date. So, updates will be rather frequent.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

**Much love to Mambomama for being so amazing and patient and helping me re-go over these chapters. Mwah~~~~**

**This one is short. I promise they get much more lengthily as the story progresses.**

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**Chapter 1 ~ Realization~**

**?POV**

It was three am, and my plane had just landed. I was renting a car and trying to figure out what I would do, now that I was back. I decided it was probably best to head to the house and get unpacked, and then worry about where to go from there.

I sped back to our old house at 140 mph wondering what my family was thinking right this minute. I was sure by now they would have found my letter and were probably debating on whether they should come after me or not.

I knew in the end, they would wait to hear from me. They would follow my wishes and understand this was something I just needed to do, and they would give me my space to figure it out on my own.

If, and when, Edward found out, they would trust I would deal with this in an appropriate manner. Yes, I was sure no one would come after me, but I would have to call them soon, for my own peace of mind and to ease their's as well; so they knew I was okay, so I knew they were okay.

I arrived at the house and let myself in. I took a moment to slowly looking around the house I had come to think of as home, before we were so rudely uprooted from it only a few short weeks ago. I sighed and walked upstairs to my old bedroom and began unpacking. When I was finished, I looked at the clock and saw that it was now almost five am. _What should I do now?_

I decided to go to _her _house, just to look around. I knew _she_ and Charlie would both be asleep, but I could peek through the window and, at least, see her.

Without a second thought, I ran to her house and climbed the tree outside her window; it was open, and I could see her clearly, sleeping on her bed with just a light sheet over her body. She was tossing and turning and whimpering in her sleep. It pained me to see her like this, and I wanted nothing more than to run to her side and throw my arms around her and comfort her in any way I could, but I couldn't do that, yet. I needed time to figure out what to say to her. Would she even want to see me after all the pain my family had caused her? Yes, I had to make myself believe she would want to see me, even after we had left her.

I sat there and watched her sleep 'til almost six am; I heard her murmur Edward's name numerous times during that hour, along with 'Don't leave me' and a few 'you don't want me's'. It tore at me to see just what she had became since Edward left her. She had huge blackish bags under her eyes, and she looked to have lost at least ten pounds. She had new lines across her forehead that hadn't been there before; her eyes were swollen slightly and puffy and red rimmed, probably from way too much crying on her part.

She continued to toss and turn, and just when I was about to leave, I heard her call out my name; I froze, had she woken and noticed me outside her window? I slowly turned back to look at her, but she had not moved; she was still asleep; she must have been dreaming about me. This made me smile. If I could dream, I would dream about her, too. I knew I would; she meant so much to me, so much more than I was really willing to admit to myself. I always thought I had only loved her as my sister, but now, watching her sleep and hearing her call my name once more, I felt a whole new kind of fear. I had just realized I was in love with Bella Swan, my brother's soul mate. Oh my God, I am in love with Bella!

I spun around and ran home; my breath coming out in ragged unneeded spurts. I had so many things to figure out before I could return to Bella; so many things I had to sort out. I had to understand them myself, before I stood the slightest chance of explaining them to Bella, in hopes one day she might return my feelings. Is that even possible? At the very least, I hope she didn't hate me once I did tell her how I felt.

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**BPOV**

I stretched, but did not allow myself to open my eyes. I could hear the light drizzle of rain and smell the damp grass, and I knew Charlie would be at work already.

It had sort of become our routine over the past few weeks; I would sleep much later than normal, and Charlie would run off to work as early as possible. He couldn't stand the sight of me. I knew I was hurting him, walking around here like an empty shell, but I also knew I could not pretend than none of it mattered, that I was okay, the way he hoped I could.

I slowly opened my eyes, boy was that a mistake; all the memories I had from last night's dreams came flooding back to me that very second. The look in Edward's eyes as he told me he didn't want me anymore; as he told me I wasn't good for him. I knew he was right, but it still hurt so badly hearing it come from his beautiful mouth in his amazing voice; it had felt like he was tearing off little pieces of me, one by one, slowly, agonizingly.

I rolled over and clenched my arms around myself, _stupid me_, as if that is going to help hold me together.

What was I saying? It _was_ helping, at least to anyone who saw me on the outside. I went to school every day now; I had been maintaining my grades. I still cooked dinner for Charlie every night; I cleaned the house, and I was once again showering on a daily basis. But that was it. After completing my daily 'must do's', I retreated to my room and curled into a pathetic sniveling ball, willing myself to think of anything besides Edward and the family I should have had. The family I yearned for; I would do anything to have them back.

I slowly crawled out of bed and headed for the shower. I let the hot water fall over my face as I closed my eyes and drowned in its warmth. I was brought out of my state when the water all of a sudden drifted to cold and quickly turned it off. I dressed and headed downstairs to make something to eat.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the table thinking. How could I have been so stupid to believe that Edward, in all his glory and perfection, could have loved me the way I loved him? It wasn't his fault, really. He tried to love me, I know he did. But it the end, he must have realized what I had always known; I was just plain old Bella, with nothing to offer him except a lot of aggravation and distraction.

No matter how much it hurt, I understood why he left me. I knew all along that my hold on him was weak and, eventually, he would realize that and leave. Still I stayed; making sure I took advantage of every last possible moment with him. Paying close attention to every last detail about him, about us; everything he did, everything he said, everything that ever happened between us.

What I was still having problems understanding was why the rest of the Cullens did not even say good-bye. I truly thought they loved me; how could it have been so easy for them to just up and leave me, without so much as a good-bye?

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they were only nice to me because of Edward. But Alice? Alice and I had become best friends, almost as inseparable as Edward and me.

Did she not really love me, either? Did she tire of having to save me all the time, as well? NO, I could not allow myself to think that. Alice just simply had to follow Edward because he was her brother; just like the rest of the family had to go with him out of devotion to their family.

I quickly finished my cereal and washed my bowl. As I was heading back upstairs to the safety of my room, I heard a soft knock on the front door. _Now, who the hell could that be?_ I turned and headed back downstairs. I looked out the front window and froze; I couldn't even breathe. I felt my knees go weak and had to grab the window sill to stop myself from falling.

I felt happiness and pain all at once course through my body.

Were they back? Had they changed their minds? My thoughts were cut short when I looked into the eyes of my visitor. They were black, and I could see fear in them. But what I could not understand was the anger I saw in them; why was she angry with me? Oh my God, did something happen to Edward? Did she have a vision? Was something very bad about to happen? Did she come to warn me?

I threw myself across the room and opened the door just as the tears began to pour from my eyes. I could barely see her standing there, and all I could manage to mumble out was her name as I crashed to the floor.

"Alice," I whispered.

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**Did you know it was Alice? As always, I would love to hear from you.**

**I promise, Bella does not actually end up with any other Cullen. Swear~~~~**


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

**Much love to Mambomama for being so amazing and patient and helping me re-go over these chapters. Mwah~~~~**

**A/N ~ I hope you all like it and don't get too confused or discouraged I promise bits and pieces throughout this story will lead you to understand it all ****Also, please take a moment and review, even though I love this story, I still like to hear what you guys all think, as well. **

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**Chapter 2 ~ Un-breaking**

**BPOV **

I felt Alice wrap her arms around me, gently lift me and carry me to the living room couch.

"Bella, are you okay?" she quietly asked, fear evident in her trill voice.

I stared at her for a moment, struggling to find my voice. "Yes," I managed to squeak out_. _

"Oh good, you had me scared there for a minute. I mean, I saw your reaction, but it doesn't always soothe my irrational worry," she rambled uncharacteristically.

"You look like crap you know," she said with a little giggle.

I looked at her and, once again, was drawn to her eyes. They had a crazed look in them. I shuddered and quickly looked at my hands.

"Your eyes, Alice, is something wrong? Is everyone okay? Why are you here? Are you mad at me_?"_ I couldn't stop the flow of questions pouring out of me.

"Bella. Bella, slow down," she said chuckling. "I umm, just forgot to hunt before I came over here," she stuttered. I had never heard any of the Cullens falter in their speech before; _was she lying to me?_ No, she wouldn't lie about something so trivial.

"Everyone is okay; that I know of, at least. I came here to see you, silly, and no, of course I am not mad at you. Why on earth would I be mad at you? I should be asking you that very question." She slouched and stared at her lap, not once looking at me as she asked her next question_. _"Bella, can you ever forgive me for leaving you? I didn't want to; Edward made us all leave. He said to just leave; that a clean break would be best for you. He told us to not interfere with his decision. I tried Bella; I really did, but I had to come back here. I had to know that you were okay. I had to see you; you are my best friend and I love you. So I left and came back here."

She said everything so quickly that I had to struggle to keep up with what she was saying. I caught the parts that mattered most. She missed me, and she loved me, and she came back for me. I threw my arms around her and let my tears once again fall endlessly from my eyes.

"I missed you, too, Alice, so much., I have never in my life been so happy to see someone as I am right now,"I whimpered through my tears. She pushed my hair back out of my face and smiled at me. When I once again noticed her eyes, I pulled back from her. "I am so sorry, you need to hunt. Go. Go hunt, but promise me, Alice, that you will come back. Please, promise me," I begged.

"Of course I will come back, Bella. Why would I come all the way here just to hunt and leave you again? Silly Bella, I will be back in a few hours, okay?" With that she gave me a quick hug and ran out the back door.

I stood there staring out into the yard for a long time before closing the door and retreating back to my room. I sat on my bed and got lost in my thoughts, once again.

**APOV**

I couldn't bear seeing Bella like that. She looked so broken and defeated; it tore at my cold, dead heart to see her looking so desperate as I went to leave. I didn't feel like I needed to hunt, but I went just the same, to be safe.

I ran through the forest at full speed until I caught the scent of a herd of deer nearby. I drank all four of them before I stopped myself and fell to the ground, feeling over indulged and uncomfortably full.

I sat there for a while thinking of Bella and what I was doing here. I hope I wasn't going to make things worse for her; being here reminding her constantly of Edward. I hoped she would just be content with me being here. I had missed her so much. I couldn't wait to get back to the house.

Maybe we could rent some movies and chill all night watching them like we used to, talking and crying at silly spots; I always found it amusing watching Bella cry at silly human spots in movies, she was such a human, "Of course she was, she is a human, silly," I scolded myself.

I got up and ran back to my house to take a shower. I couldn't wait to get back to Bella; to find out how she was really doing; to find out what she had been doing these past three weeks. I also had to build up the courage to call home; everyone was worried about me I was sure of that, especially Jasper. Oh my poor Jasper, I loved him so much; what must he be thinking right now. I truly hoped he understood and could find it in his being to forgive me for leaving him so abruptly, if he was even back yet. I wasn't exactly sure where he had gone right before I left. I hadn't been paying too much attention; I was too wrapped up in myself at the time. He had probably just gone hunting.

I looked at my cell phone: seventy-six missed calls, all from home and from my siblings various cell phone numbers. I would have to call very soon indeed. Tomorrow, I would call them tomorrow morning while Bella was still asleep. With that all figured out, I began my journey back to Bella's house.

I stopped at the movie store, before I went back to Bella's, and rented a bunch of movies; then I stopped at the local food market and bought some ice-cream and munchies.

When I got back to Bella's, I found her sitting on the porch looking so dejected and lost; her face lit up as soon as she saw me. I was happy to be able to make her smile.

"I brought some munchies and movies; I thought maybe we could have a slumber party, just us two girls," I explained, holding up the bags in my hands..

"That sounds great, Alice, but you do know Charlie will be home soon right_?"_ she said cautiously.

I forgot about that, to be honest, but it made sense I would have to face Charlie. I hoped he wouldn't be too upset about me being here. "Yes, I do realize that. I am excited to see him, too. I hope he doesn't mind my being here, though," I confessed, suddenly worried that maybe Charlie would not be so welcome to my impromptu visit.

"He'll be fine," she assured me. "He loves you, and you know it." I giggled along with her. It was true. Charlie had always had a soft spot for me. In fact, he treated me as if I were another daughter of his.

W walked inside, and I got the living room all set up for a movie night, while Bella made some popcorn and got some drinks and spoons.

"You do realize that you only need one spoon, right?" I laughed when Bella came back with an extra spoon, presumably for me.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Of course I do, but Charlie doesn't." _Smart girl._ How did that one slip by me?

**BPOV**

I sat on my bed for a while thinking. Alice was back, and I was so excited, but did that mean they were all back? If not, will she get in trouble for coming to see me?

That is ridiculous; she is a grown woman and should be allowed to make her own decisions, However, I wasn't doing a very good job of convincing myself that. Something told me her being here would not go unpunished. Why, I wasn't sure, but I could not shake the feeling, nonetheless.

Honestly, I didn't care about any of that right now. All I cared about was that Alice was here, and I was going to enjoy this for as long as I could.

Just her being here helped fill the gaping hole Edward had left in my chest. I almost felt whole again; almost, not quite, but close enough. Enough that I could continue on and be somewhat normal, as long as she was here with me. I would do anything to keep her here; I couldn't stand it if I lost her again.

I decided to go sit on the porch out front and wait for her to return.

I had just gotten settled, cuddled up into a nice warm blanket and opened my book to read, when I heard Alice's car pull up. I smiled a very goofy smile when I saw her. I couldn't help myself, but let the happiness I felt run through me as she walked towards me with her hands full of bags.

"I brought some munchies and movies; I thought maybe we could have a slumber party, just us two girls," she said, bouncing on the pads of her feet.

"That sounds great Alice, but you do know Charlie will be home soon right? I asked her.

"Yes, I do realize that. I am excited to see him, too. I hope he doesn't mind my being here though," she said.

I looked at her and tried to figure out why she would think that. Charlie loved Alice; they got along so well, you could almost say she had him wrapped around her little finger. Of course he would be happy to see her.

"He'll be fine," I assured her.

We went inside and started getting everything ready for our movie night. I made popcorn and brought in two spoons for the ice-cream, even though I knew Alice wouldn't need one, and two drinks as well. Alice had already set the living room up with blankets and pillows on the floor and had the movies laid out for us to pick through.

I sat on the couch and fidgeted a bit. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her, but I didn't know where to start.

I cleared my throat, and Alice looked expectantly at me.

"So, Alice, how is everyone doing?" I asked.

"Everyone is doing fine. They all miss you dearly, Bella. Esme is so upset; she is having a very hard time dealing with losing you both_,"_ she replied, looking down and the floor and avoiding my confused stare.

Wait, did she just say 'losing you both'? What the hell did that mean?

"Losing us both?" I inquired, raising my eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, umm, you see, uh_,"_ she mumbled.

"Edward is not with them, is he?" I asked.

"No, Bella, he never moved with us. We haven't heard from him since we left Forks." Alice looked so torn, so heartbroken; it damn near killed me to see her like this. I immediately felt a huge wave of guilt. This was all my doing. If Edward hadn't met me, if I hadn't pursued him so relentlessly, Alice would not have lost her closest brother.

"I am so sorry, Alice. I never meant to cause so much pain for your family. I never meant for any…" Alice stopped me there, with a stony, scary ass glare.

"Oh, no you don't, Bella. None of this is your fault. This is solely on Edward; he did this to all of us. He is the one hurting everyone, including himself. Nothing you could have done would have changed any of this. It is so not your fault; please don't ever think that, okay?"Alice huffed.

"Okay, Alice, I'm sorry," I mumbled, not wanting to upset her any further.

"So, on to a happier subject; which movie do you want to watch first_?"_ Alice asked.

"I am thinking something funny; how about 'She's the Man'_?"_

Alice squealed, one hell of a ear popping worthy squeal, and danced over to the DVD player, "That is perfect, Bella, good choice."

Just as we were getting comfy, I heard Charlie's car pull up. Oh no, I wasn't sure how he would react to Alice being here. He loved Alice, but Alice was still Edward's sister; so I was kind of scared to what he would say.

"Bells, I'm home. Whose car is that parked out front? It kind of looks familiar,"he called as the front door slammed shut.

"Hey, Dad, we're in here."

"Who is we?"He stopped dead in his tracks; he looked from me to Alice and back again. I looked at him and saw pure terror in his eyes, then fear, then a slight amount of happiness as Alice jumped up and hugged him.

"_Hey, Charlie, how are you? I think I may have missed you," _she stated, causing him to blush and stutter.

Charlie just stood there for a minute, looking completely flustered. You could almost hear the wheels turning in his head as he tried, vainly, to assess the situation before him.

"Umm, I brought pizza…ahh…I should go upstairs and change…umm are you here for long Alice?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I think so," Alice said. "I think I am going to finish school here, then I will decide where I want to go from there."

Charlie looked like he had just noticed his favorite fishing rod was missing as he stuttered out, "So, umm, yeah...does that mean …umm.. Your whole family is back_?"_ he finally managed.

Alice looked startled by his question, but quickly composed herself, _"Umm, no, I am back by myself. Jasper will likely be coming back soon too, though," she said. "I am almost eighteen now, and my mom and dad agreed that I am responsible enough to stay here on my own to finish school. But I have to keep in close contact with them and call VERY often,"_ Alice spoke so quickly I had to struggle to keep up. It looked like Charlie was having the same struggle, as well.

Alice was staring at the floor as she told Charlie this, and part of me knew she was not telling the whole truth. And not just the 'my parents let me part', but why would she lie?

Maybe they were all coming back, and she didn't know how to tell Charlie? We really hadn't gotten much of a chance to talk since she got here; I would have to make sure to remember to grill her about everything as soon as Charlie was fast asleep.

"Oh, well, they must think very highly of you to let you do this on your own. We are more than happy to have you around if you are ever lonely, and you're welcome to have Bells over at your place, from time to time, to keep you company, as well. I am glad your back, Alice; you really are a very nice girl," Charlie stammered, obviously uncomfortable praising Alice and yet still keeping his opinion of her brother to himself..

It was weird for me to see Charlie complimenting anyone; he was always so quiet and reserved. But Alice had always brought out that hidden soft side of my father; she just had that effect on people. No matter what, you just couldn't help but love her.

"Thanks, Charlie, I just might hold you to that._"_ A strange smile spread across her face as she spoke. What was that crazy pixie up to now?

Four hours, two movies, and a lot of ice-cream later, I turned to Alice. As happy as I was to have her here, I had some questions for her, a lot of questions.

"So, Alice…" I began nervously. "You're back to stay then? How does your family really feel about that?"

"Actually, I haven't really told them yet, but I will. I promise, tomorrow I am going to call and talk to them and explain everything. I am a grown woman, Bella, and I can make my own choices. They will have to understand; I am sure they will understand."I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself.

"Come on, Bella, it is time for the human to get some sleep; we have all day tomorrow to talk. You can ask me all the questions I can see brewing in your eyes then, okay?"

I really wanted to ask all the questions right then and there, but I knew she was right. I was getting tired and, as long as we had tomorrow, I was okay with letting them wait a few more hours.

"Don't go, okay?" I pleaded, fear crippling my very being at the thought of waking to find her gone again_. _

"I will be right here all night, Bella, no worries. I promise."

I curled up in the many blankets on the floor and rested my head on her lap. Thinking the future already looked a wee bit brighter and reveling it the comfort her hard, cool skin brought me. It didn't take long before I fell into a blissful, and for once, dreamless slumber.

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**Thoughts? What is Alice doing back? And where the hell is Jasper?**


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

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**Chapter 3 ~ Moving Forward**

**BPOV**

I could hear voices; one I knew was Charlie's, but who did the other voice belong to? Where was I?

I strained my ears to listen harder. _Was I dreaming?_ I stretched my arms, as slowly it all came back to me.

The other voice was Alice; Alice was back. She must be in the kitchen talking to Charlie.

I strained my ears, again, to listen to what they were saying.

"So, how was she when we left, Charlie, and please be honest," Alice whispered.

"It was horrible, Alice. I felt so useless. It didn't matter what I did; I just couldn't reach her. She just laid in her bed all day long, never moving, never responding, never eating nor showering. Charlie exhaled a loud huff, and I felt my heart break for the pain I had caused him.

That is until the day I called Renee to come here/ We had decided it might be best for Bella to go back and live with her mom; that her being here in Forks wasn't helping her any. But the second Renee walked in the room and started packing her stuff up, Bella just kind of snapped. She started screaming and throwing one hell of a temper tantrum."

I felt so bad, I had put my dad through so much, and he was suffering because of it It wasn't fair for him to go through that. I mentally scolded myself and made a promise to work harder to make that up to him. And to thank him for being there for me when I needed him most; even if it didn't seem to be doing anything, it had. Charlie was the one thing I had left, the one thing that made me feel I had to keep on living; because I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already had.

"I am so sorry, Charlie; I didn't know. I hope you are not upset I came back; I don't want to cause more problems for her or you. Did she get better, then, after Renee showed up? Why is she still here, if she was supposed to go back home with Renee`?" Alice inquired.

"Well, actually, she never went with Renee. After her crazy screaming fit when Renee tried packing her stuff, she convinced us she was going to try, so we let her stay," Charlie explained in a shaky voice that was very un-Charlie-like.

"So, she is doing better now then, right?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"No, I am afraid not. She thinks she has me fooled, but I know better. She gets up every morning and bathes and goes to school. She's maintaining her grades, and she goes about her everyday life. But that is it, Alice, nothing more. You'd swear someone died. I don't know how to help her, Alice; I just don't know what to do," Charlie choked out.

I hadn't fooled him at all. I thought by doing all those things, by acting like everything was normal, he would believe I was better and drop the idea of me moving back in with my mom. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Forks. What if Edward came back, only to find me gone? I would never know, and I couldn't bear that, either. But really, I hadn't fooled anyone but myself. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I decided I should make my appearance, now, because Alice likely knew I was awake anyways.

I stretched, "Alice, is that you in there?" I asked sleepily.

"Yes, Bella, we are in the kitchen, why don't you come get something to eat?"

I walked into the kitchen slowly. My legs were so sore; it felt like I had slept on a pile of stones all night long. Wait, I probably did. Alice! I couldn't help but smile.

"Morning, Bells," Charlie said smiling.

"Morning, Dad, Alice. Have you two been up long? Why didn't you wake me?"

"We thought you could use the sleep, and no, we have not been up for too long. But, I have to get to the station; I won't be home till late tonight. Alice, will you stay with Bella while I'm at work?"

"Of course I will; there is no place I'd rather be," Alice replied cheerfully.

We sat in silence while I ate my cereal; while I thought over my plan of attack on Alice. I wanted my questions answered, and I didn't want her to find a way out of answering them. I decided it best just to get it done and over with now, and have the rest of the day to just hang out.

**APOV**

I watched Bella's chest rise and fall for what seemed like forever when I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I gently lowered her head off of my lap and went to the next room and took out my phone; I took one last deep breath and flipped the phone open.

"Hello," I said hesitantly.

"Alice, oh thank God, honey, we were so worried about you. Are you okay? Where are you? Why haven't you called us?" Esme rambled a bunch of questions endlessly.

"Slow down, Mom. I can't answer your questions if you don't stop asking them_," _I giggled.

"Sorry, Alice, go ahead," Esme contended.

"I am fine; nothing is wrong at all. Did you get my letter? I was going to call this morning, but you beat me to it."

"Yes, Alice, I got your letter. So it is true, then, you went to see Bella?" she asked, sounding defeated.

'Yes, Mom, I am with Bella now. Please don't be upset with me; you know how hard it was for me to go along with Edward to begin with,"I pleaded softly.

"You know I am not mad at you, Alice, I just wish…well, I wish things were not so complicated, that's all."

"I know, Mom. I know," I sighed.

"So, I am assuming Jasper is there with you, then," she stated.

What? What was she talking about? Of course Jasper was not with me? But if he is not with me, then where is he? Oh my god, I would never forgive myself if something had happened to him while I was here with Bella, being selfish. I didn't want to worry Esme just yet though, so I decided to go along with it, somewhat.

"No, Mom, he is not here yet; he will be soon, though_,"_ I resigned.

"I see. Well please tell him to call home as soon as he arrives and gets settled in. You know how I worry, and please make sure you call home as well…often. Okay?"

"For sure, Mom, you know I will. Please let the others know I am sorry, and I miss you all. I will call again soon."

With that, I shut the phone and closed my eyes. My head hurt; not the normal kind of headache a human would get, but a whole different kind of pain.

I sat there, quietly, with my eyes closed, focusing on Jasper. I got little flashes of trees, but nothing more. He must be blocking me, but why? Maybe he still felt bad about taking a snap at Bella on her birthday. Yes, that must be it. Why couldn't he see we didn't blame him, and we had all forgiven him, even Bella?

I quickly opened up my phone and sent Jazz a text, _Call me when you get this. I have something to tell you._

**BPOV**

"So, Alice, what are your plans? Did you call home yet? Are you really planning on staying at the house all by yourself? Where is Jasper? Is he upset you came here? What is going to happen if Edward finds out you're here? Will he be mad at you? Will he be mad at me? I need to know the truth, Alice, I can't bear to lose you again; I just can't."I couldn't help the tears that escaped my eyes; I was so scared Alice, too, would realize I wasn't worth the effort and leave me, just the same as Edward had.

I looked at her through my blurry eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself for her answers.

"Okay,"Alice began before taking a huge unneeded breath,"yes, I plan on staying. I don't really have a plan, but I suppose I will finish high school here with you and then maybe we can go and apply to colleges together. Yes, I plan on staying at the house, that is, when I am not with you here, of course. Iplan on resuming my life as if none of this ever happened. I am not quite sure where Jasper is; he really took it hard after he snapped at you, but I am sure I will hear from him soon. I don't think Jasper would be upset with me that I came here, I don't see why he would, he never agreed with Edward either. As for my dear brother, I don't care anymore if he is mad at me, and you shouldn't either; what he did was unforgivable, leaving you here like this. It was plain selfish, and I am tired of defending him in my own head just for the sake of sanity I love him, of course ,I always will, he is my brother; but I don't have to agree with, or like, everything he does And I have every right to be just as mad at him as you should be; and lastly, don't worry, Bella, I promise I will never leave you again, at least not like Edward did. I still have things to do, so I can't be with you _all_ the time, but you know what I mean. Did that answer all of your questions?"

I couldn't help but giggle; I launched myself at her and threw my arms around her little waist,"Yes, Alice, that is all my questions, for now; and thank you, Alice, thank you for loving me enough to come back to me,"_ I whispered as another tear slid out the corner of my eye._

"Okay, Bella, tomorrow I will be going back to school with you; and since Esme didn't actually transfer us, all I have to do is go back to the office and let them know I am back, and I can resume my old schedule,"she said with a little bounce.

I was about to reply when she interrupted me,"But, if I am going to be spending so much time with you humans, I am going to need to hunt a bit more often. As you know, you smell unbelievably good; so I am going to run out now and do that quickly before we start off our day, okay?"

"Sounds good to me. I need a few human minutes anyways,"I said as I lifted my arm and smelled myself, wrinkling my nose in disgust. Alice giggled and ran out the back door.

I walked slowly upstairs and started the shower. I let the warm water comfort me. It felt so good, I couldn't help but smile; things were looking up for me. It still hurt, it always would, that Edward had left me; but I truly believed, with Alice by my side, I could work past this and allow myself to live again, somewhat. I would never be whole again, not without my soul mate; but I could manage, I knew I could, I knew I would.

I had just finished dressing when I heard a knock at the door. Who on earth could that be? Maybe I had accidentally locked the door when Alice left, and she couldn't get back in. No, there is no way she would be back yet. I walked slowly toward the door; for some reason, I was nervous about who was on the other side of the door.

"Who is it?" I asked softly.

There was silence for a minute before I heard some rustling, then "Bella, it is me, Jasper, can I come in?"

I threw the door open and jumped into his arms. I looked up into his face and saw how uncomfortable I had just made him, "Oh, I am so sorry, Jasper, I was just so happy to see you, I didn't think. I am so sorr…"

"_Don't worry about it," _he laughed interrupting my apology.

"I am happy to see you, too."

"Oh, I'm sorry, come on in, Jasper; how rude of me. Sorry about the mess we haven't had time to clean since last night. I just got out of the shower and was about to do that. Take a seat while I straighten up, okay!" I told him.

He sat at the kitchen table and watched me intently, while I busied myself straightening up the mess from last night. I sat down across from him after I finished and looked at my hands.

"You know, Jasper, I am not mad at you for what happened at my birthday party. I don't blame you at all. I can't say I am glad it happened, but I am not upset with you about it. So please stop beating yourself up about it, okay? It is in the past, and hopefully it never happens again. But for now, can we please just try and act as if nothing ever happened? Is that possible for you?"I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him, not yet, not until I knew he didn't hate me for tearing his family apart. I heard him shift uncomfortably in his chair, likely trying to think of how he would respond to me.

"Bella, of course I am not mad at you; none of this is your fault. I guess it really isn't my fault, either. It is who we are; I am the big bad vampire, and you are the frail, tasty human. I guess what happened was only a reminder of how careful we need to be, if we plan on integrating ourselves with humans. I still feel horrible about it, but I am not going to let it bring me down. I just know, now, I will have to work harder to control myself and hunt a little more often. I came back to apologize, but I also came back because…"

"Jazz, oh, I am so happy to see you. I knew you must have come here after me when Esme said you were not home. I am so sorry for not telling you in person, but I was so scared you wouldn't understand and try to stop me," Alice said apologetically as she skipped into the room and went straight for Jasper.

Jasper turned slowly and looked up at Alice, a slight bit of confusion flashing across his eyes. Then he quickly stood and took Alice into his arms and kissed her. It was one of those moments were I knew I had to turn my head, otherwise I felt as if I was intruding, somehow. It was just too personal. I felt a little pull at my heart seeing the two of them embrace; and I thought of Edward and the way it felt when he touched me, when he held me, when he kissed my head while holding me tight. Oh, how I missed him; how I missed his touch, his smell, his crooked little grin; I even missed him trying to control my every action.

I was brought out of my reverie by Jasper clearing his throat.

"Sorry, guys, I guess I kind of zoned for a moment there,"I apologized.

"No problem, Bella. Why don't we go back to our house and hang out for a bit; get you out of this house," Jasper suggested.

"That would be nice. Thank you, Jasper. Just give me a moment to get my coat."

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**A/N – So, why do you think Jasper came back? What was he going to say to Bella? How is Alice missing all of this?**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

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**Much love to Mambomama for being so amazing and patient and helping me re-go over these chapters. Mwah~~~~**

**This is just a transition chap- not too much going on here- but it needs to be said…..a bit of a time jump here- I thought about doing some kind of montage of memories, so you all would know about the past two years. But honestly, it isn't really needed. Any key points will be brought up as the chapters go on.**

**KK, kiddies, enjoy~ mwah~**

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**Chapter 4 ~ Starting Anew**

**2 years later.**

**BPOV**

"Bells, you got everything?"

"Yes, Dad, I do. Can you help me get these last few boxes into the car?"

"Here you go, sweetie, this is the last of the boxes," Charlie informed me.

"I still can't believe my baby girl is headed for college. I am so proud of you, Bella. After everything you have been through, you lifted yourself up and accomplished everything I had always hoped you would. You're going to love college. Even though I am still not happy that you chose one so far away. I will barely ever see you, and I am going to miss you so much," Charlie stuttered, obviously not used to being so sentimental and sappy.

"Come on, Dad, we promised. No sappy good-byes, right?" I reminded him with a smile.

"Yes, yes, you are right. Okay, well, you better hurry up. Alice and Jasper are likely waiting for you to get back to the house by now, and you know how Alice doesn't like to be left waiting," he said with a smirk.

"I love you, Dad," I whispered as I looked back at the house I had lived in for the last three years, unwanted tears springing to my eyes. "I am going to miss you, too, so much; but I will come back on holidays and will write you as often as I can manage to squeeze into my schedule. I promise," I assured him. Although I wasn't sure that was a promise I was actually going to keep.

As I looked up at my bedroom window, I realized, even though I had so many good memories here, the bad memories were just so much stronger. I was slightly anxious to say good-bye to the place that held so much of Edward in it for me, anxious and sad. Once I left here, I would be leaving behind everything I had to remind me of Edward, everything, that is, except Alice and Jasper I thought with a sad smile, at least I still had them.

I got into Alice's car and starting driving off towards the Cullen's house. I would miss Forks. My dad was right, Alaska was very far away, but it was also a place where Alice and Jasper could go to school and miss very few days, as the weather there was always gloomy.

I pulled up to Alice's house just as she came bounding out the door with a huge smile on her face. "Bella, what took you so long? We are going to be late," she scolded me, but the smile on her face told me she wasn't really mad.

"Sorry, I had more stuff than I realized, and I had to say good-bye to Charlie. That was harder than I thought it would be," I mumbled.

"Aw, Bella, it will be okay, you'll see; college is going to be so much fun," she reminded me once again.

I knew she was right, and I was excited about college, really I was. It's just that what I found while packing had thrown me for a bit of a loop, and I still hadn't quite figured it all out yet.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asked softly, obviously already knowing what had happened back at the house this morning. I shook my head and got lost in the memory instead.

_**FLASHBACK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

_I was just finishing up my packing when I dropped a pair of earrings on the floor, I tried to pick them up but one was stuck in a crack in the floor boards. I tried to pull it out, but it just wouldn't budge. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a butter knife and tried prying up the board._

_Just as I was about to give up, the floor board gave and cracked a bit. I put my finger in the newly made hole and pulled up. I looked in warily to find my earring and crumbled instantly to the floor; tears poured from my eyes as I removed the forgotten items that were now found in the little hole._

_Amongst the items was the CD Edward had made for me and every picture he had taken away from me of the two of us._

_I knew Charlie wouldn't be back for another hour or so, so I threw the CD into the CD player and reveled in the wonderful melodies that Edward had once played for me. I studied the pictures as closely as I could through my tears; I traced my finger over his beautiful face, and with that, a whole new flood of tears broke through. I slumped over and sobbed uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. _

_When I finally managed to calm myself down, I put the pictures and CD into a little wooden box that I kept memorabilia's in and closed the lid. I was about to put the floor board back when I remembered my earring; I reached in and grabbed it, but I also noticed a little white envelope that I had not seen when I first looked into the hole. _

_With trembling fingers, I scooped the tiny envelope up and starred at it with trepidation. My heart and mind warring with each other. Did I really want to know what was inside the envelope? _

_Of course I did. But could I handle it? was the real question._

_I cautiously opened the envelope to find two airline tickets and a folded note. I slowly opened the note and took a deep breath, actually pathetically scared to know what the note said._

_**My dearest, Bella,**_

_**I do hope you never find these items. However, I could not bring myself to actually take these items from you. I know I promised you a clean break, but I couldn**__**'**__**t help but to one last time tell you my feelings and leave my heart with you.**_

_**I have never in my existence had to make a decision this hard, but this is ultimately what is best; I love you enough to leave you. I am doing what I have to do.**_

_**Please try and understand that, Bella.**_

_**Please know I never meant to hurt you.**_

_**I wish you the best in your future, and I truly hope you will once again find happiness.**_

_**Take care of yourself, Bella, and always know my heart is with you, wherever you might go.**_

_**All my love~**_

_**Edward**_

_I choked on a sob as I read the letter time and time again._

_I sat on my floor clutching the letter until I heard my Dad come in; I quickly stashed it away and tried to compose myself before he entered my room._

"_Bells, you got everything?" he asked._

"_Yes, Dad, I do. Can you help me get these last few boxes into the car?"_

**END FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~**

"Bella, Earth to Bella, where were you just now?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, you looked to be about a million miles away," Jasper added as he came up beside Alice.

"Sorry. I guess I am just kind of sad to say good-bye to Forks; I have so many memories here. I guess I kind of worry, once I am gone, I might forget some of those things. I know I sound silly, and stop looking at me like I just fell off a boat." I rolled my eyes at the two of them," Come on, let's get this show on the road," I said as I plastered a bright, fake smile on my face.

Alice shook her head, eyeing me knowingly, and Jasper just smiled back at me.

"Okay, let's go, Bella. You're riding with me; Jasper is going to take the other car," Alice explained. Internally I groaned. I already knew I was about to be berated with a zillion questions. There was no fooling Alice, the know all, see all.

"Sounds good, I need some rest anyways," I told her.

All my crying had worn me out; a nice little rest would do me some good, and I prayed she allowed me that before the questioning began.

As we hit the highway, I tuned out the sound of Alice singing along to the radio and drifted off into a restless sleep with none other than Edward freaking Cullen staring in my dreams.

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**So…Edward is still MIA and Jazz, Alice and B are off to college. Eppp…where, oh where, could dear old Edward be? Still trying to figure out the mystery that is Jasper's appearance? Keep mind boggling yourself there- you won't find out for a bit yet :-P**

**You can hate me, it's okay…lol**

**So, tell me, honestly, is it terribly mundane? Am I holding your attention? Do the characters intrigue you?**

**I am trying my hardest with this fic, to make it better and more readable and shizz like that. Like I said, it was my first and made even me cringe at times….lol….so throw a girl a bone will ya…**

**I can't take a wee bit of honestly, I swear! :-P**


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

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Mambomama adds in semi colons and Lindsi loolabell makes me smile. You, my awesome readers, make it all worth while.

xx

**Some chapters I just can't name- my brain is on overload and I can't get it to cooperate- if you think of a good title for this chapter- please let me know in ur review. I will so give you credit for it and much deserved lovin's, as well.**

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**Chapter 5 – Untitled**

Alice let me relax for a majority of the drive, for which I was unbelievably grateful. I wasn't foolish enough to think she didn't know what I had found. She was psychic, after all. But, I still appreciated the time she was uncharacteristically giving me, to mull it all over on my own first.

"So, Bella, we're almost there, and I've tried to give you space. Seriously, you have no idea how hard that was for me. But, I just have to know, at the very least, are you okay? How are you handling it?" Alice prattled, nervously watching me from the corner of her eye.

I thought that question over. How was I, really? I wasn't entirely sure I had an answer for her. Not a real, true one.

"I'm very happy to have my CD back." I know my answer likely infuriated Alice. But it was all I could give her. I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

Betrayed, angry, happy, miserable, longing… a wide range of emotions boiled and merged and festered within me. Some scarier than others. Some that made me think things no human should ever have to think.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know, Alice. And I will, once I am ready. Please, just this one time, let it go and wait?" I pleaded.

Surprisingly, Alice did just that. Or at very least, she didn't bother me about it. Whether or not she let it go in her own mind… well, that I have no idea. But knowing Alice, she'd never let it go. Not really.

When we arrived at our rental apartment, Jasper was already there unloading his car at an amusingly human pace. The tediousness must be driving him bonkers – I thought with a small giggle, cracking my first smile since we left Forks.

"Shut it, Bella. I don't know how you humans ever get anything done at this pace." Jasper wandered back inside, moving as slow as a snail, with a scowl on his face.

I clutched at my sides and full-belly guffawed. That shit was priceless.

**September 20****th**

**BPOV**

I woke up with fear and dread consuming me. Today was the day of the year I dreaded most. Well, this day and that other day, of course. The one in October- with him..and me…and the forest….

I wrapped my arms securely around my waist and curled into a small ball. I couldn't let my mind go there. I'd been down that road all too many times, and honestly, I didn't like where it took me.

A soft rap at my bedroom door startled me from my emo-thoughts, and reminded me what I should truly currently be fearing… Alice.

I clamped my eyes shut and feigned sleep, praying she would just go away.

"Nice try, Bella, I know you're awake. Your breathing is all short and erratic. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm headed out. I have a project presentation today and need to get to class early to set up."

Say what? That's it? No crazy birthday plans. No absurd amount of presents to open. No party planning. Nothing!

I slanted my eyes at the devious pixie and tried in vain to read her. She didn't seem to be hiding anything. In fact, she seemed to be acting like any other day.

I shook my head, "Okay, Alice. Thanks. I am getting up now, too," I replied, still wondering what the deal was. And even worse, why I was actually feeling mildly disappointed. I should be relieved. After all, my last two birthdays hadn't gone so well. First the Jasper incident, then, well, then there was my emo-incident, as I had taken to calling it.

"I'm leaving as well, Bella," Jasper called from behind Alice. I nodded, still trying to resurface from my thoughts, and crawled out of bed just as Alice left my room.

We were all settled in to our apartment; everything was unpacked, and classes had started last week.

College was definitely a whole new experience, nothing like high school. It was so easy to get lost on the huge campus. I can't even count how many times I had shown up late for class, or even worse, to the wrong classroom all together. It was rather overwhelming.

I had no classes with Alice, which wasn't surprising since she was studying Fashion and I Psychology. Jasper was studying History, so I had no classes with him, either.

I was sitting in my desk during my first period class, waiting for the professor to show up and start our lecture, when I looked up to see a guy sitting down beside me. And not just any guy, a gorgeous guy. I had never once noticed another man, at all, since Edward; but this guy could sure give Edward a run for his money.

He was tall, probably 6'2", with tousled blond hair and bright green eyes with a little mischievous twinkle to them; perfect white teeth, with an even more perfect smile; and perfect pale skin. He was likely just as pale as me; I could see the muscles rippling out from under his light brown sweater.

I was such a fool; I just sat there gaping at him like an idiot. "Hi, I am Tristan Franco. Is anyone sitting here, already?" he pointed to a chair just beside me.

He had such a sexy accent. He was French, and it was easy to tell. Why was he staring at me like that? Oh, shit, wait, he was waiting for me to say something.

"Umm, no. No one is sitting there. Sorry. Hi, I am Bella Swan, nice to meet you," I stuttered.

Just then the teacher called for our attention. I was only too happy to oblige. I had just made such a fool of myself to this stranger. I quickly stole a glance at him through my hair and noticed he, too, was looking at me just as curiously.

When class ended, I quickly grabbed my books and ran out of class as fast as I could without tripping over anything. Just as I was reaching the front steps, I heard someone call out my name. I tried to turn and see who it was, but my foot caught on my other foot, and next thing I knew, I was falling backwards down the stairs. I felt my head hit the concrete with a loud thud and everything went black.

As I came to, I felt an excruciating pain in my leg. I automatically reached for my leg, but a hand stopped me. I opened my eyes to see Alice looking at me with frightened eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella? I saw it all too late. I tried to get here, but there are too many students on campus. Playing human is definitely beginning to wear thin on me. How do you feel? Don't move, Jasper is on his way to carry you to the car, and we will get you to the hospital. I think you broke your leg, Bella," Alice prattled rapidly, leaving my head spinning and thumping in a pain that could almost rival my leg's current state.

Sure enough, the doctor on call at the hospital said I had broken my leg. The doctor was even so kind that he broke it back in place for me before covering it up with a huge hideous white cast. Aren't I a witty, sarcastic, miserable, bitch when in immense pain!

"Sorry," he said. "There you go, all done. Here is a prescription for some pain meds. Your friends are at the store down the hall signing out some crutches for you right now. Once they're back, you are okay to go home. I have written a note for you to take the rest of the week off school. You can go back Monday, okay?" he explained. I nodded.

"Take it easy, okay? And no funny business, you hear me," he instructed with a smile.

I couldn't help but giggle. "I'll try to stay right side up for awhile, I promise."

I could hear him chuckle as he walked out the door.

Instantly, Alice was by my side. Jasper followed not too far behind. I eyed them warily. Jasper had a firm scowl on his face and Alice was being overly pleasant. What the hell was going on?

"Hey, Bella, we got you some new legs," Alice joked.

"Ha ha, you are oh so funny, Alice," I replied as I rolled my eyes, momentarily choosing to ignore the obvious tension in the room.

"Hand them here, Jasper, please. I just want to get out of here and go home and relax."

Jasper shot Alice a sharp look. One that I swear said, 'see I told you so,' and helped me up.

I hobbled out the door with Alice leading, cracking jokes about making sure there was nothing lying around for me to trip on. Little did she realize, I didn't need anything to trip on, just my own two feet.

As we pulled up in front of our apartment, Alice started squealing like a school girl and bolted from the car before we even came to a complete stop.

"What the hell has gotten into her? Is she okay, Jasper?" I asked. Jasper growled softly. Probably not intending for me to hear it, but I did.

"Jasper, is there something you're not telling me?"

"No. Sorry, Bella, Alice had a vision is all."

"Of what, Jasper?" I asked, groaning. I didn't like where this was going.

"That car parked over there is Carlisle's new car. He must be inside. Alice likely recognized it. Come on, Bella, I will help you inside."

"Thanks, Jasper, but really I don't need any help. I can get inside on my own," I huffed stubbornly, "and what is Carlisle doing here?"

"That, I'm not sure of. Even I am left in the dark from time to time."

I let it go, not wanting to upset Jasper, and whatever was going on with Alice was obviously upsetting him. I would ask her about it later.

Jasper allowed me to try to get inside, but stayed right behind me the whole way. Once we got to the stairs, it was a whole different thing. I couldn't figure out how on earth, aside from bum scootching my way up them, I would get upstairs to the third floor.

I sighed, "Jasper, can you please help me get up the stairs?"

"Of course, Bella. Please don't be afraid to ask for help; we don't want you getting hurt again now do we?" he grinned. I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue.

We walked into the apartment a few minutes later to find, not only was Carlisle was there, but Esme also.

"Happy Birthday!" A chorus of shouts almost caused me to fall backwards on my unsteady feet. Luckily, Jasper was right there to steady me.

"Bella, dear, what happened to you?" Esme gasped as she hurried to my side, shooting Alice a murderous look I had never once seen grace Esme's beautiful face.

"Umm, nothing, Esme. I had a little fall, that's all." I blushed as she looked at me incredulously.

"A little fall does not entail casts, are you okay?" she asked as she rushed to my side to help me in the apartment.

"Yes, a little woozy from the pain meds, but aside from that, it really doesn't hurt anymore," I said sheepishly.

"So, um, what brings you two here?" I asked curiously.

"Well, obviously, your birthday. And actually, Bella, we are here to visit for a few days. We are staying at a motel close by, and we wanted to personally invite all three of you to spend Christmas with us," Esme said firmly. Obviously, she wasn't honestly considering that a question, more a statement of what she expected. I smiled. I had missed her so much. Both of them.

"Christmas? Shouldn't we be worrying about Thanksgiving first?" I chuckled softly.

"Silly, Bella. We're vampires. Why would we celebrate Thanksgiving when we don't even eat?"

_Good point! Duh~_

"Oh, yeah…" I stuttered, flustered that I had overlooked that very obvious fact.

"Oh, Mom, you know I wouldn't miss it for the world. I am so excited, and Christmas shopping is so much fun," Alice cried excitedly, bouncing halfway across the room and then running over to me.

"And, of course Bella will join us. Apparently, her parents are already busy, so this will be great for her."

"Um, I am right here, Alice, I can answer for myself," I huffed and gave her the stink eye. She just smiled back at me, "And, yes, Esme, I would love to spend Christmas with you all. It is very thoughtful of you to invite me, but um, won't it be kind of awkward?" I asked in a tiny timid voice, a heated blush spreading across my cheeks.

"Of course not, honey," she stopped abruptly as she realized what I was asking. "We haven't heard from Edward since the summer, and he has made it clear he has no intentions of coming back anytime soon. So, no, we are not expecting him to come home for Christmas, again, this year," she said as a sad glaze crossed over her eyes. It was obvious how much she missed him, and it broke my heart to know I was the reason for her pain.

Everyone just kind of stood there, not saying anything for a moment, before Alice interrupted our silence.

"But we will make the best of it, either way. So, come on, we have some planning to do," she bubbled.

I cuddled into a blanket on the couch while the others sat around the kitchen table making plans for Christmas, the whole 'it's my birthday' seemingly forgotten.

I couldn't help the disappointment that crept up inside me. I had truly hoped Edward would at least visit his family on special holidays. What was he doing that was so much more important than them? Maybe he had found someone new and wanted to be alone with her this Christmas.

A sharp, staggering pain shot through my chest, as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest and closed my eyes, trying to hide from the pain and the memories. However, as soon as I closed them, images of Edward flooded my mind. I couldn't believe it still hurt so much after all this time. Will I ever feel whole again?

I was brought back by Alice calling my name loudly,"Bella, are you even listening to me?" she questioned angrily.

"Um, sorry, Alice. I was kind of thinking. What were you saying?" I mumbled.

"We were thinking we could leave from school the day after classes end and stay at home for the whole three weeks school is out. How does that sound to you?"

"Ummm…I don't want to impose. Christmas is a family thing, and I don't want t….." Esme interrupted me with an angry scowl.

"Honestly, Bella, I would think after all this time you would finally look at us as your family. I know you have a right to be upset with us, but if you don't want us, we are not going to push ourselves onto you. It just feels like you will never..forg..ive us." Esme began to sob quietly and fell into Carlisle's waiting arms.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. I am just so torn with what has happened; I would really love for you to spend the holidays with us. Please know, we have always thought of you as family and will continue to, even if you reject us," Esme stated with complete sincerity.

I couldn't even stop myself if I tried. I flung myself off the couch and into Esme's arms, which was very awkward because of the cast; and I almost fell on my face trying to get to her. Just as my face hit her chest, the tears escaped my eyes and poured out endlessly. I wanted to tell her how much I loved them, and how much I wanted to be a part of their family. How much I already considered them to be my family, but I was sobbing too uncontrollably to form actual words. Esme just held me while I cried, not pushing me to say anything.

When I was finally able to speak, I just looked up at her with a look of utter loss, "Thank you, thank you oh so much. You don't know what that means to me," I confessed in a feeble voice.

Esme smiled, "Well, we should probably get back to our hotel so you kids can get your studies done. How about we all go out tomorrow night? We are leaving the following morning to go back home and would love to spend some time with you all before we go. Christmas is still eight weeks away, and it just seems too long."

"That sounds great, Mom; we will definitely need to shop for some outfits, though," Alice chirped with a wicked grin on her face. Oh, this would so not be good for me.

We said our goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme, and I went into my room and plopped onto my bed, my studies completely forgotten. I really needed to get some sleep. I had a note from the doctor giving me the rest of the week off from class, so I had time to catch up and work on stuff tomorrow. I closed my eyes and quickly drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Morning came all too quickly. I woke up to Alice bouncing on my bed, "Calm down before you hurt me even more than I already have," I grumbled at her.

"Oh, sorry, Bella. I almost forgot about your leg. How does it feel today?" she asked with sincere concern.

Until that moment I had not thought about my leg, and right up until then I hadn't noticed the pain. But now that I was thinking about it, it hurt like hell. Damn!

"Can you please grab me those pain pills and a glass of water?" I asked her.

Alice bounced away and quickly returned with two pills and a glass of water. I swallowed them hastily, begging them to kick in, like now; although I knew it would take at least thirty minutes for them to work their miracles on me.

"Now, come on, we need to get an outfit for tonight; and it is going to take even longer now with you all broken. So, come on, I will help you get dressed; and we will have just enough time to get to the mall and get changed before we need to meet my parents," she stated matter-of-factly.

This shopping trip was not as bad as I remembered them, but I thought this was likely because I had a cast and crutches. Poor Jasper practically carried me around most of the time, 'cause those crutches left the worst pain ever under my armpits. I swear tomorrow I am going to have bruises; 'what an odd place to get bruises,' I thought.

We had to get a very practical outfit for me, thank God, since wearing a dress or skirt would likely cause me to hurt myself even more. So, Alice settled for a very nice pair of khaki pants and a shimmery red blouse that showed a little too much cleavage for my liking; but I was not about to complain, since I had gotten lucky enough to be able to wear pants.

We got back to our place, and Alice demanded that Jasper carry me upstairs to save time. He graciously plopped me right into Alice's dressing chair as Alice fluttered into the room to begin our latest session of Bella Barbie.

"Uhggg," I groaned as I noticed all the hair and make-up products Alice was piling onto the table in front of me.

"Oh, come on, Bella, it won't be that bad; and you know you always look absolutely beautiful once I am done. Now, sit still. I only have forty-five minutes to make you look stunning."

One hour and twenty minutes later we were all seated at a restaurant called 'The Quaint House' that was apparently well known for their mouth watering steaks. I wondered why we had bothered going out for dinner when the Cullens wouldn't eat anything anyways. I hoped they hadn't done this just for my benefit.

The waitress took our orders:

"I will just have the bruchetta bread, please," Alice said all sugary sweet.

"Can I get the Calamari, please. I am not terribly hungry at the moment," Jasper stated in a bored tone.

"I would love to try the Mushroom sizzler, please," Esme informed the waitress, smiling.

"I will just have a Caesar salad, please," Carlisle stated with a dazzling smile.

And finally me, "I will have the cracked pepper sirloin with a side of vegetables and a baked potato, please," I mumbled. I looked like a pig ordering all that food after everyone else just ordered small things. However, I soon figured out why.

The waitress brought our food out, and I immediately began eating mine. I was so hungry I could have eaten a pig. I didn't even realize how hungry I was 'til I saw that beautiful, mouth watering steak in front of me.

Once I finished my potatoes, Alice very quickly put some of her bruchetta bread on my plate and smiled evilly at me.

I picked it up and nibbled at it a bit. I took a sip of my drink and noticed Esme looking at me, "Bella, dear, would you like to try some of my mushroom sizzler?"

"Umm, sure," I stuttered. It dawned on me then, they had all ordered something light, aside from Esme, so they could pawn some of it off on me and make it look like they had eaten some.

Two hours, a massive amount of food, and an amazing conversation later, we were headed home. I had to unbutton my pants 'cause they were just too tight, now. "Hey, Alice, we might have to go shopping tomorrow. I think I may need to start buying clothes one size bigger after tonight. Nothing I have, aside from my sweat pants, are going to fit me now," I said with a giggle.

Alice just rolled her eyes at me, but her eyes quickly lit up, "Wow, Bella, that would be awesome. I'd love to go shopping, and we could get you a whole new wardrobe and…"

"Stop right there, Alice Cullen. I was just being funny, no shopping will be required."

Jasper carried me in, once again, when we got home. I changed as quickly as possible and plopped onto my bed, downed a couple of my pills, and was off in la la land before I even realized it. Ah…if I had known the relief these pain pills would provide me, I would have found a way to get them much earlier on. I slept well that night, without a single dream or nightmare.

* * *

**For those of you wondering about the missing year between high school and college, pay careful attention, bits and pieces are subtly revealed in this chapter. Hint hint***

**Have you ever broken a bone?**

**I have. Too many, in fact. But the worst, I think, was my ankle. Right after I had my youngest. It is hell trying to care for four kids- including a newborn on crutches, lemme tell you…..**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters that may appear throughout this story. This story is rated M for good reasons, such as, lemons, potty mouth and adult situations. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Please don't steal my words, it is wrong and immoral. Do you really want to be a thief?**

**A/N at the end of the chapter…**

* * *

**Chapter 6 ~ Is there life after true love?**

The next few days flew by; I got all my work caught up, plus more. Alice had so kindly gotten all my assignments from my teachers so I would not get behind, and now I found I was actually ahead. Sitting in my room, day in and out, sure was boring; and homework had only just begun to occupy all of my extra time.

It was Sunday, finally; and after a lot of begging and pleading, Alice had finally left me alone, agreeing that I wasn't in the best shape to be going out partying anyways. So, she and Jasper decided it would be a good weekend to go hunting. I missed them both, but welcomed the privacy and time alone.

It was only seven at night, and I knew Alice and Jasper would be back soon, but I was already so tired. I decided I would go to sleep anyways. I was sure Alice would understand why I had not waited up for them. I closed the book I was reading and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

_I was sitting on an old tree trunk. I wasn__'__t sure where I was or how I had gotten there, but it was all very familiar. Someone was in front of me; but I could not see them clearly, everything was such a blur._

_I could vaguely hear this person speaking; I knew they were words but I could not make them out. I tried harder to concentrate on the words. I tried to focus on this strangers face, hoping to make it come into focus. I stood up and tried to move towards the stranger, but my legs would not have that; they were rooted to my current spot._

_I was so frustrated, I wanted to cry. Only then, I realized I already was crying. My tears were so thick they were causing my vision to blur. I desperately tried to hold back my sobs, to no avail. Somehow, I managed to cry out two little words, __'__Don__'__t go'._

_The forest faded and a large dark room began to shimmer and solidify. I recognized this room, knew it, but somehow it was all wrong._

_I saw myself curled up in a ball- filthy and shivering. My white nightgown was clinging to my damp body, and I was howling in agony._

_My eyes were clenched shut tightly. I didn't want to open them. I could feel a presence, and I knew the moment I opened my eyes I would see one of them, so much like him, but not… never the right one, but still the ones I loved, just not the one I was in love with._

"_Shh, Bella. It will be okay. You'll get through this. You're too strong not to."_

I jutted straight up, gasping for air. My body was trembling and tears were streaming down my face. It was always the same dream. The first part about Edward; but, for some reason, I never actually heard nor saw him in this dream, which was so odd, considering that very memory was still so vivid in my mind. The second part of my dream was always the hardest to shake. It was almost like living in a dream-like shadow of my epic fails in life. A constant reminder of how lucky I was to have to people I did in my life even after I had pushed them away and tortured them with my insecurities. The haunted, torn looks on Jasper and Alice's face were always blurred and unrecognizable, but I remembered all to well the pain that radiated from each of them during those days. I couldn't help but wonder why my dreams blocked it out, guilt probably.

I looked over at the clock; it was only five am. I decided to get up and get ready for school. I'd need the extra time to get there today, anyways.

I got in the shower, still reeling over my dream. I could still feel the pain of my loss, a huge sob escaped my lips and I fell to the shower floor. I curled myself into a ball and let the hot water beat against my face, trying desperately to wash the tears and pain away.

"Is there life after true love?" I whimpered to the empty room.

Getting to class took an excruciating amount of time. I was kicking myself now for not taking Jasper up on his offer to help me to class, even at very least, my first class would have been a huge help. Luckily, I had left rather early and actually made it there before the bell rang, but just.

I dropped my quaky body into my seat when I arrived at first period, Psyche 101, grateful for the relief this immediately gave my poor, jello-like arms. I couldn't wait for the day I could get this god awful cast off. 'Four more weeks to go.' I noted in my head with a grimace. Just four more weeks.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts I hadn't even noticed 'that guy' had taken his seat beside me.

That amazingly gorgeous guy.

Oh, look at that smile, and those amazing sea green eyes, those beautiful, luscious, red lips, that amazingly sexy hair…

_Stop it, Bella!_

What was I thinking? I love Edward. _Edward – schmedward. Why am I worrying about him? He left, remember, silly Bella._

I peeked over at Tristan only to notice his pretty lips moving… he was talking to me, and I am sure he would be wanting a response, but I had no idea what he had said.

"Umm, sorry, what?" I stuttered. "Sorry, I was thinking. I wasn't paying attention," I mumbled, blushing furiously and looking away. I swear I heard him chuckle softly.

"It's okay, Bella. I was just asking how you are. You haven't been to class in awhile, not to mention that nice cast you're now sporting."

He was asking me if I was okay. Why did he care? He didn't even know me. Maybe he was just being polite. Feeling sorry for the town klutz.

_Of course that's why. Why else would tall, dark, and dreamy be talking to the likes of you? Duh!_

"Fine, thanks," I stated almost inaudibly, gulping back shame and tears.

He opened his mouth about to say something more, but the teacher called for attention, and he snapped it shut again.

I couldn't help but glance at him from time to time while the teacher rambled on. I knew I should be taking better notes, but I couldn't help myself from staring at this beautiful man beside me. I could vaguely hear him humming something, something familiar. The soft melody tugged at the corner of my mind, but I just could not put a name to it.

Just then the bell rang, and I groaned inwardly, dreading the struggle to get to next class. Thankfully, I had gotten a note from the doctor to excuse any lateness my hobbling might cause me.

I gathered up my books and tossed them into my bag in frustration. Not that it was the books fault I was in this predicament, but it sure felt good to take it out on something besides myself for once.

I went to reach for my crutches and noticed two big pale hands holding them out to me. I looked up into those amazing sea green eyes that belonged to no other than Tristan Franco and froze.

_Breathe, Bella. He is just a boy._

_Yeah, a boy alright. One that rivals __him__ in the staccato-heart beat department. Relax my ass. Lick his fucking face already._

I shook my head, thoroughly disgusted with my inner monologue, and looked up at him shyly, "Umm, thank you," I muttered, praying I wasn't totally transparent and displaying nothing of the deep seeded pervert that apparently lived in my head.

_Yeah, 'cause there is so a big flashing sign tact on your forehead that says – desperate and horny- snort!_

"You look like you could use a hand. What class do you have next?

_Close your mouth, Bella. Pretty boy is waiting for an answer._

He ran one hand through his deliciously shaggy hair and cocked his head, obviously waiting for an answer.

The tongue peeked out of the corner of his mouth and I had to steady myself by grabbing the back of my chair.

_Fuck! So…hot! Can't think – must lick._

He cleared his throat and raised his brow expectantly at me.

_Oh yeah, still waiting for an answer. Smooth, Bella, smooth._

"Uh, yeah…I have… um 'Understanding the Biology of Behavioral Neuroscience_,'" _I all but whimpered as I continued to shamelessly stare at that tip of yummy pink tongue..

"Perfect, so do I. Here, let me help you with your things, so you can concentrate on getting to class in one piece,"he chuckled. If he could see the obvious, that I was nothing but a bumbling fool, he was damn good at hiding it.

I couldn't help but smile back. Apparently my clumsiness had, once again, not gone unnoticed.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this. I will likely make you late for class as well."

"Come on, what kind of man would I be if I just up and left you here to fend for yourself?" He smiled brightly, perfect white teeth and heart hammering perfection, and I almost forgot the witty comment that sat patiently on my tongue.

"The kind that doesn't want to be late for class_,"_ I countered smugly, happy that I was able to articulate something aside from a moan. He just smiled and motioned for me to hurry up.

I was right; we had twenty-five minutes to get to class, but it took us almost forty minutes to get to the south building. I felt horrible for making Tristan late, but was overly grateful for his help. _Really overly, like I would do anything to repay him, he just had to ask._ It was so much easier hobbling along on my crutches without extra bags and books to worry about.

We entered the huge stadium-sized class and slipped into a couple seats in the back row. How had I never noticed him in this class before? I had thought Psyche 101 was the only class we shared together. Hmm, I guess I just hadn't been paying enough attention, 'Cause there was no way I could not notice this guy.

Class went by quickly, probably due to missing twenty minutes of it. As herds of kids began piling out the side door, I heard the professor call my name. I groaned, knowing I was likely about to be scolded for my tardiness and dug around in my bag for the doctor's note before slowly made my way to the front.

"Sorry, Bella, I should have met you up there. I didn't realize you had the crutches,"Professor F apologized as he looked up and noticed my new set of legs.

"It's okay, I needed the exercise," I joked lamely.

"Well, I was about to scold you for your tardiness, but it would appear you must have tried very hard to get here at all, never mind on time, considering you came from the west building. I am assuming Mr. Franco, here, was just being a gentleman and helping you to class, which explains why he was late with you?"

I couldn't help but stare openly at Professor F. He was obviously a bit older than me, but he was obscenely good looking; and had an aura about him that just seemed to draw people to him. He had greenish-brown eyes, pale skin, a perfect smile, flawless skin; and a grace about him I could only wish for.

What was it about me and only meeting perfectly beautiful people? It was like I enjoyed being the ugly duckling in the crowd.

_Quack fucking quack!_

"Yes, Dad, that is why I was late. I apologize, but I just couldn't leave Bella, here, to fend for herself."

I turned and look questioningly at Tristan, "Dad?" I whispered as I eyed him curiously.

"Yes, Bella. This is my dad, Consuelo; Dad you already know Bella_," _Tristan introduced us. His eyes darted around frantically as he wrung his hands together, completely acting uncharacteristically nervous.

_What the fuck am I missing here?_

"Yes, well, alright then, you two. I will not question your lateness anymore, but please do try to get here as fast as possible."

I thought I saw Tristan smirk at this remark, but it fleeting and gone before I could be sure.

"Tristan, I want to speak with you later, son. Meet me in my office after last class."

Tristan just nodded and held his hand out to motion for me to go ahead of him, "Bella, would you like to join me for lunch?" Tristan wouldn't look me in the eye.

_Again with the nervousness…Maybe he thinks I'm super hot with the cast and extra legs?_

_Stop. Just stop. You love Edward. Always have, always will. So fucking just stop with the torture already!_

I wanted to say no, what would Edward think? But my snarkier – I am always right - side opened her big fucking mouth instead,"Yes, Tristan, I would love to, if you don't mind spending half your lunch just getting to the cafeteria." I shot him a small smile to let him know I was kidding, well kinda, and he smiled back, a full on toothy brightness kind of smile. My heart fluttered, but only a wee bit.

We made it to lunch in record time, only fifteen minutes later. We talked non-stop. I stuffed food into my mouth shamelessly. For some reason, I was extremely hungry.

By the end of lunch, his food sat untouched, likely due to the fact that I questioned him relentlessly.

I decided not to say anything about it, so he wouldn't get the chance to confirm my fears that it was my fault he would be hungry for the rest of the day.

"Bella?" I felt his hand on my shoulder - chilly, hard skin on soft, burning flesh. So familiar, so painful. I let him keep it there. I welcomed the burn.

"Hmm, yes, Tristan?"

"Would you, umm, like to go for dinner with me tonight?" he asked nervously while fidgeting with the fork on his tray.

Wow. I wasn't expecting that one.

_What do I say? Could I do it? Could I go on a date with someone other than Edward? Oh, my god, what do I say?_

I sat there staring at him with my mouth slightly open for what seemed like forever.

_Okay, freakazoid, just calm down, look pretty and bob your head a few times._

Tristan began to look anxious in the absence of anything resembling an answer from me, "I mean, you're probably busy. Of course you're busy, never mind."

I reached out and barely brushed my fingers across his forearm to get his attention and slowly nodded my head and smiled at him. I didn't trust myself to speak. Not yet. I was too stunned and confused. I was sure if I opened my mouth, something unintelligible or moronic would pop out against my will.

"Oh, that's great. Wonderful, even. Shall I pick you up at your place at say six?"

"Okay." _See! Told ya. Oh so good with the baby words, aren't ya, Swan?_

"Okay. Well, can I help you to your next class?"

"I have open study," I managed to squeak out, still struggling with the junior dictionary vocab. I rolled my eyes at my own childishness.

"Alright, then let me walk you to the library."

That I could handle.

We made our way to the library in companionable silence. I was lost in my thoughts. Guilt mixed with excitement. Worry mixed with wonder. Hope mixed with fear. A constant tug-of-war between what could be good and what made me feel bad.

Once we arrived, Tristan hovered at the library doorway momentarily, waiting for me to get situated "Okay, Bella Swan, I will see you tomorrow. Be careful with that leg, okay?" He chuckled and shook his head as he turned away. The door fluttering closed was the only indication he had really been here and was not some fucked up figment of my twisted imagination.

I blushed and waved good-bye to the now closed door.

I plopped down into the first available table and opened my books to study. I knew I would likely get little studying done; my thoughts were too consumed with Tristan, and what a weird sensation that was for me. I was finally spending my time thinking of someone other than Edward. Yet still the dull pain remained. I wondered if it would ever fully go away.

I thumbed through page after page, not really seeing the words, just staring blankly at the pages and getting lost in my own head, until I decided it was best just to get home and deal with the inevitable. Alice!

"Alice, I need you, NOW." I yelled from the doorway.

Somehow, I had managed to get up the stairs to our apartment all on my own. I was proud of myself, but boy was I worn out and sore as hell from the struggle.

Alice flittered out of the living room. "What's up, Bella?" she asked - looking all smug and know-it-all like.

"I have a date tonight. Would you mind helping me get ready?" I asked, with a blush as Alice began bouncing on the pads of her feet. Excitement poured from her eyes and a sly smile perked up at the edges of her mouth.

I hadn't told Alice of my date with Tristan. Actually, I hadn't told Alice about Tristan at all, to be honest, and I felt horrible. I hoped she wouldn't be offended.

"I'm sorry, Alice, please don't be upset with me. I didn't think to tell you about Tristan, 'cause I didn't think anything of it. But then earlier, he asked me out to dinner. I was so surprised anyone would ask me, I ended up saying yes; and after he helped me to all my classes, it was the least I could do." I said all in one quick breath.

"Don't be silly, Bella. It kind of hurts you didn't confide in me, but I understand things have been kind of hectic lately. And it is not like I didn't already know anyway," Alice smirked evilly._ Stupid know-all- see-all pixie!_

"I would absolutely love to help you get ready for your date, but…you have to promise me one thing."

Oh God, of course there was a catch. What could Alice want from me? Oh man, I hope it wasn't more shopping.

"And what might that be?" I asked hesitantly.

"This Friday, I want you to go out shopping with me for some Christmas stuff…" I groaned, " and then go to a party with me. Jasper will be out hunting, and I don't want to go alone," she said, finishing with a sad little pout.

I thought about this for a moment while Alice stood there, looking at me expectantly, with her hand on her hip.

"Okay, Alice, I will go shopping with you. I have yet to do any Christmas shopping, and I don't have much time left now, so it is probably a good thing you brought it up. And as for the party thing, are you sure you would even want me there? I won't be much fun. I can barely walk, never mind dance." I giggled against my better judgment as I pictured my normally uncoordinated self trying to bust a move on the dance floor with my huge bulky cast and crutches as support.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I won't force you to dance, but I guess you could stand there and sway to the music a bit, so it looks like I have a dance partner."

"Ha, I guess I could handle that," I conceded, then looked at the clock on the wall, noticing it was now almost six o'clock. I gulped, anxiety prickling at the edges of my mind.

"Alright, let's make you gorgeous," Alice said mischievously before lifting me up in her little arms and darting into her bathroom.

I knew I was in for it, and sadly enough, this time I had brought it on myself.

Forty-five minutes later I was all ready. Alice had put me in a very simple, yet sexy, blood red shoulder-less dress with a black mini sweater on top that went just below my breasts; and one (yep only one) flat ballerina styled shiny black shoe that tied up around the back of my ankle. I had ringlets all around my face with the top of my hair clipped up in the front. She colored my lips in a deep red lip gloss that didn't look as bad as I had first thought it would. Some black eye liner and, of course, black mascara made my eyes look sharp and fierce.

I had to give it to her, that girl could work miracles. Somehow, she had managed to make me look half-way decent, "Oh, Alice, thank you so much. You did a great job. I love it, really!"

She smiled brightly at me, "Of course you do. This is me we are talking about, and you have so much to work with to begin with."

I rolled my eyes at her as she leaned forward and wrapped me in a bone crushing hug, just as there was a knock on the door.

Alice's nose crinkled up and her eyes glazed over slightly. She looked confused, worried maybe, and then perplexed.

My heart damn near jumped right out of my chest. Did she see something bad?

Before I had a chance to ask her, Alice was at the door and opening it, curiosity getting the best of her.

I saw her jaw drop and the weirdest expression cross her face and then she slammed the door in Tristan's face. Jasper was by her side in an instant. His face contorted into confusion and worry.

_What the fuck?_

"Alice, what the hell? Why did you do that?"

* * *

What the fuck was up with Alice? And Tristan...I am so an Edward pusher- but damn is he swoon worthy or what...

**A/N**

**Many explanations I am sure are wanted- for this fic and NSG and TSV, as well. I unfortunately, do not have the sort of answers you are looking for. I have found myself in a bit of a funk – got my first serious flame and pathetically enough it bothered me more than it should have and made me question my writing style, hell, my writing period. I know I shouldn't let it get to me- they are bound to happen, right! But it did. And I am so sorry you guys are suffering because of my insecurities.**

**All I can say is I am trying to update as soon as I can beat my brain boggle past the ridiculous notion that it all just sucks.**

**Please be patient with me.**

**As always _ I'd love to hear from you- hot the review button- if you want to.**


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just this plot and any new characters I may introduce later throughout the story.

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**A/N - Late, again, as usual. Sorry. That's all I got. The revamp of this story is just killing me. I'll, of course, try to get the next chapter out much sooner.**

**Much love to all who are still hanging on out there. You guys f'ing amaze and humble me. Mambomama - you rock, as always. Thanks for all your supprt. Mwah~**

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**Chapter 7 ~ **

"Bella! Do you really not know why I am so upset?" Alice hissed at me, her eyes wild and her nostrils flared.

No, of course I didn't. She was acting like a crazy person. A rude, ranting, crazy person.

"No, Alice, I really don't know. But I must say, right now, I am not sure I care. Now open that door and stop being so rude," I said as I fumbled towards the door, absolutely mortified with Alice's behavior.

Alice grabbed my arm, hard; it actually hurt, "Alice, you're hurting me," I cried out as her sharp nails began to dig into my soft flesh.

She dropped my arm as if it had burned her. Her eyes softened and went wide, "I am so sorry, Bella. Are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you. Shit! But, listen; there is something I need to tell you before you leave with him, please just hear me out for one second?"

Another knock came through the door, and I looked towards it. I hesitated only a moment before calling out, "Just hang on a minute, please." I heard a muffled reply and felt satisfied that he would not leave before turning to glare at Alice again.

"This had better be good, Alice."

Alice looked desperate. Her eyes kept darting around the empty room as if she was looking for something.

"Bella, that guy, Tristan…." Alice began, but then her eyes glazed over and she was lost in a vision. One I would have to wait out to be privy to.

Moments later when her eyes cleared, I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor, "Yes?" I prompted, my annoyance with this situation thick in my voice.

"He…He's a vampire, too," Alice strangled out. "I have to call Jasper. I need him to come home. I didn't see it this way. Why didn't I see this?

Alice was growing frantic. She whipped out her phone, and I snatched it out of her hands before she could even flip it open.

"What? What the hell are you talking about, Alice? That's just not possible…" My words straggled off as various things flashed through my mind in that moment.

The inhumanly pale skin.

The fact that he didn't eat during lunch. I had thought that was my fault, but was it? I wasn't so sure, anymore.

His gracefulness.

His father's behavior.

His otherworldly good looks.

My attraction to him… well, that explained everything. Why on earth could I not attract, and be attracted to, a normal HUMAN? _For fuck sakes, was I really that much a freak that I only attracted beings from freakin__'__ scary-ass fairytales?_

But no, that was all wrong! She had it all wrong. I was just making the signs up as I went. He couldn't be…

"Wait a second, Alice. You almost had me, there," I said with a sigh of relief, as everything clicked into place.

Alice looked at me like I had grown a second head, as she waited for me to explain, to help her understand how wrong she was.

"His eyes are green," I stated, as if that should explain everything.

Alice snorted, "I don't give a shit if his eyes are purple. He is a god forsaken vampire, Bella, and you know I am right. I wouldn't lie to you, and who better to be able to tell than another vampire."

She was right. Alice would never lie to me, not blatantly or on purpose. But how? And why didn't she see this then?

"But…but…you didn't see…"

"I know. I don't get it either. But, our answers are standing right outside that door. Listening to every word we say. Do you think I should call Jasper? I had a vision. It was kind of murky, but I didn't see him meaning us any harm."

My head hurt. Seriously fucking hurt. Not in a headache kind of way, but in a 'why the fuck does this shit happen to me' kind of way.

"Fuck! I am sorry, Alice. I think I knew you were right; I just didn't want to believe it. Okay, what do I do? He is so nice. I can't tell him to go away just because he is a vampire, can I? I don't think he means us any harm, and no I don't want you to call Jasper so he can go all big brother on me."

"Fine, but we don't know if he is a human drinker, and this goes against my better judgment, just so you know."

"Calm down, Alice. I'm going to open the door now and invite him in; he will know right away you are a vampire, too, right? In fact, like you said, he has heard our whole conversation. So, we'll just see how it goes from there. If you get bad vibes, just let me know. You can always look into my future and tell me how tonight will turn out, right?" I said matter of factly, sagging slightly in relief at my revelation.

Alice wouldn't let him harm me. Never!

Nothing bad would happen to me with Alice watching out for me, I had faith in that.

I hobbled over to the door, and opened it with a shaky hand to find a very nervous looking Tristan with his one hand full of beautiful blood red roses and the other raking nervously through his mop of hair.

I smiled at him. I couldn't help it; just the sight of him relaxed my frazzled nerves.

"Come in, please, Tristan. Sorry about that. I, umm, had to finish up something," I said, fumbling for an excuse. He knew I was obviously lying, but didn't call me on it.

Tristan came in and looked right at Alice and cleared his throat, "Well, isn't this awkward," he mumbled, squinting at Alice as if he were trying to decipher just what she was.

"So you know? Did you know before you asked me out?" I asked him in a rushed voice. My panic rising once again.

_Please say no._

"No, I didn't know before now. I thought my family were the only ones here. But I don't understand; you are a human, yes?" he asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"Yes, I am human." I couldn't help but chuckle while answering him.

"Then how do you know about us? How are you still alive? We are not allowed to share our secret with humans!" Tristan said aloud. Not necessarily to me or Alice, but to himself, as if he were trying to figure something out.

_Wait! If he knew we couldn't interact, then that meant…_

"So, are you telling me your intentions were to hurt me tonight, Tristan?" I asked angrily, my hands balled into tight fists and my heart picked up its pace, as my breathing came out ragged and short.

Immediately, Alice moved to a fighting stance. I heard a low hiss come from her throat as she crouched and shuffled me slightly behind her tiny body.

"No! No, I would never intentionally hurt a human. We don't drink from humans, I swear. I…I just…I am not supposed to interact this way with humans. I had a horrible fight with my dad about this, but eventually he seemed to understand. He gave me his blessing to take you out tonight, but I didn't know about the others. I don't know what to do now. I just feel this amazing attraction to you, Bella. I am so sorry if I caused you more problems." I watched Tristan's face twist into a mask of confusion and pain and stumbled forward. Wanting to comfort him and take the pain away from his beautiful face.

"Oh, Tristan," I said while flinging my free arm around his shoulders. Tristan tensed up slightly at my unexpected contact, but relaxed within seconds. He put his arm around my shoulder and held me to his side.

"I forgive you. Can you ever forgive me for thinking you meant me harm? I…I just had to know. I had to be sure."

"Of course I do, Bella. Now, how about some dinner. You must be starving!" he said with a wink.

"Sounds good." I looked over at Alice, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the whole exchange. A small tight smile played on her lips, but she said nothing at all. I took that to mean everything would turn out okay. I handed Alice back her cell phone and grabbed my purse.

"Alice, I will have my cell on me if you need to contact me for anything, okay," I said and gave her a quick hug, before taking Tristan's hand in mine and making our way out the door.

We had a great time. Tristan took me to an amazing French restaurant his family apparently owned, called Chez Queux. I laughed through the whole night. Tristan had an amazing personality, and was just too funny. He asked me many questions about my life, seeming to avoid anything that may lead to answers as to why I was living with vampires.

I learned he had moved here last year, and this was his second year of college. He had a passion for psychology; he desperately wanted to understand the human mind.

He was 21 years old and loved new age, alternative and hard rock. He played the guitar and secretly always wanted to have a pet cat, but his dad had never let him have one, for fear he would eventually drink from it.

And when I returned home, at almost one am, he kissed me softly at the corner of my mouth and told me once again how beautiful I was. It was dreamy and perfect and everything I wished someone else could have been like.

I watched as he walked away, my body weak and sagging against the door. I was so lost thinking about how the night went, I almost fell flat on my ass when a very anxious looking Alice swung the door open from behind me.

"I had a vision everything would be fine, but I couldn't help myself, I was still worried. It is not like I have never been wrong before. How did it go?" she sighed, as she helped right me, then held the door open for me to come in.

I couldn't understand what had gotten her in such a stupor, but I was too tired to figure it out tonight. So I just told her everything went good and we'd talk about it more in the morning, and headed off to bed.

Luckily, the next morning, when I finally woke up, Alice had already left to go hunting. So, that gave me a bit of time to get my thoughts straight before facing the 'Alice inquisition'.

I did, however, find Jasper lazing on the couch when I walked into the living room, and I decided that today would be the perfect day to address the idea I had the other day.

"Hey, Jasper, would you help me with something?" I was really hoping Jasper would help me because, otherwise, I wasn't sure I could do it on my own.

"What's that, Bella?" Jasper asked, curiosity already evident in his eyes, and I let out a huge gush of air I was holding in my lungs, thankful that he didn't press into the whole 'Tristan thing'.

I smiled, "Actually, it is more like two favors. First, I wanted to know if you'd come shopping with me and help me pick a guitar?" His eyes darkened at the first half of my request, but as soon as I mentioned guitars, his eyes lit up. Poor guy was probably ruined for shopping for the rest of his existence.

"Of course, Bella. That sounds like fun, but why on earth would you want to buy a guitar?" he asked, obviously confused. It's not like I had ever shown any interest in the guitar since he had known me, so he had every right to question my new found interest.

"Actually, that is the second part of my favor." I looked down at the ground to avoid eye contact with him. "Would you, umm, teach me how to play, too? Please."

"Wow, Bella, playing guitar, eh? Who would've guessed!" Jasper chided.

"Hardy har har, smart ass. Actually, I've been interested in learning for quite some time, but could never afford the lessons," I explained, feeling slightly embarrassed at my confession. I don't know why it still bothered me so, the fact that I came from a family that didn't have all the luxuries the Cullen's were accustomed to. They knew that, but still, sometimes it made me feel inferior, even more so that I already did.

"Well, Bella, you have come to the right place. I am an excellent teacher, and my fees are rather cheap," he teased with a small chuckle.

"So, what'll it cost me then?" I giggled; I couldn't help it. These moments were too far and few between, and I truly enjoyed bonding and teasing and laughing with Jasper. He was just so easy going and something about him that felt so familiar. It took me a long while to recognize what I was feeling around Jasper. At first I had thought my comfort level with him had to do with his abilities, but over time, I realized it had nothing to do with that and more to do with some strange connection I seemed to feel to him. I didn't rightly understand it, but I liked it, so I went with it.

"You have to help me distract Alice while I shop for her Christmas gift. You know how sneaky she is, and I really want it to be a surprise. So, while I run out to get it, I want you to distract her so much she doesn't get a chance to see any visions about it."

Well, that sounded easy enough, "Okay, deal," I said reaching out my hand to shake on it.

Within an hour, I was all showered, and Jasper and I were on our way to the local music shop to find me a guitar. I smiled at that thought. I had heard somewhere that music was a great way to release pent up emotions and feelings. I had recently started writing what I thought were poems or thoughts, suppressed feelings even, but now I wondered if maybe I could make them into songs and make them mean something more, share them, and let the words, that were so hard for me to get out on paper, comfort someone else as well. And I sure as hell had enough pent up emotions to last me a lifetime, if that was all I needed. I giggled aloud, and Jasper gave me an amused look.

We spent almost two hours looking at different guitars, picks and cases. In the end, I decided on a Gibson ES 137 classic, and boy was it a beauty. I was instantly in love. I had fiddled around with my Dad's old acoustic guitar a bit when I was younger, but this guitar was amazing compared to it. I looked down at the description once again and re-read the specs on the guitar that would soon be my baby.

Features included a laminated curly maple body, multiple bound body on top, single bound on back, 490R pickup in the rhythm position (same as on LP Studio or LP Custom), maple neck, mahogany center block to reduce feedback and add sustain, rosewood fingerboard, and pearloid trapezoid inlay.

Other features included a tune-o-matic bridge with stop tailpiece, bound fingerboard, 498T pickup in the treble position, body based on ES-135, 2 volume controls, 2 tone controls, and a 3-way switch. The guitar has a scale of 24-3/4, a nut width of 1.6875" and a "C" inlay at the 12th fret.

I didn't understand most of that, but it felt right in my hands and it was such a beauty. I knew this was the one. Yeah, this was definitely the guitar I wanted.

Jasper wandered off to pick me a case and some picks and get the guitar tuned. The last thing we grabbed was an Ampeg SVT410HLF 1200 watt amp.

We went out for lunch while we waited for the guitar to be tuned and strung. Conversation flowed easily, but every once in awhile, I would catch Jasper looking at me with a faraway look in his eyes, and when I asked him about it, he just shrugged it off and said he was thinking about Alice's gift. I didn't believe him, but if he didn't want to talk about it, I couldn't make him, so I let it go.

Two hours later, we returned to the store. As the cashier was ringing in my purchases, Jasper asked me to go to the back of the store and look for a pick up switch. The sales guy gave him a weird look at this, but said nothing. I wondered what that was all about, but off I went anyway in search of a 'pick up switch'. What the hell was it, anyway?

After about 10 minutes searching, with no luck, I came back to find Jasper standing there with all my items and a devious smile on his face. "Umm, what is going on, Jasper? I couldn't find that whatama switch anywhere. Do I really need it?" I questioned, seriously frustrated with myself and just about ready to throw something in a fit of 'why the hell can't I find what I'm looking for' rage.

Jasper shrugged and grinned down at me. "Nah, you'll do fine without it, let's go."

I grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket as he turned for the door. "Wait, I still have to pay for all that. It isn't free, don't you know, Jasper." I laughed. Apparently, having everything you ever needed at your fingertips was really getting to Jazz.

"Sorry, Miss. It's been taken care of." The salesman informed me while nodding his head towards Jasper. My eyes widened, and I slowly turned to glare at a very smug looking Jasper.

"Jasper, you can't pay for that for me. I have my own money," I yelled at him, absolutely mortified. I hated when people spent large amounts of money on me, and this…this was not just a large amount of money, it was an obscene amount.

"Well, I am going out later today to do my Christmas shopping and wasn't sure what to get you anyway, so I thought I would pay for this and it would be your Christmas present," Jasper explained, seemingly quite proud with himself.

"But, Jasper, it is way too much, you…" Jasper interrupted me, "Bella, you know money isn't a big thing for us, so please take my gift and be happy. Please, make this easier on me. I have no idea what else to get you," he whined, and Jasper whining with a sheepish grin on his face was just way too comical, and I couldn't help it as my lips twitched upwards and an abrupt chuckle escaped me..

Finally, I sighed in defeat, "Fine, you win, but I don't want anything for my birthday, either. This is more than enough, okay?"

"Deal," he conceded with a wide grin on his face, and even though he met my demands, I still felt as if he was the one standing on the winners' block. Smug, know it all, li'l butt monkey.

I huffed and squeezed past him. His soft laughter followed me out into the street.

We got back to the apartment and, as luck would have it, Alice was not yet back from hunting, so we decided to start my lessons right away.

Now, I knew the basics, but Jasper insisted on explaining it all, anyway, 'cause apparently there was a huge difference between acoustic and electric guitars.

"As you can see, it all starts with the headstock right at the top. This describes the part of the guitar that is attached to the slimmer neck of the instrument. Then there are the tuners. As the name suggests, the tuners are used to tune the instrument, or to adjust the pitch of each string. After the tuners, we move on to the nut. This is found between the headstock and the neck of the guitar. It is sometimes made of plastic or bone and contains six small grooves to guide each string up to the tuners."

I rolled my eyes at Jasper and his all-out obnoxiousness. I mean, did I really need to know all this to play?

"I saw that, B. It is very important to know your guitar, inside and out. You will be spending a lot of time with it and just trust me. You're gonna thank me one day. Now listen and pay attention."

I nodded at him, unable to form a single word and feeling like a petulant child and just let him continue doing what he obviously did better than me.

"In learning how to play electric guitar, a lot of focus will be placed on the next part we shall talk about, none other but the neck of the guitar. This is where you will be placing your fingers a lot and holding different positions to create different notes. The neck of the guitar is attached to the body. On the body of your electric guitar, you will find pickups. These are almost like microphones. They pick up, or capture, the sound of the instrument so they can be amplified. If you've got an acoustic or acoustic/electric guitar, your guitar would come with a sound hole. This hole is found on the body of the guitar and is meant to amplify the sound of the guitar. Electric guitars replace this part with pick-ups. There's a pickup switch located on the body of the guitar used to select different pickups for different tones and sounds. "

This all sounded pretty standard to me, but I plastered a smile on my face and nodded while he explained it all. I was hoping he was almost done, but just as I thought that, he moved on to the next part of the guitar. I stifled a sigh and leaned back into the couch, fake smile and all, still plastered on my face.

"Next in line is the bridge of your guitar. It is a piece of hardware attached to the body of the guitar. The strings run from the tuning pegs to the bridge. Then there's the tremolo, better known as a Whammy Bar. This is a bar connected to the bridge of the guitar. By moving the tremolo bar up or down, you can move the bridge, thus changing the pitch. On the body of an electric guitar, you will find volume and tone control knobs used to adjust guitar volume and tone. Before you begin the actual process of learning how to play electric guitar, let's talk a little more about the neck of the guitar. In particular, we shall focus on the frets. What are these? These are strips of metal running along the surface of the guitar's neck. Guitarists also refer to the space between two strips of metal as a fret. So the fret can mean two different things. If you want to learn how to play electric guitar, you must first know these parts. Take time to learn them because they are important for understanding subsequent lessons. "

"And that's the basics," Jasper finished, what felt like hours later. My neck had a crick in it, and my fingers were tense from grasping at the side of the couch for so long.

I sprung up from my slouched state eagerly and grabbed the guitar from his outstretched hands.

We spent the next few hours working on smaller, easier songs. The strings hurt my fingers a bit, but I remembered somewhere in the back of my mind, Charlie telling me once, that there was no better way to get to know your guitar than to do it bare-fingered. So, I was. Jasper thought I was being odd as well, but let it go and let me do it my way and seemed pleasantly surprised at how easily I picked everything up.

"You're a natural, Bella. I'm sure you'll be playing like a pro in no time." I beamed at his praise and, of course, that was followed by my notorious, heated blush.

I cleared my throat and braced myself. It was now or never, and the look of pride on his face would either intensify or drop off his face completely. "Jasper, there is something I want to show you, but I need you to promise to be nice. Even if it's completely awful, try to be nice about telling me, please. I have never showed anyone this, and I am a little embarrassed," I mumbled while blushing a whole new shade of red and twining my fingers through my hair.

"Come on now, darlin'. What do you take me for? Of course, I promise, Bella, I would never do something to hurt you, but I'm sure you already knew that," Jasper sounded a little offended and I immediately reassured him I knew exactly that. I was just feeling insecure and nervous.

I got up and went to my room to retrieve my poem book. I hobbled back with it clutched to my side and it took every last ounce of control I had in me to actually hand it over to him. I silently retreated to the kitchen to grab myself a drink while he looked it over.

"Bella, these are amazing. When did you write them? You did write them, right?" he asked before I even had a chance to sit back down.

"Yes, Jasper, I did. Most I wrote not long after Ed..ward left me," I whispered as a lone tear slipped from my eye. Jasper was at my side instantly, his arm around my shoulder, comforting me.

"Oh, I see," he muttered, obviously just now seeing exactly how hard my showing him this was for me. "Well, I feel absolutely privileged that you showed me these. They are truly beautiful, Bella. Do you want to try and make one into an actual song?" he asked cautiously.

I sniffled and inhaled a few deep breaths to calm down my staccato heart, and then I knew, I just knew. That was exactly what I wanted. No matter how hard it might be. It was the only way for me to share my pain with others, to let out all the pent up shit that had been holding me down for too long now.

"Yes, I would love that, but I don't know how," I admitted quietly.

Jasper grasped my hand in his and squeezed gently."No worries, B. Most of what you need is already here; we just have to take a main verse in your poem and stick it in there a few more times to make it the chorus."

Alice came in, then, and asked us what we were doing. Once we explained, Alice looked up at me and in a huff said, "Bella, I can't believe I have never seen these. I'm your best friend, why have you never confided in me?"

I bowed my head, feeling little and knowing Alice had every right to be upset, but I had to make her understand. This wasn't about her or Jasper or anyone really. It was all me, and it was raw and painful, and I had to take it at my own pace to be able to cope, to function like a normal human being.

"Listen, Alice, I wrote most of these while you were gone. And, up until today, they have been too painful for me to look at most of the time, never mind share with anyone. I hope you can understand. I never meant to hide anything from you," I said, close to tears, now.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella. That was inconsiderate of me, of course I understand, sometimes I overreact just a little bit," she confessed with a small un-Alice-like snort.

She pranced over to me and put her arm around my shoulder with a sly grin playing on her lips.

"Just a little, HA!" I chuckled, knowing all too well Alice was the drama-queen personified.

"Anyways, we're about to try actually sing and play the first poem turned song. Do you want to sing along with me?" I asked, wanting to include her, but not knowing what else to offer.

I never imagined she'd actually say yes. And I definitely didn't expect her reaction.

Alice screeched, almost deafening me. I had to shake my head a few times to get the ringing out of my ears.

"Alright, let's do this," Alice chirped in a sing song voice.

I hesitantly started the intro to the song, watching my fingers strum seamlessly across the strings, hearing the melody come out for my song made me smile. I couldn't help it, it sounded great! I knew I missed the odd note, and I cringed whenever it was obviously audible and quickly attempted to correct my finger positioning.

My voice, even to me, came out like a sad, sweet whisper, but Alice's mixed with mine made the song come out harmonious, with the feeling of pain laced right into our voices.

_It's never enough to say I'm sorry  
It's never enough to say I care  
But I'm caught between what you wanted from me  
And knowing that if I give that to you  
I might just disappear_

As I sang, I thought back to when I had written that first poem. It was a dark time in my life. One I, still to this day, didn't like to think about. Alice and Jasper had come back, and I thought everything would be fine, then. It still hurt with that void _he_ had left in my chest, but I had Jazz and Alice, and I thought that was enough. Months went by, and slowly I descended back into myself, into a dark, dangerous place inside my own head. I stopped eating, again. I barely spoke, and then one day when I saw Jasper kissing Alice, I just snapped. Alice ended up having me move in with her and Jasper after I just barely managed to graduate. My dad agreed, only because he knew he didn't have the time or the know-how to manage me in that state and honestly, what else could he do?

_Nobody wins when everyone's losing_ – Alice chimed in, her high chime-like voice bringing me back to the present.

_It's like one step forward and two steps back  
No matter what I do you're always mad  
And I, I can't change your mind  
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street  
I can't give you what you want  
And it's killing me  
And I, I'm starting to see  
Maybe we're not meant to be_

Jasper and I sang the chorus together, and I couldn't help but smile along with him. We sounded great singing the song together; he had an amazing, deep voice, add in that mild southern drawl and it was just too dreamy. Girls already swooned to his voice; I could only imagine what they would do if they heard him singing.

We finished off the song and all looked at each other. We mirrored one another with the huge smiles that were on our faces.

"Bella, that was absolutely amazing. You rock, woman," Alice pumped her fist in the air, and her excitement must have been catchy, because I joined right along with her..

"I must admit, it did sound good. Thank you, guys, for helping me with that."

I looked at the clock and was surprised to see it was already one am.

"Okay, well, this human needs to get to bed. We have that party tomorrow night, Alice, and if you want me to go shopping with you first, I need to get at least eight hours sleep, okay." I shuddered just thinking about how torturous tomorrow would be to me.

"Sounds good, Bella-boo. I will be in to wake you at nine am sharp," she sing-songed with a glint in her eyes, obviously taunting me.

I rolled my eyes and began putting my new belongings away.

" Hey, Jasper, thanks. Really, thank you, so much. You don't know what this means to me." I whispered as I hopped to my room. I knew he heard me. I didn't need to turn around to confirm this.

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**So, Tristan is a vamp, too? How the hell is he so different?**

**And guitar playuing with Jazz, so swoon worthy...**

**Next chapter - Some Christmas shopping and a shocking kiss!**

** Obviously the song does not belong to me. It belongs to theory of a Deadman.**

**Countdown to Halloween is in full swing. The complete list of particpating authors can be found on my FB page in my notes. **

**I have a new fic I am working on. It will be called 'Not who you think' and will begin posting on September 1st.**

**Here is the summary for it.**

_**Summary – Maria is broken and lost and living a nightmare beyond your wildest imaginings. By day, she lives the life she has been handed. By night, she dreams of another life. One that is filled with haunting sounds and bright green eyes. A life just barely there, in the dark vestiges of her mind. But what do the dreams mean? Are they just her mind trying to conjure up something happy? Or is it something much more? Something Maria needs to remember to know the real truth?**_

**This will be a darker fic, that will warrant one helluva disclaimer. Not for the faint of heart. B x E and rated M, of course.**

**Be sure to put me on author alert if you're interested in reading this when it posts.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer ~ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, just the plot and any new characters I may introduce throughout the story.**

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**Chapter 8**

It wasn't even ten yet when we arrived at the mall. Alice was bouncing all over the place. Poor girl was so excited; for once she wasn't sure where to start. We both had our lists of who we still had to shop for, and, of course, the outfits we would require that met Alice's standards for the party we would be attending tonight.

I think we ended up in just about every store throughout the entire mall with the exception of Wal-Mart, 'cause Alice wasn't down with that store. For a girl who loved to shop so much, you'd think she'd love bargains, but apparently not. It's considered slumming in her books.

I had found a gorgeous antique wall clock in a shop at the end of the mall. One I didn't even know existed, which just goes to show how often I actually come to the mall to simply _browse_ the stores. It was shaped like a mini version of a grandfather clock, and was made of pure maple. Apparently, some old Indian had made it and passed it down from generation to generation, until one generation needed money badly enough to pawn it off. It was hand carved with beautiful elegant designs, absolutely amazing craftsmanship in my opinion, which wasn't much of one considering I didn't know much about antiques; but I was convinced Esme would love it. I paid the cashier, trying not to look at the price as I swiped my Visa and scribbled my signature at the bottom of the receipt. They ensured me it would be delivered no later than Wednesday.

I was passing a video game store called EB Games, and I so thought of Emmett. I quickly opened my phone to call Esme, "Hi, Esme. I'm fine, thanks. Yes, I am excited to come home for Christmas, too, and to get this darn cast off of me," I giggled into the phone. We had spoken a few times on the phone since her and Carlisle's impromptu visit, and I was beginning to realize that by avoiding them, I had been denying myself so much happiness. These people truly were my family, the pieces that held me together and kept me grounded.

As Esme started getting into a recap of her day, I decided to cut it short. Lord knows how long Alice would give me on my own to get my shopping done, but I planned on totally taking advantage of the freedom, so, I gently interrupted her, "Actually, Esme, the reason I'm calling is to find out what game systems Emmett already has." I could hear her humming and hawing a bit before she said she'd have to check. "Wait, all I need to know is if he has a PS3 already?"

I eyed up some of the gory games I knew Emmett would just go gaga over as I waited for her to check, and when she came back and explained what she found out, well, turns out Emmett did have a PS3, but while playing Tekken with Jasper and losing quite badly one day, he threw a temper tantrum and accidentally broke it into many little pieces. I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to envision that. Oh, Emmett. Would he ever realize his own strength? HA! Like that would ever happen.

I was shocked he hadn't replaced it yet, but apparently Rose had put her foot down and banished the big boy from his video games until he could learn to better control his temper while playing said 'make believe' games. Too Emmett!

I asked Esme to let the others know I would get him that and hung up the phone after saying goodbye and promising to call her later this week.

I hobbled into EB Games and asked the sales guy to grab me one game system which came with only one remote, so I asked for three extra remotes and a fighting game to go with it. The sales guy looked at me like he had just won the jackpot, so I could only assume he would be making some decent commission off of this sale.

Again, I avoided actually looking at the total and just quickly signed my life away, or at least any spending money I would have for the next year.

Two down, nine to go.

I was going to just head to the mall cafeteria but, without even looking, I stumbled across a World War shop that sold replicas from the various World Wars. I decided to take a look in the store with Jasper in mind. Immediately, I found a book I had never noticed in Jasper's collection; it was huge, almost 3000 pages thick. I asked the store clerk about it, and boy did I regret that. He rambled on about things I had no clue about for a good twenty minutes, but did mention one thing I was actually wanted to hear; this was a brand new book only released about a week ago. Jasper likely did not have it, then. I informed him I wanted it and asked him to keep it at the counter for me while I browsed through the rest of the store.

I was just about done in the store, and completely overloaded with information I didn't know how to process, when I noticed a little figurine sitting on a small side shelf. I stopped dead in my tracks, almost tripping over the damn crutch while I was at it, and let out a small gasp. It couldn't be, could it? I picked up the small figurine and examined it closely, awed at the resemblance, and I swear to God I am not shitting you when I say, it looked exactly like Jasper, but wearing much older clothing. I immediately snatched it up and cradled it carefully in one hand and hobbled towards the counter, dragging the loose crutch behind me.

Satisfied with my purchases, so far, I decided to call Alice and have her meet up with me for some lunch, finally, before we continued our Christmas shopping.

During lunch, Alice babbled on about gifts she had found for Rosalie and Emmett, as well as ones for Esme and Carlisle. She was much faster than me, apparently, and was already almost done her shopping.

As my meal finished, so did our excited chatter. We were awkwardly quiet, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing; we should be here shopping for Edward, as well. He should be home for Christmas. This just wasn't right, and it would never feel right until our little family was whole again.

Neither of us voiced our thoughts, but it was like we both knew what each other was thinking. Alice stood and gave me a comforting hug, "Okay Bella," she said quietly, "meet me at Claire Dallions at four o'clock sharp so we can start looking for an outfit for tonight, okay? And, here, let me take your bags for you. I promise I won't peek, but it has got to be hard carrying them with those crutches," she stated simply before giving me a wink and darting off towards the stores.

There was no arguing with that logic. I smiled as I watched her bounce off.

I found a new medical case for Carlisle. The last time I knew, he was still carrying around his old beaten up one. For someone with money to burn, he sure liked to hold on to certain items for an inordinate amount of time.

I also found an amazing belly chain for Rose. It had a small sparkling deer dangling from it. I still wasn't sure how she managed to pierce her own belly button and it not grow out on her. I would have to ask her what her secret was sometime. I also got her a baubley necklace that I thought would look great while out clubbing.

I had to think long and hard for Alice. I mean, what do you give someone who had at least one of everything? Literally. I decided on something sentimental and sweet, something to show her how much she meant to me, something that would keep me with her always. I found the most precious, beautiful silver charm/friendship bracelet for her. I spent a good hour just picking out the first charm for it. When I found one they had the letters FF and had two people holding hands, I knew it was perfect for her. She was my best friend, and we would be friends forever.

I bought Charlie a GPS tracking system thing for fishing that I knew nothing about, but the guy in the store said it was an absolute must have for any avid fisher these days, so I got it. I bought Renee a Yoga mat and the workout DVDs to go with it. I knew she enjoyed yoga, or at least she used to. Who knew what she was into on a day to day basis. Well, if she wasn't anymore, she could take it up again.

I got Jacob a pair of Nike Airs and a few pairs of jogging pants. I chuckled as I thought about why I was buying him such trivial items, but knew no matter how boring and impersonal they seemed, they were items that would surely be put to good use and were well needed. Only God knew just how many of them he had been going through while phasing these days. Yep, he could definitely use them.

I also borrowed a picture Charlie had of the two of us making mud pies while we were younger and enlarged it and framed it. Simple, sentimental, and totally me and Jacob.

I found a little play kitten called "My Real Pet." I laughed so hard and long reading the specifications on the back of it, that I actually began snorting aloud and gaining myself a small amused audience.

But, come on, anyone who knew of vampires would be able to see the hilarity in this gift. Even if it wasn't meant to be that way.

The small, cute kitty was white and fluffy and walked and purred and even meowed. I knew it was kind of cheesy, but it just worked for me, and I was positive Tristan would like it and appreciate the reasoning behind it.

Lastly, I wanted to buy Edward something. Even though I knew he would not be there, and I am sure he wasn't thinking of me, it hurt me to think he would get nothing for Christmas. If and when he ever came home, I wanted him to know that I had not forgotten about him.

Store through store and shop through shop I searched relentlessly. My armpits hurt like hell and my head was starting to pound, and I was just about give up on my search for today, thinking I may have to try a mall back home in hopes of finding that perfect something for the perfect Edward, when I passed a little store called 'Forgotten Treasures'. The name just seemed so appropriate, and I had to laugh a little at the irony. I walked into the store, with a spark of curiosity running through me. It was like I was drawn to this store by some unseen force. I just knew this is where I would find exactly what I wanted for Edward.

The store was amazing. It had very odd items, some very rare, and some very ancient looking. It just suited Edward perfectly. I knew if he were here he would love it. It had quickly become one of my favorite stores to browse through. I was looking at a very rare pearl when I noticed a small item sitting on the top shelf. I tried to reach for it, and teetered a bit on my heel and almost fell into the shelf, just as a store clerk came up and righted me. I thanked him profusely and with bright red cheeks asked him if he could pass me the small object.

I held the item in my hand and knew immediately I had to have it. I had to give it to Edward.

I asked the sales man exactly what it was. The least I could do was know what I was buying before buying it.

"This, Miss, is a 1918, gorgeous mercy w/saints & angels medal," he stated with a smile on his face.

"It has great detailed hand carved work from Our Lady of Mercy with stars halo & Jesus child with saints, cherubs and, as you can see, angels all around her. The back is engraved 'Mi salvador, mi angel, para siempré.'"

It was Spanish, or maybe Italian. I wasn't sure. I asked him if he knew what it meant, and when he translated it for me, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

"I'll take it." I turned the medallion around in my hands and re-read the words over and over again, My Savior, My Angel, forever. Perfect. It would go perfectly with the gift I already had for him at home. I hoped one day he would actually get them.

I left the store in a haze; my head was so clouded, I didn't even notice Alice come up beside me. Eventually, I looked over at her and realized she was talking. I shook my head and forced a smile on my face, "Hey, Alice. Did you get all your shopping done?" I asked, cheerily.

"Yes, I did. I am so happy. Oh, Bella, you are so going to love what I got you. I am so excited. Why can't Christmas come faster? Did you get all your shopping done?"

I chuckled at her over exuberance, "Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, I did," I said with a sly smile. Alice looked at me quizzically, but I just ignored her. "So… let's get us some party clothes," I said with fake enthusiasm, trying to change the subject, and, of course, it worked.

Alice dropped the subject and began bouncing around, talking animatedly about outfits and shoes.

Yet another two hours later, I left the mall with two store clerks to help us carry all the bags and boxes and a very bubbly Alice.

Lucky for me, Alice's choices for me were quite slim, given my cast and the limited type of clothing that would work with it, but that didn't necessarily stop her from going all out. I, personally, thought the dress she chose was gorgeous, but thought it would look silly with my cast and crutches, but as Alice so eloquently put it, 'What did I know?'

The dress was a black halter made of lace with a white under layer. One side came just below my hip, while the other side flowed all the way down to my ankle on an angle. To top it off, she gave me detached sleeves made of a mesh kind of material that came all the way to the base of my fingers and looped around my middle fingers. Without the cast, I would have actually thought I looked hot, but with the cast it just looked silly to me. Alice then handed me a single platform-style black dress shoe that laced up the leg almost to the knee. I laughed at her when I saw this. "What do you want me to do with that, Alice?" I managed to get out past my hysterical laughter.

"Put it on, silly. Don't worry you will have your crutches for support," she said with an authoritative edge to her voice, looking at me as if this should be something I should know and understand.

I instantly stopped laughing and put the darn shoe on. "There. Happy?" I hissed, looking down at the single shoe and the bulky white cast.

"Aw, Bella. You look great! You really are such a beauty; I wish you could see that."

She quickly changed her tone when I said nothing in reply, "Come on, let's get your hair and makeup done and get out of here. We have a party to liven up." She danced off and gave me a wink as she began gathering item after item in her small arms.

She put my hair up at the top, while the back hung down with ringlets. Then she moved on to my makeup. She, thankfully, kept it rather simple, just moistening my lips lightly with a soft, red lip gloss and lining my eyes with a single stroke of smoky, black liner, and, of course, a splash of black mascara to make my eyes pop.

I had to give it to her, that girl knew what she was doing.

I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her blur around the room as she got herself ready. Jasper peeked in but once, saw the state of the room and spun on his heel. I couldn't help but laugh, it was just such a funny Jasper thing to do. Not even an hour later and we had arrived at the party. I wasn't really feeling it, but I went to appease Alice, and because I owed her.

We found a safe place to stand, and Alice brought me a cosmopolitan. We stood there, leaning against the wall, and chatted about all the different people we saw at the party. When 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry came on, Alice damn near jumped through the roof, "Oh, Bella, do you mind? I love this song so much," she pleaded with those darn puppy dog eyes.

"Of course not, Alice, dance all you want. I'm going to get myself another drink," I replied, motioning to my now empty glass.

I shooed her away with a silly grin on my face, relieved to have a few moments to just sit and not have to that fake ass smile on my face.

As Alice made her way to the makeshift dance floor, I made my way to the drink counter. They had some pledges serving the drinks, so I asked for two cosmopolitans and watched as the poor kid sorted through bottles and struggled to get the drink right. I could have been nice and at least told him what was supposed to go in the drink, but I honestly didn't care what I drank, as long as it was cold and contained alcohol, I'd be happy.

I downed the first one in one chug and sipped gingerly on the next. I watched Alice dance as she whirled around the dance floor grinding and swaying with whomever she came across, without a care in the world. She really was an amazing dancer.

"What are you drinking, beautiful?"

I spun around in my seat, swaying and grabbing at the countertop to stop myself from toppling and came face to face with some guy hanging practically over my shoulder. "Umm, cosmopolitans," I said with a slight slur, followed by a hiccup. The alcohol was already getting to me. I didn't drink often and wasn't very good at holding my liquor. Apparently, that was evident tonight.

He handed me the drink and extended his hand to me, "My name is Justin Bradshaw. I'm the president of this fine fraternity here," he said with a smug smile. Just great! A guy full of himself.

He seemed nice enough, not quite arrogant, but definitely sure of himself. He wasn't being a pig, so I figured it was safe to talk to him while I waited for Alice.

We talked for about ten minutes before I felt his hand on my leg. I brushed it off, hoping he would get the hint, "What's the matter darling? I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asked in a mildly menacing tone.

"No. It's just, umm, I'm here with someone," I blurted out. _Shit! Way to go, Bella._

"Really? And who might that be?" he asked, obviously not at all convinced by my statement.

I was about to look around and pretend I was looking for someone, when I felt am arm wrap around my neck. "Hey, Baby,, who's your friend?" I heard Alice ask just as she leaned in and planted a soft, chaste kiss on my lips.

"Hey, gorgeous. This is, umm, what did you say your name was?" I asked him with a giggle.

I wrapped my arm around Alice, as well, and leaned into her for another quick kiss. Just as the kiss should have ended, I felt Alice's tongue probe at my bottom lip. For some unknown reason, I eagerly obliged, and before I knew it, we were fisting each other's hair while fighting for dominance with each other's tongue.

Her breath was hot and sweet and reminded me so much of Edward, I just could not help myself. It felt amazing, kissing her. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, but it felt too good to stop. I wondered why Alice let me go on with this for so long, but was too caught up in the feeling to give it that much thought. I was deep into the amazing kiss when I heard Alice moan huskily into my mouth, and I swear I felt my hips buckle at that unbelievably amazing sound.

I heard the annoying guy leave with a groan and a huff and felt strong slender arms pick me up. I knew I was being carried somewhere, but I couldn't break this intense feeling to check where I was going or what was going on around me.

The last thing I remembered was hearing Alice's soft husky voice whispering, "You don't know how long I've waited to do that to you."

I woke up in a pain filled daze. My head hurt so badly, I wondered if someone had been using it for a punching bag. I looked around me, but couldn't quite place where I was. I knew it was not my bed or my room, but it looked familiar. I tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness made me drop back into the pillows. I slowly started to drift back into unconsciousness as a flood of memories from the night before came pouring back to me.

_Oh my God. What had I done?_

* * *

_**Holy shit, batman. Did they just srsly kiss? What cha thinking now, kiddies?**_

**I just posted a new fic called 'Not Who You Think'. I love it and am crazy excited to share it with you, but, I must warn you, it is very dark and contains graphic scenes of violence, rape and abuse. The first ten chaps are disturbing and dark, the second 10 chaps are angsty and heart wrenching, and the last bit of chaps- may or may not have a smidgen of some sweet ass, slightly Dom, Edward…. If that is your thing- or you're just willing to give it a go, well, run on over to it and be sure to let me know what u think.**

**xx**


	10. Chapter 9

**Kisses and boob gropes for my dear Mambomama for sticking with me and helping me through the tedious task of revamping this fic.**

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**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

I could hear voices, familiar voices, but they sounded so far away, and I couldn't quite make them out. They were angry voices. Were they fighting? Was that Alice and Jasper? What on earth would they ever have to fight about?

"You don't understand, Jasper. It is not like I took advantage of her, she kissed me back." I heard Alice growl.

"Did she now? Are you sure, Alice? Or is that just what you want to believe? She's been through so much, how could you do this to her? Confuse her even more. I don't know if she can handle…this…" Jasper's voice trailed off at the end of that statement, and my mind twisted back to the previous night. The party, that guy who kelp hitting on me, and Alice…kissing Alice…Alice's voice raised an octave or two and I was once again listening to their private conversation.

"You don't understand, Jazz. I went back to Forks because of her. Because I realized I was in love with her, as more than friends... I think. I was going to tell her, but then you showed up, and I didn't know how to tell you. I was so scared you would hate me. Please, don't get me wrong, Jazz, I love you, I still do, I always will. This doesn't change anything for me. Oh, God, you hate me, now, don't you?" Alice wailed.

I couldn't hear anything else but garbled sobs and murmurs.

I was about to get up when I heard Jasper's voice, so low I would have missed it if I hadn't been listening so intently.

"Of course not, Alice. You are my soul mate, and I will help you through this the best I can. But it is definitely going to take some time to get used to, so I need you to bear with me, okay? I need you to try to think about how I am feeling right now. This is a lot to process and such a drastic change from you. I will stay by your side, but please, Alice, don't leave me. I would be so lost without you." My heart went out to Jasper; he sounded so scared, so lost. I have never heard him sound so desperate and childlike.

"You don't ever have to worry about that, my Jazzy. I love you way too much to ever leave you," Alice said lovingly, and my heart splintered a little more.

I heard footsteps approaching so I closed my eyes and pretended I was still sleeping. Of course, just as the door opened, I opened my eyes, unable to fake sleep, to see a nervous looking Alice standing at the bedside. "Morning," I mumbled sleepily.

"Morning, Bella? It is already two o'clock in the afternoon, silly. You've slept most the day away," Alice teased me with a nervous giggle. She either didn't know I had heard her conversation with Jasper, or she was doing her best to pretend she didn't.

"Oh. Oh, my God, I must have really needed it. Gosh my head hurts, ouch!" I said as I tried for the second time today to lift my head from the pillows.

"Here, I brought you some aspirin," Alice said while handing me the pills and a glass of water.

"Oh, thanks so much, Alice. I really need them if I plan on getting out of bed anytime today," I whispered. Talking hurt too much; whispering was the most I could handle right now.

I looked up and smiled sheepishly at Alice. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even sure I completely understood what had happened last night, or what I heard between her and Jasper this today. Maybe it was all a dream. That wouldn't be surprising; I had dreamt up so many obscene things lately, nothing surprised me anymore.

"Bella, I think we need to talk. But why don't you go take a human moment and shower and stuff first. You smell foul," Alice mumbled while looking at the floor, obviously trying to lighten the tension in the room, but she really just looked and sounded nervous. Did vampires really get nervous? Wow, who would have known? I had always thought them so calm and collected and ahead of the game. If it wasn't under these circumstances, I might have actually enjoyed seeing someone so perfect all the time fumble and twitch.

My shower took longer than normal. I had a lot to think about, and I kind of forgot I was in the shower until I felt the cold water splashing over me. I yelped and turned the water off, but continued standing there, though, in the frigid air. Goosebumps pebbled my damp skin, and I shivered in the chilly air. The temperature was never just right in this place. One of the downfalls to living with two vampires. They never knew if it was hot or cold, it all felt the same to them.

I shifted my weight and plopped out of the tub and sat on the chair beside it so I could shimmy out of the plastic bag I had to have tied around my cast. I took my time though, because I still hadn't quite figured out everything I needed to yet, before I could go and talk to Alice.

I knew I loved her; she was my best friend. I thought she was pretty, in a pixie like kind of way, but I was failing to see the actual 'physical' and 'sexual' attraction there. I just couldn't figure out what had caused me to attack her last night, and attack was the only word I could come up with. Poor Alice. I really hope I had not offended her, but then again, that would not explain what I thought I heard her say to Jasper this morning.

I spaced out while replaying that conversation in my head for like the fourth time this morning.

"_You don't understand, Jasper. It is not like I took advantage of her, she kissed me back." I heard Alice growl._

"_Did she now? Are you sure, Alice? Or is that just what you want to believe? She's been through so much, Alice. How could you do this to her? Confuse her even more. I don't know if she can handle…this…" Jasper's voice trailed off at the end of that statement._

"_You don't understand, Jazz. I went back to Forks because of her. Because I realized I was in love with her, as more than friends. I was going to tell her, but then you showed up, and I didn't know how to tell you. I was so scared you would hate me. Please, don't get me wrong, Jazz, I love you, I still do, I always will. This doesn't change anything for me. Does it change how you feel about me?" _

Alice was in love with me? Wow, that was one hell of a bullet to swallow, but did I feel the same way? I thought about that for a minute or two, but no matter which way I looked at it, the answer was always the same.

No.

But then, what the hell was wrong with me? I thought back to the kiss we had shared before I passed out. It was an amazing kiss; the way her lips felt on mine. It was almost like a déjà vu feeling, so wonderful and cold; and her breath, it was so sweet; and her chilly tongue struggling with mine, it was so soft and cold, and sweet; it was perfect.

I shook my head. What the hell? If I didn't love her, or find her sexually attractive, why was I now completely turned on, and feeling warm all over, just thinking about that fucking kiss? Never mind what I felt during the actual kiss.

I sighed and finally wrapped a towel around me before I opened the bathroom door. I had come to no conclusion aside from the fact that there must be something attracting me to Alice, and I was determined to figure out exactly how I felt about her. All I could do was pray she was willing to be patient with me.

I walked into my room, only to find it empty. I was rather surprised Alice was not here waiiting for me. Maybe she was just as nervous and confused as me. Maybe she, too, was having second thoughts and wonderings of just what the hell we had been thinking last night?

Either way, this had to be dealt with. I didn't want the tension or discomfort between us that would come with ignoring the pink elephant in the room, so, I would get dressed and go find her. We needed to talk, and I wanted to do it before I lost my resolve.

I had just finished buttoning up my altered jeans when I heard a knock at my door. I froze. I had to concentrate just to breathe properly. Was I ready for this? Could I do this? Would Alice hate me? What did Jasper think of me right now? Was he mad at me? Did he hate me now? What the hell was I going to do? What the hell had I gotten myself into?

My mind was in pure chaos when Alice's soft voice came through the closed door, "Bella, its Alice. I would really like to talk to you. Can I come in please?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Sure, Alice, come on in. I think a talk is exactly what we need right now," I said with a shaky sigh.

I sat down on my bed and twined my hands together in an old nervous fashion of mine and watched through my lashes as she came in and closed the door behind her.

I inhaled a ragged breath and just blurted out the first thing that popped out of my mouth, "Listen, I have a lot to say, so please sit and let me finish before you say anything okay?" I stammered the last bit. I was nervous as hell. I was a fucking moron for pulling that shit last night, and now I had to face possibly losing my best friend, again, and this time it would be my own doing.

Alice sat down with a worried look on her face. I felt bad. I knew I was the cause of her worry, and I had never intended to make her uncomfortable or nervous. I sighed and looked into her warmth filled topaz eyes.

"I am not exactly sure exactly what came over me last night. I can't even begin tell you why I did it. All I do know, and this part is rather embarrassing for me, is I liked it. I have never, ever been attracted to a woman before. I don't even remember ever becoming attracted to you, but when I kissed you last night, it felt so good, "I smiled as I said this, remembering the feel of her cold lips against my warm ones, the smell of her breath was still intoxicating to me.

"I'm so sorry I cannot give you all the answers you deserve right now, and I would understand completely if you were mad at me. I'd even understand if you wanted me to leave, and I really hope Jasper is not mad at me, either. I don't know what came over me. It's just…just…" I couldn't even finish my rambling. The tears were pouring from my eyes so rapidly I couldn't even catch them all as I swiped at them with the back of my sleeve. I felt the bed dip down beside me as Alice sat, and her cold arm was around my shoulder in a second as I cuddled into her hard, cold form and sobbed wretchedly on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella. Bella, please calm down and listen to me," Alice said in a soft yet stern voice that demanded attention.

"I was surprised by that kiss just as much as you were. But to tell you I didn't like it would be a lie; it was everything I had hoped it would be. I have wanted to kiss you now for so long; to tell you how I was feeling. But I was scared. Scared of your reaction. Scared of Jasper's reaction. Scared of losing you. Just plain scared of everything, which is a weird feeling for a vampire to have, you know," she added that last part to lighten the mood I'm sure, and it worked. I cracked a small smile and cuddled in closer to her. I could feel her cold lips brush against my hair. I don't know what came over me in that moment, but I was suddenly overcome with a sense of loss and need and want, and I turned to face her and flung my arms over her shoulders. My soft lips crashed into her hard ones; I was sure to have swollen, bruised lips later. There was nothing soft or sweet about the kiss; it was wild and desperate, filled with longing and hunger.

I felt Alice tense a bit, and thought she was about to push me away. But she took a deep breath, and then she was kissing me back. I was delighted. I was scared. I was confused. I was lost. I wasn't sure what I was. All I knew was this kiss was what I needed right now, and, for once, I was going to be greedy and take what I wanted.

Somehow we had managed to fall back onto the bed, and Alice curled into the side of me; her lips moving with mine. I felt her tongue wisp across my bottom lip searching or asking for entrance. I all too willingly obliged. As the scent of her breath and the feel of her cold tongue crashed into me, I let out a soft satisfied moan. I don't know why or how, but somehow I got the feeling of déjà vu; like I had done this before. Before last night that is, but, obviously, that wasn't possible. I think I would have remembered had I kissed Alice before this. So I came to the conclusion I was just being silly and dismissed the thought all together, and lost myself in the smell, the feel, the taste, of Alice.

I felt Alice's hand slide down the side of my body and come to rest on the sliver of skin showing between my shirt and my jeans. I hummed into her mouth at the feel of her cold skin against my bare flesh. I pulled away; I was desperately in need of air, so I pulled away gasping and gulping in mouthfuls of air while Alice's lips immediately moved to my neck, then my cheeks, and then my ear. She nibbled and sucked and moaned. I felt like this was the missing piece, something I had needed for longer than I knew, and if she didn't stop soon, the overwhelming pleasure just may cause me to lose consciousness.

I adjusted my neck and sought out her lips so our mouths were once again locked. My hands slid shakily down her arm towards her hips. I stopped just above her ass and had just about worked up the courage to continue on my path when I heard someone clear their throat loudly.

I swung my head around in shock to see a very uncomfortable-looking Jasper staring at us with wide, shocked eyes. Alice quickly jumped off me and moved towards Jasper.

"Jasper, are you okay?" Alice questioned softly.

"Oh my God, Jasper, I am so sorry." I felt my face heat up and was sure I was as bright as a tomato.

I scurried off the bed and half ran, half hobbled, for the bathroom, almost falling numerous times in the small space between the bed and the bathroom door. I threw the door closed and locked it. As soon as it was locked, I fell to the floor in a big heap and the tears started to pour once more.

My mind was so messed up. I was in such a fog, I couldn't even think straight. I managed to strangle out five words, "I am so sorry, Jasper," and then cried until I could not cry anymore. I didn't think I had any tears left.

I stood slowly and looked at myself in the mirror. My ears were ringing; my head hurt so bad it felt like I was hit by a Mack truck. My eyes would barely open, they were so swollen from the tears. I had a slight bruise forming on my bottom lip. My hair was all over the place; it looked like I hadn't brushed it in days. The ringing in my ears just wouldn't stop; I thought I was going crazy.

I slowly lifted my hands to my ears and rubbed them gently, hoping to get the feeling to subside, even for just a little bit. I closed my eyes when I slowly started to realize the ringing I was hearing was not ringing at all it was a voice, someone's voice. Was someone talking to me? Where were they? How come I could barely hear them? Slowly, the voice came into focus. It was Jasper. He was calling me; begging me to come out and talk to him. Why was it so hard to hear him? I slowly went to the door and gently opened it a crack.

Jasper looked at me, and his eyes immediately took on a terrified look. He took a sharp breath and reached out for me just as I fell into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. It was then I realized the ringing was Jasper trying to calm me through the door the whole time, and the reason I could barely hear him was that my anguished cries were so loud the whole apartment could probably hear me.

I had never stopped crying, only the tears had ceased.

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What a mess Bella is...gahhh...

Reviewers will get, not only, the knowledge that they have made my day, but, also a teaser from the next chapter.


	11. Chapter 10

**Mambomama slaves with me over the revamp of this beast, and for that I luv her ass to little bits.**

**My one shot- Scared Stiff- was nominated for the Simply The Best one shot of 2010 - I am so excited. If u have yet to read it, please do. The first round of voting will begin on Oct 11 through 17 at www (dot) twificone (dot) com. It would make me super giddy and girly-squealy if you'd vote for it- if u liked it :-)**

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Enjoy~

**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**Chapter 10**

Two hours… two fucking hours I sat curled into Jasper's comforting arms, bawling and trembling, and now I was also freezing. I found I was still in my towel and wasn't surprised that his icy temperature had my teeth chattering away.

"Here, wrap this around you, baby girl. We don't want you catching a cold, or getting frostbite." I knew he was trying to calm me down, make me smile, but I couldn't. I didn't deserve to smile, not after what I had done to him.

I finally calmed down enough to pry myself away from Jasper, only to look up into his sad, confused eyes and feel a flood of hot tears threaten to escape my eyelids once again. I trembled as I tried my hardest to hold them back. I took a couple of breaths so deep I almost passed out from them, and latched my teeth onto my bottom lip. It was a nervous habit. I had done it for as long as I could remember, but I was starting to worry if I kept up my chewing, I might just chew off my entire lip in the process.

"Jasper, I am so sorry. I don't even have words for what I am feeling right now. Nor do I have the right words to tell you how sorry I am," I babbled quickly just as a fit of hiccups blocked out my words.

I shuddered and continued, "I know you love Alice. And you will likely forgive her. But, is there any chance of you forgiving me?" My breathing still had ceased to calm and forming complete sentences was quite trying for me, between the air gasping and hiccups blocking the small snippets of air, I was able to breathe in. I was a puddle of a mess of a girl, and I had hurt the people I cared most about in the process of getting here.

I once again looked into Japer's eyes. Mine pleading with his for acceptance, for forgiveness, for understanding, I would even be happy with the smallest glimmer of hope. Jasper stared back at me, his mouth opening a couple times as if he were about to say something, but then shutting just as quickly. I searched his eyes for anything, anything that might help me figure out what I should say next. I was so confused. I was so mad at myself for putting Jasper through this kind of pain, and in pain he was, indeed. I could see the suffering plainly in his eyes. I knew if he could shed tears, his eyes would be brimming with them at this moment.

"Jasper, please say something. Say anything. Tell me how horrible I am. Tell me you hate me. I deserve that, I know I do. But this silence is torturing me, and I am so scared right now, that even your anger is better than the silence," I sobbed placing my head in my hands. I couldn't bear to look at him anymore.

I felt his cold hand touch my shoulder and heard him sigh, "Bella, I know you want me to be mad, and you feel as if you have done something wrong. But I'm not. I admit I am a little hurt and frustrated, 'cause you're right, I do love Alice. So, obviously, this is kind of hard on me. But I do not plan on leaving her or you, for that matter. You are my friend, and she is my life. We will work through this somehow. I am not quite sure how things will work out in the end, but they will. Please do not cry, Bella. It pains me to see you suffering so much. I accept whatever is happening with you and Alice. I love her enough to allow her and you the time to get it all figured out. I know she still loves me just as much as she did before all of this, if not more. I am not worried about her leaving me. But I do realize she has some very deep, confusing feelings for you, and I just want her to be happy."

I looked at Jasper incredulously. How could he be saying this? How could he not be mad at me? How could he be okay with whatever was happening between me and Alice? Better yet, how on Earth would we balance this into our lives?

I gently pulled away from Jasper and looked up at him. I wanted him to be able to see my eyes when I told him how I would never forget what he was sacrificing right now. How I could never thank him enough for forgiving me. I wanted him to be able to see how grateful I was and how much he and his whole family meant to me.

"Thank you, Jasper, for being so wonderful; for accepting this and not hating me. I promise you I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you or anyone else, for that matter. I am so happy to have you and Alice in my life, again, and I don't ever want to do anything to mess that up." My words came out with such force and compassion; I could tell I had shocked Jasper, as I had shocked even myself. But I meant each and every word and wanted to make sure he knew that.

"Listen, Bella. There is something I need to tell you. Remember when I showed up at your door back in Forks? You assumed I was there looking for Alice?"

I nodded my head, feeling confused.

He continued, "Well I actually came because I needed to tell you something, but I never got the chance because Ali…"

I heard Alice clear her throat behind us and turned to see her standing there with her arms crossed and a huge grin on her face. "Hey you two, any room for me?" she giggled, apparently not aware that Jasper and I were still talking. I wondered how she had missed this, or if maybe she knew what Jasper was about to say and didn't want him to say it. But I let it go. I had caused enough mayhem in the last twenty-four hours. Now was definitely not the time to start on something else.

We both smiled as Alice skipped over and threw her arms around us. I completely forgot Jasper's last words as my curiosity was replaced with joy. We were all happy again. No one was mad at each other.

"We'll just take this one day at a time, okay. Take some time to think things through. What we want and what we need and then we'll figure it all out," Alice mumbled into my shoulder. I nodded my head and decided now was as good a time as any to change the subject.

"Hey guys, I came up with what I think is an amazing song last night before we went out. Think now is an okay time to try it out?" I asked sheepishly, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. Plus, I was super excited to try out another of my poem/songs with them.

"Oh, Bella, that sounds great," Alice squealed. Jasper just nodded with a huge smile on his face.

I wobbled out of the room to grab the papers. I had made copies of them yesterday as well, so we each had one to read off of. I walked into the living room. Alice had already set up my amp and everything else. Man, that pixie was fast. I shook my head and handed them each a copy to read so they could ask any questions before we got started.

"Bella, this is amazing. How do you come up with this stuff?" Jasper asked.

"Umm, I think most of it is my feelings. However, some things are just fillers to fill the ideas of my feelings," I stated cautiously, not wanting to bring on a ton of questions from them.

Luckily, Alice and Jasper both apparently thought the same way I did. Now as not the time to dredge up the past or anything too deep. We just needed some time to be, some time to figure our own heap of shit out, and a way to move forward that would work for us all.

Jasper started humming. "I'm just trying to find the best note to start this off with."

"I think I already got that figured out, actually. How's this?" I hummed the first line and watched Alice bounce excitedly on the pads of her feet. Jasper seemed to agree with the way it sounded, and before I knew it, the humming turned into singing, and Jasper and I were plucking away at the strings of our guitars.

_Perfect by nature  
Icons of self indulgence  
Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that  
_

Alice stopped bouncing and gasped as the words flew out of my mouth. I knew exactly what she was feeling. I felt the same way hearing my words…my feelings…my pain being spoken aloud. It was one thing to read them, but a whole other to hear them being sung with what I hoped was a mammoth amount of emotion.

_Never was and never will be  
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
You know you've got everybody fooled_

Look here she comes now  
Bow down and stare in wonder  
Oh, how we love you  
No flaws when you're pretending  
But now I know she

Never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

I was so into the music, I didn't even realize right away that Alice had not joined in to sing with me like she was supposed to. I didn't want to interrupt the song, so I just kept going; knowing I would question Alice on this when it was finished.

_Without the mask, where will you hide?  
Can't find yourself lost in your lie_

I know the truth now  
I know who you are  
And I don't love you anymore

I stuttered a bit on those last words, as an image of Edward flashed before me. Was it true? Did I not love him anymore? No, that would never be true. But I liked to try and convince myself and everyone else, from time to time, that I was okay. That I could go on living a normal, happy life without him. And that was exactly what this song was for. For me to convince everyone I was moving on. Without him. Without my other half. Without the man of my dreams. Without the love of my existence.

_It never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

It never was and never will be  
You're not real and you can't save me  
Somehow, now, you're everybody's fool

I let the last word trail off quietly as I closed my eyes and felt a tear slip from my eye. I had tried so hard to sing this with no trace of tears. But as the song finished, and I truly realized what this song meant for me, I couldn't stop that one single tear from escaping the waterfall hidden beneath my eyelids.

"Bella, that was absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing something with us that obviously means so much to you," Alice said softly.

I took a deep breath and quickly composed myself. I turned to Alice and smiled as brightly as I could manage and hugged her tightly.

"Hey, I have the absolute best idea," Alice gushed, as she bounced excitedly out of my arms. I groaned and Jasper snickered at that. Little bugger, thought he was so smart, but whatever the pixie had planned, I'd be sure to find a way to drag him into it, as well.

"I just saw this flyer up at school the other day about an open mic night at the local pub 'Brainstorms' just off campus. It starts at seven thirty tonight. Come on, Bella. Can we go? Please, please, please," she begged with pleading puppy dog eyes, that she only pulled out when she was truly desperate and really wanted me to cave on one of her more extreme ideas. And extreme this was. She knew how I felt about being in the spotlight or even just having too much attention drawn to me. But I wasn't completely opposed to the idea, either. I mean, it would be a bunch of strangers anyway. It wasn't like anyone would know me, and as long as it didn't involve dancing, I could probably manage it. I smiled to myself thinking maybe, just maybe, this might be therapeutic for me. Just singing with Jasper and Alice made me feel pounds lighter, maybe baring my soul to a bunch of strangers could help, too. "Okay, Alice. I will go, and we can sing; but I get to choose the song," I said with a smug grin.

"Deal," Alice bubbled while bouncing all over the living room. "Which song are you thinking of, Bella?" Jasper asked as he began flipping through my ratty old poem book.

"Actually, Jasper, it's kind of a new song we have not sung yet, in fact, it's not even in that book.

I'm even thinking, since it's still daylight, and we're already set up, maybe we could work on it now and then sing it tonight. Is that okay with you?"

"Absolutely. Why don't you go get the new song, and we'll quickly make you something to eat, or have you forgot you are a human and need to do that every so often," Jasper joked with a lazy grin on his face.

"Humph" I grumbled as I stalked out of the room. I scowled when I heard Jasper chuckling behind me. This balky ass cast had to go soon; it was seriously hindering my storm-off therapy.

When I got back in the living room, Jasper and Alice were perched on the couch snuggling, and I felt a tiny pull in my chest. I ignored it and smiled at them as I sat down in the chair opposite them. "Okay. So, this is a bit different than most the poems I have written. So please, let me know what you think when it's done, okay? But I am really feeling this one and think it would be best to sing tonight."

They both nodded, and I handed them the sheet to look over since I didn't have any copies of this one, yet. "We will have to make copies of it on our way there. I haven't had a chance, yet. It's a bit slower and kind of a love song, but I think it's kind of beautiful and dark and angsty-like, and it just really suits me right now."

"Oh, Bella, it looks good. Let's try it out before we make any judgments," Alice was always way too optimistic. I was sure once she heard the music mixed with the words, she'd be singing a whole different tune, and then I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

I told Jasper this time I wanted him to hear me sing a little bit before he put a tune to the music. Just so he knew how I was hearing it in my head. He agreed, and I sang the first verse.

He smiled and touched my shoulder. "That was absolutely lovely, Bella. I'm actually thinking it is good you sang a bit first. I likely would have butchered the aching beauty if I had tried on my own first. Let's give it a try."

I nodded in agreement. "Alice, you join in on the chorus, please." She nodded as well, and we began.

I took a deep breath as Jasper began strumming a light soft sound from the guitar and closed my eyes.

_I thought it was over, baby  
We said our goodbyes  
But I can't go a day without your face  
Goin' through my mind_

I couldn't help but see Edward in every part of this song. This song, these words, my pain, it was all so very much for him.

_In fact, not a single minute  
Passes without you in it  
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love  
Are with me all of the time _

I thought back to the very first time Edward had kissed me, the way his fingers gently glided over my skin, the way his breath brushed across my face…and I was vaguely aware of the fact that Alice had joined in. Her beautiful, high soprano voice complemented mine wonderfully and made the chorus sound like it had almost a ghostly ring to it. It was positively, perfectly, heartbreaking to hear aloud.

_Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go _

Alice squeezed my hand as the chorus came to an end.

_I talked to you the other day  
Looks like you make your escape  
You put us behind, no matter how I try  
I can't do the same_

I remembered, all too well, the pain I felt that day. The day when Edward said good-bye and left my world in a thousand tiny little pieces. I remember feeling so broken, so lost… so utterly empty.

_Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
It just isn't right  
I've been two thousand miles  
Down a dead-end road_

I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering to those torturous months I had spent searching, hunting for our meadow. Only to finally find it and realize what I was looking for wasn't even there. All hope was lost that day, for me. And now that I really understand what I went through that day, I can honestly say that was the very first moment something, anything besides love for Edward, had began to grow inside of me.

_Let me let go, darlin', won't you  
I just gotta know, yeah  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go _

If only it were that easy. If only all it would take to make me whole again was him letting me go, 'cause he had done that already. So why couldn't I let go? Why did I have to hold onto something that was nothing but a ghost in my past. A blip in time. A memory of a memory.

_The lights of this strange city are shinin'  
But they don't hold no fascination for me  
I try to find the bright side, baby  
But everywhere I look  
Everywhere I turn  
You're all I see_

It was true. No matter where I looked, something always reminded me of him, of us. I had a hard time watching movies; Edward and I watched my favorite movies together, they were no longer my favorites. Music brought me nothing but pain; until recently I had barely turned on the radio, never mind fathoming actually singing my own words.

_Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you  
Let me let go  
It just isn't right  
I've been two thousand miles  
Down a dead-end road_

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you  
I just gotta know  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go  
Let me let go, let me let go

Alice finished the song up with me, and I couldn't help but smile at this beautiful girl in front of me and wonder. Was there any hope that she could actually fill the void, that huge gaping hole that Edward had left in me?

**Songs are not mine they belong to their respectful artists:**

**Everybody's fool ~ Evenessence **

**Let Me Let Go~ Faith Hill**

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So..wtf? What happens now?

Reviews get a teaser from the next chapter.

xx

****If you didn't already know, the countdown to halloween is now up and well under way. Check it out~


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N**

**Disclaimer still applies. Don't forget it~**

**So...the next chapter is what u've all been waiting for...I know this..well, because I am psyc'y like that...snort***

** I have it ready and on hand...if ya want it bad enough, that is...so, lemme hear y'all- do you want the next chapter to find out...dun dun dun dun...why Jasper came back in the beginning?**

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Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates

Chapter 11

We practiced all afternoon. Singing the same song over, and over again, and man, was it almost getting annoying. Alice and Jasper ran out while I was eating dinner and got copies made, just in case we needed them. I was pretty sure they would have no problem remembering the whole song. After all, they had photographic memories. And I, obviously, would not forget my own song. I laughed at that thought, 'cause in all likelihood, with my luck, I just might.

I cleaned up my dishes and poured myself a glass of wine. I wasn't usually a big drinker, but, what the hell, I needed something to calm my nerves before we got to open mic night.

"We're back," Alice chimed as she flew through the door with a handful of bags.

"What is all that, Alice? I thought you were just running up to the Stop'n'Shop to get copies."

Jasper came through the door then, with a scowl on hi face and his arms full of more bags.

"Well, I figured you needed some time to eat and figured I may as well make the best of my time out, and we do need outfits to wear tonight, after all. So, I went shopping, too. They have the neatest little shop just off of Main, Bella. How on earth have I been missing it all this time?"

I rolled my eyes at her and braced myself for the onslaught of primping, teasing and prodding I was about to receive.

"Alright, Alice, have your way with me. I'm in no mood to be arguing tonight."

I made my way to my room and sat tensely on the edge of my bed with my eyes clamped shut. I may not be fighting her on this, this time, but I sure as shit didn't want to get queasy watching her flit about in a whirlwind of colors and scents.

Fifteen minutes later, I had been tugged, pulled, lifted off my bed, dressed like a child, and tisked at more times than I care to count, and Alice was done. How the hell? These things…they usually lasted hours…not minutes.

I cracked an eye open and looked warily at Alice, who was beaming back at me like a proud momma.

"What the hell are you looking at, Alice? This isn't funny. Finish up, and let's get this show on the road before I change my mind.

"Oh, shush up, Bella. I have seen tonight already, and you definitely don't change your mind." She winked at me and disappeared into the bathroom. I huffed and finally looked down at what I was wearing. A snug fitting black shirt that crumpled at the waist and fell off my one shoulder and a simple, too short for my liking but tolerable, jean skirt. Alice had even colored my cast pink to match the lettering on my shirt. A shirt that said, "I walk to my own beat. Don't like it? Bleep the hell off!"

I chuckled a little at that. It so wasn't me, but was at the same time. How fitting.

I looked up with a pleased smile on my face. This had definitely been one of the very few 'Alice sessions' I had survived and been okay with. Alice was standing in front of me with a weird look on her face, her eyes slightly black around the edges and the tip of her tongue resting at the corner of her mouth. "Absolutely delicious," she breathed out with a mischievous glint in her eye. I couldn't help but blush. Man, that girl was way too forward. I was definitely going to have to get used to her advances. This was all still quite unnerving to me, and almost disturbing. I wondered why. I should like this, shouldn't I?

One hour later, we were sitting in the front row at Brainstorms, listening to some guy sing about his dead dog and how his girlfriend cheated on him with his brother, while waiting for our turn to go up and likely make fools of ourselves, as well. Well, Alice and Jasper would do great. They were good at everything. But me, on the other hand, I would likely forget my lines, mumble like a moron and then fall off the stage to end the whole nightmare.

I sighed and wiped my sweaty palms on my pants for like the eighth time since we had arrived.

"You know, maybe we should have gotten a drummer before we did this," Alice mused.

"Why would we need a drummer, Alice? We sound great with just the three of us," I asked. It wasn't like we were an actual band or anything. We were just here to have some fun. If the crowd didn't like it, well then, fuck them. I was tired of always being a pleaser to others. It was time I started making myself smile.

"Well, Bella my dear, if you ever want to have a label produce one of your songs, you will need to have a full band," Alice said, looking at me as if I had three heads.

Wait, what was she talking about? Why on Earth would I ever want any of that? This was just for fun. No pressure involved. Right?

"Alice," I said cautiously, staring at her intently. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Like what, Bella? What on Earth could I possibly be hiding from you?" she replied while rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out at me childishly. I couldn't help but smile. She looked so angelic, when we all knew she was far from it.

"Next up is Bella Swan, Jasper Hale, and Alice Cullen singing, Let me let go,_" _I heard the DJ belt out over the mic. I tensed. I shook. Hell, I even vomited in my mouth a bit.

Alice jumped up and danced up to the stage, smiling the whole way. I almost bailed, right then and there - this was my chance. Luckily for her, Jasper stayed behind to escort me to the stage, or I may just have booted it for the exit.

We took out our guitars, and I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. This was easier if I couldn't see them. Then I couldn't see the looks of disappointment and pity on their faces.

_I can do this; I can do this._ I chanted to myself as I heard Jasper start playing the soft sweet music. _This would sound absolutely amazing if Edward were here to play the piano_. Wait! Where the hell did that come from? Deep breaths, Bella, deep breaths. Concentrate. Don't think about Edward. He is not here, and you are doing just fine without him.

Without thinking, without trying, as the music progressed, and my time to start singing approached, I just sang. The words fell from my lips without me even realizing they were until I could hear my own voice echoing throughout the room.

_I thought it was over, baby  
We said our goodbyes  
But I can't go a day without your face  
Goin' through my mind_

The audience was so quiet. I didn't want to open my eyes to see what their reactions were, but it was driving me crazy. I slowly opened my eyes and scanned the room. People were sitting there, watching us intently. Most with smiles on their faces; a few with a look of pure disbelief. What was that all about? I probably didn't want to know.

_In fact, not a single minute  
Passes without you in it  
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love  
Are with me all of the time_

I couldn't help the pictures flashing through my mind at that moment, and I internally warned myself that this was inevitable. This song, in its entirety, was for Edward. So, it was natural that while singing it, I would think of nothing but him. But I couldn't stop the flash of pain that crossed my face as I continued to sing.

_Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go_

Alice joined me for this part. I could vaguely hear her humming lightly while I was singing alone. It made an echoing effect to the lyrics which I really thought was beautiful.  
I looked over to her and smiled genuinely. She sounded amazing, and I wanted her to know it.

_I talked to you the other day  
Looks like you made your escape  
You put us behind, no matter how I try  
I can't do the same_

Pain coursed through me once again, and I unconsciously wrapped my free arm around my waist and swung my hips a little to the music, leaning on one crutch for support.

_Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
It just isn't right  
I've been two thousand miles  
Down a dead-end road_

Let me let go, darlin', won't you  
I just gotta know, yeah  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'  
But they don't hold no fascination for me  
I try to find the bright side, baby  
But everywhere I look  
Everywhere I turn  
You're all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you  
Let me let go  
It just isn't right  
I've been two thousand miles  
Down a dead-end road

I closed my eyes and silently scolded myself for agreeing to this. It was painful, always painful, but I felt like a fool up here - emptying my soul for all these strangers to examine and judge. I finished the song with my eyes once again closed. I didn't want to see, I didn't even really want to feel, but with my eyes closed I could almost see him, feel him. It was almost as if he were here with me, touching me and encouraging me. A fat tear crept past my shut lids and slipped down my face as I opened my eyes and looked gingerly around the room. I was shocked to see people clapping and a huge majority of the girls with tears glistening in their eyes. Some had even stood to applaud. I smiled and let out a huge breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding.

"Thank you. It has been quite an experience sharing this song with you all."

I turned towards Jasper and Alice and began grabbing our things to get off the stage for the next person to come out.

"Encore. Encore. Encore," I heard the crowd chant. What does that mean? What do they want? Encore? Does that mean? Oh! Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. They wanted us to sing another song.

Jasper and Alice were smiling like crazy people. Alice looked like she had just won the lottery. "See, Bella. I told you they would love your songs. Come on, we already know the other one, umm, the one I think you called 'Everybody's Fool.' We can sing that one, too. Just to make them happy," she added sneakily at the end to make me feel like I had to.

I sighed, "Okay. Let's do this."

I turned to face the crowd and blushed furiously. I noticed one man in particular staring at me with an intensity that made me feel self-conscious. What was his problem?

"This is a song I called 'Everybody's Fool.' It's a bit faster, but I hope you like it as much as you did the last one."

I couldn't believe this was happening. My songs were not that good, but I guess compared to some of the others we had heard tonight, this may be a bit refreshing for them all.

Jasper started playing his guitar, and I heard the fast, haunting, yet angry, sound blare from the speakers.

_Perfect by nature  
Icons of self indulgence  
Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that~ Never was and never will be  
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
You know you've got everybody fooled_

I started singing in a soft, yet angry, tone that made the audience widen their eyes and smile. This was definitely way different than our first song. Alice sang softly with me through the whole song. Once again, almost like an echo of my words humming hauntingly in the background.  
_  
Look here she comes now  
Bow down and stare in wonder  
Oh, how we love you  
No flaws when you're pretending  
But now I know she_

I started thrashing around angrily at this part, really getting into the feeling I had felt while writing this. Waving my hands around and bobbing my head to the music. In the back of my mind, a little voice screamed for me to be careful, being on crutches and bopping like a freak could not be a good combination. I ignored it. I didn't care. I felt fucking great to scream and just let it all out. Let the world see the raw pain that has been buried, hidden, inside of me, consuming me, for years now.

_Never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled  
_  
I lowered my voice and hiccupped slightly as I finished off the last bit of the song.

People were jumping up from their seats as the song finished, applauding wildly. Apparently, we were better than I had originally given us credit for.

We all took a bow and scurried off stage before they could demand any more from us.

"Okay, so I could really use a drink. Jasper, would you mind grabbing me one, please? My throat is parched."

"Wow, Bella. You're becoming quite the little drinker these days, eh!" he said with a sly smile.

I blushed, "Ha ha, funny guy. And the answer to that is no, not really. I just want something to calm me down a bit and relax me."

I slid out of my seat and excused myself to go to the bathroom. I took a bit longer than needed, but the few minutes staring at my reflection in the mirror did wonders for my nerves. If I couldn't see the pain staring back at me in the mirror, then, surely, the crowd couldn't see it radiating off of me in waves, like I had felt. I was safe, my agony belted out in my words, but my body, my face lied. That was a good thing. It meant my heart was still safe and my demons were still safely locked away.

When I returned, Alice was bouncing crazily in her seat. As soon as she saw me, she jumped so fast she actually knocked her chair over. Luckily, Jasper caught it and shook his head at her, before looking up at me with what I swear was an apologetic look.

"Oh, Bella. Bella, you will never guess what just happened," Alice squealed, her hands flopping at her sides and her eyes shining bright, obviously barely able to contain herself.

"Okay, I give. What just happened?" I asked hesitantly.

She handed me a small white card and started chattering away incoherently. I had to shake my head trying to catch even the smallest part of it, which still made no sense.

I grabbed her hands and slowly lowered her to her chair and said softly yet firmly, "Alice, I cannot understand a thing you are saying. Please slow down and speak at a normal _human_ speed."

"That guy over there," she started, pointing out the same guy I had noticed staring at me during the last song, "is a music producer, Bella, and wants us to come in to talk about signing with him for a record deal. We'll get to go on tour for three months to start, and see how "the people" take to our music," Alice gushed so fast I could still barely understand her.

I sat there for a minute letting what she had just said slowly register and sink in.

Wait. What _had_ she just said. "What?" I asked incredulously.

"You said no, of course. Right, Alice?" I demanded, suddenly angry because I was sure I already knew the answer to that.

"Of course I didn't, silly. This is an amazing opportunity for you. And, of course, we will be right there with you."

"But we have school, Alice, and I am not even sure this is something I would want to do. You should have talked to me about it first, before answering him. What about you, Jasper? What do you think of all of this?" I asked quietly, scared of what his answer might be.

Jasper smiled at me sheepishly and looked at the ground as he began to answer. "Well, Bella, you see, umm, I think it might be good for you. You have an amazing voice and seem so alive while up there singing what you've written. I think that a short three-month contract might give you enough time to decide if this is something you really want or not."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They were ganging up on me. But I had to admit, what Jasper said did make sense. I did have this amazing feeling of being in control. And singing words that had haunted me for so long really did feel good. A big part of me wanted to share with others in a way that they could feel my pain but not quite understand it. I just hoped no one ever asked where my inspiration came from.

I shifted my eyes back to Alice, only to find her staring at me with those little puppy dog eyes she always used on me, and I felt my resolve slip.

"Fine, we'll go tomorrow and hear him out. But that's all I am agreeing to, right now," I said in a firm no-nonsense tone that let her know there was no room left for argument.

Alice jumped from her chair and hugged me tight, too tight, actually. I was feeling dizzy by the time she let me go. "Oh my god, Bella. I'm so sorry. I was just so excited. Are you okay?" Alice asked apologetically, concern filling her wide topaz eyes.

I giggled. Was she some crazy, rare, bi-polar vampire or something? How does one go from giggling and almost jumping out of their skin, to so sad, scared and worried in a matter of seconds?

"Yes, Alice, I'm okay, a little tender from your display of emotion, but okay. Now, can we please go home? I think I need to lie down. My head hurts all of a sudden."

With that, she led me out the door and past the music producer guy, of whom I never did catch his name. I gave him a weak smile as he stared at me while we headed out the door.

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**All songs mentioned in this fic belong to the respective artists. I in no way have anything to do with them, except, I lo0ve them to pieces, obviously :-)**

**Mambomama has tortured herself working over this with me, I can't thank her enough. Luvs ya, bb.**

**PS-thinking of you, Katie-girl, as I post this. Mwah~~~~**


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer still applies, in case any of us had forgotten.**

**Here it is, the big reveal. Sit back, grab a bag of popcorn, 'cause this shit is ammusing as hell.**

**Many thanks to the usuals, you know who u r and how much I love your asses, too.**

**So, on with the show~~**

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**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**Chapter 12**

**BPOV**

I woke up with a smile on my face. Sunlight was streaming through my window, casting a bright ray of dancing light across my bed sheets, and I could hear the faint chirping of birds outside, their melody soft and sweet and full of promise.

Today was going to be an awesome day. I smiled. Finally, I would get this God-awful cast off. I couldn't wait.

I stretched and slowly got out of bed. I patted my cast. "It's been great knowing ya. Thanks so much for all your help, but it is time we go our separate ways." I giggled at the fact that I was talking to my cast, an inanimate object, but something that had grown to be an annoying piece of clothes for one of my favorite and most useful appendages.

I quickly bagged that bitch up and showered, and then got dressed as quickly as possible. I didn't even snarl at my chopped up clothing as I pulled a now ruined pair of jeans up and over my bottom and zipped them up; I was too excited and in a rush to get to the hospital to dwell on the massacred blue jeans. I grabbed my keys from the bedside table and headed out of my room.

Jasper was reading quietly in the living room, and when I flopped out of my bedroom door, he looked up at me with a small smirk and a nod of his head, "Morning, Bells. You're up early. Did you have a good sleep?"

He was kidding me. He had to be. I ignored his obvious amusement and smiled like a crazy person just getting released from the looney bin. "Yes, Jasper, I had an amazing sleep. Isn't it just a glorious day today?" I chirped in an Alice-like manner.

Jasper raised his brow at me. "Umm, Bella, are you okay? Did you fall and hit your head or something? I didn't think you would be so excited about the meeting," Jasper said, eyeing me cautiously.

Meeting? What meeting? What was he talking about? I was about to get my freedom back. I was about to lose this awful, ugly cast. Realization dawned on me in a flash, and my mood darkened instantly. Shoot. I had forgotten about the darn meeting with that darn guy about my darn music that that darn annoying pixie had set up without my knowledge, and then had used her evil, darn puppy dog eyes on me in order to convince me to go to said darn meeting. Hmm, seemed darn was going to be a frequent word for me today. Ha.

"Oh, shoot. I forgot about the meeting with… umm…who is the meeting with, Jasper?" I didn't even know who the darn meeting was with. How sad was that?

"It's with Jordan Bower at Encore Music Productions. Alice is out right now shopping for outfits for us all," he said with a wink. I groaned, but not for the reasons I normally would. Today, I actually wished she had waited for me and dragged me along with her. Today, I would actually need and want to buy new clothes, ones that weren't all clipped and cut to fit my double-sized appendage.

Jasper chuckled, "So, where are you off to in such a hurry?"

I felt the excitement bubble back up in me. "I am getting my cast off today. The doctor said I could go down to the hospital anytime between 10:00 am and 3:00 pm. Seeing how it is now 9:30, I thought I could just head down there and it will likely be around 10:00 when I get there anyways. Oh, Jasper, I'm so excited. I'm finally going to be able to feel like a normal human being again, instead of some useless decrepit."

Jasper tried to hold back his laughter. I cocked an eyebrow, and he lost it, roaring in his chair, now, and clutching at his sides. "And what might I ask is just so darn funny, mister?" I growled.

"You…you…said…decrepit…that is hilarious, Bella," he chuckled.

I turned on my heel and stormed towards the door. I wasn't about to let Jasper making fun of me ruin my mood. I was about to be a free woman, finally.

"Wait, wait, Bella. Come on. I wasn't making fun of you. But man, the way you said that was just too dang funny. I am sorry. Please. Here, let me drive you to the hospital. I can wait with you so you're not all alone?" He was bargaining with me. I forgive him and he joins me at the hospital, worked for me. It's not like I could stay mad at him for long, anyways. And it really was a silly thing to be upset about. I don't know why I was so moody today; this was supposed to be my happy day.

"Come on, Jasper. Let's get this show on the road," I said with a sly smile, "But you owe me, mister giggle pants."

We drove to the hospital in silence, not an uncommon thing between Jasper and me. We were, indeed, the quieter two of our bunch. Definitely much quieter than Alice. Today, however, I could sense something was not right. I thought about questioning Jasper to see if he could feel it too. Or if I was just letting my imagination get the best of me. But, for some reason, I was afraid of whatever answer he would give me.

We arrived at the hospital in no time. Before I could even register that Jasper had turned the car off, he was at my door and holding it open with my crutches in his free hand. I hobbled inside excitedly.

"Better slow down there, Bella. You would want to go and break your other leg because you were in too much of a hurry to gain the use of this one back, now would you?"

I snorted at him and just kept on moving, but I did pay more attention to the ground as I made my way inside. As much as I hated being the butt end of his joke, he was right. And that would so not be surprising if it did happen.

"Hi, I'm here to have my cast removed," I gushed to the first nurse I saw.

She just gave me a weird look and motioned towards the registration counter. I huffed and hobbled past her. "Damn cankerous nurses," I muttered as I made my way towards a smiling young nurse at the desk.

I quickly repeated myself, and this time got a much better response.

I filled out the papers quickly and handed them back to the smiling nurse. She smiled. I wondered if she had just gotten laid or something. Her smile was so big and bright it was almost unnerving.

"Have a seat. Someone will be with you shortly, dear."

I went over and took a seat beside Jasper. His eyes burned into mine. His eyes held this weird, unrecognizable look. I stood completely still for a moment, hoping everything was okay, and that being in the hospital, around so many humans, with the scent of blood permeating in the air, wasn't too much for him.

I cleared my throat and gave him an apologetic smile, "I would understand if this is too uncomfortable for you, Jasper. It's okay if you go. I can catch a cab home."

"Oh no, Bella. It's nothing like that. It's… umm… there is actually something I have been meaning to talk to you about, but it's just never been the right time. Or when I have tried, we have been interrupted, and I am just a bit wary to bring it up," he stuttered and dropped his eyes to the floor. Man, this vampire stuttering thing was getting too weird. It had to mean what I was about to be told was definitely not a good thing.

Jasper opened his mouth to continue, but I cut him off, "Wait, Jasper, how about we get this nasty nuisance off of me. Then we go somewhere quiet for a coffee, and you can explain everything to me?" I hoped this would be okay with him. I didn't really want a huge discussion here at the hospital, just in case it turned out to be something that was indeed going to upset me.

The nurse came out at that moment, thankfully, and interrupted us. However, I was pretty sure Jasper was about to agree with me anyways. Whatever was on his mind must really be troubling him, 'cause he was wringing his hands together like a high school boy about to ask his secret crush to the prom. His behavior was unsettling to say the least, and my mind was whirling with different speculations as to what it was he was going to divulge to me. Was I in trouble? Did I do something to upset him? Maybe it had to do with Alice? We had kinda left things hanging, with no real solution or conclusion. Maybe he wanted answers. Answers I wasn't sure I had to give him. Oh my god, what if it had to do with Edward?

I was driving myself insane, wishing I could just get the conversation done and over with _now_ instead of my previous suggestion of waiting. I knew it wouldn't take long to get the cast off and get the x-ray done. Maybe an hour tops. But now that my wheels were turning, and I had brought Edward into my crazy guesses, time just couldn't move fast enough.

One hour and twenty seven minutes later I was walking kind of wobbly out the front door of the hospital with Jasper close by my side, just in case my leg decided to give out on me. The x-rays were good. Everything had healed quite nicely, actually. The doctor did warn me that it may take me some time to re-build some of the muscle in my leg that would have deteriorated while being cooped up in the cast. But he assured me it would pass quickly, and before I knew it I would be back to my normal clumsy self. Now, there's something to be excited about.

As we drove, a stifling silence hung in the air. Jasper was staring intently at the road, obviously avoiding looking at me, while fidgeting nervously with the zipper on his jacket with his free hand. This, in turn, made me equally as nervous. I had no plausible idea of what he was going to talk to me about, except for maybe the Alice and me thing, but aside from that, I had no inkling whatsoever into what might have him so frazzled. But, boy, did seeing him like this scare me. I wasn't sure which scenario would be the worst; me in the dark and dreading whatever was to come, or me knowing it all and then trying to deal with whatever deep, disturbing shit I assumed Jasper was about to lay on me?

We arrived at the coffee shop all too quickly for my liking. Jasper went and found us a seat in the very back corner where, apparently, no one else could be bothered going, while I went and ordered two coffees; one for me and one for Jasper, which he would only fidget with and hold to keep up pretenses, of course. When my order was up, my heart began hammering in my chest. My brain screamed at me to turn and just fucking run, but what my brain was apparently forgetting was that Jasper would catch up to me without even trying, so what would be the sense? I walked slowly towards him, my mind still bopping between staying and dealing with this head on and, of course, still stuck on the run like a chicken option. I knew what I had to do, and it took way too much concentration to set his coffee down in front of him without spilling it all over. My hands were shaking that bad. I sighed and took a long deep breath as I sat down across from him.

I was careful to keep my eyes on the table as Jasper exhaled and reached across the table to grab my hand. "Bella, calm down. Your emotions are completely off the chart. It's nothing to worry terribly about. No one is hurt, and you are not in trouble. Please, just calm down. It's almost too much for me to bear," he whispered quietly.

I stole a glance at his face and only saw concern. Well, that crossed out my thought of him being angry or disappointed with the whole Alice and me situation. And, if no one was hurt, then what on earth could be so important and hard for Jasper to tell me? I was now more curious than anything else, and almost desperate for him to just spit it out.

I slowly let out the lung full of air I had been holding for so long I almost felt like I was about to pass out, and cleared my throat, "Okay, Jasper. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. To be honest, I thought this was about Alice and me, and I know I need to get my head all worked out and figure out where I want to go with all of that, but I just don't know. So, I was scared you'd want answers that I just don't have. But now you say that it has nothing to do with that, so I'm much calmer now. Please, just tell me what is going on. I'm almost jumping out of my skin over here."

Jasper smiled a tentative smile and began speaking very softly. I had to strain myself to hear him properly. "Do you remember back when I showed up at your house in Forks almost three years ago and Alice was already there?" He didn't wait for an answer, he just continued on. "Well, I didn't really come to find Alice. In fact, I didn't even realize Alice had gone there until I arrived and she found me there." He sighed deeply. I could tell this was very hard for him, but I had to admit he now had my curiosity piqued. What on earth could have possibly dragged him half way across the state that he felt he had to tell me in person? That he couldn't have called and told me? That he couldn't have written to tell me?

I didn't have long to mull that one over. "I came to explain myself. I came to tell you why I attacked you on your birthday," he blurted out with an apprehensive expression on his face.

Wait. Why would he have to explain? I already knew why, and I had already forgiven him. So why was he bringing this up again, years later?

"Jasper," I began, "I've already told you I don't hold any of that against you. It's in your nature, and is not your fault. I will say that if it never happened again it would still be too soon for my liking, but none the less, I am over it. It is in the past and we are moving forward. At least, I had thought we were. Why on Earth would you feel the need to bring this up again?" I questioned, it almost sounded as if I was questioning myself and not Jasper.

"But that's just it, Bella. You don't know why I attacked you on your birthday. No one does, except me. It was never the bloodlust. I have dealt with that way better than anyone has ever given me credit for. But it was easier just to let them believe that than to have to tell them the truth. A truth I have kept to myself since my change. Not even Alice knows." The defeat and sorrow were ever present in his voice, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold him, to comfort him, to hug away whatever demon that was currently haunting him and making him feel so vulnerable.

"Jasper… I…I don't understand," I said with my eyebrow raised. It had to have been the bloodlust…that…or maybe...maybe Jasper just wanted me dead? And, wait, how on earth had he been able to hide whatever it was from Alice, and why was he hiding it from everybody else? And…

"Again, with the emotions, Bella. Just calm down, take a deep breath and let me explain myself, please. I pushed my incessant questions to the back of my mind and smiled at him in apology as I closed my mouth and waited for him to continue.

"I…I went after you that day because I just couldn't control myself anymore. I couldn't bring myself to comprehend the differences. To understand you were not her, you were you. When I saw the blood on your hand, so many things flashed through my head. I wanted nothing more than to make you one of us right then and there. And for that, I am so sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you. It's just…just…I did it all because of _her_."

He lowered his head into his arms and dry-sobbed loudly. People were beginning to notice us and were watching to see what was going on. I scooted out of my seat and went to sit beside Jasper. I rubbed soothing circles on his back trying to calm him down. I, myself, was terribly confused and I only had a small piece of the story. I could only imagine what he must be feeling right now.

"Come on, Jasper. Let's go outside for a walk. You can tell me the rest then. If you still want to, that is," I said in a hushed voice as he rose from his seat and followed me wordlessly out the door.

It was rather nice outside. Jasper still had to hold my arm as we walked, though, as I was not quite so steady on my feet. My bad leg was a little wrinkly and significantly smaller than the other now. But the doctor assured me that this was normal and within a couple weeks, with lots of walking and stretching it, it would be back to normal. Man, did I need to shave. I could swear a forest was growing on that leg. I would definitely be doing that as soon as we got back home, that and putting on a pair of normal pants, of course. I could only imagine what people thought of me when they looked at me right now. Skinny, hairy leg and one cut up pant leg. Yeah, apparently I had forgotten something rather important in my rush to get to the hospital, a pair of uncut pants….

We walked silently for about twenty minutes, just taking in our surroundings. I didn't try to coax anything from Jasper. I knew when he was ready, he would tell me.

"Before I was changed, Bella, I had a normal life," Jasper began timidly, pulling me away from my self depreciating thoughts.

I just nodded my head to encourage him to continue and let him know I had heard him.

"You know, I was in the war. Everyone does, but that is it. I have never shared anything else from my human life, and no one has ever questioned me on it. I'd imagine they just assumed I didn't remember any of it, which, I must say, is a normal thing as years go by for us. Human memories fade and, eventually, are of a dreamlike quality, if present anymore, at all." I squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"There is only one thing I remember from my human life, aside from the war. It's impossible to forget. I won't let myself forget," he said with a ferocity I had never heard come from Jasper before.

He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. We had completely stopped now and were standing on a bridge looking down into the muddy creek below.

"I was married," he whispered so quietly I could only wonder if I had heard him correctly.

"W…what was that Jasper?" I stammered.

What felt like hours later he continued his story. "Her name was Annabelle, and she was the light in my darkness. She was my wife, my life, my everything. She was so upset when I told her I had enlisted, but she was a gentle woman and believed in my reasoning for going. The last time I saw her she had tears in her eyes as she bid me farewell. I kissed the top of her head and promised her I would return. Defeat was not an option in my mind. "

"You were married? I never would have guessed that. How long were you married? Where and how did you meet her?" I felt bad bombarding him with questions right now, but I wasn't able to stop them in time as they slipped past my lips. "Sorry, I shouldn't be asking you all these questions. This is obviously very hard for you. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be so insensitive, Jasper."

"No, Bella, it's okay. It's natural you would have questions, and you are likely wondering why I am telling you all this to begin with. Allow me to enlighten you." Jasper inhaled a sharp breath as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out small black, antique looking book. I watched him caress the book reverently, with so much care one would think he was scared of breaking it. He slowly held the book out to me. I looked at him quizzically, but he just pressed the book into my palms gently.

I, too, ran my hands over the worn leather material. Desperate to see what was inside, yet frightened to finally know what he had guarded so cautiously for so very long.

"How…how have you been able to keep this from Alice for so long?"

Jasper hung his head, "Not without serious effort on my part. I'm not proud of myself, but I did what I felt I needed to do to protect myself. If Alice loves me, she'll forgive me and understand."

I nodded and walked over to a nearby park bench to sit. With trembling hands, I slowly removed the ribbon that held the little black book together. I opened the book and read the inscription carefully.

_Annabelle Marie Whitlock ~ My light that guided me through the never ending black tunnel_. I felt tears spring to my eyes but did nothing to stop them.

As I turned the page, I felt my breath catch in my throat. This couldn't be Annabelle, it just couldn't. Jasper then joined me on the bench. I looked up at him with my lower lip trembled, and my eyes brimmed with overflowing tears, confusion evident in them.

"I…I…don't understand, Jasper. Where did you get these? This can't be Annabelle…she looks just like…ME."

Jasper said nothing, he just wrapped his arm around my shoulder and motioned to the book. I took a moment and calmed my tears some, before I continued turning the pages in the book that held many pictures of Jasper's human life, pictures with a woman almost identical, in every way, to me.

I stopped to admire one picture in particular. It was a painting, actually, and it was in color. The girl looked to be about the same age as me, twenty-two at the most. She had brown eyes that appeared to hold some mystery one could only ever dream to understand, and a small breakable physique. She appeared to be maybe an inch or two shorter than me, long wavy brown hair with a glint of auburn highlights throughout, with pale, chalky, delicate-looking skin and a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts. The only tell-tale sign that she was indeed not me was the small beauty mark below her left eye.

"She died before I came back from the war. Once I returned, I was told our little town had been riddled with bombs. It would seem our enemy had a cruel heart and thought they would torture the few of us that did return home, only to come home to mayhem and death. So much death," he sobbed. My heart went out to him. His pain, even though what had happened was so long ago, seemed so fresh and raw.

"Two nights later, Maria found me sobbing and broken in what was left of our home. She changed me. I went back weeks later and retrieved what I could of these photos. I just couldn't let myself forget her. I couldn't let go."

I was so confused. What did this mean? How was this possible? And what did this have to do with Jasper almost attacking me?

Jasper looked at me with such sorrow, my heart almost broke for him. I had to grab my chest and press firmly just to gather up enough strength to breathe normally.

"Turn the page, Bella," Jasper insisted, nudging my arm.

On the next page there was an engagement announcement card. I read it slowly, scared for what it might say.

_Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock are proud to announce the engagement of their son_

_Jasper Adam Whitlock to Annabelle Marie Sancton_

_The wedding is to be held_…WAIT…..back up. Sancton? Where do I know that name from?

I sat there, quietly, deep in thought. I knew there was something here. Something Jasper wanted me to know. Something he wanted me to figure out. And it was there, in the back of my mind, tugging, pulling, and itching to break free, until bam, it was there…. Florence Sancton. I almost fell off the bench as what Jasper was showing me became clear in my mind. Jasper grabbed my arm to steady me.

"Does this mean… Is she related to me?" was all I could muster up.

"Yes, Bella. Yes, she is. Annabelle would have been your great grandmother. Your grandmother Florence's mother."

Neither of us said anything for what felt like forever. Jasper reached across me and took the black book from my lap and tentatively turned the page. Oddly enough, his fingers were trembling as well. I grabbed his hand before he could turn the page. I looked up at him, my eyes pleading with his. I wasn't sure I could handle anymore. "You deserve to know, Bella," was all he said.

I looked at the page he was showing me, and saw him with a beautiful smile on his face. He looked so happy, ecstatic actually, and he was holding a little baby in his arms. A little baby girl. The inscription on this page read ~ _Our beautiful daughter Florence Isabella Sancton._

I saw the adoration in his eyes as realization hit me. I could feel the love and sorrow radiating from him as I crumbled over on the park bench and the blackness devoured me.

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**Anybody come anywhere close to guessing that shit? Naaa... I didn't think so.**

**For some reason my readers, on this fic only, are srsly quiet, and it is driving me mad. If this story sucks hard, please just tell me, and I will stop wasting your time as well as my own and concetrate on my other fics, but I need to know, either way. Lurking doesn't help me at all and kinda reminds me of my esx :-S ** shudders****

**xx**


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer still applies- always applies- characters and original settings are not mine- the storyline is, though.**

**Bewbie gropes for Mamomama, because she's kinky like that :-P**

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**JT & TF Chapter 13**

**Family that will always be there**

I woke with one hell of a sore head. Everything was much too bright for my liking. I was sore, stiff even, and found I was propped up against something hard and cold.

I opened my eyes warily. Jasper's face was mere inches from mine, his lips were drawn tight, and his eyes look haggard and torn. I gasped, his pain was palpable and seared through me equally as a flood of memories rushed through my mind. Jasper was married before - in his human life. He had had a child. A child named Florence. One whom he never even got to know. Florence had also had a child. A child named Renee. But none of that seemed to fit right in my mind. I had always thought Jasper was so much older than any of the others, well, aside from Carlisle, but this would mean he would only be a bit older than Edward. He couldn't have been changed any earlier than his early twenties, and I knew he had been in the war. However, I couldn't recall if it had been World War I or World War II, just that he had been in the war in his human life, and then in a newborn war in his vampire life.

My tortured mind struggled to piece it all together, to grasp the snippets it was obviously missing, and very slowly, it all came together. And then, like finally finding the last piece of a long abandoned puzzle, it all just crumpled in proper placing. The imminent truth, the bit that held so much significance for me and Jasper was that his granddaughter, Renee, had also had a child. ME. Which meant… Jasper…was…my…great…grandfather?…Holy shit!

"How long have you known?" The words flew from my mouth before I could even put together a proper sentence.

"Well, I obviously noticed the resemblance immediately, but I only started digging around shortly after the _James incident_," he sighed. "I wanted to tell you sooner, I really did. But, honestly, how do you tell someone something like that? Not to mention the fact that I had yet to tell anyone else in the family," he said apologetically.

"On your birthday, I wasn't going to attack you to kill you. At least, I like to believe I would not have killed you." He shivered. "Once I had it all figured out and knew who you were, I was furious with Edward for not changing you, for leaving you so vulnerable, especially after everything with James and Victoria. Never mind the threat he and our family constantly posed. I had no way of expressing my frustrations without revealing everything I had tried for so long to hide. So…I figured if I could fake a lapse in my control and just bite you so you would become one of us, I would at the very least assure you would always be safe."

This baffled me. None of it, not one single piece of it, was what I had originally been led to believe. He had risked Edward's wrath to try to keep me safe. Everyone knew how Edward felt about me being changed, and Jasper was willing to exile himself in order to change me without their approval! And the fact that he had been able to hide it all from Alice and Edward truly confounded me.

"How…how did you keep all of this from Edward, or better yet, Alice for that matter?"

Jasper inhaled deeply, his face taking on that of shame. He looked at me, his eyes pleading with me, before he pulled me closer to him. "It was not without difficulty or regret; that much I can say. I struggled with my thoughts, especially when you were around. Sometimes I think Alice caught bits and pieces, images of you in my mind, she just didn't piece it all together. She trusted me, and I have destroyed that trust. She knows now. She must have seen it and gave us time to talk or maybe time for her to decide how best to deal with my deceit. My phone has been ringing off the hook since you passed out. I just can't bring myself to beg for her understanding over the phone. I need to do this in person. I need to beg her for understanding and forgiveness, but you must know now, no matter what, I will never regret my choices. It has brought me closer to you. My little piece of Annabelle. My great-granddaughter." A tear escaped my swimming eyes against my will. I reached for Jasper and clung to him for dear life. I had missed my grandmother dearly after she passed and never had anyone to talk to about it. My mother was too torn and, apparently, found it easier to pretend and forget than to deal with it and mourn like a normal person would do.

"Grandpa?" I giggled. Jasper scowled but had a huge grin on his face, so I knew he wasn't really upset.

I held onto him for a few more minutes before letting go. "I have so many more questions, but for now, there is something I want to show you, and we don't have a lot of time before the meeting and the inevitable face down with Alice."

Jasper grimaced but nodded and followed me anyways.

"Mind if I drive?" I asked. "Sadly enough, I have missed getting around without the assistance of others." I really had missed my freedom, the ability to just go and do what I wanted, whenever I wanted, even if it was something as simple as going for a walk to get my thoughts straight. I missed it all, and finally being able to wobble around safely on my own, yeah, I was definitely going to take full advantage of that.

He smiled and threw me the keys.

Luckily, when we arrived back at the apartment, Alice was still not home. I dashed to my room and began rummaging through old photo books. Renee had made copies of every single photo she had from the day I left home going all the way back to our great grandparents. I had never really looked at many of the older photos. They were pretty faded. Even the copies she had given to me.

Fifteen minutes and four albums later, I plopped onto the couch beside Jasper.

He gave me a quizzical look, but I just shushed him before he could say anything.

I opened the first book and motioned for him to look with me.

Slowly, one by one, I turned the pages. The first book was mostly pictures of me growing up. Jasper brushed his fingers over a few of them through the sleeves with a look of longing on his face.

The second book had many pictures of my mom, Renee, as a child. Half-way through the book, there were pictures of her with my grandparents, Florence and William. Jasper stared at the pictures as I paged through the book with sorrow filled eyes, and something else I just couldn't place. If he could shed tears, I had no doubt he would have lost control of them long ago. He made a quiet whimpering sound when we came to the end of the book, and there, on the very last page, was the only picture I had of my grandmother as a baby. As Jasper would have remembered her, his daughter.

I wrapped my arm around him and held him close, my own tears betraying me as they splashed on his shoulder.

Minutes later, I pried myself from his heaving shoulders. His whole body convulsed with dry sobs. Watching him hurt, and feeling so heavily the pain radiating from him, tore at my heart. He was such an old soul, and he had lost so much. No just his family or his human life, but the chance to know what had happened to her after all these years.

"If it is too hard for you, we can save the last book till another time," I said quietly. Knowing all too well the last book held pictures of his beloved Annabelle, my great grandmother.

"No, please continue. I really do want to see these," He replied shakily. I simply nodded and opened the last book. I could barely turn the pages, my hands were trembling uncontrollably. I had never looked at this book. My mom had wanted to me to have memories from as far back in her family as she could manage to come up with. It was not that I wasn't interested in these particular pictures, it was just that she had given them to me when we were leaving for college. I definitely wasn't in the reminiscing mood at that time, and everything had been a whirlwind of craziness since we got here, I just never had the chance to look at them until now. In a flash, something my mother had said to me when we had last seen each other came back to me like a slap across the face.

"_I can't believe my baby girl is all grown up now. It seems like just yesterday I was changing your diapers. Oh, Bella, I'm going to miss you so much, but I am oh so proud of you, baby," Renee wailed while weeping into my shoulder._

"_Aww, Mom, you know I'll be back on holidays and summer vacation to visit. Plus, you have Phil, and with all the travelling you two do, you'll barely notice I'm gone," I reassured her soothingly._

"_I know, I know. I guess even after all these years, I still worry about you out there in the big bad world all by yourself; fending for yourself and making your own adult decisions." _

"_You know that isn't true," I pointed out. "I'm going to be rooming with both Jasper and Alice and our rent has been pre-paid for the whole year by you, Dad and the Cullens as our graduation gift. I think I can muster up some food to get me by," I added jokingly._

"_Well, I'll tell you something. I am sure glad Alice and Jasper will be with you. I don't know if I could handle it if you were going on your own. I'm sure Jasper will take care of you. I don't know what it is about that boy, but there is something very familiar and comforting about him. It's almost as if I have known him from a long time ago. It's very déjà vu-ish for me. Hard to explain really, but meh, whatever, I am comforted, regardless, that he will be there with you."_

Even then she had felt some connection with him. Something told her he was familiar. I didn't think anything of it then. I just assumed it was one of her crazy hair-brained ideas. I guess I owed her an apology; she wasn't quite so crazy, after all. If only she knew just how close she was to the truth.

I heard Jasper gasp as I began turning pages in the last photo book. I saw his hand fly towards his chest and grasp it tightly as if trying to hold himself together. I knew that action, that pain, all too well. Unshed tears could almost been seen just behind his lashes. My heart went out to him. How hard it must be to see photos, memories, of the one you loved. Knowing, no matter what you did, they were now unattainable.

Wait! I did know how that felt. Maybe it wasn't quite the same thing; Edward was not dead, but he may as well be. Not a soul knew where he was or what he was doing. I supposed he could be dead, for all I knew. A sharp twist of pain gripped my chest at that thought, and I accidentally dropped the book I was holding. Jasper's hand flew out and caught the book before it could hit the floor.

"So…Sorry, Jasper. I have to start getting ready now before Alice gets back. I have some crazy ass bush growing on my one leg," I said, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. He chuckled, but I could see him eyeing me up. He was no fool, and his annoying ability to feel people's emotions ensured he knew exactly what kind of pain was crippling me at the moment.

"No problem, Bells. Go ahead. I will put this back in a few minutes, I'm not quite done with it. Is that okay?" I nodded and gave him a weak smile. Thankfully, he just let me go without pressing for information on what was bothering me. He likely assumed I was stressed from everything I had just learned. If he only knew that it was years-old pain, pain that would always prevent me from ever truly healing.

I had a very long shower, thinking everything through that I had learned today. It was a lot to comprehend, so quickly, for me. What was I supposed to do now that I had this information? I couldn't tell my mom. Heck, I couldn't even tell Alice, Jasper had to be the one to tell her. I decided to let it go for now. These thoughts would have to wait. We had an appointment in just over two hours, and I was certain Alice was back by now, waiting impatiently for me to emerge from the bathroom so she could subject me to one of her 'Bella Barbie' torture sessions.

As I turned the shower off, I could hear Jasper and Alice talking rapidly in murmured voices.

I stood still, shivering as I strained to hear any part of their conversation. I was nervous about Alice. It was very rare that anyone was ever able to keep anything from her. But, I guess if Jasper had just not ever made any concrete decisions there really was no way of her seeing things. Until today, that is.

Edward, however. I couldn't help but be curious about how Jasper had managed to evade him. He was a lurker, and was just always there in the back of everyone's minds. Waiting, listening, drawing out your deepest, darkest thoughts. And the worst part of it all was that he didn't even have to try. Everyone's thoughts were just always there, his for the hearing. Well, except mine, of course.

"How long are you going to stand in there, freezing and trying to avoid me?"

I started at the sound of Alice's chiding.

"Umm…I'm ..yeah, I'll be out in a second." I slipped a little in my haste and embarrassment.

"And be careful, will you? I don't want to spend this afternoon in the emergency room." I snorted.

Of course she knew. Why not? She knew everything else.

I didn't even bother drying myself off. I just wrapped a towel around me and flung the door open.

Alice stood there, all wide eyed and bright teeth, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"So, I guess this means I'm like your Great-grandmother-in-law." Her eyes shone brightly as she jumped into my arms, nearly causing the towel to fall from my body.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. None of this will ever work, now. And I'm not sure it ever really could have. My heart is with Jasper, but I don't know. I felt something with you, but it wasn't even sexual. It was just some strange need to have you. To keep you close, and I think I messed it all up. This is all new to me. I'm not used to being caught off guard, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but, I think we made a mistake."

I stared at her, my jaw slack and my head spinning. She was right. Of course, she was. She always is. It still kind of hurt, the rejection, but not in a real rejection kind of way. More in a déjà vu kind of way. It wasn't that long ago when I had heard something so similar from her brother. I shook those thoughts away and smiled at her.

"It's okay, Alice. I think you're right."

"Oh, I knew you'd see things my way. Now come on. Let's get you all beautified. We have a meeting to get to. By the way, Bella, I'm not saying a word, but I see amazing things in your future." She winked at me and spun on her heel, dancing towards the dresser and a giant makeup case.

I sighed and trudged forward. There was no use in trying to fight off Alice, and honestly, I was just happy she was taking everything so well.

* * *

One hour, fifteen minutes, and forty three seconds later, I stumbled out of the treacherous dungeon, also known as Alice's room.

I sat in the large, inviting, comfortable chair, fighting sleep and fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. To say I was nervous would be an understatement, but exhaustion was slowly winning out. It was only four in the afternoon, but man, it had been one hell of a long, stressful, exhausting day.

Our meeting wasn't set for another fifteen minutes, but Alice wanted to be early. Apparently, it looked good for the "big guy," as Alice liked to call him.

We drove in silence. I had nothing to say; I was so nervous I thought I might vomit if I tried to speak anyway.

We got to a huge building and made our way inside. I found a stiff, plastic chair to sit in while Alice bounced off to talk to the receptionist.

I lost myself in worries and contemplations and just about every excuse on the planet not to be here, and just as I was about to voice those arguments, a loud, booming, wonderfully familiar voice rang out, "Hey, guys! I am so psyched. This is going to rock," Emmett said, smiling ear-to-ear like a crazy person.

"Emmett! Oh my god. How are you? I have missed you so much," I squeaked in excitement as I flew from my chair and bounded into his large, rock hard form. "What are you doing here? What have you been up to? Are you staying in town here for awhile? Where's Rosalie? Wh-".

"Slow down there, Belly-Bells; one question at a time." He hugged me tight, and even though I loved feeling his strong, comforting arms around me again after all this time, I had to pull away or I would surely pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Em … Can't… Breathe," I sputtered.

"Oh sorry, Bells. My bad," he chuckled, obviously not sorry at all.

"Come on; don't look at me like that. It's not my fault I haven't seen her in, like, forever, and now I have to get used to being gentle for the human again." His roaring laughter, I'm sure, could be heard throughout the whole building. Alice and Jasper just shook their heads, smiling at him.

Just then, the guy I saw at the club approached us with his hand extended. "Hi, there. I'm Jordan Bower. I hope I didn't leave you waiting too long. Please, follow me. Can I get you anything to drink?"

We all mumbled our "no thank yous" and followed quickly behind him. He led us into a massive office. Four chairs sat on one side of the huge cherry wood desk. Awards, pictures and records covered the walls completely from midway to the ceiling. Mr. Bower motioned for us to take a seat, and immediately got right into it.

"Okay. I'll get right to the point. Bella, did you really write those songs?" He eyed me questioningly. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, not enjoying all the attention on me.

"Umm, yes," I replied meekly.

"Great, that was all I need to confirm. Here, look these over, and let me know what you think." He handed us all a copy of what I assumed was the same thing. I looked it over and sighed. It would take me forever to read everything.

I giggled and looked over at Alice. I knew it would only take her a few minutes to completely read the whole thing, with her vampire eyes and all. I elbowed her and raised my eyebrow silently asking her what it was all about.

"Okay. So, basically, this says we are signing a temporary three month contract. We would be required to play three nights weekly at various venues, throughout the state on Friday and Saturday nights and rotating Sunday afternoons and nights for all ages events. Transportation is the company's responsibility, along with meals, roadies and accommodations. We are responsible for supplying our own equipment and outfits." Her eyes shone at that last part, and she seemed to get lost in her own thoughts for a moment. Probably planning whatever horrendous outfits she was going to force me into.

I rolled my eyes at her and motioned for her to continue. "We agree for merchandise to be sold at the venues, with us receiving 45% of the profits. And lastly, they require a minimum of thirteen songs by the time the tour would start in February. Oh, and prior to that, they would like you to have a Christmas single for them to play on the radio."

"Umm…" I began, but she cut me off again.

"Oh, and here is the amount they have agreed to pay us each, individually." She pointed to some numbers on the paper, and my eyes almost bulged out of my head.

"Keep in mind, if everything goes well and we end up making a record deal after all the touring, that amount will go up significantly," Mr. Bower quickly added.

I looked down at the contract again, a war waging in my head. Is this really what I want? Can I even do this? I looked up and noticed four sets of eyes staring expectantly back at me and knew they were waiting on me. Ultimately, I would make or break this deal. I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before releasing it with a loud sigh.

"Okay, guys, I'll do it." I conceded, knowing all too well that if I didn't, I would never hear the end of it from Alice, and from the look of excitement in Emmett's eyes, him too.

Emmett almost knocked his chair over as he jumped from it pumping his fist in the air yelling, "Woot, woot, I'm gonna be a rockstar."

Alice jumped up and grabbed my hands so I could join her. "Yay, we're bouncing. Oh, what fun this is," I giggled sarcastically.

Jasper was the only one who stayed in his seat, smiling, and watching us act like a bunch of eight year olds.

I drove back with Emmett, anxious to catch up with him. I hadn't seen him since _that_ day almost three years ago. "Wanna stop for something to eat, Bellybutton? I wouldn't mind having some time alone with you so we can talk," he said in one of the most serious tones I had ever heard come out of him.

"Yes, I would like that very much."

I learned Alice had called him and told him about the meeting today. He had eagerly accepted and flew down here, immediately, to join us. Good thing she had thought of it, because I never would have. Rosalie and he had just moved back in with Carlisle and Esme. He also told me he was staying with us for the next two nights, then flying back with us for the Christmas holidays.

I had almost forgotten about that. I couldn't believe Christmas had come so fast. I crawled into bed the second we got back to the apartment, happier than I had been in a very long time. I closed my eyes and drifted into a fitful slumber. For once, nightmares did not await me.

* * *

We had just landed in Phoenix, and I could see Esme and Carlisle waiting for us at the boarding gate, huge smiles on their beautiful faces. Apparently, they had already grabbed our luggage. As we approached them Carlisle pulled me into a hug, and then Esme, as well, "I'm so happy to have you all home, again."

I rested my eyes during the drive to Forks and quickly checked everything off in my mind that I was supposed to complete these past couple of days, hoping I hadn't forgotten anything. Exchange gifts with Tristan - check, finish and hand in the Christmas single - check, wrap all presents and pack them, too - check, turn the heat down in the apartment - check, pack all my favorite books - check, call Charlie to let him know I would be in town - check. Yep, looks like I had all my ducks in a row. I let my mind wander to Tristan. He had given me a gorgeous bright lime green winter windbreaker, while joking that even though I was always a danger to myself, this way anyone anywhere would see me miles away. And, at the very least, I would not get run over or mistaken for a deer. I couldn't help but laugh at that, 'cause only someone like me could make something like that seem plausible.

I recalled the look on his face when he opened his gift. He looked like a little boy opening that shiny red fire truck on Christmas morning. I couldn't erase the gleeful girlish sound that escaped his lips as I pressed the little stuffed kitty's paw and it start walking around, meowing. After a few minutes of carefully watching the cat bounce around, he engulfed me in a huge hug. A smile plastered across his face as he gave me a huge sloppy kiss on the cheek. He had said that was the best and most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given him, but found it odd that I had remembered such a minute detail that he had once told me.

Being with him made me feel light, again. Like the worries I had been carrying for so long had somehow been lifted, and I reveled in it. Mind you, the second I left his side and returned home, those worries were so kindly there, waiting for me.

I let out a soft sigh. Esme turned and smiled at me, "Is everything okay back there, Bella?"

"Umm. Yes, Esme, I was just thinking. Sorry, I wasn't trying to ignore you," I mumbled apologetically.

Once we were at the Cullens', it took us quite awhile to unload all our luggage and bags. I, myself, had numerous bags that were just Christmas presents alone. Plus, my two full of clothing and books. I could only imagine how many Alice had packed. A small giggle escaped my lips, and everyone turned and looked at me like I had sprung a second head.

"What's so funny?" Jasper questioned me, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"Actually, I was just laughing at the fact that we needed a whole extra car just to get all of Alice's stuff here." Tears were forming at the corners of my eyes from laughing so hard. I had to hold my sides to keep them from splitting, or so it felt they would.

Once we had all settled in, Emmett began pulling out all the boxes of tree decorations from the attic. Once finished, I counted them. Twenty-seven boxes in total; no tree could hold that many ornaments, could it?

It, surprisingly, didn't take long to decorate the tree. With the Cullens' vampiric speed, we were done in record time. The only thing that took a while was all the arguing about which decorations should go where.

Currently, Emmett was still whining, saying his Mario ornament he had purchased himself should deserve a place on the tree just for him. "Anything that makes me that happy has so got to go on the Christmas tree." I heard him whine, followed by a loud whack from Rosalie smacking him on the back of the head. "Ouch, Rosie, what was that for?"

"Just for being you," Rosalie said with a grin. "Why don't you put it on the basement tree, Emmett? I really would like this one to look department store worthy," Esme suggested while squeezing his shoulders reassuringly.

"Fine. But that is my tree then. So, none of you even think about disgracing it with your girly, fluffy ornaments. You hear me?" Emmett huffed. We all laughed. A defensive, childish Emmett was just too comical.

At the first opportunity, I climbed the stairs to the top floor, and gingerly, with a mist of tears lining my eyes, crawled into Edward's bed, the bed that had been bought to be ours.

_I was in my happy place. I could do nothing but stare at Edward beside me. His smile was so infectious; one couldn't help but smile in return. He was just too perfect. I reached for his hand. He reached for mine in return. I was surprised, but happy none the less. I looked deep into his eyes. I could see there was something there, something he wanted desperately to share with me. Our hands connected and that familiar intense spark shot up my arm. I sighed, content for the first time in a very long time._

_I waited patiently for him to begin to speak, to share whatever untold secret he had bottled up inside. I saw his luscious pink lips open and his gorgeous golden eyes close. I inhaled, deeply curious, but scared of what he might say. _

"Bella. Bella, come on. It's time to go downstairs." I was confused as to why he would want to go downstairs. We were outside; there was no downstairs.

I could feel him shaking me, demanding me to come with him and to hurry the hell up. Edward had never talked to me like that. What the hell?

I blinked my eyes rapidly a few times and then slowly re-opened them, only to see a tiny, obnoxious pixie bouncing around beside me. It looked as if she had sucked back a dozen mochas and some pure chocolate to boot. She had a huge smile and an evil glint in her eyes. No one should ever have that kind of energy; it was unnatural. I tried to pull my covers over my head, wanting nothing more than to retreat back into my happy place with Edward. But apparently she was having none of that this morning.

"Come on, Bella. It's Christmas. Everyone is waiting downstairs for you to hurry up and scarf back some breakfast so we can open presents," Alice gushed excitedly. I groaned and looked at the clock beside my bed. What sane person woke at six AM to open presents, when they didn't even have kids?

"Come on, Alice, ten more minutes, please?" I begged. "Fine, Bella, take as long as you want but the next person bouncing on your bed won't be so friendly. Not to mention, with the size of Emmett, he will likely break the damn bed in the process," Alice hissed at me followed by a giggle.

At the mention of Emmett, I shot straight up, panic written all over my face. An excited, impatient Emmett was not something one wanted to deal with first thing in the morning and could ultimately be disastrous for one said human. I yawned and stretched out my arms and legs. "Fine, Alice. I'm up. No need to get all extreme on me. Tell Emmett to give me ten minutes."

Three hours later, I was back in my bed, completely set on sneaking in a nap. Everyone had opened their presents. We had a blast watching Emmett tear through his like a little child. He was currently hooking up his new game system I got him, and my now bruised ribs knew he had loved his gift. Everyone else seemed pleased with their gifts, as well, for which I was happy. I had tried very hard to get them things that I knew would make them happy, not just items they might want.

I, myself, had gotten way too many gifts; an iPod nano, pre-loaded with my favorites, some designer clothes that looked to be nothing but flimsy scraps of material, ugh, some crazy six inch high heels to go with a skimpy silver dress I was told I was to wear for New Years, a subscription to my favorite magazine, a new set of my favorite books by Jane Austen, some picks and spare strings for my guitar, and a gorgeous leather-bound song book.

I lowered myself on my bed, closed my eyes, and heard someone knock on my door. "Please. Alice. Just let me have some time to relax," I pleaded softly.

"Actually, dear, it's me," Esme replied softly as she closed the door behind her.

"I was hoping I could chat with you for a few minutes, but if you are too tired, we can talk another time."

"No, no, Esme. Please, come in. I thought you were Alice wanting to subject me to some form of torture," I explained apologetically.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about, Esme? Is everything okay?" I asked nervously, fidgeting with the bed sheets while staring at the floor.

"No, dear. Everything is fine. Well, as fine as it can be, considering." The pain was evident in her voice, and I just wanted to reach out at hug her to me, share in the pain we were both still obviously carrying heavily within ourselves.

"I just wanted to talk to you about what I saw under the Christmas tree," she said compassionately, and my heart spiked knowing exactly what she was referring to.

She grabbed my hand and held it tightly. "Why did you bring gifts for him, Bella, if you knew he wouldn't be here?"

I closed my eyes and considered carefully how I would explain myself to her, my need to do it. How could I make her understand what I was feeling? "I…I didn't want him to think I had forgotten him," I choked out as those damn traitorous tears seeped past my eyelids.

Esme took me into her arms and softly shushed me. "It's okay, Bella. Just let it out, dear. I know exactly how you feel. Can you come with me, Bella? There is something I want to show you." Esme led me to her room, towards a gorgeous, ancient looking chest at the foot of her bed. I looked at her questioningly as she opened the chest and motioned for me to look inside of it. I gasped. There were tons of wrapped presents in there. I gingerly reached in and took one out. I read the elegant handwriting on it. 'To my darling son, I am always with you, where ever you may be. Love always, Esme.'

The rest of the gifts had similar sayings on them. "Every occasion, whether it was Christmas or his birthday, for the last three years I have locked his gifts up in here. So, when he does return, he will know I never gave up hope he would return to us, nor did I ever forget him or exclude him from anything I believed he should have been present for," Esme whispered so softly, and with so much pain and conviction, it tore at my heart to hear her sounding so lost and childlike. We didn't say anything more. We were content just holding each other and sobbing. Both quietly understanding and sharing the other's pain and sorrow.

* * *

Sniffles- poor Esme…poor Bella….

Review- share ur thoughts.

FF keeps taking out my formatting- any time jump markings- center alignments- u name it- it takes it away- so, please bear with me if I have to use silly ass shit to work around FF's apparent issues with silly shit.

THEY EVEN REVERT CHANGES THAT THEY HAVE ON HERE ALLOWING ME TO USE- LIKE CENTER ALIGNMENT- WTF!

Okay- I feel better now.

Until next time...

xx


	15. Chapter 14

**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**Chapter 14**

The next few days were pretty quiet, surprisingly. Alice hadn't been her usual self. No painful shopping trips; no Bella Barbie torture sessions. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying the time to relax and spent a majority of that time working on my songs, but it was disconcerting.

For the most part, everyone had left me alone. I could hear them all throughout the house, but no one had yet to approach me since Esme left me after I had fallen asleep sobbing with her the other night.

I checked my emails to find one from our newly acquired agent telling me my Christmas single had sold millions, and even though Christmas was over, people were still requesting to hear it on the radio. I was quite pleased with it myself. We had to make some changes to our band for this particular song, but luckily Alice could fluke her way through playing the piano for it. She was actually quite good. Not nearly as elegant or musical as Edward, but still, she was able to play the tune wonderfully.

I clicked the link Jordan had sent me. Seconds later, I was shocked to hear my own voice singing the Christmas single through the computer speakers. I had never listened to myself sing before. It was almost an out of body experience for me. Hearing my voice knowing I wasn't singing in that moment. I smiled, truly smiled, everyone was right, it was beautiful. It didn't even sound like me, to my own ears. I closed my eyes and sat back in my office chair, humming along to my own voice.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There's just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is...  
You_

I closed my eyes and lost myself in the words.

I couldn't help the feeling of melancholy that swept over me while listening to my words. They were from the very bottom of my broken soul, and truth be told, when I sang them, it made me feel lighter.

_Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm asking for  
I just want to see my baby  
Standing right outside my door  
Oh, I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby, all I want for Christmas is...  
You  
_

The song had an upbeat tune to it, but I could hear the underlying sadness and desperations beneath the upbeat music. I knew the pain that had inspired this song. I also knew I never did get my Christmas wish.

I shook my head to rid myself of the nasty, festering thoughts and called for Jasper. I had some new songs I had come up with and wanted to hear what he thought of them. I didn't have to search for Jasper. I didn't even have to yell for him. I only had to say his name as if he were right there in the room with me. I grabbed my binder and brought my guitar over to my bed just as Jasper came in.

"Hey, Bells. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Jasper. I wrote some new songs and wanted to try them out with you, if you don't mind."

"Sounds good, Bella. Show me what you got, darlin'."

I showed him the three songs I had come up with, and he pointed out a few things he thought I might want to add or change. "Kay. Let's try this one first," he suggested. I smiled and nodded.

It was one of my favorites. I was anxious, yet nervous at the same time, to hear how it would sound out loud. I had titled it simply 'Pictures.' It was meant to be sung in a very upbeat, girlish voice, one I wasn't sure if I could hit properly.

I began singing and let my eyes flutter closed.

_I took your picture on the day we met  
You gave me a smile, so I told you my name  
It was a summer I will never forget  
You told me you loved me, I told you the same_

We had fun for a little while  
But right away, I knew it could never last

I felt Jasper place his hand on my shoulder and opened my eyes while I continued singing. He was looking at me with such sympathy I almost felt a burst of anger. I didn't want his sympathy or anyone else's anymore. I just wanted to get past the pain; the damn pain that wouldn't let me spend even one full day without rearing its ever present head and stabbing me in the chest.  
_And when the sun went down, you kissed me one last time  
It felt just like a photograph, a picture in my mind  
Now, all I have is the memory, it seems so long ago_

But tonight, I feel like you are here with me  
As I sit here alone, looking at pictures of you  
  
_Sometimes when I think of you  
It makes me smile all over again  
I wonder if you ever think of me, too  
Or if you remember my name  
_  
I could hear the rest of the family applauding from their various places throughout the house. I blushed profusely and gulped. I had forgotten they could hear us know matter how quiet we tried to be. Well, at least they had stayed put. I really just wanted some time alone with Jasper to work on the songs.

I smiled and looked over at Jasper. It was so amazing and confusing how much had changed between us in such a short amount of time. I was happy, now, knowing it all, and couldn't wait until everyone else knew, as well. I had a blood tie to him. He, at very least, would never leave me. And I knew, when the time was right, and I was ready, he would give me what I had wanted so desperately for so long; he would change me.

"I liked that a lot. It was a pretty simple one, not too much to work on with it. I have another one here I haven't shown you yet. I'm really nervous about it. I think it might be best sung as a duet and, even though I know we are not in love like the song portrays, I think we could make it sound amazing," I mumbled, lowering my head to let my hair fall over my face in hopes of hiding my blush.

Jasper chuckled. "Come on, Bella. No need to be shy with me. Let's see how it sounds, 'kay?"

I handed him the song, and he looked it over. He looked at me with shocked eyes, "Wow, Bells," he said quietly under his breath. "This is amazing. It's an extraordinary talent being able to take all that pent up pain and express it on paper. I have always been able to feel the pain emanating from you, but I must admit, since we started singing it has been getting fainter. I am so proud of you."

I smiled weakly at him. I felt bad for my brief burst of anger a few moments ago. He was only trying to help me get by and keep me sane. No one wanted a repeat of Forks, especially him.

"Keep in mind, while we're singing this we'll still need Alice for back up and piano, as well as Emmett on the drums to make it sound the way it was meant to sound, okay?"

With that, we slowly started the next song that I had tentatively titled 'I Would Do Anything for Love'. A huge chunk of this song was actually Jasper singing. I had never really heard him sing solo before, but his southern drawl sounded dreamy while he sang the lyrics.

_And I would do anything for love,  
I'd run right into hell and back.  
I would do anything for love,  
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact. _

I hummed along in the background for effect.

On and on, the song went. I may have written the pretty words, but Jasper made them beautiful. He brought them to life.

His soft, pained voice raised and took on an angry, determined tone, and I started swaying my hips and bopping my head.

_As long as the planets are turning.  
As long as the stars are burning.  
As long as your dreams are coming true, you'd better believe it!  
_  
I was so far gone – listening to Jasper- I almost missed my cue to take over.

_Will you raise me up, will you help me down?  
Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?  
Will you make it all a little less cold?  
_  
Jasper cocked his brow at me and answered the songs question of him. I had to stifle a giggle. He was just too damn silly sometimes.

_I can do that. Oh, I can do that.  
_  
I decided to play along. This was fun, and made the song that much more interesting.

I stepped towards him and placed my hand on his chest, fluttered my eyelashes and looked imploringly at him.

_Will you hold me sacred?  
Will you hold me tight?  
Can you colorize my life? I'm so sick of black and white!  
Can you make it all a little less old?  
_  
Back and forth the lyrics went. Me questioning his loyalty, his love, and him trying to prove himself with sweet words and empty promises. At least, that is how the song was meant to be perceived. What others decided the true meaning was, well, that was their choice.

_I can do that.  
Oh, oh, now, I can do that!  
_-  
_Will you make me some magic with your own two hands?  
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?  
Can you give me something I can take home?  
_-  
_I can do that!  
Oh, oh, now, I can do that!  
_  
-

_Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?  
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Hot!  
Will you take me places I've never known?_

_Now, I can do that! Oh, oh, now, I can do that!  
_-  
Jasper looked at me knowingly as I pushed at his chest. Fire burned through by body as I spat out the one part of this song that was true and sitting at the bottom of my chest permanently. I showed the world in these next twenty-two words what love really consisted of.

_After awhile you'll forget everything.  
It was a brief interlude  
And a midsummer night's fling,  
And you'll see that it's time to move on.  
_  
Jasper looked deep into my eyes. He gripped my shoulder and held my gaze. And even though I knew it had a different meaning than the song had intended, his words and their sincerity poured into me and filled me with a flickering flame of hope.

_I won't do that. I won't do that.  
_

"Oh my god, Bella, Jasper. You two sounded amazing." I turned slowly to the sound of Esme's voice to find not only Esme, but everyone else, standing in the doorway grinning like crazy people.

"Thanks, guys. But it will sound much better once we add in Emmett with the drums and Alice with the piano and back up. Rosalie you could even sing back up for this song, too! If you wanted to, that is." I suggested self consciously. I had never heard Rose sing before, but considering everything else about her was perfect, I could only imagine how captivating her voice would be.

"You want me to sing back up in your cruddy little band?" Rosalie began with a grimace, then busted into a wide, excited smile, "Of course! I would love to, Bella. This is amazing." She ran forward and wrapped her arms around my small frame, almost crushing my lungs. I was actually loving this new side to Rosalie, but really, now I had yet another Cullen hindering my breathing.

"Oh. Sorry, Bella. Sometimes I forget you're still just a human," Rosalie apologized. Wow. Who would have guessed? I had better write this date down to remember the one and only time Rosalie was not only decent to me, but apologized, all in the same breath.

We all decided to go downstairs to the front room where the grand piano sat and do the song one more time, with Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, as well.

By the end of the song, I knew it was perfect. It all just sounded so right. I was so happy, and I also realized I was almost dead on my feet as a yawn escaped my lips. I looked at the clock, only to realize it was already one AM. "Well, guys, as much fun as this has been, this human really needs to get her beauty sleep, or I am so not going to be any good tomorrow night at the New Year's party. We will have to look at the last song tomorrow. Is that okay, Jasper?" I yawned again, emphasizing my tired words. He smiled and nodded.

"Well, Bella, you had better get to bed then, 'cause at four PM sharp tomorrow, your cute little butt is all mine. I need at least a few hours to get you dressed and ready for the party," Alice gushed excitedly, winking at me, followed by a giggle. I could feel the pain of pulling and tugging and poking and prodding already. I shivered involuntarily and sighed as I said goodnight to everyone.

That night, for the first time in a few weeks, I cried myself to sleep, conjuring up any memory I could manage of my missing half. "I love you, Edward," I whispered to the empty room, hoping somehow, someway, he was able to hear my whimpered declaration. Eventually, my tears ceased, and I drifted off to sleep.

**All songs belong to their respective writers and producers. They are not mine. I just think the words are beautiful.**

**Mambomama trudged through this with me, and for that I can't thank her enough.**


	16. Chapter 15

**Goodbye.**

**EPOV**

The stars beamed magnificently. I knew I should be enjoying the view. Only in Alaska could one sit out on a winter night and see stars this bright and shiny. But every time I looked at them, I saw her; her alluring smile; her gorgeous doe eyes; her long wavy chestnut hair; her soft, silky, pale skin. I was lost, drowning in a pool of self-hatred and loathing. I never knew whether I was coming or going. I wanted her. I hated myself. I was going back. I was staying. Days passed with no meaning. Hell, for all I knew, it could have been years since I last saw her. Time held no meaning for me anymore; it was just a jumble of minutes and hours and days without _her_; without hearing her sweet, tinkling laugh; without smelling her intoxicating, delicious scent; without holding her delicate body in my arms. I couldn't even bring myself to think her name, never mind say it aloud. It brought on staggering pain at the mere thought. More often than not, I failed to keep her name hidden in the recesses of my vast memory, and every single time, I would double over in all consuming spasm of pain.

I clenched my fists tightly as I screamed towards the heavens. If there indeed were a God, he surely felt my wrath in that moment. Why did he hate me so? Was it because of what I was? Likely. I knew I hated me for the monster I was. Surely, he was just as disgusted that such an abomination had been born against his will.

I dry sobbed loudly, screaming gibberish from time to time into my hands, when something hard and hot slammed into the side of me knocking me to the ground with such force I actually gasped for unneeded air. Pain seared through the right side of me, and my vision blurred. _What the fuck was that?_ What, out here, could possibly be strong enough to inflict so much pain on the likes of me? I pressed my hand to my side, and when I pulled it away, I noticed it was soaked, soaked in my venom like blood. I squinted, willing my vision to focus just a bit so I could see what kind of damage had been inflicted. I was just barely able to catch a quick glance of a huge gaping slash in my side, when yet another blow struck my face.

I struggled to right myself, trying desperately to get a glimpse of whatever, whoever, my attacker was. I couldn't see anything. The pain was slowly overtaking me, and I decided then it was best I just run.

I flew through the forest, heading straight for the house. I knew the others were there. They would be able to help me. I was almost at the house when I heard a deep, menacing growl. I turned to see a huge wolf like creature looming above me, glaring down at me with such malevolence and repulsion, I flinched.

I swung wildly at the beast, desperate to keep it away from the house and everyone else. There was no way I was going to put even more of the people I cared about in danger because of my stupidity.

I got in a good few swipes and punches, and I thought the battle might be over. The creature was staggering and howling, and I could see it was bleeding profusely from its huge burley neck, but damn, that thing just didn't give up. I was about to jump at it, yet again, when it's huge bear like paw struck me in the chest, sending me soaring backwards into the stone guesthouse.

My body slammed against the stone violently; the sound was deafening. Two boulders crashing together with such force that the walls buckled, and I could feel pieces of the house crumble on top of me. I heard voices and shouting. Whose? I wasn't quite sure. Everything was jumble; it was such a disorienting feeling. One I was definitely not used to. A slow burn crept down my arms, swirled into my chest and laced its way down my torso. I struggled and fought with my failing memory to conjure up one last image of her. Liquid cocoa and pulsing red. Thin quivering lips and a heart-shattering sob. The convoluted images faded, and then there was a loud tearing sound and a wild, roaring growl, followed by a sickly gurgling sound, and I was falling, flailing, desperate to hang on, but no match for the darkness.

"_Wake up, sweetie. It's time to open your eyes."_

"_I hope there is no permanent damage. Tanya, don't rush him. Maybe he needs more time to heal."_

"_Vampires should not require this much time, Irina. We both know this. What kind of fucking beast was that, anyway?"_

"_I don't know, Tanya. I really don't know. When I first saw it, I thought it might be one of those wolves the Cullens had told us of, but there is no way that is what it was. Thank God we were here to destroy it, or Edward would, for sure, have fallen."_

I could hear everything. I wasn't sure who was doing the talking, but I knew it was two girls with chime like voices. I could hear them pleading with me to open my eyes, and I wanted to. I really did, but something in the back of my mind was tugging, holding desperately to my consciousness, begging me to stay where I was. I took one last look at the doe eyed girl in front of me and smiled a sad smile. I didn't want to leave her, but the voices were so persistent. For some reason, I felt that once I turned and walked away, I might never see those amazing brown eyes ever again.

"Look, Irina. I think he's coming to. Edward, honey, can you hear me? Don't try to get up yet, but please, open your eyes. Let me know you're okay."

My eyes fluttered open, and I was immediately assaulted by bright, harsh light. I groaned and tried to pull my arm over my eyes to shield myself from the light, but the blond girl to my left was holding my hand so tight I could barely move it.

My eyes flickered to her, taking her in. She was beautiful, breathtakingly, actually. Long strawberry blond hair flowed past her shoulders and deep piercing blue eyes lit up her face. She had bright red full lips and flawless skin, and she was sparkling - like a zillion tiny pieces of crystals were speckled along her skin. I closed my eyes, trying to find my voice, and once again saw those big brown eyes staring at me, pleading with me. _What did she want from me?_ I saw her lips part, and the most beautiful voice I had ever heard whispered, 'Goodbye'. Gut wrenching pain seared through me. My insides felt like they were on fire and my throat clogged up with gargled, liquid agony. I clenched my eyes shut against the invasion of desperation that slammed into me, and prayed the slowly creeping feeling of emptiness would soon override everything else.

"Edward? Edward, are you still with us? Edward, say something," the blond girl demanded, her voice raising an octave. She sounded so frustrated, so angry.

I opened my eyes, yet again, and cleared my aching, burning throat, "Who? Where am I?" My eyes shifted back and forth between the two girls who were now looking at me like I had two heads. I was growing impatient, and I was ravenous. My throat felt like it was on fire and my stomach snarled in hunger.

"Stop staring at me like that. Who are you, and what do you want?"


	17. Chapter 16

**Twilight is not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**~ New Year, New beginnings, New discoveries.**

I woke to the sounds of birds chirping outside the large bay windows of Edward's bedroom. Yes, I was so graciously thrown to the wolves on my first visit back in this house without Edward.

Esme informed me that the spare room was not yet ready as she had never had a need for it, and it was still packed full of items they had collected over the many years and could not bring themselves to get rid of. She assured me the room would be ready by today, but I assured her it I would be fine in Edward's room. Never did I begin to imagine, in my wildest, most gut wrenching dreams, the pain I was inflicting upon myself just by crossing the threshold into _his _room, where his most prized possessions still sat, forgotten by their owner years ago.

I had spent the first few nights in here just lazily dragging my fingers over everything and anything in sight. I glanced longingly at his collection of books. Books that people these days would pay hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to obtain. Books Edward had been alive for when they were published or even just written. I held back a sob as I passed by Wuthering Heights. It was one of my favorite books and, surprisingly, Edward's, too. I quickly moved onto something of less relevance to us and our time together. If only there was such a thing.

I skimmed through his massive music collection and gingerly removed Debussy from the shelf and gently placed the CD in the stereo. I went to his closet and rummaged aimlessly through his hanging clothing, looking for something, yet not quite sure what. I leaned further into the closet and starting taking deep, long breaths. My hand shot out almost involuntary as my body swayed from breathing too rapidly.

I wrapped my newly found prize around myself as the soft notes of Claire de Lune wafted through the room. I closed my eyes and pictured him there with me, his arms around me, his breath on my neck. Tears began to form in massive pools below my lids as I threw the shirt down and ran quickly and quietly to the kitchen. I was lucky today everyone had decided to go hunting. I wasn't sure if it was because they actually needed to, or if they just knew I needed to be by myself.

I searched for what seemed like forever until I found a unopened bottle of tequila in one of the top cupboards in the kitchen. I knew Esme kept such items around somewhere for when Charlie or any other once-in-a-blue-moon company may have come over. I grabbed the bottle and twisted it open, guzzling from it greedily, swearing to myself tonight I would not be lost in all that was Edward. I would drink him away, since all else had failed me.

I quickly scurried back to the safe, torturous confines of Edward's room and gently shut the door. I leaned against it, sighing, while gingerly raising the bottle to my lips, the harsh liquid burning my throat as it went down. I lowered myself to the floor and sat there sipping at my new evil friend, begging it to bring me the release I desperately longed for. Praying to whoever may be listening that soon enough I would be in my own oblivion, happy and mystified without a care in the world. Not even comprehending my own name, never mind Edward Freakin' Cullen's.

My thoughts grew darker the more I drank. I thought about Edward and wondered where he might be, who he might be with, and the most antagonizing of all, what he was doing with who he might be with.

I pictured him lying with his arms around some girl, some astonishingly, inhumanly, gorgeous girl, with long glowing chestnut hair, a body to kill for, and a smile to stop traffic with. I pictured him holding her and caressing her soft, silky, white porcelain-like skin and kissing her forehead gently. Which would ultimately lead to him kissing her with such passion that I thought I might vomit. Instead, I kicked the table in front of me and scared the shit out of myself when it toppled over, various items crashing all around me.

I shuffled towards the discarded items and quickly gathered them into my arms. Setting them on the bed, I righted the table and began placing the items back into the top drawer when I noticed something. A small locket. I had seen it on Edward many times before. Usually the chain it was attached to was wound around his hand while the heart locket lay in his palm safely.

I desperately wanted to open it and see what lay inside. My fingers shook and my body trembled violently, afraid of what secret this locket held. Did I want to know? Would it be bad? It was likely something that would hurt me more. Could I really purposely do that to myself? Haven't I hurt enough already? How much suffering can one human handle before going completely off the deep end?

After many moments of me battling internally with myself, I decided against opening the locket and tossed it into the drawer as if I had been in a tremendous amount of pain just from simply touching it. But the locket bounced and opened, and I damn near fell over from the amazing liquid candy I had been drowning my sorrows on for the last couple hours. Tears sprang from my eyes, and a heart wrenching sob broke free from my lips.

I grabbed the locket from the drawer once more and grasped onto it for dear life. In my other hand was the half empty bottle of the I-taste-like-ass-and-don't-work-worth-shit-either liquid.

I felt like crying. Actually, more like letting loose a ragging damn. I came so close to breaking down right there staring at the pictures of Edward's birth parents on the one side of the locket with the inscription ~MY LIFE~ leading to the opposite side that held a picture I had never seen before…of…me.

The longer I stared at the locket, the madder I got. All thoughts of sorrow, of abandonment, of Edward sifted freely from my mind as one of a brighter, happier face took their place. I sprung from my place on the floor and almost went head first into the door. Either from my regular lack of coordination or from the insane amount of alcohol coursing through my blood right now, I wasn't sure, and I really didn't care.

I just had to find her. I had to feel her arms around me. I needed to feel loved and wanted and desired, and I knew I could get that from Alice. I flew out the door in such haste I heard the bottle crash on the floor behind me. I searched the house frantically, desperate to find solace in her embrace. There was no sign of any of them. I had thought they'd be back by now. They should have been back by now.

I swung open the front door feeling dejected now, my blurry mind conjuring up crazy thoughts of them all leading me here only to laugh and leave me all over again. Just as I was about to admit defeat and collapse to the floor of the front deck, I noticed a lone figure lazing in one of the reclining patio chairs.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice said quietly while twirling a short tendril of her hair absently around her finger. She smiled up at me, almost a sad smile, but I could see longing in her eyes, as well.

She stood and opened her arms to me. I dashed forward, eager for her touch. I clung desperately to her cold, hard form, sure that if I let her go she might vanish and prove to only be some vivid part of my torturous imagination.

Once I was sure she was actually there, I raised my head from her shoulder and looked directly into her eyes. I saw so much love there, so much desire. A raw lustful feeling I had never known coursed through me, and I didn't even hesitate once as I leaned forward and my lips met hers.

There was nothing soft or gentle about this kiss. It was desperate and hungry and painful all in one, and I reveled in it. I wrapped my arms securely around her neck and twined my fingers through her short spiky hair.

I felt her arms wrap around me and latch on to my lower back. The cool touch made me hum in appreciation. I licked at her lower lip desperate for something deeper, something more passionate.

As she opened her mouth, granting me access to the sweet taste of her tongue, the sweetest, most familiar scent lingered in her mouth. I moaned and felt my knees give out. Alice quickly lifted me into her arms and walked slowly into the house. She brought me to her room and lay me gently on her bed. She began nipping gently at my neck. I moaned in appreciation. Groping at her back, tugging hastily at her shirt, trying to get as close as I possibly could.

She backed away from me, and a whimper escaped my lips at the loss of her touch. She smiled at me and lifted her shirt swiftly over her head to reveal her perky little breasts.

I sat there staring at her for a moment, not knowing exactly where to go from here. She watched me intently, gauging my reaction; she had the most peculiar look in her eyes. It was a mix of longing, love, lust, desire and pain, all in one. I couldn't quite understand it, but I was so lost in me at the moment, I was being too selfish and dove at her without a second thought.

I kneaded at her firm breasts and twirled her soft pink nipples around in my finger tips. She let out a low hiss throwing her head back and arching her back in appreciation. I let my other hand slowly wander to the crotch of her pants and rubbed small circles on her inner thigh, not wanting to seem too eager. I felt Alice's cool hands slide down and fiddle with the hem of my pajama pants, and I started to pant. Her cool tongue swept along the shell of my ear and left me without a coherent thought. I was so lost in the feeling; I couldn't stop if I tried. I felt her slide her fingers just below the elastic band of my pants as she trailed soft wet kisses down my belly, stopping to lavish my belly button with a few good licks. She let her tongue tease the waist band of my panties, and I let out a guttural sound and almost came right there.

I started grinding and lifting my hips up, trying desperately to find some sort of friction to subside my discomfort. I was so close it was almost painful.

I reached for her and pulled her towards me, palming her tits aggressively and thrusting my tongue into her hot, sweet mouth. That smell, my God, it drove me wild. Her breath did amazing things to arouse me beyond anything I could remember. Or could I? Hmm… It did seem oddly familiar, of course it did. This wasn't the first time we had kissed.

She cupped my crotch through my underwear and slowly moved her fingers in a small circle just above where I was desiring her fingers most. I hummed and groaned in frustration and desire.

Alice continued her ministrations, and I felt almost as if I was losing all consciousness. I ground my hips and squeezed my own breasts, which to my amazement only heightened the feeling that much more. I could feel something mounting deep inside of me, something yearning to be released. I longed for that release. I craved it like one would crave air after being submerged in ice cold water for longer than should be possible. I felt my hips thrust upwards against my own will, and a deep animal like sound slid up from somewhere deep in my throat. I closed my eyes and lost myself in this amazing feeling.

"Oh, Edward."

Alice crawled up beside me and looked at me with a slight smile on her lips, kissing me on the forehead. She looked so broken. I was so confused. Did she regret what just happened? Before I could find the nerve to voice that question, she spoke.

"Bella, we need to have a little talk."

"Okay," I replied quietly, confused and frightened. The look in her eyes told me I was likely not going to want to hear what she was about to say. I felt a tug at my heart. I had taken advantage of her in my drunken, heartbroken state. Maybe she was going to call me on that and tell me what an awful person I was.

Alice let out a soft sigh and twined her fingers together over and over again, staring at the ground for a few minutes. I didn't want to rush her, so I sat there feeling like a fool for damn near jumping her bones a short while ago. Just when I was about to apologize, she spoke up so softly I had to lean forward to hear her.

"Before you say anything, I want you to hear me out fully. Please just let me finish what I need to say, then you can say what you would like to, as well. Okay?" She looked at me expectantly, probably expecting me to argue. I nodded and gave a weak smile, urging her to go on.

"When I came back to Forks, I came back for you. This we already know. But what I never told you was, I came back because I realized I was in love with you. I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I was so scared of being pushed away and scaring you off. Then, when we kissed at that party, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might be able to return my feelings. I had a vision about tonight." She stopped there and began pacing the bedroom restlessly.

"I am so sorry, Bella," she stuttered as a deep hard sob escaped her lips.

I got up then and went and wrapped my arms around her. "What do you have to be sorry for, Alice? You've done nothing wrong. It was me who initiated everything every time, never you. Please, don't apologize. I wanted to do it. I really did." I spoke softly and slowly hoping she heard the sincerity in my words.

"No. No, you don't understand. Earlier today I had a vision. I knew I should say no to you tonight, and I knew I should tell you about the vision. But I am selfish and greedy, and I loved the way it felt having you touch me, me touching you. I just couldn't stop you. I wanted to feel this…us, one last time."

One last time? What was she talking about? Is she leaving me now, too? Why is it every time I throw caution to the wind, and go with what I am feeling, someone runs from me?

I pulled away from her as if her touch had stung me. My eyes narrowed and a low hiss escaped my lips. "You're sorry! Is that all I am to you? To everyone? Nothing but a god damn mistake? I am so sick of feeling little because of you God forsaken Cullens. Why can't I just be enough? First Edward, and now you. You know what? FUCK YOU, Alice. I am so tired of being hurt. Just because you think you are better than me doesn't make it true, and I am sick of having my heart and ego trampled on by you all. I am better than that. I know it has taken me awhile to figure that out, but I know now. I can't believe you, of all people, would treat me this way. Why do you want to hurt me, Alice?"

The anger that had built up within me whooshed out instantly, replaced by regret and pain. I didn't mean to yell at Alice. Heck, I didn't even mean half of what I said to her. I was just so hurt by her rejection that I didn't even let her finish. Guilt took over me, and I immediately began apologizing profusely.

"Oh my God, Alice. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, I swear. I was just hurt and confused. I didn't let you finish. Please, Alice. Forgive me. I didn't mean any of it." Tears were now streaming down my cheeks, my shoulders shaking and my hands trembling. I lowered myself to the floor and held my head in my hands, sure that now Alice would really leave me, and this time I would deserve it.

I felt Alice sit beside me and take my hand into her own tiny one. She pulled me into her arms and held me tight. It didn't feel like goodbye, but something else. Something more like her letting me go. This saddened me, but for some reason it made sense, as well. Man, I was really fucked up.

"I want you, Bella. I really do. But I think we both know I don't love you that way. Maybe I mistook my love for something more in the beginning, but it was likely me filling the void in the easiest way I could. Finding anything to justify my coming back for you, without all the guilt of betraying Edward. But you and I both know I am not want you heart yearns for. But you have to understand I had to try. I had to kiss you back. I had to play this out so we both knew for certain what we were feeling," she whispered softly into my neck while brushing her fingers gently through my hair.

"My vision was of this. Of us kissing and touching and exploring each other. And as my vision showed me, when the feeling was too intense you called for the one you really want. The one your heart and body yearns for. I am so sorry, Bella. Can you forgive me? I could have just told you of my vision, but I didn't think you'd believe me. I really thought it was best to play it out so we could both learn. I guess it was the hard way, but the best way."

"Wait. What do you mean I called out for the one I really want? I didn't call out for any…"

My subconscious interrupted me as I flashed back to what had just transpired between Alice and me.

I heard myself moaning in ecstasy and Alice breathing heavily while her fingers played me flawlessly. I, once again, felt myself nearing the edge, at the little line between the pain of desire and the pleasure that would soon follow, and just as the pleasure peeked through, I threw my head back, arched my back, and moaned out for Edward. Oh my God, what had I done? No wonder Alice was being so nervousand telling me these things. This really was all my fault. How could I do that to her?

My breathing picked up. I could feel myself gasping for air; the room started to spin. I was a horrible person, a horrible friend. How could I do this to Alice? It was all so clear to me now, and it made me sick to my stomach to know I had used her in such a personal, non-forgiving way.

The cool feel of her hand, the amazing smell of her breath, the soft hardness of her body under my fingers, against my body. It was never her I was wanting that way. No, it was what she reminded me of. On some deep, subconscious level everything Alice was reminded me of…Edward.

"Oh, Alice, can you ever forgive me? I never meant to…I didn't realize what I…I guess it makes sense but…please, Alice, say something. Anything. Tell me I am horrible. Tell me you forgive me." I wailed in pain for my friend, my best friend, and I continued crying. I didn't hear a thing she said after that.

The realization and pain of it all consumed me. I cried for my own loss, for losing Edward. I cried for the pain I had inflicted upon Alice. I cried for the pain their family was now enduring because of me being in their lives. I cried for the years I had wasted in vain, hoping one day Edward would return to me. But, most of all, I cried for my freedom. For my chance to return to being a normal human being. Not one who walked around aimlessly doing everything a normal college girl would do, smiling when appropriate, talking when expected to, crying when needing release, laughing when the time warranted for it. But never really feeling it. All this time I had thought I had moved on, gotten over Edward. When in reality, I was doing the same thing I had right after Edward left, before Alice came back, just in a more subtle way. I was so accustomed to it, I had actually fooled myself.

Hours later, the tears and sobbing stopped, and Alice was still holding me patiently, whispering soothing words in my ear and gently rubbing circles on my back.

I looked up at her hesitantly, scared of what was to come next.

She smiled back at me. "Don't worry, Bella. This doesn't change a thing. You are still my best friend, and I still love you. I hope you don't feel differently about me now." Her brow furrowed and she instantly looked worried. Her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Please, Bella, tell me we can still be friends. I don't know what I would do if I lost you, again."

I pressed myself into her arms and held her tightly. Tears of joy now trickled down my cheeks. "Of course, I still want to be your friend, Alice. I love you. I will always love you."

She smiled. I motioned for her to lay down with me. I was tired, my eyelids were heavy, and my body felt like stone. I curled up on the bed and pulled the covers up. Alice lay next to me and ran her fingers through my hair, humming softly to me.

"Sleep, Bella, things will be better tomorrow." I heard Alice whisper as I feel into a deep welcomed sleep.

I woke to Alice shaking me roughly. I could hear screaming, wild, animalistic screaming. I opened my eyes to see not just Alice but everyone surrounding the bed looking at me with terrified eyes.

It was then I realized the screaming was coming from me.

Carlisle rushed to my side, "Bella, are you okay? It was just a nightmare, Bella. You're okay. You're safe here with us," he murmured soothingly.

I grasped at my chest, trying vainly to stop the sheering pain that was ripping through me.

Carlisle, the ever observant, noticed my motion and questioned softly with a worried voice, "Bella are you in pain? Is something wrong?"

I looked into his concerned caramel eyes. I opened my mouth to tell him I was okay, but the pain seared through me once again, like someone was cutting me deeply, slowly, tortuously with a jagged knife, and I screamed, "Edward. Something happened to Edward."


	18. Chapter 17

**Yet another time jump. My apologies, but I didn't want to bore ya too much with the smaller details over the years. If you're terribly confused, just let me know in your review, and I'll do my best to make it make more sense.**

**Jagged Turns & Twisted Fates**

**- Life goes on!**

**Two years later~**

"Come on, Bella. We had better hurry up. Alice and Jasper will be here soon, and you know Alice won't be happy if she has to wait."

"I know, Hun. Just give me a minute. I'm just putting my shoes on." I looked up and rolled my eyes at him.

"Do you have everything packed up in the bus?"

"Yes, Bella. Everything is all set. Our first stop is Denmark, and you're scheduled to play at nine o'clock tomorrow night. Emmett and Rosalie are already here; we're just waiting on Alice and Jasper."

"All done." I popped up cheerfully and jumped into his waiting arms. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and grabbed his hand, dragging him downstairs with me.

"Hey, Emmett. Hey, Rose. How are you guys? All ready to go back on tour?

"Bells, man, I have missed you. And, look, you're still as cute as ever." Emmett apparently found this funny, and his booming laughter filled the house as he drew me in for a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you guys, too. Time passes so quickly." Just then, Alice came bouncing into the living room.

"Come on, you guys. Let's get this show on the road." She giggled as she pulled Jasper out the front door and boarded the bus.

I rolled my eyes at her and her dramatics, but really, I was just oh so grateful to have these amazing people in my life. I still could not remember everything about them since the 'accident', but I had built many new memories with them since, and slowly, ever so slowly, bits and pieces returned to me at the oddest of times.

Someday, I would have the old me back, but until then, I was okay with the me I was now and the people I had in my life to support the 'new me'.

I made my way to the back of the bus and plopped onto the bed we had set up, just for the human, and kicked off my shoes. I snuggled into my blankets and let my thoughts drift over the past couple of years. So much had happened in such a short time. My life had changed so drastically. Not necessarily for the better or for the worse, just changed, and for the time being, I was content. But every so often, I let myself mull over it all a bit and replay everything over and over wondering what ifs and imaging what could have been.

-OO-

"_Bella, this is freakin' amazing," Emmett boomed from behind me. "Here I thought all the fun stuff in life had nothing to do with human things. Man, was I wrong. Being in a band, having people cheering and throwing themselves at you, fucking rocks!" Emmett grinned widely while Rosalie just rolled her eyes at him. I couldn't help but smile in response. He was right. This was an amazing experience, and I was grateful I had let Alice convince me to give it a try._

_We had been on tour for just over two months. We only had nine shows left until we returned home. I was excited to go back and see Tristan again. I had missed him dearly. However, I was nervous about all the attention that would inevitably come from my fellow classmates, now that we had turned celebrity like, practically overnight._

_We were waiting back stage for our name to be called, and Emmett was bouncing around like a jack-in-the-box. Trying his dandiest to creep me out by sucking on his own arm and letting blood trickle down his chin while groaning 'Muah ha ha ha' and chasing me around the vanity Rosalie was perched at working on her hair. Why? Who the hell knows why Emmett does anything Emmett does._

_His creepy version of Dracula was cut short when we heard the announcer belt out the name 'Tortured Souls,' followed by the crowds roaring cheers and wallops._

_Emmet sprinted for the stage with his drum sticks in hand and a grin spread from ear to ear. The crowd went wild. Rosalie followed closely behind, entering the stage much more gracefully. Alice pranced out on stage and threw her arms up in the air, shaking her fists wildly to get the crowd pumped. Jasper ran at normal human speed, while clutching his guitar and waving excitedly out at the fans. Lastly, I came in. I tried to at least gallop somewhat gracefully out and seem like the crazy rocker girl the fans now portrayed me as, always worrying in the back of my mind if I ran too fast I would likely sprawl myself onto the floor and do some crazy damage, such as requiring nose surgery._

_I scurried onto the stage. And just as I was getting to center stage, I heard Jasper' guitar throw out a penetrating sound to silence the crowd._

"_Are you ready to rock?" I shouted out to the crowd. They shouted and screamed. I heard catcalls and hoots galore._

"_I thought we'd start out with something a little slower. I just wrote it recently and thought I could try it out on you fine folks. What do ya think?" I belted into the microphone._

_My question was met with yet another round of roaring and applauding. So, we started the song._

"_I call this one 'Where I Used to Have a Heart'."_

_I remember Alice's ghostly tune start up on the piano. I could remember clearly the fear that ran through me, singing a song I had written. The first song that truly showed raw emotion. Something that was so closely twined with my feelings. I was scared of what the people would think of me. They must have known I was a broken hearted, scorned woman. They must have understood our name 'Tortured Souls.' I closed my eyes warily and let the glorious sounds encase me as the soft melodic words tumbled from my lips._

_Where I used to have a heart  
Feels like a mile wide ditch  
I got a hole inside  
The doctor just can't stitch  
Gone without a trace  
You left a hollow place  
There's not a stone to mark  
Where I used to have a heart_

There were times when I would  
hold you  
And feel the pounding in  
by chest  
Now I'm just as empty  
As a canyon way out west  
That's how deep I loved you  
Babe, I love you still  
To the bottom of this space  
I'll never fill 

_I had a small glisten of tears shimmering in my eyes as the song ended. And, at first, the crowd was deathly quiet. I feared I had pushed my luck and written/shared something too sappy for them to enjoy without an upbeat tune to carry my words. However, seconds later, they started clapping enthusiastically. I dared a glance into the crowd, only to see, to my amazement, the reason for their delayed reaction was a huge majority of the women and girls there had tears brimming in their eyes, as well. They were sharing in my pain and understanding the heartache that consumed me. This was truly amazing to me. I was so touched._

"_Thank you. Thank you, everyone," I whispered brokenly into the mic. I gave myself a second or two to calm myself and then lifted the mic to my lips once more. "Now how about something to pick us up?" I yelled._

"_Alright. Sounds like this is what you all came here for, so how about we play 'I love Rock 'n'Roll'?"_

_The crowd went wild. I took that as a sign they wanted to hear the song. I internally laughed at myself. Of course they did. They did pay to come see us play, so, obviously, they wanted to hear us play. I rolled my eyes at myself._

_Alice and Rosalie joined me, then, up front of the stage, each with a mic in hand. Rose winked and Alice smiled. The music started and the three of us started swaying our hips seductively. I could hear Emmett's chuckle and Jasper's groan of approval from behind us. We giggled like school girls._

_I saw him dancing there  
By the record machine  
I knew he must have  
Been about seventeen  
The beat was going strong  
Playing my favorite song  
I could tell  
It wouldn't be long  
Till he was with me  
Yeah, with me  
And I could tell  
It wouldn't be long  
Till he was with me  
Yeah, with me_

Singin'

I love rock 'n' roll  
So put another dime  
In the jukebox  
Baby  
I love rock 'n' roll  
So come and  
Take the time  
And dance with me

Ow

-OO-

_We moved right on to the next song from there._

"_This one is called 'Before He Cheats'."_

_Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached blond tramp,  
and she's probably getting frisky...  
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey..._

Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...

And he don't know... 

_**The crowd of girls jumped in at this point and started belting out the lyrics with me..I bounced along the outskirts of the stage holding out the mic so each girl I passed could sing into it.**___

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,  
carved my name into his leather seats...  
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,  
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...  
  
_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats._

Right now, she's probably up singing some  
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..  
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"  
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,  
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo...  
And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,  
carved my name into his leather seats,  
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,  
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

…_._

I scurried offstage, quickly, while Jasper and Alice played a bit of an all music solo and chugged back half a water bottle. I had just regained my breathing when I heard the notes begin for our next song. I started singing it before I was even back on stage.

_Under a lovers' sky  
Gonna be with you  
And noone's gonna be around  
If you think that you won't fall  
Well just wait until  
Til the sun goes down_

Underneath the starlight - starlight  
There's a magical feeling - so right  
It'll steal your heart tonight 

_**I came bouncing out from behind the stage at this point, now that the beat had picked up considerably.**__  
_  
_You can try to resist  
Try to hide from my kiss  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark  
You'll surrender your heart  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No, you can't fight it  
It's gonna get to your heart_

There's no escape from love  
Once a gentle breeze  
Weaves it's spell upon your heart  
No matter what you think  
It won't be too long  
Til your in my arms  
Underneath the starlight - starlight  
We'll be lost in the rhythm - so right  
Feel it steal your heart tonight

_We finished that up and decided to let the crowd decide what we played next. I was still shocked that so many strangers already knew my music. Music that had came from the darkest depths of my broken soul and had only been available to the world to scrutinize for a short period of time, but they did, and they loved it._

_Okay ya'll we have time for one last song, any requests?_

_It seems "Pictures' was a hit cause they immediately began chanting for it._

_I smiled. I was glad they were keeping it somewhat upbeat tonight, I was in a foul mood and didn't really want to be singing too many mushy songs._

"_Alright, Pictures it is then." Once again Alice and Rose joined me to sing along._

_I took your picture on the day we met  
You gave me a smile, so I told you my name  
It was a summer I will never forget  
You told me you loved me, I told you the same_

We had fun for a little while  
But right away, I knew it could never last  
In five days I'd be back at school  
I never knew five days could go by so fast

And when the sun went down you kissed me one last time  
It felt just like a photograph, a picture in my mind  
Now all I have is the memory, it seem so long ago  
  
_But tonight, I feel like you are here with me  
As I sit here alone, looking at pictures of you_

Somtimes when I think of you  
It makes me smile all over again  
I wonder if you ever think of me too  
Or if you remember my name

_"Goodnight New York!" I screamed as we exited the stage. I was beat and dying to get off my feet, and once again, feeling sorry for myself._

_That was the night my life began changing for the better. Jordan had attacked us as soon as we entered the bus. Buzzing about how we had sold umpteen singles, and the radio stations were just eating up our songs. Not to mention the crowds we were drawing in for each concert. He already had papers he was waving frantically in our faces. A new permanent contract with a huge signing bonus and a hell of a jump in commission. I signed the next three years of my life away that night. Hell, we all did, without a second thought. We loved the travelling and the fans and singing the music; which was a definite surprise to me, but a welcomed one. Even though it hurt, still, to sing some of the songs that were just so personal to me, I had felt increasingly better since I began sharing my feelings through song, and knowing I was touching other people's hearts with them at the same time._

I sighed, rolling over onto my side. So much had changed. Don't get me wrong, I loved my life right now. But in my usual style, I yearned for something more, something unattainable at the current time. I had to keep reminding myself just two more years, and that would all change.

"Bella, you okay?" I heard from outside the door.

"Yes, Hun, I am. Why don't you come here and give me a hug." I giggled as he wrapped his strong arms around me. Wrapping me in an ice-cold loving hug. _Oh, how things have changed._

"I love you, beautiful," he whispered lovingly into my ear. His sweet cool breath sent tingles down my spine. "I love you too, Tristan."

**Who all thought it was Edward? Do you really think I am truly a cruel, cold bitch? *puppy dog eyes and lash batting***

**Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukah – whatever it is you and your family celebrate, I wish you all all the happiness in the world and a safe and happy holiday season.**

xx


	19. Chapter 18

**Happy New year, Lovlies...well, tomorrow night, but Ima say it now :-P What is your New Years Resolution?**

**If you have yet to check out the already completed fic on my prof called' All I want for Christmas is to be with You', then go...read it...it's a bit different and a fast read, and did I say complete? I'd love to know what u think of it.**

**Losing a piece of me**

Tristan left to go up front to find out where we were and talk with Jasper about something.

Sleep was evading me. I could hear its cold, menacing chuckle. It enjoyed my pain. As long as I was awake, it knew thoughts would invade my mind, tear at my heart and try torturously to tear at the walls I had put up so carefully around my heart. I knew I was lucky to have Tristan in my life. He was an amazing man. So sweet and caring. There was nothing he ever denied me.

He had given me life again, when I thought mine had ended, when I knew I had lost my Edward. My mind skipped back to that awful night. The night I knew Edward was gone.

_I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably as I told Carlisle something had happened to Edward. He refused to believe me and said it was just a dream, but I knew otherwise. I had felt his pain scorch through my body, and I withered with him. I had felt him reach out to me, and I had felt him let go. To this day I could swear I had heard him whisper good bye to me in the softest, most confused voice I had ever heard leave his lips. My heart still twisted into agonizing pain every time I thought of that night, which wasn't too often anymore. I just couldn't handle the pain. I remained adamant of my beliefs, no matter how crazy and delirious the Cullens had believed I was. Finally, one year after that dreadful night, Esme and Carlisle had come to me and informed me they believed me. They had heard nothing from Edward since that night, and even though they hadn't seen him in years, he had always made the occasional call or sent a letter. They had received none in the last year. Alice could no longer see any visions of him, either. Esme was beside herself in pain only a mother could feel, and it emanated from her ruthlessly, grasping for anyone who dared to get too close to her, pulling one in to share its horrible pain._

_We held each other that night, curled up on the couch in a ball of pain. No one dared interrupt our time together. Not even Alice could bring herself to join us. It was something Esme and I had shared alone, a burden we would carry till the end of time. Ours, and ours alone. We were the women of his life, and we had failed him. There was no sharing that kind of pain. We knew the others suffered as well, but we were greedy and felt that no amount of pain they could muster up could compare to the annihilating pain coursing through our souls at the loss of our Edward._

_Darkness took me then, for months I remained in solitude. Refusing to see anyone, even Alice. I locked myself in my room for days before I had even ventured out to get a glass of water or relieve my bladder of the ocean that it held. Darkness had taken over my soul, my heart no longer existed. Something, someone, had stolen it that night Esme had held me, and we had finally together accepted Edward's demise, and in its absence, something cold and sinister took its place. I began lashing out at Alice and Jasper. Without a hint of remorse for my cold, hateful words, I trudged along. _

_Twice, I had tried to kill myself. _

_The first time, Jasper had saved me from my icy blood bath, and it had taken everything in him not to finish me off when he found me floating in the bath tub in a pool of my own blood. I had slit my wrists straight up instead of sideways; I remembered hearing somewhere that it was more effective that way. I was livid with Jasper for interfering with my decisions and for saving my lost soul. No one understood that it was over for me now. They didn't understand that, even though Edward had left me long ago, I still had hope. Hope that his beautiful light was living somewhere, happily. That his glorious smile was reaching someone else's heart. That his playful nature was still intact, and he was happy somewhere, even if it was not with me. Now, however, I had nothing to cling to. He was gone. I would never again hear Esme whisper softly when I was at my worst that he was okay, where ever he was. I was nothing but a black hole, sucking in anyone stupid enough to come close to me. Pulling them down and under with me, until nothing but despair was left in them, as well._

_The second time, I had jumped out of my window. Unfortunately, not realizing it wasn't high enough to cause death, only immense physical pain. I had broken my hip and spent the next two months in bed in terrible pain. I welcomed the pain, though. It seemed to bring me closer to Edward. I remembered the pain I felt that night when I knew he had left me for good and reveled in the fact that I was now, too, getting my own pain, equivalent to that of which he suffered before he so cruelly left this world. I awoke in the hospital a month and a half after that attempt, missing half of my life. The doctors called it Lacunar amnesia. They spent hours explaining it to me, trying to make me understand why there were so many gaps in my life. Why only certain pieces appeared to have vanished from my mind._

_BACK AT THE HOSPITAL AFTER THE SUICIDE ATTEMPT:_

"_I am so sorry, Miss Swan, but it seems you have a form of amnesia which we call 'Lacunar Amnesia'. It only affects very traumatic events in your life and, subsequently, anything directly related to them._

"_You see human beings have three types of memory. 'Working memory' is what you're using to remember what you've just heard. The brain hates clutter, so most working memory is short term, meaning we keep it for a short while and then toss it out._

"'Procedural memory' helps us remember certain motor skills. If you've ever learned to ride a bike, you really never forget.

"The third kind of memory is the kind we usually mean when we talk about our memory. 'Declarative memory' includes interim and long-term memory. A memory starts out as a thought which travels through the brain's cells (neurons) by means of junctions called synapses. The synaptic transmission induces a chemical or structural change in the brain. This is called a 'memory trace'.

"The brain is quick to discard memory traces that don't appear useful. This is why you don't remember every phone number you ever dialed. However, some memory traces get repeatedly activated. Repeated activation literally embeds the memory into the brain.

"Memories all start out in the short-term category, but those that are repeatedly activated go on to become interim and possibly even long-term memories.

"Long-term memories usually stay intact throughout a lifetime. However, in cases of amnesia, even long-term memories can disappear."

_He took a deep wary breath likely worried he was overloading me with information, but I nodded for him to continue. I wanted to know everything. I needed to understand what the hell had happened to me._

"_There are two main types of amnesia, anterograde-no memories stored going forward and retrograde-loss of long-term memory. Amnesia is rare; it is caused by physical or emotional trauma, drugs or long-term alcoholism._

"Transient global amnesia is complete amnesia-forward and backward- that comes on suddenly, lasts less than 24 hours and is followed by full recovery. Transient global amnesia appears to be caused by an interruption of blood supply to the brain, such as a mini-stroke.

"Lacunar amnesia involves the loss of memory of a specific event, such as a car wreck. Some Lacunar amnesia is permanent, while some people eventually recover the missing memories."

"_Wait. You mean someday I might remember it all again?" I asked hopefully._

_He sighed and wrung his fingers together. "Yes, that is possible, but not likely. Please keep in mind, a huge number of people who suffer from this same kind of amnesia who do actually recover their memories, don't turn out too well. In most cases, they become paranoid and suicidal. Some even schizophrenic and delusional. There really is no telling what the outcome for you may be. I am so sorry I don't have a better answer for you," he said with a voice full of regret._

_I stopped him there. I couldn't take anymore. He had explained more than enough for me to come to the conclusion that I was a lost cause._

_This is where Tristan came in; he had witnessed my failed attempt of ridding myself of this world. He had been the one to rush me to the hospital. He had been the one to contact Alice and Jasper. He had been the one who sat at my bedside, reading to me, feeding me, singing to me and whispering encouraging words to me as I feel asleep at night._

_Tristan had been the one to convince me of how much I was hurting Alice and Jasper by being so cold to them. He had been the one to pull me back out of my trance and start living again. He had convinced me to resign my record contract and head out on tour. So, I had gone, and he had followed me._

_He had been the one to hold me while I trembled after Alice and Jasper told me about my past, and about Edward. I couldn't remember any of them. Not a single one of the Cullens, but I did feel a strong connection to Jasper. Edward's name seemed vaguely familiar to me, but with that name came a burst of pain in my chest. I wasn't sure why I had no recollection of him at all, aside from the pain associated with his name. I think a part of me believed Alice and Jasper when they told me how desperately I was in love with this man. I just could not remember. Then they told me he was dead, and I cried. I cried, because if and when I ever got my memories back, I wasn't sure if I could handle the returning feelings of intense unbreakable love, only to know the one I felt them towards was gone, and there was no getting him back._

_Tristan had been there, every step of the way. He held my hand to comfort me and held me when I cried. _

_He was there to catch me whenever I fell and had quietly and patiently stuck by me and endured my wrath of painful words I had thrown at him. He had been my rock and shining star, when the rest of the world seemed so dark and empty._

_It was impossible not to fall in love with him. He was perfect. I knew he would never replace Edward in my heart, and he knew there was very little left of my heart to give. But he accepted that, and loved all that was left of me as if I were the most precious diamond on the planet._

I fiddled unconsciously with the pendant dangling from my neck. Esme had given it to me after our night of crying. At first, I had been hesitant to accept such a precious gift, but she assured me it was best for me to keep it. I had replaced the picture of me with one Esme had of Edward and I, both, the night of Prom, and as promised, I never took the pendant off. It was all I had of Edward now. Well, that, and the many pictures Esme had so graciously offered me in a gorgeous leather bound photo album. Something for me to remember him by, she had said. As if I could ever forget. I snorted softly to myself at that thought. No, I could never fully forget Edward, only most of him. He was my life; he was my light; and he was supposed to be my forever. A single solitary tear slipped past my lashes, and I quickly wiped it away as I heard someone approaching the room.

"Hey, Bells. We're almost there. We'll be grabbing a hotel room. I figured since we are staying here for a week, we may as well be comfy," he smiled while lowering himself to my level and swiping a stray hair out of my eyes. He cupped my face gently and kissed me lightly, but with such passion and love it left me breathless. He lifted my chin, gazed into my eyes and whispered softly the sweetest words, "Je t'aime, ma belle ange." I wasn't quite sure what they meant, French wasn't my best subject in school, but I could just tell by the passion in his voice, they were beautiful. "It means, I love you, my beautiful angel." He chuckled while caressing my cheek and smiling at me adoringly.

Wow. This man never ceased to amaze me. I grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him roughly, yet lovingly, towards me and kissed him with a fierceness and passion that only he was able to bring out of me. I ran my fingers through his hair and let my hand slip down his back. I lowered my lips down to his chin and peppered kisses across his strong jaw line. I continued on to his muscular neck and nibbled my way up to his ear lobe, sucking on it gently and finishing it off with a gentle nibble before peppering kisses along his neck to his other ear lobe, where I continued my sucking and nibbling. He groaned and threw his head back in pleasure. I let my tongue trail down to the hollow of his collarbone and swished it around lightly, which elicited a slight hiss from him while he groped my ass roughly. I moaned, feeling the growing pool of wetness between my legs get wetter each passing second. I thrust my hips against him and felt my knees buckle slightly as I felt his erection dig into my stomach. I rubbed myself gently against his side and hissed in pain. I was so aroused it was actually painful to the touch, and I yearned for release. I wanted him now. I was ready. I was finally ready, and I hoped with all that was holy, he would give in to his desires, as well, and let us join as one and not push me away. I looked up into his beautiful, bright green eyes as we fell back onto the bed. He held his weight off me by propping himself up with his left hand while his right hand teased and kneaded my breasts. I moaned huskily, passion overtaking me."Please, Tristan. I need you now."

His head swung up, and he looked like a deer caught in head lights. His expression quickly changed as he took in what I was asking. "Are you sure, Bella?" he questioned softly.

"Yes, Tristan, please. I want to feel you inside of me. Please don't deny me this. I promise we can go slow, so I won't get hurt."

One look at his lust hooded eyes, and I knew this was it. I, Bella Swan, was about to lose my virginity to one of the most amazing men to walk the earth. I brought my lips back up to his and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, gently sucking on it while my hands lifted his shirt over his head. We parted for mere seconds, and still I whimpered from the loss of his lips. As soon as the shirt was off, I attacked his lips passionately and began groping at his now bare chest. I kissed his lips one last time before I started licking and sucking at every bit of flesh on his torso I could get to. I nipped gently at his nipples which earned me the sexiest moan I had ever heard. This just excited me all the more and gave me the last push I needed to journey further down his chest. I flicked my tongue over his belly button and sucked gently along his little treasure trail of hair that I was most positive would lead me to a whole new land on his body - one I was desperate to explore. I shakily fiddled with the button to his jeans and lowered the zipper. Tristan lifted himself to assist me as I tugged at his offending jeans. He kicked them off his ankles. As I was reaching for his boxer briefs, I gasped, he was rather large. I had seen many naked men in books and in movies, but none had ever looked so big. I gulped. This was going to be painful.

He noticed me hesitate and lifted my chin. "Are you okay, Hun?" he whispered huskily. I nodded and took him into my little hand. I was new at this and hoped he would enjoy himself. I slowly ran my hand along his length. As my fingers ran over his throbbing head, I felt his body shudder. I looked up excitedly as he groaned and grabbed at a nearby pillow. I lowered my lips to his head and just grazed the tip. His body lifted off the bed slightly, and I flicked my tongue out to meet his thrust. He grabbed my head gently and twined his fingers through my hair. I licked, kissed and flicked my tongue over his head with a new found confidence. His moan was so loud and passion filled, I just took a chance and took him into my mouth. "Holy shit, Bella…so good…don't stop…oh, please…oh, shit."

Tristan wasn't making much sense, but, either way, his groaning and moaning turned me on even more. I shifted and lowered myself on his legs and felt his knee graze across my crotch. I moaned with his dick still in my mouth. He grabbed my head roughly and screamed my name. Apparently, he liked that. Tristan reached down for me and pulled me towards him, "Come here, beautiful. As much as I liked that, I won't last too much longer if you keep it up," he groaned as his hands trailed down to my now soaked panties. "Oh, Bella. You're so wet, hmm. I can't wait to taste you."

"Well, what are you waiting for, then?" I hissed suggestively, withering in his hands, desperate to feel him.

That was all it took. He began showering my body with kisses and licks. His fingers grazing, ever so slightly, over my wet heat the entire time. I was so lost in the bliss of his touch, I hadn't even noticed he had removed my panties, when I felt two cold fingers enter me. I screamed his name and thrust upwards, grasping the sheets for dear life. Holy shit, that feels fucking phenomenal. If his fingers felt that good, I could only imagine what it would feel like with his dick inside of me. I groaned loudly at that thought and pushed myself into his fingers, feeling them go deeper into me.

He keep plummeting his fingers into my soaking wet, while his thumb flicked and pressed against my clit. I closed my eyes, trying to gather myself enough to make a coherent thought. I was so close, oh so close. I trembled and arched and shivered in delight. "Oh, Tristan, I'm so close, baby. Your fingers feel so good. Oh…please…more…don't…..awwwwwwww…TRISTAN." I came violently, thrashing about as he inserted yet another finger into me, stretching me wider.

I felt his fingers move slowly out of me, and the cold wetness of his tongue replace them. He lapped and flicked and sucked until I could swear I must be bone dry. I couldn't take it anymore and begged him to come to me. He slowly kissed a trail freezing pebbles up my body until he reached my lips, and our lips crashed together frantically. I could taste myself on his tongue, and man, did that turn me on, surprisingly.

I could feel his cold, hard, pulsating dick hovering over my wet, warm pussy, and I arched upwards until he rubbed against me. I did this a few more times until I knew I could take no more. "Please, Tristan. NOW. I need you now."

I could feel him at my entrance as his lips left mine. He looked into my eyes as if searching for something. I smiled to let him know it was okay. He must have found what he was looking for. I felt his head push into me, and I gasped in pain and pleasure.

It felt great, but I wanted more. I wanted all of him. I pulled him gently towards me to let him know I was ready for more. He slowly entered deeper into me and whispered, "Hun, this is going to hurt a bit. Once I am through, please let me know when you are ready to keep going, okay?" I shook my head pulling his lips to mine and kissing him roughly. I flicked my tongue along his lips, he parted his instantly. I was so deep into the kiss, the pain shocked the hell out of me as he thrust quickly past my barrier. I felt his body tense and his breathing stop. I clenched my jaw tightly and clutched his arm, my breathing heavy as a few tears slipped down my cheeks. Tristan kissed my forehead and stayed put, not moving an inch. He kept whispering, chant like, "I am so sorry, Bella. Je t'aime, ma belle ange," into my hair.

Finally, the pain seemed to subside and, in its wake, it left me hornier than I thought possible. I reached up and twined my fingers in Tristan's hair roughly. "I'm ready. Please. I need you. Please make love to me, baby. I love you so much," I murmured into his ear with a flick of my tongue. Immediately, he picked up his thrusts. It still hurt a bit, but that pain was quickly overridden with the most intense feeling I had ever known. I was right, his fingers didn't come close to holding a candle to him actually being inside of me. "Oh…my …so good…need more….harder please….oh, god…." I couldn't even manage an actual sentence. I heard Tristan chuckle softly between his own moans. He must have found my delirium amusing.

Forty some odd minutes, and six orgasms later, I was spent. My legs were like jelly. I couldn't stand if I tried. My arms were so weak I couldn't even manage to roll myself over. I was sore all over, but a good kind of sore. "I love you so much, Tristan. That was amazing. You are amazing," I whispered lovingly, while placing a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Je t'aime, ma belle ange. Je t'aime, ma belle ange," he whispered while rolling me over and draping his arm over me, pulling me flush to him. I closed my eyes and sighed happily. Within minutes, I had fallen into a blissful sleep. No longer a virgin, and being held by the man I loved, who also loved me back, unconditionally.

**For those of you wondering...Edward is going to be BACK...real soon. I have the next few chaps all ready to go...so...if ya want em...well, you know...love me :-P**


	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer always applies.**

**I have been slaving over these chaps and now only have a few more to go before this story is completely written. Updates should come much faster, and even faster if ya really want them.**

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**EPOV **

**2 years later.**

"Come on, Eddie, pleaseeeeee." I looked up into those piercing blue eyes and lowered my gaze to her soft, full lips pulled down into a cute little pout. I knew she would win this battle, but that didn't mean I couldn't draw it out and get the satisfaction of at least trying to win.

Minutes passed and she kept that little frown on her beautiful face. I sighed and gathered her up into my arms, peppering her face with child like kisses. "Fine, but that doesn't mean I like this," I huffed.

She squealed and jumped from my arms, bouncing in front of me like a freakin' kangaroo in heat.

"Come on, gorgeous. Don't look so glum. You write amazing songs, and your voice is mesmerizing. Why not share it with others?"

I didn't reply to that. I didn't feel the need to defend myself. She would never understand how much it scared me to sing the words aloud.

It all started about six months after I woke up. But let me start off at the beginning, and sum it all up. I don't know exactly what happened to me. Irina and Tanya had tried their best to explain it to me. They had told me of some wolf- like beast, and how I had almost died. They explained I was a vampire, and I damn near shit myself hearing that. At first, I thought they were a couple of loons. But as the days passed, I got a sickening hunger in the pit of my stomach.

I tried eating normal food and chocked it back up within hours. The hunger remained no matter how much I indulged myself. In fact, it grew and became so intense, I truly felt like I was dying. I could feel my body weakening and my resolve wavering.

Finally, one night I got a whiff of something absolutely delicious. I sprinted from my spot on the front porch like a cat after a mouse, and before I knew it, I had thrown myself at a poor defenseless deer and druank the poor thing dry.

I tried to be disgusted with myself, but the more I drank, the better I felt; and the more I got the flashes.

Flashes of myself withering in pain, begging for someone to save me. Flashes of a blond haired, pale faced young man comforting me. And, lastly, flashes of myself among others, hunting down animals and drinking their blood. It only took a couple of weeks for this to feel normal for me and get past the idea of what I was doing. Especially once Tanya had told me the alternative. Killing humans! And there was no way in hell I could bring myself to do something that horrific.

The flashes continued. I truly thought I was going crazy. Could a vampire lose their mind? I wasn't so sure that was completely impossible. I kept the flashes to myself, partly because I feared everyone's reactions, but also because something about them felt too personal to share.

I wasn't completely convinced these were flashes of my past. I had thought maybe I was just kind of conjuring up bullshit to appease my desire to know the truth, to know my past. But after repetitively having the same flashes, just more in detail each time I had them, I knew they held some sort of truth to them, that these visions, these flashes, were pieces of my past. However, no matter how much I struggled and pushed myself to remember, I never got more than little glimpses at a time.

At night, when I rested my eyes and let my mind wander freely, was when I got my most vivid flashes. They were always the same, always of the same brown-eyed girl. She was beautiful. Not like Tanya, much more subtle. I could see secrets hidden behind those deep chocolate pools, just begging to get out. Sometimes, I would reach out to her in my mind and beg for her to share whatever it was she was holding so dearly, but never did she grant me such knowledge.

Sometimes, when I closed my eyes, I could see her laughing, with her head thrown back and her long chestnut hair flailing wildly behind her. Other times, she was just merely smiling up at me with so much love in her eyes it made my dead heart flutter. More often than not, I found her crying, sobbing uncontrollably, her eyes pleading with me for something. I wanted desperately to give it to her, whatever she wanted. I didn't even care what it was. I would give her the world if I could only stop those tears.

I came close once to asking Tanya if there had been a girl in my life, but luckily stopped myself in time. I didn't know why, but something told me Tanya was hiding things from me. Things about my past she didn't want me to know.

When I had asked Tanya and Irina about my past, they had simply said I had lived with another coven of vegetarian vampires for quite some time, but that I had left them to come here years ago and had not spoken with them since. Never once did they offer any other information, nothing more to help jog my memory. Once, Tanya had admitted that she had loved me for a very long time, and I had not always wanted her, but she clammed up right after that slipped and refused to offer any further explanation.

At times, it seemed Irina wanted to tell me things. She wanted to answer my questions, but always Tanya would interrupt, the moment would be lost, and Irina would go back to her cold, distant self.

About a year after the incident with the wolf-like creature, I gave into Tanya's advances and assumed a more romantic relationship with her. We had been dating ever since.

I refused to have sex with her, stating I believed one should wait until after marriage. How the hell I claimed that was beyond me. For all I knew, I could have been a whore and slept with every girl I saw before the accident. But something in the deeply buried part of my memory tugged and pleaded with me to make this statement and stick to it. This infuriated Tanya to no end. She had screamed and yelled, and even hit my chest a few times, before calming down and taking off. She had left for six whole days before she returned and told me she was sorry, begging me to forgive her. She claimed she just loved me so much, she wanted to take our relationship to a more intimate level.

She let the subject go for about a month, then once again started pestering me about marriage. Demanding to know when, and if, I would propose to her. She stated she just saw it as the next logical step and wanted me to prove my devotion to her. I told her I would think about it.

One night, while star gazing quietly by myself, something came to me, a tune, a beautiful tune. I ran back to the house frantically, desperate to find a pencil and paper to write it down before it could escape me.

Once I had gotten it all down on paper, I had read it over and over trying to decipher what the words meant. Where had such words come from? And why was there this feeling of utter and complete loss ripping at my beatless heart.

I walked over to my desk and pulled the worn sheet out of one of the drawers and read it for like the thousandth time since I wrote it. Wondering where the words had come from and what they meant to me, or who they were about. I felt I already knew the answer to those questions, but all I could pull from my broken memories were **shadows in my mind**.

_I think you can do much better than me_

After all the lies that I made you believe

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see_

_The edge of the bed_

_Where your nightgown used to be_

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_But I remember_

_What it feels like beside you_

_I really miss your hair in my face_

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

While looking through your old box of notes

_I found those pictures I took_

_That you were looking for_

-oo-

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder_

_Wish I never would've said it's over_

_And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older_

_Cause we never really had our closure_

_This can't be the end_

I closed my eyes and let the words drift painfully through my mind and past my lips. Singly softly, but with such fierce passion it scared the fucking shit out of me.

It was a night like this Tanya had caught me singing this song and immediately thought I had written it for her. Why she would think something like this was beyond me. But I had given up long ago trying to figure out the manic workings of her mind.

I hid the paper, later that night, safely away in my favorite book, somewhere I knew Tanya would never look. She could barely comprehend children's books, never mind something as complex and deep as Wuthering Heights. I had found this book one day in the library here and was immediately drawn to it like a magnet. I never got enough of it and had read it more times than I cared to think of since discovering it.

I sighed, knowing tomorrow night I would have no choice now, but to share these amazingly personal words with others. How the hell did Tanya talk me into that again? _Fucking bitch._

-OoOoOo-

I jumped in the shower the second Tanya left to hunt. I didn't want to give her any extra opportunity to try and seduce me. I still wasn't sure why I stayed with her. I had tried, really I had. I had tried to grow feelings for her, but the only thing that even came close to love was gratitude. I was grateful and forever in debt to her and Irina for helping me all those years ago and getting me through these last couple years. Come to think of it, that was likely the reason I stayed. Why I put up with her neediness and crude remarks. I felt indebted to her, and I was also deathly afraid of being alone. I knew my reasoning was all messed up, but the fear kept me here and would continue to do so, until I could get myself together and figure out who I was. And let me tell you, I dreaded that day like a human would dread a root canal. I knew Tanya would never let me leave without one hell of a fight. She treated me like a belonging, not like a person with their own mind.

She had even gone so far once as to point out blankly that I owed her and should be grateful the only thing she asked of me was companionship. I was in no place to argue with her, at the time. I barely knew my own name, never mind how to live in this world of humans as a vampire, a vampire with no memories, one who could scarcely survive, even with the constant urging of others.

I was lost, in more ways than just the memory issue. I had this gaping hole deep within me. Somewhere deep within the confines of my shattered mind, I knew that there was something out there waiting for me, and once I found it, I would once again be whole and all the pieces would fall gracefully into place in my life.

Tonight, I decided, was my first step in that direction. Tonight, I would do as Tanya asked, and I would sing my heart out. Share my only truly meaningful thoughts with the world. I would go to open mic, and I would sing, hoping the entire time someone would hear my musical pleas and save me from the dark abyss that was now my life.

Four hours later, we entered a dark crowded bar. Tanya had taken off, stating she was going to sign me up to sing, and left Irina and me to find ourselves a table. We found a table in the back corner of the bar and settled in just as a perky red headed waitress came over to ask for our drink orders. We politely ordered two whiskeys. I threw her my best smile, and she scurried off quickly, obviously flustered my intense gaze. I chuckled.

I let my attention drift to the stage where there were currently two young blonds singly some sluty-ass song in an off- tune squealy pitch. I cringed and tried my hardest to tune them out. This appeared to be the theme tonight. Cheap girls singing horrible songs that wouldn't earn them bus money if they were singing on a street corner.

I saw Tanya making her way towards us with a huge smile on her face, "Come on, gorgeous. You're up next," she whispered in what she seemed to think was a seductive voice. I cringed internally. The smell of her breath making me feel sick to my stomach.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was a wreck. I had a hard enough time trying to share my thoughts with Irina and Tanya, never mind coming here and sharing my innermost feelings and fears with a bunch of strangers. But I knew, if I wanted to finally begin my journey of self discovery, I had to do this.

I heard the announcer introduce me, and I walked slowly onto the stage, the bright lights pointing directly at me. Even with my vampire vision, I could barely make out a single person in the room. I heard a few sharp gasps and wondered if some silly college girl had got that turned on just by seeing me. Rolling my eyes, I began to strum softly on my guitar, letting the music overcome my thoughts.

"This is something that came to me one night while star gazing. I am not too sure exactly what inspired it, but it touches me deeply, and I am thrilled to be able to share it with all of you tonight."

I closed my eyes and started humming along with the guitar. Within seconds, her beautiful face clouded my mind and everything was right again. The music, the emotion, came to me then, tenfold, and I let it all out in my tortured words.

_I think you can do much better than me_

_After all the lies that I made you believe_

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see_

_The edge of the bed  
_  
_Where your nightgown used to be _

A piece of clothing lying over a bed post flashed by my eye lids.

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_But I remember_  
_  
What it feels like beside you_

I could feel someone, something. Warm and soft. It was so close I could almost touch it.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes_

A soft taste fluttered across my taste buds, teasing me with their flavors of honey and something else I couldn't quit place.

_And I think you should know this_

You deserve much better than me

_While looking through your old box of notes-_

A memory, I think, then flashed through my mind, of me putting a bunch of pictures and some other items into a tiny little box and placing them beneath floor boards.

_I found those pictures I took_

That you were looking for

_If there's one memory I don't want to lose…_

_that time at the mall_ –

Out of nowhere, I could see myself and the brown eyed goddess laughing. She was pushing me out of what appeared to be a dressing room and closing the door behind her. Seconds later, she emerged wearing a gorgeous blue v- neck cardigan and fluttering her thick eye lashes at me. I lost my breath for a second and had to quickly recompose myself to continue my song.

_You and me in the dressing room_

_I told myself I won't miss you_.

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

A still picture of me holding the brown eyed girl tightly against my body. The two of us, entwined and content. This brought a sad smile to my face. Who was this girl? Was she just some imaginary girl I had conjured up to comfort myself or, better yet, torture myself?

_I really miss your hair in my face…_

A gust of strawberry and freesias swept past my nose, and I almost buckled over. It was the sweetest smell I had ever known, and it demanded my attention. It seemed so familiar, yet so foreign, and exotic all in the same. I wasn't sure if it were someone in the room letting off that delicious scent, or if it was yet another hallucination of mine.

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

_Wish I never would've said it's over …_

All of a sudden I was in a forest, staring at the brown eyed girl as she wept, begging me not to leave her. Why on earth would I leave her? What was she talking about? I would never leave her, if only I could find her. But, as I thought this, I watched my own form retreat from the woods, whispering soft goodbyes to the broken brown eyed girl behind me. This infuriated me. Had I done this? Had I left this girl broken like that? No, I would never do something that cruel. Would I?

_And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older_

_Cause we never really had our closure_

_This can't be the end_

By the end of the song, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that the words were ringing true. Whoever this girl was, I was right. She was better off without me; she could do better than me. I was a broken vampire, for fuck's sake. Maybe it was best I let my past go and just try and move forward.

If these flashes, these images, I was getting were indeed real,. iIt would appear my past was much more complex and painful than I thought I could possibly handle right now. I stood there with my eyes still closed as the last note from my guitar hung in the air. Resolved on letting my past go, I opened my eyes to look out into the crowd of cheering and gushing college girls straight into a set of eyes I would know anywhere. Straight into the eyes of the brown-eyed girl who tormented my every thought.

_**Holy shit, she is real!**_

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**The song Edward wrote and sang in this chapter is actually Hinder's song- Better than me. I don't own or pretend to. I just love the lyrics and the meaning in them.**

**I am participating in The Fandom Gives Back - Fight against domestic Violence. Deets and link on my prof, as well as a poll for my readers to help decide what I should write for it. Poll will be up until week end- that is it.**

**Please review.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Like I said, these chapters are going to start coming rather quickly, so we can get this fic all wrapped up.**

**Enjoy~**

**Blissfully unaware.**

**BPOV**

I was clapping crazily and hooting like a crazy teenager. That last artist was amazing. His song was truly beautiful, and his voice was angelic. I looked over at the others to see if they had enjoyed the song as much as I had, only to find them wide eyed and gaping like idiots. Yeah, he was good looking and had a voice of an angel to boot, but come on! Even Jasper and Emmett were gaping openly at him. All of a sudden I saw a huge smile break out all over Alice's face, and she was off in a flash. I looked to the others for some sort of explanation, but got nothing but blank stares and shoulder shrugging. I could tell they were keeping something from me; they all were, well, except for Tristan. He looked just as confused as I did.

**APOV**

I could not believe my eyes. It was Edward. I couldn't get a vision on him. No matter how hard I tried, it was all static and pain and dark and emptiness. My heart broke for him. But emptiness and static be damned, I knew it was his voice; I knew it was him. At first I thought my imagination was just getting the best of me. I couldn't help but gape at him. He looked just as he had four years ago when I had last seen him. The song he had sung was so heartbreaking, I wanted nothing more than to run to him and hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright. Once I noticed Bella was staring at me with that look of wonderment in her eyes, I knew I had to talk to him before he came over to us and realized Bella had no clue who he was. I had to warn him.

I dashed backstage as fast as I could without raising suspicion. I went without even so much as an 'I'll be right back' to the others, but I am sure they knew what I was about to do.

As I rounded the corner to the back stage dressing room, I passed a girl who was mumbling to herself about not being able to compete with that. I smiled to myself, knowing she likely couldn't. Edward had sounded heavenly, and his song was ghostly, romantic and heartbreaking. I saw him heading my way and plastered my best 'I missed you like fucking crazy, but I am pissed you never called' look on my face and strode towards him.

He looked up as I approached and smiled brightly at me, but something was off in his eyes.

"Are you singing next?" he questioned me. I just gaped as my jaw dropped a notch.

"Umm, are you okay, Miss?" Worry laced his voice. I stuttered and almost lost my balance. He dashed forward and held his arms out to steady me. He jerked his hands back as a hint of recognition flashed across his eyes.

"Do…do I know you?" He looked so confused and scared, I didn't know what to say to ease his mind.

"Edward, do you not recognize me?" I asked softly, the pain evident in my voice.

"Please, I mean no offense; I am not trying to hurt you. Ummm...!"

"Alice," I interrupted him.

Again a flash of something crossed his eyes, and he cocked his head in puzzlement.

"Can I hug you? Please, Edward? It has been so long, and I have missed you dearly, we all have."

"Ughh. Yeah, I guess," he mumbled, sounding uncomfortable. But I didn't care. I missed him too much to have him this close and not hug the shit out of him while I could.

"Ouch…I mean you…you're a vampire, too?" he asked wearily.

"Of course I am, silly. And not just any vampire, I'm your sister."

"My what…?" He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes slanted. He was scrutinizing everything about me, looking for some common traits to back up my claim.

"My sister? But you look nothing like me, except your eyes. But that doesn't mean anything except you are a vegetarian as well," he stated bluntly his face void of any emotion.

All of a sudden a vision hit me, and man, did it hit me hard.

_Irina and Tanya walked up to us, and Tanya did not look happy. "Alice what are _you_ doing here?" she sneered. I couldn't understand her hostility, as she laced her arms through Edward's - it all became much clearer to me. Tanya had known where Edward was this whole time, and instead of sharing his past with him, she had kept him all for herself. I lunged at her in a blind fury. _

_I was lashing out, out of love and betrayal and pure unadulterated rage. I ripped at her face and throat, snarling and hissing the whole while. I felt hands pulling at me and looked back to see Irina trying to pull me off of Tanya. Edward stood in the same spot, horror and relief evident on his face. What was he relieved about? I yelled for Irina to stay out of this unless she wanted to be next. Just as Irina was about to lash out at me, I saw a pair of huge muscular arms snake around her waist and pull her back, just as Jasper tore Tanya from my iron grip and Rosalie held onto my arms._

I snapped my head up to see Edward looking confused and concerned.

"Are you okay, Alice? Do you need me to get something for you? You look like you've seen a ghost." He took tentative step toward me, slowly reaching out his hand the way a human would approach a stray dog.

I swallowed a deep unneeded breath and looked him directly in the eye, hoping to convey as much sincerity as possible if this was going to work. "Edward, I can see you don't remember me, but I need you to trust me right now. I need you to come with me, no questions asked, until we are somewhere safe. I can call the others to let them know where to meet us, and then, I promise, I will answer all your questions. Please, Edward. I won't lose you again, and I can't stay, or all hell is about to break loose." I pleaded with him with my eyes and raised my hand shakily to meet his hand, begging him to just throw caution to the wind and come with me.

He opened his mouth to answer and snapped it shut in the same breath. He did this a few more times. I sighed in defeat, knowing I was about to lose him again. I was furious, but even more than that, I was pained beyond anything I had ever felt before. This rejection and betrayal hurt more than when I had thought he was dead, because now I knew he was alive and well. But that fucking bitch Tanya had done something to him to keep him in her greedy, dirty grasp.

With my head hung low, I took one last glance at my brother, my heart filled with sorrow. As I turned to leave, he wordlessly grasped my hand. I looked at him, confusion flashing through me, only to see utter determination in his beautiful eyes, and, together, we ran.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and quickly called Rose, explaining to her not to talk to Tanya and to leave there, NOW. I told her to meet me back at the hotel right away and not to talk to anyone until she saw me. She agreed, and I quickly dialed the next number. Carlisle answered after only half a ring. I shouted for him to come as soon as he and Esme could. I told him it was a matter of life or death. He assured me he would be at the hotel within hours. I snapped the phone shut and smiled to myself. I could fix this, I just knew it. I just had to.

**EPOV**

I would so lost in my scrambled mind, trying to put together that the girl…the very girl that had been consuming my very being, was here, somewhere, out here, that I didn't notice the gorgeous, pixie like girl approaching me until I was almost on top of her. I lowered my head thinking she would pass by. After a few seconds, I tentatively raised my eyes to see her standing in front of me. I smiled as best as I could muster. Her eyes caught my breath. They were the same as mine, as Tanya's and Irina's, as well. How could that be possible? She looked like she was about to burst. My brain fumbled for something to say to her; I wasn't too good at interacting with others. Aside from Tanya and Irina, I didn't socialize too often.

"Are you singing next?" I asked her. I knew it was a stupid question, obviously she was. What else would she be doing back here? But she just stared at me intently with her mouth slightly agape. The look in her eyes made me feel inadequate. I fiddled with the string of my hoodie while I shuffled my feet nervously.

"Umm, are you okay, Miss?" I was starting to worry about this girl's sanity, maybe she was some crazy, whacked out groupie type girl wearing contacts to catch my attention, when really she wanted to rape and torture my body. She stuttered and almost lost her balance. I dashed forward and held my arms out to steady her. I jerked my hands back. Something similar to an electric shocked ran up my arm and flashes of this girl and I burst through my usually void mind.

_I saw her bouncing around a room wildly, arms flailing with a huge smile on her face. I saw me chuckling at her behavior and her running and throwing herself into my arms. I tousled her hair and received an evil grin and a punch to the arm for my actions. I saw her holding my hand while I appeared to be upset. I saw her running through a forest closely at my heels and pouncing on a nearby deer, smiling up at me moments later and wiping a drop of blood from her chin._

"Do…do I know you?" I asked confusion and fear evident in my trembling voice.

"Edward, do you not recognize me?" she asked softly, the pain evident in her voice. I immediately regretted being the one to hurt her.

"Please, I mean no offense. I am not trying to hurt you. Umm!"

"Alice," she interrupted me. Man, that name sounded so familiar, yet so foreign as well.

Again, a flash of memories riddled my mind. _Me shopping with her and some other people I could not make out, they were all fuzzy and distant. I heard her chime-like laugh as she ransacked stores and piled bags upon bags in my arms._ I shook my head trying to rid my mind of the confusion that was slowly taking over my every thought. Who the hell is this girl?

"Can I hug you? Please, Edward? It has been so long, and I have missed you dearly, we all have."

Oh shit, now what do I say? I knew there was no way I could deny her this simple request when she looked so vulnerable and defeated. "Ughh. Yeah, I guess," I mumbled. I was a bit uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I was so desperate to connect to this girl in some level; so desperate to make all the pieces to this pixie-like puzzle fit; painfully desperate to make that lost look of pain on her face disappear, if only for a brief moment.

"Ouch…I mean you…you're a vampire, too?" I asked wearily.

"Of course I am, silly. And not just any vampire, I am your sister," she said enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"My what…?" I stopped mid sentence and slanted my eyes to get a better look at her. I was scrutinizing her. I knew I was making her uncomfortable, but I wanted so badly to see any similarity between the two of us, anything that would make her statement plausible. I saw nothing.

"My sister? But you look nothing like me, except your eyes. But that doesn't mean anything except you are a vegetarian as well," I stared blankly.

Out of nowhere, she grasped the wall and started shaking violently. If possible, it appeared she had turned even paler than her already creamy white complexion. This scared the shit out of me. What the fuck was happening to her?

"Are you okay, Alice? Do you need me to get something for you? You look like you've seen a ghost," I whispered, taking a tentative step toward her, slowly reaching, not wanting to scare her.

She raised her hand and swallowed a shaky breath, then stared me straight in the eye with a look of desperate determination. "Edward, I can see you don't remember me, but I need you to trust me right now. I need you to come with me, no questions asked, until we are somewhere safe. I can call the others to let them know where to meet us, and then, I promise, I will answer all your questions. Please, Edward. I won't lose you again, and I can't stay, or all hell is about to break loose," she pleaded and raised a shaky hand to my own, begging.

I opened my mouth to answer but snapped it shut tightly. I did this a few more times. What the fuck should I do? I battled with myself internally. The one side of me wanting nothing more than to take her hand and let her show me what she needed to and also to make sure she got somewhere safely. I still was not convinced of her sanity, and god knows what a crazy vampire in her state of mind was capable of. While another part of me was scared shitless and wanted nothing more than to run back to my house and hide in a fucking closet until it all just went away.

I heard her sigh. Defeat shining through her sad eyes. She hung her head and looked at me with what I knew was a sad goodbye, a one last glance kind of look. All of a sudden, a heart wrenching pain ripped through my chest. Somehow, something in me was telling me not to let this girl leave. I needed her. I wasn't sure why, maybe what she was telling me had some truth to it, after all. I truly felt connected to this girl and obviously my subconscious was trying to show me what a fool I would be to just let her walk back out of my life. I grasped for her hand, wanting nothing more than to feel that crazy shock run through me again. Anything really that would make me feel more human than I had in the last couple of years with that leech Tanya. She looked at me, confusion flashing through her beautiful yet sad eyes, and then she smiled, and we ran.

**So, Edward's back. How many of you are squealing right about now?**

**Please remember The Fandom Gives Back info is on my prof, as well as a poll for what I should write for it. It is only up for a cpl more days, so scoot on over and vote, or PM me with ur idea.**

**Please review~**


	22. Chapter 21

**Just a reminder, disclaimer still and always applies.**

**I know I havn't been the best at replying to your wonderful reviews, but I want to. But, I have to choose sometimes between writing and replying, so sorry if I missed you. I promise I read and loved every single one of you for taking the time to share your thoughts and smiley's with me.**

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**~ Perseaus.**

We ran for a mere fifteen minutes before we reached a huge hotel. We slowed down to a human pace just as we were rounding the corner to the entrance. Alice nodded her head at the doorman as he gave her a smile. He must know her. We got in the elevator and took it all the way to the penthouse suite – top floor. Nice!

As we approached a door that read 'suite 1,' I could hear muffled voices on the other side. I immediately halted my movement. Who were we going to see? Alice had mentioned 'others,' but who were the others she was referring to?

"Umm, Alice, who's in there?" I questioned warily.

She cocked her head my way and looked up at me with patient understanding eyes, "Don't worry, Edward. I would never do anything to hurt you. I love you, silly. Now, come on already. Everyone is dying to see you." She grinned and grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me towards the door. I ran my other hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I could do this. There can't be anything that bad on the other side, right? Nothing worse than accidentally walking in on Tanya while she is playing a game of hide the vibrator, that is. Ha…I could so handle this.

The second the door opened, blurs of people were swarming me."

"Oh, Edward. It is you. I have missed you so." One woman wept. While a man with short blond hair held her to his side. The man smiled tightly at me; it seemed he wanted to come closer to me but held back for some reason.

I stood there staring at him for a few seconds. There was something so familiar about him. I felt some kind of magnetic force pulling me towards him. I involuntarily took another step closer to him while watching him try to console the frail looking woman in his arms.

_I was lying in what appeared to be a hospital bed, the blond man was hovering over me, whispering in my ear. "This is going to hurt, Edward. I am so sorry." Then he lowered his mouth to my neck and bit down on my flesh._ I roared and gripped my head in my fists as a murderous pain shot through my skull.

Instantly, everything went quiet as all six sets of grief-stricken, happy, shocked eyes gawked at me.

"Sorry, headache," I mumbled apologetically. I snuck one last glance at the blond man before I moved forward in the room.

"Hey, buddy. Good to have you back, man. We need to catch up on some serious video-gaming, dude!" A monster of a boy boomed at me while punching my shoulder playfully. I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was like his cheery, immature attitude was infectious, and I immediately wanted to play said video game with him. He was so laid back; you could tell this just by watching him for mere seconds. I envied him already.

"Welcome back, Edward. I see you haven't changed much," a gorgeous blond sneered at me.

What was that supposed to mean?

Before I got a chance to ask, Alice interrupted me. "Edward, this is Rosalie. Don't mind her, she is just being her usual snarky self," Alice snickered, and I could see the big guy beside her trying to hold back his chuckles as well.

Rosalie swatted him on the back of the head. "Shut it, you big bozo," she hissed. He immediately began begging for forgiveness. I chuckled aloud. I couldn't help it. This was just too comical to me.

Yet, oddly enough, all too familiar.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and immediately felt a strong feeling of remorse. I whimpered a bit and turned to find another blond haired man. But what first caught my attention were his eyes, so sad, so full of remorse. "I am so sorry, man. This is all my fault. If I hadn't lost control…if things just would have played out differently…you wouldn't have left in the first place."

His voice sounded so strangled, I felt for the guy. So, I said the first thing that came to my mind. "No worries… umm…what's your name?"

"Jasper….sorry, I'm Jasper. Alice's husband. Your brother-in-law, and one of your closest friends, as well."

I nodded in understanding, "Aww…well, Jasper, whatever it is you blame yourself for, don't worry about it. I am sure it was an accident, and I don't tend to hold a grudge. So, no worries, okay?" I smiled genuinely at him hoping this might ease his discomfort and guilt a bit. It didn't seem to work.

Alice then motioned for me to sit on the couch before she sat beside me. I overheard an exchange between the big guy and Rosalie before they joined us that piqued my interest_, "Let's not waste time. We have to try and tell him everything we can before they get here. Before 'she' gets here."_ Rosalie snarled out the word she. Hmmm…I wonder who _'she' _is?

Two hours and seventeen minutes later, I sat staring wide-eyed at the six vampires in front of me. Trying to comprehend everything they just told me.

They were my family.

Rosalie, my vain sister, who was once intended to be my mate. Who is now Emmett's wife.

Emmett, my funny hare-brained brother. Who was a house-sized version of a teddy bear.

Alice, my pixie-sized sister. Who had visions of what could come of the future. Whom I had, apparently, been very close to.

Jasper, my friend, brother and confidant, who could apparently control other people's emotions and feel theirs as well. Who was also married to my pixie of a sister. They were the only two people Carlisle apparently had not changed and had joined our family of their own choice.

Esme, my mother. A woman who had cared for me as if I were her child, and Carlisle's wife.

And Carlisle. My father. My creator. That explained why I immediately had some recollection of him when I saw him. He was the man who made me what I am, a vampire. He told me he had changed me when I was dying of the Spanish influenza. I didn't question him further on that. Yet.

They had told me of my life, of the just over hundred years of my life I could not account for.

Of my rebellious days when I was a human drinker. I cringed at that thought. Of our many homes throughout the years. One in particular in Forks, Washington. Of going to school and pretending to be a teenager to fit in, so Carlisle could work at the hospital as a doctor and we played his adopted children. They told me of times we had shared, battles we had fought, people we had met.

They seemed to be dancing around things, though. One would start talking and be just about to say something, and then another would interrupt and take the conversation in a completely different direction.

_Esme sitting on a front porch, dry sobbing and begging me not to go. Me turning to her and saying I have to. It's the only way it would work for me. Telling her there was too much pain with all the memories in this house with them. Me, giving her one last hug before dashing into a glorious looking forest._

I reached forward and took hold of her hand and looked deep into her sad eyes. "I remember you," I whispered. She gasped. "Not everything, but I do remember you." She smiled as she pulled me up and into a gentle heart-filled hug.

Pain once again gripped my every thought, and I grasped at my head. "Edward, are you okay, son?" It was Carlisle; he was looking at me with fear laced eyes.

I nodded slowly. "Is there a balcony here? I just need to get some fresh air."

He nodded and motioned towards a door off the side of the room that we were currently in.

Without another word, I briskly made my way to the balcony and breathed the cool night air in deeply.

A soft song kept playing in my head, a lullaby of sorts. It started off sad but ended on such a happy note, I couldn't help but feel the joy I was sure the song was meant to bring. I wondered where I knew it from. It was so familiar, like something I had heard many times before.

I looked up into the dark, clear sky and awed at the beautiful stars that always brought me so much comfort when I was confused in the past. I looked into the sky now and gasped when I saw the constellation Perseus. It was so beautiful; it reminded me slightly of a broken house.

_I stood outside staring up at the skies in front of a beautiful, white, mansion style house. It screamed home, yet in my mind, felt so broken. Had I seen this house before? What was there? And why did it feel so comforting, yet dreaded at the same time?_

I could hear my family greeting someone as I sat there pondering the 'broken house constellation.'" "Bella… Tristan, thanks for giving us some time. Alice, why don't you take Bella to the balcony where she can talk to Edward in private?"

I could hear a girl telling someone she would be okay. I assumed this must be Bella, was she the girl Rosalie had been worried about earlier? And what connection did she have to me? No one had mentioned her when they had told me about my past. So why was Alice bringing her out here to see me? And why did the other person, Tristan, seem so upset about it?

As I heard them approaching, a fluttering sound caught me off guard. It was a heartbeat. Bella was a human? A human was coming to see me? What the hell!

I heard the door to the balcony open, but still didn't glance their way. I was hesitant, maybe even scared. I had a feeling this girl, this Bella, held the key to my past; and I wasn't so sure it was going to be a pretty past. Especially considering it seemed my family had so nicely danced around filling me in on a large chunk of my last few years with them.

I slowly turned towards Bella and Alice, plastering a smile on my face in hopes of fooling them into believing everything was okay; that I wasn't completely messed up.

As soon as my eyes landed on her I gasped and grabbed at my chest. She immediately grabbed my shoulder and asked if I was okay. As her fingers met my arm, a searing pain shot up it and through my whole body. I saw her pull her hand back and look at her own hand curiously, just before the pain took over my entire body.

_Bella and I holding hands walking through a hallway._

_Bella and I walking in a beautiful meadow._

_Bella throwing her head back in laughter, her brown eyes shining with amusement._

_Bella and I lying side by side curled into each other on a bed._

_Bella sleeping curled into my side while I hummed a melody to her. The same melody that played in my mind earlier that evening._

I clutched at my pounding head and doubled over in pain.

_Bella whispering, "I love you." Me whispering back, "I love you, too."_

_Bella lying broken on a floor, blood everywhere; me biting her arm. Her passing out._

_Bella and I dancing below a gazebo. Her in a gorgeous blue dress, and me in a black suit._

_Jasper snapping wildly at Bella. Blood pouring from her arms._

_Bella and I standing in a forest, tears streaming down her face while she gasped for air. Me looking her right in the eyes and saying, "You're no good for me." Her falling to the ground in a heap whispering, "You don't want me anymore?" Me whispering back, "No." Me walking away from her._

I roared in confusion and agony, causing both Alice and Bella to jump slightly.

I turned my throbbing eyes to the girl_. _"Bella… how do I know you? What are you to me?"

She started stuttering as a tear slipped from her pooling eyes, "I…I don't know."

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Oh the drama. So, Edward is gaining his memory. It's all coming back, and all it seemed to have taken was his family's presence.

Reveiws are better than getting back your memory. Leave one.


	23. Chapter 22

**Man of two minds**

**TPOV(Tristan)**

These last few years with Bella have been the best of my entire existence.

It's not that I had never dated before, because I had dated more than my share of woman in the past. All vampires, of course. Bella was the first human I had ever dated.

Never once did I even believe such a thing possible. My father had always been so closed minded when it came to integrating with humans. He was stubborn in his ways, and being the oldest of our kind made him a force to be reckoned with. But, somehow, Bella and the Cullens had showed him a side to our way of life he never thought possible. It had taken a while for him to warm to the idea of me being with Bella, but really, with how sweet and innocent she was, who would be strong enough to resist her charms for long? Definitely not me, and apparently, not my father, either.

Much of our relationship had been spent trying to help her regain her memories. I had been her faithful friend through it all. That is, until the night she reached her tiny little hand up to my face and peered up at me from behind those thick, gorgeous lashes with lust clouded eyes and, for the first time ever, showed me the dominant, sexy side of her. She kissed me with such determination and passion I couldn't help but lose myself in the kiss, in her. I was hers from that moment on. Nothing, no one, had ever made me feel the way Bella Swan did that very second. I felt like a man, just a man with a woman, and it felt amazing.

We kept our relationship very controlled physically. I had never been intimate with a human, and she had never been intimate with anyone, vampire or human. Virtue to me was not something to take lightly, and I wanted it to be perfect if, and when, we ever went that far.

She was a goddess, and I made sure to show that in everything I did. Everything we did together. Everything I did for her, with her, because of her; and everything I said to her. I never wanted her to doubt how amazing she truly was.

I couldn't help but do the cute little things human men would. Like take her out for fancy dinners I would never enjoy, but I loved watching her succulent lips slurp in spaghetti noodles, and listening to the sinful sounds that escaped her lips when she ate chocolate desserts. Watching Bella eat was one of my very favorite things to do, these days.

I took her on dates to the museums, and zoos, parks, theatres. It always surprised me she was such a fan of the classics. It was endearing that we could go to a movie and enjoy something that resembled my time as a human in some small amount.

I brought her flowers before dates, even though I only had to walk down the hallway to pick her up. We didn't share a room, at first, but I did move in with her, Alice and Jasper. We usually slept in the same bed, except on the 'bad nights,' when Bella would respectfully request to be alone for the evening. This is why we maintained separate rooms, and this alone.

On a bad night, Bella would thrash around wildly, lost in a dream. I never knew the extent of her dreams; she never told me, and I never pressured her to tell me anything more than she was willing. I had my doubts about whether she herself could even remember much of the dreams, but what she did tell me made my dead heart ache in fear.

The first 'bad night' she had was years ago. I was holding her sleeping form while reading quietly; all of a sudden, she was mumbling away in her sleep. She did this often. It was something I loved about her, but this night was different. Her voice was panicked and full of pain. She was calling out to someone, begging them to come back to her. I gently shook her awake. She looked up at me, tears pooling out from her sleep-ridden eyes and started choking on her words. "I don't know who it is? But I need that person like I need air… I can just feel it… Something is not right, and they need me… they need my help." She was so distraught, her whole body was trembling. I pulled her close and tried to calm her. Seeing her like that scared me.

"Who needs your help, sweetie, who?" I had asked while wiping a few loose strands of sweaty hair from her face.

"I…I don't know…who it is…I can only…make out…" She squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply before continuing. "The eyes…they seem to look directly into my soul….that hair….a coppery color and so messy…but so perfect at the same time…I…I don't remember…anything else." I could tell she was trying desperately to remember more of her dream. I rubbed soft comforting circles on her back and closed my eyes, not wanting her to see the pain seeping into them.

I sucked in a huge breath of unneeded air and felt my chest tighten...Edward…she had to be dreaming of him.

The Cullens had filled me in on the whole fiasco with Bella and Edward. I had seen pictures of him.

After _'the accident,'_ we had tried our best to fill her in on what had happened in her life up until the day of _'the accident.' _She remembered nothing of her time with the Cullen's. Carlisle believed she was repressing the memories of all of them to protect herself of the most painful memory of them all…Edward!

She had listened intently as we told her of their time together, leaving out some of the more painful parts. She had accepted our words as truth, but when we offered to show her some pictures she outright refused. "Obviously, if he is not here with me, he never loved me, anyways. And don't look at me like that! It's true. If this Edward had loved me half as much as you claim I loved him, he never would have left me. So, let's leave it at that, okay. My mind obviously doesn't want to remember him, and I am doing so well, now. I am moving on with my life. So, please, let's not push our luck and leave it at this." Carlisle understood. I, of course, just accepted it. Alice, however, was a total mess, completely distraught. Until she came to terms with one basic fact: it was Bella's decision to make, not ours.

From that day forward, none of us ever talked to Bella about Edward. Not once. I knew this upset Alice, and even Esme, but they went along with it, for Bella's sake and sanity. We couldn't be party to her trying to take her own life again.

As Bella and I grew closer over the months, I knew I should tread carefully with her. Carlisle had warned me, at any given time she could recover her memories and if, and when, she remembered Edward, she might not want to be with me. But I couldn't help the way I felt, the attraction, the passion between us. She was more than my girlfriend, she was my best friend. We talked with each other about everything. There was no subject too touchy (aside from Edward), no topic too silly. We shared everything.

As the years went on, I began to think about changing Bella. We had yet to discuss this, but I felt it may be time to soon. We had already touched briefly on the subject of marriage, of which, surprisingly, she wasn't opposed. She actually seemed kind of excited by the thought of becoming my wife. I went out not long after that discussion and bought the most amazing ring I could find. It had Bella written all over it. I knew she would love it. I didn't plan on proposing just then, but I wanted to make sure that when the time was right, I had the ring to go with my plea of marriage to her.

So, really, after marriage the next step was obvious to me. I wanted to spend my life with her. My never ending life. I wanted to spend the rest of eternity being the man who brought that breathtaking smile to her lips.

But now… I was at a loss for words… I didn't know what to think. Tonight, my whole world had begun to crash and burn all around me. The love of my life would soon be ripped from my hands, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Edward was back…he was not dead as we were lead to believe. He was indeed alive and well, and he, too, was suffering from a serious case of amnesia.

Even though neither of them remembered the other, it didn't take a psychic to feel the intense electricity spark around the room when they were both present. Sooner or later, she would remember him, and she would leave me.

I lowered my face into my hands and dry sobbed for what felt like forever. I stayed this way, lost in my painful thoughts, until I felt a soft hand touch my shoulder.

"Tristan, honey, are you okay?" Bella asked, with nothing but concern and love shining through her eyes.

I hadn't lost her, yet. I would enjoy my time with her the best I could, before she went running back into his arms.

But wait! Wasn't that selfish of me? If I truly loved her, I should let her go and give her the time she needed to make her own choice. Could I do that? Could I so easily let this beautiful creature, my life… go?

"Yes, my beautiful Bella, I'm fine. Just a little worn out, is all." I smiled brightly at her as she eyed me skeptically. Finally, she smiled and pulled me up into her warm embrace.

"I'm getting tired. Can we please go to our room now and get ready for bed?" she yawned right then, emphasizing just how tired she actually was.

"Of course, sweetie. Let's go."

I held her hand as I guided her through the now over-crowded hotel room and out the door. I quickly told Alice where we were going as I closed the door behind us.

Bella insisted I shower with her, and who was I to deny my gorgeous girlfriend anything she desired? So, I quickly obliged and hopped in right after her.

After I spent an inordinate amount of time washing her amazing body, I dried her off with a soft towel and tucked her into bed, wrapping my arms securely around her.

Moments later she whispered, _"_I love you, Tristan," as she snuggled in closer to me and drifted off to sleep.

As I lay there holding the woman of my dreams, watching her tiny chest rise and fall with each precious breath, I fought internally with myself. Keep her for as long as she would want me. Or…leave her now and give her to the man I knew she would want more than anything, if only she could remember him?

This decision ate at me, clawed at my insides like a flesh eating disease. It burned, it ached, it was raw and unfair and for the first time in my very long life, I contemplated a way to end the pain. I had never before in my existence been so torn. I truly was, at this very moment, a man of two minds.

**Who isn't aching with consuming pain for the boy boi?**

**Teasers for all who review.**


	24. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer still applies. Always has, always will.**

**Mambomama gets me and my lower case 'Jasper's', and for that she is amazing in my eyes.**

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**Confrontation**

**Carlisle's POV**

I couldn't believe my ears. Edward had just explained where he had been all these years, everything right from him being attacked by some unknown creature, right down to the awkward relationship with Tanya.

I was furious, no, not furious, _outraged_ at the thought of our friends keeping Edward from us for so long. They had known of our pain. Heck, we had even talked to them a few times over the years since we thought Edward had died. And not once did a single one of them think to ease our pain, even if it was just to tell us he was okay.

I watched my family's reactions to this new found discovery; Esme was once again sobbing quietly, with Edward surprisingly at her side trying to comfort her. I wanted to tell her not to blame herself, and that we had no way of knowing, but I didn't want to interrupt this special moment with Edward for her. I knew this must be hard on him. I could see the apprehension in his eyes as he took each and every one of us in, one at a time. He wasn't sure what we expected of him. It broke my heart to know Tanya had used him in such a way that he now feared people and their intentions.

Something was different about him now. I wasn't sure what it was, but I had every intention of speaking with him alone and figuring it out at the first available moment.

He seemed so much more laid back and calm. Hell, we had all stood stoic at the balcony doors when Alice brought Bella out to see Edward, expecting him to lunge at her the second he caught her scent. But quite the opposite transpired. He appeared, if anything, to be in pain from her presence. I had watched him clutch at his head and saw the pain etched in every feature of his face. I wasn't sure what to make of it all. And it pained me that I was unable to help him right now.

Emmett didn't seem fazed by it at all, he was just glad to have his brother back.

Rosalie seemed indifferent to the scene unfolding before her, no surprise there.

Jasper, well, what can I say about Jasper? He was his usual guilt-ridden self. We had grown so accustomed to his behavior whenever Edward was mentioned, but what could he possibly feel guilty for? We now knew Edward was alive, so he could no longer be indirectly blaming himself for Edwards's death. Hmm… I would have to make sure I was being a bit more observant from now on.

Alice was a whole different story. She, above all of us, had maintained a somewhat normal life after Edward left. Seemingly using Bella to fill the void. But the happiness and excitement that now radiated from her was so refreshing. It was as if by Edward's mere presence our family was slowly going right back to normal. It was beautiful.

Rosalie's cold voice jarred me from my thoughts. "Well, what the hell are we doing standing around here? Edward says he wants to stay with us, and he needs to get his things…so…I am thinking we all go with him and pay dear old Tanya a visit."

There was an evil glint in her eyes that made even me shudder. I could understand her anger, but I must say it still chilled me to the core. A mad Rosalie was not a sight anyone ever wanted to see, and for once, I wasn't about to try to calm her.

The rational side of me said taking these actions would get us nowhere, but the fatherly, broken side of me that had mourned and missed his apparently dead son wanted revenge and one hell of a damn good explanation, as well.

All sets of eyes were on me, waiting for me to give the final vote. It seemed everyone was in agreement with Rosalie; surprisingly, even Esme was all for it. I nodded my head and ran my fingers through my hair. I prayed this wouldn't be a decision I would live to regret.

**EPOV**

I could hear Tanya's frantic words as we approached the house. She was ranting and saying I had run out on her so I could feed off of humans and was currently wondering when I would once again show my face. Irina was trying to calm her down, with no success.

_I'm closer than you think, sweet bitch,_ I thought with a smug smile. I would enjoy watching her squirm beneath the accusatory glares and never ending questions and accusations I could only imagine my _family_ would blast at her. It was still so odd to think of them as family. I believed every word they said, but it was hard to wrap my head around the whole thing. All the missed time, the deceit, the pain, and, worst of all, the burden of memories that kept tormenting my mind.

I looked towards the family I had lost. I found that I had such a connection with them at sometimes I could even read bits of their thoughts, or what I believed were there thoughts. This startled me and caused me to falter my steps, but within seconds I reassured myself that, whatever the odd new sense of hearing meant, I was okay with it, as long as I had them by my side.

My family was livid, with nothing but revenge on their minds. Except for Carlisle, it seemed he was a bit more leery than the rest. He was worried about the outcome, and if there would indeed be a fight if Tanya got a little too cocky. He was surprisingly most concerned with Alice. I looked over at her tiny frame and frowned as I wondered why. Vampire or not, she was a tiny little thing; really, what damage could she actually do to someone like Tanya?

_Don't underestimate her, son. You were her best friend, and she has lost so much time with you. The anger and betrayal she feels towards Tanya is almost equivalent to all of ours combined. She is one hell of a wildcat when provoked._ I heard Carlisle think as he cocked his head in my direction as if he knew what I was thinking, and that I was listening to his thoughts.

I had just reached the front door as the others stayed back a bit to give me a moment when the door whipped open, "How dare you, Edward? Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried we were? You are going to be so sorry. After everything I have done for you, you repay me like thi…"

I looked up to see why she had halted her little rant, only to see her body go flying into the wall on the other side of the foyer. Alice stood beside me now, seething in anger, and she stalked forward to where Tanya now stood frantically looking back and forth between me and Alice.

"Alice? But how…why are you…are you alone?" she stuttered out while pulling at her golden hair nervously.

"Shut up! Just shut up."

Irina entered the room just then, questions of the ruckus lost on her lips as she took in the scene before her. Her eyes widened, and a look that said something like 'I told you this would happen' spread across her face.

"Edward, Alice, please have mercy on her," Irina begged as Tanya glanced behind us and finally noticed we were not alone.

Irina gasped when she saw Emmet and Rosalie, and if possible, I swear Tanya paled at the sight of Esme and Carlisle. Jasper was the last to approach, "She's scared, but also feeling smug about something. I'd like to wipe that cocky little smirk off her pretty little face," he sneered while clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Why, Edward, it seems you brought along your whole family," Irina breathed, fear evident in her eyes.

"Yes, Irina, a whole family I knew nothing of for the past few years. Why is that? Can you tell me why neither you nor Tanya ever felt the need to tell me I had a family out there mourning me?" I hissed. Anger now coursed through my veins; I knew I was close to losing it but couldn't find it in myself at this moment to really care.

I had missed so much over the past few years, all because of these two. Why? I needed to know why.

"Didn't I give you a good life, Edward? Didn't I love you? You loved me. Was that not enough for you? I saved your life, and this is how you repay me, by coming here and threatening me and my sister," Tanya spat on the ground by my feet. _Oh, how lady-like that looked._

Tanya grabbed Rosalie by the hair, Rosalie screeched, "You fight like a fucking girl."

"That's because I am one, you halfwit." Tanya was looking mighty proud of herself.

Rosalie let out a thunderous roar, one that contorted her whole demeanor and looked so out of place on her flawless features. Carlisle coughed beside me as if to get my attention. I thought briefly he may intervene but was surprised when I read his thoughts.

'_I don't enjoy torturing any being, but I find it hard to forgive Tanya for her betrayal. I will not partake in this, but I cannot bring myself to stop this either. You are my son, Edward, and for years I have watched my family suffer and crumble before me, with no way to ease their pain. Pain that was not needed nor deserved. Tanya deserves what she gets. Why don't you go get your things? I will watch over the rest of the family.'_

I nodded my head so he knew I had heard him and wondered how he knew that I could hear him. As if he understood my internal struggle, he quickly thought, '_We will talk later',_ and I made my over to Irina. I grabbed her roughly by the arm and pulled her along with me.

She didn't even try to fight me. She just bowed her head and followed my lead.

Once we reached my room, I pushed her aside and closed the door behind me.

"I want answers, now. Don't waste my time; just tell me what I need to know, what I deserve to know." I sneered at the pitiful looking woman before me, whom I had not too long ago considered a friend.

"I…never meant…for any of this to happen," she sputtered out between deep, heavy breaths.

"I told Tanya it was wrong, but have you ever tried to argue with her. She wouldn't listen. I couldn't go against her. I couldn't be alone; I was so scared of being alone. Please, Edward, you have to know I would not hurt you. I would not have lied to you, if I saw any other way."

I paced the room in long, quick strides as I quickly tried to scan her thoughts. If it worked with the Cullen's, maybe it would work with her, too.

It was static-y and choppy, but I could make out that she was thinking of a conversation between her and Tanya when Tanya had explained to her how to block me from reading specific thoughts so I would not find out. Tanya had told her to work on that and keep at a distance at all times, in case she ever let anything slip that might rouse suspicion. She told Irina that she had better go along with this, because she owed her, and that Tanya believed it was her time to finally have happiness, and I was what would bring that to her.

So, my mind reading abilities were not a new thing, but something I seemed to have had before, obviously, Tanya had known about them and it would seem Carlisle did, too. I pushed that thought aside and listened openly as Irina spoke the truth for once.

"In her own messed up way she loved you, Edward. I may not agree with everything she does, but she does love you." She reached for my shoulder; I flinched from her touch. She sighed and lowered her hand. "I am so sorry it had to be this way. I should have done something, said something. I..tried…really…I did…but I couldn't betray her.." She collapsed to the floor sobbing hysterically. I lowered myself beside her as a memory flashed by.

_Tanya had gone out to get some supplies. I was still quite weak from the attack, so, Irina stayed with me. She was tending to my wounds that were healing surprisingly slowly. I whimpered against her touch. She cooed softly to me, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. 'Edward…there is something...' she stopped and continued on cleaning my wounds. 'I want to tell you…but I am afraid I am too weak…I am so sorry…please forgive me.' I could hear her sobbing behind me as she finished wrapping my shoulder. As she carefully rolled me over, trying not to cause me any more discomfort, I saw the desperation and pain in her eyes. Something was weighing on her conscience. I tentatively reached my hand for hers and clasped them together. 'I owe you so much, Irina. Whatever your misgivings, your heart is in the right place. I forgive you.' I kissed her hand gently and let it go. We heard the front door slam just then, and Irina immediately composed herself just as Tanya entered the room._

Once again, I reached for her hand and grasped it tightly. "I forgive you, Irina, I do, but you cannot expect me to forgive her. No matter her reasoning, she has caused so much suffering. And even though I am grateful for you both saving me, the life I lived with her was nothing short of empty. Now I know why, and I cannot forgive her cruelty towards me or my family. I do hope you can understand."

She laced her fingers with mine and whimpered into my palm, "I do, Edward. I do."

We sat like this for some time, talking quietly. She answered all my questions as thoroughly as possible.

It seemed Tanya had been in love with me long before the attack, and as she sat and watched me while I was unconscious, she devised a plan to finally have me. As soon as she realized I remembered nothing of my past, she was determined to have me for herself, no matter who she hurt or betrayed along the way.

Over the months, she watched me carefully. As she started noticing me slipping through her fingers, she got scared. And in her fear, she grew cold; she became more demanding, crueler, more master-like than companion like. Irina said she warned Tanya her behavior would do nothing but push me away. Tanya, however, was quite sure of her method and brushed her concerns aside.

Which led us to where we were now. I pulled her towards me and embraced her one last time. I knew I would never come back here. This would be the last time I saw Irina.

"Take care of yourself and thank you for answering my questions honestly." With that, I ducked from the place that I was once held against my will, unbeknownst to me, and walked forward towards my future.

I wasn't sure what my future held for me, but I was sure of the love I felt every time I was in the presence of the Cullens. If nothing else became of my existence, I would be happy knowing I had them and their love.

**Reviews are better than tearing apart Tanya- the betrayer. Leave one.**

**Teasers in review replies.**


	25. Chapter 24

**If I missed sending a teaser to you, I apologize. But I think I got most of ya.**

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Mambomama seeks out my lower case Jasper's and laughs at me whe I tell her I knew they were there. Snort***

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**You cocky bitch!**

**RPOV**

I had absolutely no intention of getting involved in this little tiff between our families. Don't get me wrong, I loved Edward; really, I did. Not that I felt the need to display that very often, but none the less, I still did.

I stood back and watched as Alice tossed Tanya into a wall screaming at her to shut up. How that cocky bitch had the audacity to even open her mouth, never mind ask questions, was beyond me.

I watched silently as Irina came into the room, looking shocked, yet not quite surprised, to see us all there with Edward. She almost looked smug as she took in what was happening to her sister. _Ha._ Looks like we weren't the only ones who thought Tanya was a fucked up bitch for what she had done to us.

I heard Irina attempt to beg for her sister, to rationalize what she had done, but just as quickly as the words left her mouth, she snapped it shut as soon as she noticed the rest of us there.

I heard Jasper whispering to Carlisle beside me, and I stared to see red, "She's scared, but also feeling smug about something. I'd like to wipe that cocky little grin from her pretty little face." His voice was so venomous; it only fueled my desire to rip Tanya into little pieces.

I clenched my fists so tightly that if I were human, I would have torn the flesh for sure. I tried taking deep, soothing breaths as Emmett had once shown me, but found it did little to calm my erratic breathing.

I could faintly hear Irina speaking to Edward. I watched as Edward's mouth opened and his lips moved, but the words were nothing but a buzzing sound. I wasn't sure what he was saying. I really didn't care, either.

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to will the fury from my trembling body. I felt Jasper's calm hand on my shoulder. My lips twitched. I knew he was trying to calm me, and for once it wasn't doing a damn thing.

I was jarred from my pathetic attempt of blocking the voices by Tanya's high pitch shrill of an excuse.

"Didn't I give you a good life, Edward? Didn't I love you? You loved me. Was that not enough for you? I saved your life, and this is how you repay me, by coming here and threatening me and my sister."

I watched as she spat at Edward's feet. What the fuck was that? How disgusting and degrading. That bitch, how dare she?

I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder pushing gently on me, trying to hold me in place. My body was trembling violently by now; and everyone, everything, I saw was red. Red Jasper, red Emmett, red foyer, red walls, red Tanya!

A deep and guttural growl rose up from my throat and threatened to escape if I even so much as twitched my lips. I mashed them shut.

How could Edward be so calm about this? I had always known him as the level headed, down to earth, extremely cautious type, but come on, this was pushing it. He needed to let loose. He needed to let Tanya know that her actions would NOT go unpunished.

From the corner of my vision, I saw Tanya's lips pull up into a tight, little, smug grin. Oh no you don't, I thought as I dashed forward in a blinding rage and pounced on that cocky bitch.

No one tried to stop me as I clawed at her ugly fucking face. _Let's see you grin now, bitch!_

I felt her tug at my hair and laughed in her face, "You fight like a fucking girl."

"That's because I am one, you halfwit." _So she thought she was smart did she?_

"Get off me, you crazy bitch. What the hell is your problem anyway? You had your chance with Edward, and you fucking blew it," she hissed through her teeth as I popped her left arm out of its socket.

She screeched, but it came out more as a gurgle as my fist connected with her jaw and venom flowed freely from her now torn mouth. _I knew all these pretty rings would come in handy one day._ I smirked as my right leg slammed into her back side. She crumbled to the floor and grabbed at my ankle, bringing me down with her. I felt her nails dig into my thigh and hissed in pain.

_That's the only mark you will leave on me, you wretched bitch._

I pulled her up from the floor and almost toppled over as she let loose one quick blow with her foot to my shin. I felt the bones shatter and howled in pain. The red took over then; I sprang forward and up and latched onto her hips with my legs. My hands wound in her tangled hair, and with everything in me, I snapped my wrists and ripped off that pretty fucking head of hers. I collapsed to the ground seconds later and swatted the severed head towards the door. I clutched at my shin as pain seared through it. It was already healing, but I thought the healing may have been hurting more than the shattering did.

Emmett was at my side within seconds and lifting me bridal-style from the floor.

"I'm sorry you're hurt, baby, but, man, was that sexy to watch." The red was gone when I looked into his concerned, yet still humor-filled, eyes. I slowly smiled at him. "Get me home, you big thug, and fix me up," I said in the most demandingly sexy voice I could muster up in my current state, and with that, he ran. We were at the hotel within minutes.

"I'm sorry, Emmy, I couldn't help myself. That bitch so deserved it." I knew I came nowhere close to actually killing Tanya. Within days she would completely reattach herself and, given a few more days, she would be completely healed and back to her normal self-righteous self. But for now, that bitch would suffer. Although, I am sure it would only be an ounce of the pain she had inflicted on me and my family, it still left me smiling widely and feeling mildly satisfied with myself.

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Reviews are better than vampy-bitch fights. Leave one.

PS- countdown to Vday 2011 start in less than two weeks. Intro is already up in my stories. Don't miss out on this one.

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As always, reviewers will recieve a teaser from the next chap.

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	26. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Glad ya all enjoyed the vamp-bitch fight, but it was a short chappie, and I couldn't do that to ya, so, here is a full length one packed full of Edward. Yum!**

**Enjoy!**

**PS- lemme know if u find any lowercase 'Jasper's :-P luv ya, Ann.**

**xx**

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**The 'Cracken'**

**EPOV**

I waved goodbye as they loaded into a large bus. Alice quickly ran up to me and threw her arms around my waist tightly. "I will miss you, dear brother." Unshed tears glistened in her eyes. "We are playing here last. If I call you when we are to arrive, will you come see us play?" she asked with a pleading look in her eyes.

I smiled, "Of course, Alice. I would like nothing more." She jumped up and planted a kiss on my cheek, and just as quickly, spun on her heel and joined the others.

-OO—

It had been just over a week since most of my family had left to finish off their tour. Apparently, the girl, Bella, had started a band and Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were all part of it.

I had initially wanted to join them, but before I could voice that idea, I heard Carlisle's thoughts. He was anxious to begin his research on the beast and the lasting effects its bite had on me. I knew his reasoning was far better than any I could come up with, so I kept quiet.

I really wanted to spend some time with my long lost family, not to mention 'the girl'. I had so many questions for her. Although, it seemed she would not be able to answer any of them. Apparently, she had no recollection of me or her life with me, whatsoever. I guess I should be a little thankful, at least, I had my painful flashes. At least, I knew I was connected to this girl in some way. 'The girl,' on the other hand, had nothing.

After her impromptu leave last night with that Tristan guy, I had cornered Alice on the balcony and grilled her about 'the girl'.

She had told me Bella had been my singer. When I had questioned her on what a singer was, she looked at me like I was a nut for not knowing, but explained anyways. Then she went so far as to question why I had not attacked Bella the second I had smelled her. I didn't know how to answer that. I did admit that 'the girl' had a smell that was sweeter than anything I could remember smelling before, but really didn't think anything of it.

She told me I had developed a romantic relationship with 'the girl,' whom I should really start referring to as Bella. And that after she was attacked by a crazy vampire and then by Jasper as well, I had decided it best to leave her in hopes she might have a normal life. I asked how this was possible with her being my singer and all. To that she merely said, "Love can do strange things to our kind."

I had to smile at that thought. Had I loved this girl…I mean Bella? I willingly admitted I found her very attractive. But love? I was not quite so certain that was something I was even capable of feeling.

She went on to tell me about how she went back to Bella, even after I explicitly told her not to. I chuckled at that. Alice did seem very strong minded. I guess her confession didn't surprise me very much. She told me of how she found Bella all broken and devoid of any kind of emotion, and that, the second Bella's face broke into a glorious smile, she couldn't bring herself to leave her again. And so she hadn't. They still shared an apartment together, along with Jasper and Tristan.

I asked her about Tristan. She told me about Bella trying to take her own life, and how Tristan had saved her and been the one to stay by her side through it all as she rebuilt her life, after my apparent death.

She told me, with a sad smile, that Tristan and Bella were now a couple and had been for quite some time now. She also told me that Bella was in love with Tristan and that he was very good for her.

I don't know how, but I swear the second she told me that, I felt my cold, dead heart tear a little. I gasped at the feeling, and Alice looked at me curiously. I just shook my head, and she was nice enough to let it go.

I really liked Alice. She was so easy to talk to. I truly felt like I had known her forever. Well, I guess technically had known her for quite some time, but, still, I couldn't really remember her.

I let my mind wander back to the night I had returned home early from hunting, leaving my family and the Tristan fella behind in hopes of having a chance to talk with Bella alone.

_I was pacing a hole into the front yard of the motel we were staying, when I saw Bella come stumbling out of the front door and flop into the shrubs beside the entrance. At first, I worried she had hurt herself and quickly dashed to help her, but as I approached she broke out into hysterical fits of laughter. I stopped short as she rose from the bushes looking like a crazy person. She looked at me with a puzzled expression, and I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips as I reached forward and disentangled some twigs and leaves from her hair. She didn't flinch from my touch, just stood there staring at me with a glazed over expression. The second my fingers grazed her hair that electrical jolt I had felt before shot through my fingers and up my arms. I pulled my hand back in shock and looked at my fingers as is they were on fire._

"_Bella…I..." I stopped short as I took in her blazing eyes, they were blazing with…anger._

_I gaped at her. What had made her so angry?_

_Tears welled in her eyes as her mouth snapped open and then closed just as quickly._

"_I can't do this," she mumbled. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or herself._

"_What was that, Bella?" I questioned cautiously._

_Her head snapped up, her wild eyes scanning the area before they once again bore into mine. I shuddered. _

"_Don't speak. Just shut the hell up," she bellowed at me. I flinched from the anger present in her shaking voice._

"_Why don't you go back to wherever it was you came from? I was fine until you came here. I was happier without you here to complicate my life," she shrieked at me, slurring half her words._

_My face contorted from the pain her words inflicted on me. I wasn't sure why it hurt me so to hear her dismiss my presence like that, but it did. She sneered at me as a tiny hiss slipped through her lips._

_I struggled to find the words I so desperately wanted to say; I just couldn't find the right ones, "Please, Bella. I don't know what it is I am feeling, but I know I need you; my body yearns for you. I feel this electricity in the air every time you are near. Please, I promise I will try... try harder… to remember." A soft sob bubbled up my throat and out my clenched teeth as I took in the defensive stance she had taken._

_I flew forward and caught her crumbling form as she broke into soft, heart-wrenching sobs._

_I held her and caressed her hair gently as she cried into my shoulder, soaking my t-shirt, but I didn't mind. I was completely content holding this trembling woman in my arms, breathing in her intoxicating scent. It was so sweet, like nothing I had ever come across before. Something tugged at the edge of my mind, something I couldn't quite grasp. Just as I thought it would break through, and I would finally know what it was that this woman possessed that drew me to her like a moth to a flame, her trembling voice broke me from my thoughts._

"_I can't do this. I don't know what you are to me, but I just can't do this. Every time I close my eyes and think of you, I am consumed with an unbearable pain. I'm happy now. Please…please, let me be happy." _

_If at all possible, I swear I felt my heart clench in my chest at the thought of walking away from this tantalizing girl, but I could deny her nothing. _

_I nodded my head reluctantly and withdrew my arms from her quivering body. I slowly rose and turned to retreat to my empty hotel room. I chanced one last glance at Bella, a foreign feeling fluttering through my empty veins. My shoulders slumped as I entered the doors and left 'my Bella' to her happiness._

_I clicked the button for the elevator. Just as the doors opened, I heard an animalistic scream break through the silence of the night and knew at that moment, no matter whether or not I got my memories back, I had done something so unforgivable to that girl that I would never again deserve her love. _

_I had lost her. Whatever I had done had been enough to shatter her mind, so she could no longer think of me. I had lost something precious and rare. I felt this so strongly in my mind and my body, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it._

-OO-

Carlisle and I poured over book upon book, looking for anything that might fit the description Irina had given him of the creature that attacked me.

We had spent days locked up in his library that was now beginning to feel more like a prison.

During the odd time we put books down and took a breather, I had asked Carlisle about my apparent 'sixth sense'. He had explained to me that some vampires just had those, like Alice had visions and Jasper had empathy abilities, I could hear people's thoughts.

I left it at that. What more could I ask. There didn't appear to be a way to shut them off or pick and choose, and really it didn't even bother me. In fact, it was kind of comforting in an odd never-ending chattery kind of way.

"We should take a break. Let's go hunt," Carlisle offered.

I looked up from the book that had held my attention for the last few minutes. "I'm not really hungry."

He looked up at me. I could tell by his thoughts that my statement confused him, but I didn't understand why.

"Should I be?" I questioned warily.

"Well, we haven't left this library for three days now, and prior to that, I don't recall you hunting at all since you have been back," he noted quietly as he scratched at his head.

"Yes, I suppose you are right. But I have never really needed to hunt very often, maybe once a month or so. If I'm feeling just a bit hungry, I just grab a sandwich or something," I said distractedly, as I caught sight of something interesting in the book I was currently going through.

"What did you just say?" I jumped slightly at his raised tone.

"Umm, that I don't hunt very often," I repeated confused. I quickly scanned his thoughts wondering where the sudden confusion came from.

_Sandwich?…he can't eat human food…what is he talking about….there is no way….should I call him on it? What is going on here?_

"Of course I can eat human food, "I answered his unspoken thoughts.

"Esme, can you come here please and bring something to eat, as well. Human food, please," Carlisle spoke quietly, but I knew Esme would be able to hear him all the way downstairs.

Esme joined us in the library exactly three minutes later, bringing with her some delicious smelling pasta. My mouth immediately began to water as I moved towards her and took the delicious looking food. She quirked her eyebrow at me and made a little humming noise. I ignored it and plopped down on the couch and silently ate while watching Esme and Carlisle throw confused glances back and forth with each other.

"Umm…I don't know what is going on here, but do you mind if I grab a glass of milk to wash that delicious meal down with?" I asked timidly. Esme nodded. "Oh, and thank you, Esme. It was absolutely delicious," I complimented as I walked past her and out the library door.

**CPOV**

I stood there, across the room from Esme, watching her face fill with shock that I am sure mirrored my own. Edward was eating human food, and acting as if it was a normal everyday thing. How was this even possible? I wondered how long it would take before he gagged it back up? As he walked out of the room thanking Esme for the amazing pasta, she glanced over at me her eyes full of questions. I sighed. I didn't have the slightest clue how to answer them.

"What was that, Carlisle? Why is Edward eating human food?"

"I…I'm not sure, darling. I really just don't know."

Esme cocked her head at me as if she were expecting a better answer, or at the very least, for me to continue. I shook my head slowly and began picking up the many books that were strewn across my study.

I was almost finished cleaning everything up and ready to hunt, when I noticed a book wedged in the seat of the chair Edward had occupied most of the last three days. I sat and opened it, wondering what had him so interested. I gasped and almost dropped the book on my lap. It couldn't be! No, it was just not heard of. It was a myth, an urban legend of sorts. I skimmed over a few pages and caught a paragraph that made every last bit of doubt in my mind solidify into undisputable truth.

_This was an experiment gone bad. There are no known creatures still in existence. This reference is for that alone; a reference for anyone who might at some point in time attempt to finish what I so foolishly started. Common side effects are known to be loss of memory, strange turn in appetite, if not loss of appetite all together, heightened senses, and in some severely bitten patients, seizures. I realize my words may fall on deaf ears, but still find it my solemn duty to warn anyone reading this against further experimentation. These beasts, they are dangerous, uncontrollable and unpredictable. Again, please forget you ever thought of this. I beg of you; the world is so much better off without the presence of__** "The Cracken". **_

"Carlisle, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." I looked up at the man I had always considered my son and wondered what this might mean for him. Wondered if there was any way to save him from what might become of him. I lowered my gaze and tried to pull myself together. I could do this. I would find a way to reverse the side effects, and I would spare Edward any further pain.

"I think I found out what the creature that attacked you was," I hesitated before continuing, my voice wavering slightly, "and it doesn't look good, Edward, not good at all."

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	27. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**You guys are the greatest. I hope you know that. I truly love the shit out of you all.**

**Ann sniffs out my lower case Jasper's and Katie makes me feel like I can rule the world. Love you both, so much.**

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**Descending into the darkness**

**BPOV**

"Come on, Alice. Please?" I rolled my eyes at the stubborn face she was giving me. I just wanted a little rest before we went back out there. Was that so much to ask for?

"Give me a break, Bella. You slept almost ten hours on the way here. How on earth can you even be tired?"

I sighed, exasperatedly, knowing no matter what I said, she just wouldn't understand how mentally exhausted and drained I was.

Silently thanking God that the contract was almost up, I reluctantly agreed and followed her back stage.

"You asked for it, so we're giving it to ya! Give it up, once again, for 'Tortured Souls'!"

I took a deep breath as I listened to the crowd roaring and hooting in excitement. It still amazed me how many people our music actually touched. But no matter how giddy it made me feel inside, I knew this was it for me. After this tour, I would be finished with it all.

I grabbed my guitar and put on my best dazzling smile and bounded out onto the stage pumping my fist in the air, to get the crowd going. 'Cause this is what they expected of me.

"Good evening, New York." I belted out. "How y'all doing tonight?" Tons of people screamed out answers. Others chanted the names of songs they wanted us to play.

"Tonight, we are going to start off with a few new songs, and then we'll take requests."

I took one last shaky breath and looked out into the crowd, my eyes wandering over to the bar where I knew Tristan would be. He gave me a big cheeky smile and an encouraging thumbs-up. He really knew how to make me feel better. God, I loved that man.

"This one's called 'Yesterdays.'"

I heard Alice's talented fingers play over the keys of the piano as she started off the familiar melody. Then Jasper jumped in with his guitar, along with Emmett on the drums. Rosalie was softly humming to the tune, swaying back and forth to the beat.

I closed my eyes and let the words fall from my mouth in a nice, soft, throaty tone.

_Yesterday, there was so many things  
I was never told  
Now that I'm startin' to learn  
I feel I'm growing old_ ~

'Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me  
Old pictures that I'll always see  
Time just fades the pages  
In my book of memories

I knew it was wrong of me, but I just couldn't shake the image of Edward's confused face when we first touched. There was something there, I just knew it. However, no matter what it was and how important everyone told me he was to me, I just couldn't bring myself to care. I was happy now. Why couldn't they just leave it at that, and let me be?

_Prayers in my pocket  
And no hand in destiny  
I'll keep on movin' along  
With no time to plant my feet ~ _

That was exactly how I felt. Sadly enough, all I could think about these days was having some much needed down time. Just settling in somewhere, and resuming as much normality a life like mine could muster up.

I opened my eyes as I finished the song. Lighters were lit; the girls were squealing; the guys, drooling? A small giggle slid up my throat, but I pushed it back down just before it slipped out of my grinning lips. It never ceased to amuse me the reactions I got from the male population. I just didn't see what they saw; maybe they were drooling over Rosalie? Yeah, that made better sense.

"I love you, Bella. Will you marry me?" A cute boy in one of the front rows gushed at me.

I was stunned speechless. Okay, maybe I was wrong. What the hell did he see in me? I chanced a glance at Tristan who was smiling deviously. The little bugger, he was enjoying this.

"Sorry, hun, I don't like tying myself down; but when I'm ready to settle, I'll keep you in mind," I replied seductively with a sly smile. I could hear Alice giggling manically behind me, evil little pixie.

"Okay, one more new song, then we'll take requests. This one is for all the girls out there who have had their hearts broken by a man who keeps toying with them by sneaking his slithery self back up in our lives and messing with us, all over again." The girls jumped and screamed out their appreciation as, once again, Jasper and Emmett started out on the guitar and drums."

_Shut up and drive  
You don't know what you're talking about  
He's not the one  
You ought to know that by now  
You've got one of those hearts  
That keeps changing your mind  
Your heart has a way of making you stay  
So shut up and drive –_

I thought back to a few days ago when Tristan had questioned this song once I wrote it. At the time, I wasn't really sure what had inspired me to write such a song. But after meeting Edward, and feeling the undeniable twist of pain deep in my chest just at the mere sight of him, I knew somewhere along the line this man had hurt me. Hurt me badly enough that even my subconscious, that wouldn't allow me to remember, remembered and flinched from the very sight of him.

_Don't look in the mirror  
He might have that look in his eyes  
The one that's so strong  
It strangles your will to survive –_

I, once again, saw the pained and confused expression on Edward's face as he curiously asked who I was. It was like he, too, knew he should know me, but couldn't place why or how.

_He's mastered the art  
Of looking sincere  
His eyes have a way of making you stay  
Don't look in the mirror_

_I'm the voice you never listen to  
And I had to break your heart to make you see  
That he's the one who will be missing you  
And you'll only miss the man  
That you wanted him to be –_

A strange scene appeared before my eyes, almost like viewing a movie on the big screen, it was clear but still kind of fuzzy. I saw Edward standing in a meadow, a bright green meadow with lots of grass and luscious trees. He was looking down at me with such an odd expression. 'I'm sorry, Bella. I can't help myself. This is who I am. It's just in my nature to be overprotective. I can't change who I am.' He sounded so torn yet so defensive. Why? What was he defending? What had I done? Or what had he done? And where the hell did that image come from? Oh, my God! Was I remembering something from my past? I was so caught up in my thoughts, I almost missed the next line. I quickly shook the confusing thoughts and images from my head and began the next verse.

_Turn the radio on  
To drown out the sound of goodbye – _Flash~ Edward telling me he didn't want me anymore._  
Blink back the tears – _

~ Me crumbling to my knees, immense pain crimpling me.

_Show me you've still got your pride  
Just get yourself lost  
In a sad country song  
Those guys that they play  
Know just what to say_ –

~"I've spent almost one hundred years looking for you, Bella. I can't bring myself to live without you now that I've found you."

"LIES!" I bellowed out in a tortured voice that startled even me. And I realized it was not part of the song, and I had let it slip. And, obviously, the rest of us knew it wasn't either, but the crowd seemed to just eat my outburst right up, believed it to be a part of the show.  
The girls were screaming out this line, over and over again, with me.

_Shut up and drive  
Shut up and drive_

"I hope you all enjoyed that. I'm….umm…just going to take a short break." With that, I dropped the microphone on the floor and dashed backstage. My head was throbbing, and the fierce pain that had started in the pit of my stomach was now searing through my chest. Without even realizing what I was doing, I clutched at my chest and a deep anguished cry escaped my lips. I sank to the floor, once I reached the prop room, and lowered my head to my knees. What the hell was happening to me? Why now? I was so happy! Why did my mind have to fuck with me now?

I could hear Tristan and Alice frantically calling my name. I ignored them. I slammed my fist into the hard wall, trying to release some of my pent up rage and confusion.

"Bella? Are you in there? Bella, let me in. Are you okay?" Alice called through the door sounding perplexed.

"Please, Tristan, give me a minute alone with her. Can you just go out and ask Rose to sing a song until Bella comes back?"

I could hear Tristan mumbling something, but it was too low for my measly human ears to understand.

Seconds later, I heard retreating footsteps, "Bella, I know what happened. I had a vision while you were singing. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

I swung the door open. With wild eyes and a blazing chest, I finally lost control, "No, Alice. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to remember it. If I had my way, I would put all these messed up images in a little box and throw the fucking thing into the ocean. But you know what? I can't do that, so please just leave me the hell alone until I can get everything figured out in my own head, before you go and start putting new ideas in there."

With that, I huffed and stalked away, leaving a dumbstruck looking Alice standing there with her mouth hanging open.

I jumped on stage and immediately asked the crowd what they wanted to hear. I could feel my family's stares boring into my back. I ignored them. From the corner of my eye I could see Tristan's beautiful, troubled face. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Not yet. I needed time.

"Sing…"

"Actually, I have a song I have been working on for a few days now. I would love to try it out with you all. Is that okay?" I interrupted the poor girl trying to make a request. I gave her an apologetic look and held my finger up mouthing, 'I will get your request first.' She smiled and bobbed her head enthusiastically.

This song came to me the day after I met Edward. I was kind of anxious about sharing it with everyone else, knowing very well they would read into it things I didn't want to try and explain. But with my new found memories, or what I believed to be memories, the song seemed only fitting. I quickly dashed behind stage and rummaged through my bag until I found the music to go with the new song. I ran back onstage and thrust it into Jasper's hands. He looked at me, bewilderment dancing in his caramel eyes. I gave him a pleading look, hoping he understood I needed this and would explain later. He nodded and smiled at me encouragingly.

"Alright. This is one I have been working on, like I said, for only a couple of days. But it really suits my mood right now. So, I can't help but want to share it with you all and, once again, bare my _tortured soul_."

The crowd roared enthusiastically as the sweet tune began behind me. I shut my eyes, willing the horrible images to fade. They didn't. If anything, as the notes continued, more and more images flashed by my eyes. It took every ounce of control I had to sing the song without breaking down in front of the thousands of fans bouncing around in front of me.

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much-_ Flash ~

"There's something between us. I know you can feel it, too."

_And my scars remind me, that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to fail_.-

"I don't know what you're talking about, now leave me alone."

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down_ –

Me, stumbling down the front steps and falling behind the shrubs, giggling like a crazy person.

_And I just wanna be alone_  
_I'm pissed cause you came around –_

Edward helping me out of the bushes and chuckling at me as he plucked twigs and leaves from my wild hair.

_Why don't you just go home?_ –

Me screaming at him as traitorous tears escaped my eyes. Telling him to go back to wherever it was he was all this time. Telling him I was happier without him here.

_'Cause I channeled all your pain- _

Edward's face contouring into a mask of pain as he flinched at my harsh words. Me sneering drunkenly at him.

_And I can't help you fix yourself_-

"Please, Bella. I don't know what it is I am feeling, but I know I need you. My body yearns for you. I feel this electricity in the air every time you are near. Please, I promise I will try…try harder to remember." Edward stumbling over his heart wrenching words.

_You're making me insane  
All I can say is.._  
_And our scars remind us that the past is real_-

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
And my weakness is that I care too much

My fingers danced over the crescent shaped scar on my wrist, absentmindedly," You see this, Bella? I remember this. I remember drinking your blood. I remember battling internally with myself to stop. I remember the sweetness that consumed me as your blood slid down my burning throat.

_I tear my heart open just to fail_  
_I saw you going down_-

I tried to help you once  
Against my own advice

Edward being thrown up against a wall by a tall man with long blond hair, snarling fiercely at him.

_But you never realized  
That you're drowning in the water_ –

Me staring off a cliff, looking into the water thinking of Edward. Pain, loss, and a sense of emptiness consuming me. A flash of wavy red.

_So, I offered you my hand_ –

"Bella! Bella! Stay with me, Bella," Big brownish-black eyes staring back at me, filled with anguish and concern.

_Compassion's in my nature_  
_Tonight is our last stand –_

"Goodbye, Edward. I can't live without you."

_I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut  
And my weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real_  
_I tear my heart open just to fail_ – Flash ~ Me stumbling through a forest, searching for something, tears streaming down my blotchy face.

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down_ –

Edward holding my trembling chin, "I can't do this. I don't know what you are to me, but I just can't do this. Every time I close my eyes and think of you, I am consumed with an unbearable pain. I'm happy now. Please…please, let me be happy."

_And I just wanna be alone_ –

Edward slowly walking away and returning to the hotel. His hurt-filled eyes glancing back only once, as his defeated form disappeared through the rotating glass doors.

_You shoulda never come around_  
_Why don't you just go home?-_

Me raising my arms to the sky and screaming wildly into the dark night.

_Cause you're drowning in the water_

_Go fix yourself_ –

As darkness began to overtake me, I belted out this line with fierce determination and a surge of anger.

_I can't help you fix yourself_ –

I was practically squeezing the tears back, as I quietly whispered the next few lines.

_But at least I can say I tried_  
_I'm sorry, but I gotta move on with my own life_ –

Alice and me kissing passionately, our hands roaming over each other's bodies.

_I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life_ –

Me trembling violently as I crawl onto a window ledge and pull the window back, lean forward, close my eyes and fall, watching the ground rush towards me.

…

I couldn't hear the crowd cheering. My head was spinning, and my ears now buzzing loudly. I didn't stop to say anything as I clutched my throbbing head and sprinted off the stage and out the back door. I didn't stop when I heard Alice calling out to me.

I didn't look either way as I darted out into the busy street. I didn't flinch as the bright lights came at me. I didn't feel a thing as I barely acknowledged the screeching tires and twisting metal as an oncoming car smashed into my trembling body and sent me flying, landing with a soft thud on the asphalt. My mind shattered on the verge of giving up all together. Darkness swarmed around me, threatening to overtake me. I welcomed it. I yearned for it. I needed it. I needed to drift away into nothingness and get lost in the wonderment of my own mind. I needed to shut down and never look back. Never again to wonder what if. Never again to have to look into Tristan's heart wrenching eyes as he watched me in horror as my memories of another man filled my mind. Another man's touches, another man's kiss, another man's love. I wasn't worthy of him. I deserved to die for the pain I would surely cause him. I wanted to die; life hurt too much.

"Bella? Bella, honey, can you hear me?" Tristan's beautiful eyes danced in front of me. I knew it was him, but my mind betrayed me as different set of eyes danced before my own. Warm topaz eyes. Edward's eyes.

"Edward," I whispered softly as the dark shadows finally engulfed me.

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**A/N – ****Obviously, songs in this chapter are not mine. They belong to the artists that recorded them :)**

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	28. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**I didn't send out teasers yet. I apologize. My middle son just turned 11, and I was crazy busy with eighteen 11 year olds running rampant throughout my house. Feel pity for me, please. After all of that, I so deserve it…lmfao**

**Anywho, because I didn't send them out, you get this NOW. A day early. Next teaser will go out on time, promise.**

**For those of you who have asked- there are a total of 37 chapters and then the epi. And that's all, folks.**

**I make no promises of a fluffy ending. Those of you who know me, know me well, and know I am not so good with the lovey-dovey- happily ever after shit. I try, but not usually. I'm just saying. Take that however you want.**

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**Mnemonic**

**BPOV**

_I was standing in a gorgeous green meadow, filled with luscious full grass and surrounded by hundreds of full grown evergreens. The scent of must and wet grass filled the air. I inhaled deeply. This smell was somehow comforting to me._

_I glanced around me, taking everything in. Something was off. I could sense it, but just couldn't place it._

_I lowered myself into the soft grass and sprawled out on the damp earth. I watched birds fly above me and fluffy white and blue clouds drift by. I felt comforted and blissful as I laid there taking in all the beauty that surrounded me._

_A thought prodded at the corners of my mind; something I knew I should remember, but it hurt too much to try. I clenched my eyes shut and inhaled a few deep breaths, trying to control the sense of foreboding that was rapidly overcoming me._

_I wrapped my arms securely across my chest, and, once again, struggled with my dark, empty mind. Why couldn't I remember anything? I tried to pull up memories of who I was, why I was here, where I came from; but came up completely and frustratingly blank._

_Was I supposed to be here? Did something happen to me to make me lose my memories?_

_I gust of cool wind blew past me, and I shivered as the sun began to descend behind the now darkened clouds._

_I looked into the sky, staring, absentmindedly, completely unaware of the storm brewing above me. Thinking aimlessly about gibberish and absolutely nothing of importance. The color of clouds, the sound of the wind, the smell of the wet grass, birds chirping, why were clouds blue? Why couldn't birds talk like humans?_

_Like I said… gibberish._

_Out of nowhere, large raindrops began pelting down on me. I sprung to my feet, practically tripping over myself as I sprinted into the cover of the trees._

_Come back to me…_

_Did I just hear someone? "Hello…is anyone there?" I called out into the empty forest. I knew I was being silly and likely just hearing things._

_It's only the wind, silly. Calm down. I chided, while mentally slapping myself for acting like a silly little girl._

_My body shivered violently, reminding me my clothing was now soaked and gooseflesh now prickled my entire body. Where do I go now?_

"_Is anyone out there? Can anyone hear me? I don't know where I am," I shouted into the darkness._

_No answer! I started walking aimlessly in a direction I believed would take me somewhere closer to civilization._

_After what felt like hours of walking, I eyed a tree up suspiciously, "I've seen you before, haven't I?" I hissed at the tree._

_Shit! I _had_ seen that tree before. It was very different from the rest. It had what almost looked like a human hand mark gashed out of the one side of it. I had spent the last god knows how many hours walking in complete circles. I cried out in frustration and dropped completely exhausted to the ground. I curled up in a protective little ball, and within seconds, I had let the soft whooshing sounds of the trees lull me to sleep. _

-OO—

"_Come back to me. Please? I can't lose you now," A soft sweet voice whispered to me from somewhere in the darkness. I tried to reach out to it, but I couldn't make my body oblige. It was as if I had no control over my own limbs. I was numb._

_I felt something cold and hard touch me, and with that touch came a flood of happy yet painful memories. It was quite a combination of emotions, and the battle that raged between them left me feeling disoriented and out of sorts._

_My mother, Renee, helping me pack my bags to leave for Forks, so I could live with my father._

_My father, Charlie, picking me up from the airport. Arriving at his house, now my home. A wonderful beat-up, old pick-up truck as my welcome home gift._

_My first day at Forks High. Meeting Jessica, Lauren, Mike, Tyler, Angela, Ben…._

_The first time I saw the Cullens, looking all perfect, sitting all by themselves in the cafeteria._

_Almost getting hit by a van. Edward Cullen saving me._

_Laughing with Edward. Talking with Edward. Kissing Edward._

_Alice, my best friend. Shopping, laughing, and chatting about anything and everything._

_Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme… A heart wrenching sob escaped me as I remembered the woman I now knew I had considered as a mother._

_James. The ballet studio. Waking up in a hospital. Prom. My birthday. Jasper attacking me._

_EDWARD LEAVING ME! Me lying broken on the cold earth, sobbing and calling out to the man I loved unconditionally, who had just told me, without even flinching, he no longer wanted me._

_Kissing Alice. Going to college._

_Jumping from a cliff. Jumping from a window._

_Singing and playing a guitar. Performing on stage._

_TRISTAN._

_EDWARD._

_Everything came flooding back to me, all in one big rush. Not all in the logical order in which they had occurred, but in a jumbled mess that left me gasping for air._

_I clenched at my chest as a crippling pain engulfed me. I bolted upright and screamed in agony._

"Bella, its okay, honey. You're okay. You must have been dreaming. Oh, baby, I am so glad you're awake. We were so worried about you."

I opened my eyes to Tristan's glorious face, his eyes filled with worry and concern and love.

I looked around the bland, grey room, and noticed Tristan and I were not alone. The whole Cullen family surrounded me, all with grief stricken expressions. Edward was the last Cullen my eyes landed on. It was then I realized it was his cold, hard hand that was touching my shoulder. It was him who brought back all the memories. I quickly redirected my attention to Tristan's loving gaze and sighed.

I remembered the accident; I had run in front of a car. And I remembered why I ran in front of said car.

A solitary tear slipped from my eye as I remembered the pain I was about to cause this amazing man standing beside me. I squeezed his hand affectionately and smiled a weak smile at him. I couldn't bring myself to say a single word. I needed time to heal, and time to figure everything out for myself. I had to take things one at a time, and breaking Tristan's heart could wait. I was definitely in no rush for that. In fact, it killed me just thinking about it.

-OO—

Six long torturous days of being holed up in that stinky, gloomy hospital, and I was finally being set free. I was almost giddy with excitement, but also flooded with dread. I could no longer avoid the inevitable. I would have to finally talk to Tristan and tell him how I was feeling.

I smiled up at my family as we walked into the hotel room. We were still in New York, and our flight back home wasn't booked until tomorrow. Little did my family know, I had no intentions of returning with them.

Well, maybe Alice knew, but if she did, she was doing a good job of keeping it to herself.

"Thanks, everyone, for all your support and love. I really can't thank you enough for everything you have done for me while I was in the hospital." I smiled gratefully as I thought about how Alice had weaseled her way out of our contract with Jordan. We only had a month left on tour before our contract was up, but apparently Jordan was still pissed when Alice approached him. We had to pay a large penalty for withdrawing early. It made me feel awful, knowing she had to fork out a ton of cash because of my stupidity. But it wasn't like money was a problem for the Cullens anyways. Right?

Carlisle and Esme had arrived sometime while I was still unconscious, along with a very nervous looking Edward. Carlisle had taken an open leave of absence, unsure as to when he would return. Luckily, the hospital had been lenient, and he wasn't being reprimanded for his extended absence. It's not like he had taken many holidays since he had come to Forks. So, really, who were they to complain?

After we had all settled in, and Alice and Esme had finished fussing over me, I quietly asked for Tristan to take me back to our room. I had to talk to him soon, before I lost my nerve and just fled, cowardly, from the damn hotel.

Edward looked at me nervously, and Alice just smiled reassuringly at me while winking. Yep, she definitely knew what I was about to do.

-OO—

"How are you feeling, honey? Do you need some more Advil?" Tristan asked as he fussed about with the blankets on the couch, adding one more, taking one off, readjusting the pillows. I could tell something was worrying him, and if he had any idea what was coming, he had good reason.

"No, Tristan, I'm fine. Please just come and sit with me. We need to talk," I whispered, staring idly at the floor.

I felt Tristan lower himself to the spot just beside me on the couch. I shut my eyes and drew in as much strength one measly breath could give a girl, and looked him straight in the eyes as I confessed my inner demons.

"I got all my memories back," I gushed out quickly and quietly. I didn't have to worry about speaking up; I knew he could hear me.

He took in a deep breath as his eyes glazed over slightly. My heart clenched in my chest; I really did love this beautiful man.

Tristan didn't say a thing; he just sat there watching me, waiting, expectantly, for me to continue.

With a shaky breath, I let it all out.

"I don't know what to think, Tristan. I am _so_ confused. I remember everything. I remember my past with the Cullens, and I remember the love I shared with Edward. I know he doesn't remember me still, but it is tearing me to pieces. I am so torn between the two of you." I paused as anguished sobs overtook me, and I had to struggle to catch my breath. Tristan rubbed soothing circles on my back and waited until I composed myself enough to continue.

"Please, don't misunderstand me. I love you, baby. I love you so much, and I'm happy with you, truly happy," I smiled the best smile I could muster up, hoping he could see the love in my eyes.

"But… I need some time. I don't know where I want to go from here, so I think I am going to go back to my dad's. Alone... I need some time to think, and I don't think I can do that with all of you around." I sobbed loudly, as a fresh round of tears burst from my eyes.

Tristan pulled me flush to his chest and held me tight. He kissed my forehead softly and pulled me back slightly and looked into my eyes.

The pain I could clearly see shining through tore at my very soul. He was hurting, and it was entirely my fault.

"Shhh, baby. Don't cry. I know you're confused right now. Please, don't worry about me. Take your time and figure it all out. I will be here waiting, when you return. _If you return."_ I don't think he meant for me to hear that last part, but in any case, I acted as if I didn't.

I knew what he was thinking, and he was right. I didn't know if I would come back for him, or for Edward, or if I would even come back at all.

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	29. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will. Remember that.**

**Much needed transition in this chap ladies. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Ann fine-combs my work and Katie makes me feel like a genius. I love you both. xx**

**Home sweet home!**

**BPOV**

As I exited the plane, I could already see Charlie standing there waving at me. God, I had missed him.

I ran as fast as my clumsy feet could carry me and threw myself into his arms. He hugged me tight and went to pull away, but I grasped on tighter, not willing to let him go yet.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I sobbed childishly into his comforting chest.

"Hey, Bells, I missed you too, but what's with the waterworks? Is everything okay?" I nodded numbly up at him. "Just happy to see you, Dad," I whispered. He smiled at me and wrapped one arm around my shoulder as we walked over to baggage and grabbed my luggage.

The drive home was rather quiet, for which I was thankful. I didn't want Charlie asking a bunch of questions I had no idea how to answer.

It took me almost three hours to unpack. I was taking my time before I went downstairs to once again face Charlie and the questions he would surely have for me.

I decided to take a quick shower before making my appearance. I stood basking in the warmth of the water while my thoughts wandered to Tristan. It had only been a day, and I missed him fiercely already.

Tears mixed with the water as I sobbed quietly hunched over in the shower. I was such a mess.

-OO—

"Isabella Marie Swan, you pick up the damn phone this minute. I'm tired of this. It's been almost a month and still no word from you. Who do you think you are, avoiding me like this? I miss you so much," Alice screeched through the answering machine speakers. I could clearly make out the aggravation and frustration in her voice, "Fine. Whatever. But if I don't hear from you by the end of the month, I am coming there and you will feel my wrath," she spat angrily into the phone. I sighed, rolling my eyes at her antics from my comfy place on the couch.

I knew I should have called her, or any of the Cullens for that matter. Hell, Carlisle and Esme lived just outside of town, and I had somehow managed to even avoid them since my return home. I just wasn't ready to face them yet. I knew everyone wanted answers. I am sure by now Alice had told them that I had my memories back. But I just didn't know what to tell them yet.

Sure it killed me to be away from the family I had grown to love as my own, and it tortured me endlessly to be away from Tristan, not to mention the sharp, jagged pain ever so present in my chest whenever I thought of Edward. Ahhhh…Edward. What the hell was I going to do about him?

I had never in my life been so confused and torn. I loved Edward with every fiber of my being, but if there was anything I had learned in the last few years, it was that love does not conquer all. And love is not enough to make a relationship work, no matter how hard you tried.

There needed to be trust, and compassion, and equality, and friendship, and communication.

I never got those things from Edward. He never trusted my judgment. Hell, half the time, he was too busy treating me like a child to think that I may have had ideas and thoughts of my own. There was definitely no equality in our relationship. I used to think it was because he was a vampire, and just so damn perfect, that I always felt off balance with him. But after spending years with Tristan, I knew that was not true. Tristan, too, was perfect and beautiful, but somehow he always managed to make me feel just as beautiful and just as special. He always listened and took my ideas and thoughts into consideration. We truly were one, and never once made decisions without conversing with the other. That is, until I decided to walk out on him, of course.

"Hey, Bells?" I heard my dad holler through the door as he knocked softly.

"Come in, Dad."

"Hey, honey. Listen, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I forgot Billy and I had planned a fishing trip this weekend. Think you'll be okay alone for a few days?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Dad, give me a break. I am a grown woman. I think I can handle a few days alone."

"Yeah…well…okay then. We'll be back Sunday night. If you need anything call Sue up on the Reserve and she'll be able to get a hold of me."

"Thanks, Dad. Go catch me a big one," I teased him, grinning ear to ear.

With my Dad gone and the house to myself, I made my way to the local movie mart to rent some movies.

I grabbed a few that looked interesting, nothing too sappy. Catch and Release, A Boy-Girl Thing, and Over Her Dead Body.

I brought my selections to the counter and flipped through a magazine while waiting in line.

"Bella? Bella Swan? Is that you? Oh my God. It is you. How you doing, girl? When did you get back in town?" I looked up in shock at the familiar voice of Mike Newton.

The man I saw before me looked nothing like the Mike I remembered; he had matured. His jaw line was more pronounced. His hair was still short and in a crew cut. A few lines now graced his forehead. He must have been a foot taller, as well; close to six-foot-one I would guess. And boy, was he now built; he must spend half his life working out in the gym to get and keep a body like that. He had a nice faint tan that made his blue eyes almost sparkle.

Surprising even myself, I flew at him and hugged him tightly. I had missed him, or at least that innocent time in my life when we were friends and our biggest worry was passing calculus. That is, until I got involved with Edward Cullen.

"Holy crap, Mike! You sure have grown up!"

"Speaking of growing up, have you looked in the mirror lately, Bells?" he gushed while twirling me around with one finger. I giggled like a school girl. Man, I was glad to see this old friend.

"So, still in Forks, huh? What do you do now?" I questioned, curiously.

"Actually, I work down at the local law firm. I just finished up law school last semester and got an internship here," he said, shyly.

"What are you mumbling about? You should be proud of yourself. Who would have guessed Newton a lawyer?" I giggled, punching him lightly in the arm.

"So, you married? Any little Mikey's running around yet?" I chided him.

He blushed. Man, that was cute. What? Did I just say that about Mike freakin' Newton?

"Umm, no, and hell no. I don't have time for kids right now, and ever since dating Jessica back in high school, I have kinda shied away from girls. Too much drama for me to handle. I needed to concentrate on school, you know what I mean."

Oh boy, did I ever. Jessica was definitely more than enough to scare the male population into abstinence, if not homosexuality. Ha! I snorted.

Mike looked at me curiously. I just shrugged and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Umm, yeah. Well, it was nice seeing you, Mike, but I should get going. I want to make it to the library before it closes," I mumbled awkwardly, not knowing what else to say without making myself look like an ass or dredging up stuff I had no intentions of talking about.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I should get going, too. Hey! Here, take this and give me a call if you ever want to get together for coffee or something while you're in town, okay?" he said shyly, handing me his business card. I nodded, grabbed my movies, and dashed for the door like my ass was on fire.

What the hell, Bella? What was that? I scolded myself, smacking my palm to my forehead. _Get your shit together, girl._

I shook my head to clear the fogginess and confusion and made my way to the library.

Once I got home, I ordered pizza and sat back and watched Over Her Dead Body. As soon as that was over, I popped in Catch and Release. It was getting late, and I was getting tired, so I opted to grab some blankets and cuddle into them on the couch. I sipped at my fourth glass, I think it was my fourth glass, of red wine, all the while sniffling and cursing at the characters on the screen. Poor girl. First, she loses her fiancé, then she learns he had a whole other side to him. A child. A mistress. What an ass!

As the movie progressed, so did my drunkenness and my vulgarity. I began cursing at the T.V, then sobbing like a baby minutes later. If I didn't know better, I would have wondered if I had a serious case of bi-polar.

I sloshed my wine back and forth in between my cheeks before swallowing the delicious, warm liquid when I heard a scattering noise coming from out back. I flopped off the couch and set my glass on the floor. I stumbled towards the back door and swung it open, sending it smashing into the wall.

"Oopsie," I giggled, holding my hand to my mouth trying to contain my laughter.

I tripped out the back door and covered my face, bracing myself for the inevitable crash. I hit something hard and cold, but it didn't hurt half as much as I anticipated. I let my arms fall to my side and looked to see a set of glorious caramel orbs looking back at me. They were filled with concern and something else….passion, they were burning with passion.

Without thinking first, I crashed my lips to his and twined my fingers through his soft hair. I moaned into his mouth and licked at his lower lip, desperately needing to deepen the kiss.

Surprisingly, he obliged without hesitance, which excited me all the more.

I felt his fingers ghost down the side of my neck and just graze the side of my breast as they made their way to my hips. I pulled from him slightly and moaned huskily as I flung my head back. His lips immediately attacked my neck as he peppered light delicious kisses all the way to my jaw line and back up to my ear. He nibbled lightly which caused my knees to buckle beneath my weight. His grip tightened as a soft chuckle escaped his luscious lips.

"Well, apparently someone missed me," he whispered huskily into my ear, his cool, sweet breath fanning across my face, causing me to drool. I quickly snapped my mouth shut and pulled him impossibly closer, my one leg hitching around his body. I could feel his rather large, prominent erection pressing against my inner thigh. I wiggled against his leg, trying to cause any amount of friction. I was so turned on and desperate for any amount of release from the pressure building in the pit of my stomach.

His hand slid up the front of my shirt and rubbed soft circles on my belly. Goose flesh appeared the second his hand came in contact with my bare skin. I had forgotten how good it felt when he touched me.

A soft moan escaped my lips, "Let's go inside." He nodded and continued his ministrations as he led me back in through the back door, kicking it closed and carrying me straight up the stairs to my bedroom.

He lowered me gently onto the bed and stood before me, his eyes slightly hooded as he looked me up and down. I was way too tipsy to feel self conscious. Instead, I giggled lightly and slowly lifted my shirt over my head.

The look on his face as he watched my little, perky breasts bounce as I threw my shirt at him was priceless and unbelievably sexy. It made me feel like I was the only woman left on the planet.

I could see so much desire and longing and lust in his eyes. A low growl erupted from him as he pounced forward and tackled my neck once again, his tongue flicking out and tasting every piece of my body he came in contact with. I guess if I weren't completely inebriated, I would be slightly concerned about him seeming so out of control, but damn did his tongue feel good. No way in hell was I stopping him now.

He took his time, ravaging my neck, arms, face, lips, stomach, everywhere but where I was currently wanting his mouth. I groaned in frustration, impatience easily read in my eyes. He chuckled, "Something wrong, love?" What a tease!

I hissed softly and tugged at his gorgeous locks. I'm sure he thought I was pulling him up for a kiss, 'cause he obliged all too willingly; but just as he was hovering over my chest, I thrust upwards causing my breasts to graze across his mouth. I wasn't usually so bold, but all the alcohol I had consumed this evening, mixed with the carnal desire I had to be one with this beautiful man, made me throw caution right out the window. He growled softly as he looked up at me through his thick lashes, "I swear, woman, one day you will be the death of me." Before he could finish his last word, I wiggled just the smallest amount, but it was enough to make his lips once again graze my now very perky nipples. Seemingly, without realizing what he was doing, his cold, pink tongue flicked out and drew lazy circles around my hardened nipple. I hissed, my back arching off the bed.

Out of nowhere, it was like a damn had burst in my pants. I felt a rush of heat soar through me. I moaned, coming hard from the mere touch of his tongue on my breast. As I came down from my orgasm, I briefly thought of being embarrassed at the fact that I had come from him doing next to nothing to me, but the second I zoned in on his insanely beautiful face, all coherent thoughts escaped me.

He was breathing heavily, taking in deep, calculated breaths. His eyes were heavily lidded and had a wild, animalistic look to them. He licked his lips and tentatively reached for my pajama bottoms. His fingers played along the edges, dipping just below the band from time to time. It felt amazing, but nowhere near enough.

"Please," I whimpered, trying hard not to just pull the damn things off myself.

"Are you sure? Is this really what you want, Bella?"

I nodded eagerly. He smiled.

"I'm sure. I have never been so sure of something in my entire life. Please, I need to feel you. I need to be one with you."

A low rumble rose from his throat, "Ahh, Bella. It has taken me so long. Finally, I am ready, too. I need you so badly. I can smell your sweet arousal so strongly. You're so beautiful, Bella."

"Please. I want you, too. So badly. Please, make love to me, Edward."

**Reviews are better than seeing the rest of this, aren't they? He he he! Want me to finish this? Yes ? no? Lemme know! And hey! Who actually guessed it was Edward?**


	30. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Thanks goes out to Ann for speed reading these chaps, all my readers for all their support and kind words, and, of course, my husband, who let's me write until my heart's content without bitching (unless it's to tell me Twilight sucks...and should be just one long movie of Alice rolling around in chocolate and playing with herself-snort-)**

**8 more chaps and the epi to go- u kids ready for a bumpy ride?**

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**If you love something, run away! Right?**

**EPOV**

I couldn't stop myself. It just wasn't an option anymore. My brain raged at me to smarten up and leave while I still had the strength, but a part of me that felt foreign, this new sex crazed, horny teenager part of me, cheered me on, pushed me forward and controlled my every move.

I began placing rapid kisses along her collar bone. Bella reached down and pulled my shirt over my head, and I savored the warming sensation she caused as her fingers grazed over my now bare chest.

Her fingers ran from my shoulders to my abs and back up again. I shivered in delight at the new feelings she was drawing from my very aroused body. Never in my life had a woman been able to elicit such feral feelings of raw lust from me.

_Flipping Bella over at vampire speed and kissing her passionately._

I groaned as the images of Bella in a nightshirt, only, wriggling underneath me, assaulted my vision.

I shook the images from my mind and was rewarded with a sultry smile on Bella's beautiful face. A low growl erupted from deep within me as I returned to where I left off and flicked my tongue around the hollow of her neck before continuing my journey south.

I gently kneaded her one breast while taking the other slowly into my mouth and sucking her flesh into my mouth. I groaned as her nipple pebbled and felt a small amount of venom flow from the corners of my lips.

Bella was moaning and whimpering pure nonsense, and it made me giddy to know I was causing such a reaction from her.

I slowly tugged her pajama bottoms down and was immediately assaulted with the sweet aroma of her arousal. My eyes rolled slightly as I fought to gain control. I wanted nothing more than to ravish this beautiful creature below me, but I knew I had to be careful with her; she was too fragile.

As her pants fell to the floor, I groaned loudly, now able to take in the beautiful sight that was Bella naked. Her bare sex glistened with moisture, and my eyes roamed up her body drinking in every last inch of her until I reached her lust hooded eyes. She batted her long lashes at me and squirmed, rubbing her legs together. I chuckled. She was so anxious. This woman drove me wild. Brought out every bit of animal there was in me and more.

"Please, Edward, please," she was begging now while reaching for my pants and snapping the button open. Within seconds she had my pants undone and was hastily kicking them down with her feet. I assisted her and threw them into the pile of clothing that now rested on the floor.

She pushed lightly on my chest; I obliged and rolled backwards. Bella threw her leg over me and straddled my waist. I could feel the moisture of her arousal soak through my boxers and cover my raging erection. She grinned at my obvious frustration and ground her hips slightly. I growled instinctively and grasped onto the soft flesh on his hips.

She giggled and wiggled further down my legs, slipping out of my grasp as she began pulling at the hem of my boxers. When my bulging member was freed from its confines, Bella stopped and stared, her mouth slightly agape.

Her intense perusal left me feeling oddly insecure. This was all new to me, after all. My stomach felt as if it were in knots, and I couldn't help my insane reaction; I chuckled. "Are you okay, Love?" She nodded, and her fingers grazed along the length of my erection causing a hiss to escape my lips. I threw my head back and gripped the blankets as if for dear life. I had never felt anything so amazing, so mind blowing, ever.

Bella continued her ministrations, using her whole hand, now, as she stroked me from base to head. She used the small pebble of pre-cum on the tip to rub small circles around the head of my cock.

I trembled. I knew it wouldn't take much for me to lose it, and I didn't want to, just yet. I was enjoying this way too much for it to_ come_ to an end so abruptly.

I was so lost in my thoughts of little old ladies and the boredom of school, anything I thought might help take my mind away from what was currently overtaking my body, that I gasped when I felt Bella's soft wet lips close around the head of my erection. My eyes shot open and instinctively I reached for her shoulders to pull her back, the look in her eyes told me I'd never live this one out if I did, so I quickly dropped my hands in her hair and tugged gently.

She sucked and licked and nipped at my dick, bringing me to the brink of explosion. I growled and reached up, and with vampire speed flipped her over and hovered over her, already positioned at her sweet, hot core.

"Bella…I…I love you," I whispered as I slowly entered her.

As I became completely sheathed in her hot, wet, tight core, bright colors invaded my vision and for a moment I thought I might pass out.

I slowed my movements to allow myself to just enjoying the feeling of her around me. I listened to her soft, sweet moans, and I struggled with every bit of my being not to plunge into her. Instead, I moved very slowly, in and out, and memorized each and every reaction I elicited from her. Her sounds were beautiful music to my ears and lit my dead heart ablaze.

My movements became more frantic as Bella ground her hips up to meet mine. I groaned, "Ah, Bella, shit, I'm going to come. Bella, come with me, love."

"Ohhhh, Edward….yes there….right there…please faster….harder…oh shit, Edward…yes….I'm coming, baby….."

Her words were my undoing. As I pounded into her as hard as humanly possible and spilt my seed into her hot core, I saw stars and lights flash before my eyes, and I crumpled onto the bed beside her, pulling her close to me and kissing the crown of her head.

She sighed as she snuggled into the crook of my arm. "So good… so right" Was the last thing she whispered before she fell asleep.

-OO—

As I lay there watching Bella's sleeping form, a huge rush of regret swept over me.

What had I done? Would she hate me for this in the morning?

It didn't take a genius to know she had been drinking, which likely altered her state of mind and made her make decisions she would likely not make had she been sober.

Would she regret making love to me in the morning? Do I regret making love to her?

No! No, I didn't.

Suddenly a crippling pain shot through my head. I gasped for unneeded air and clutched my throbbing skull.

My phone began vibrating in my pocket. I ignored it. I fumbled in a half coherent state to slip out from under Bella without waking her and fell into a heap at her bedside.

I was sure this was my punishment for defiling this poor innocent human. It must be God's way of punishing me for giving in to my carnal desires.

_Flash_

_Flash_

_Flash_

_Pain_

_Alice. Her powers, sharing her visions, her match making. Her hugs._

_Carlisle changing me, hot scorching pain flowing through my body. Him teaching me to hunt animals. Me leaving him once Esme joined us and hunting humans._

_Emmett, his roaring contagious laughter. So many pranks he has pulled. Him hugging Bella, telling me never to hurt her._

_Jasper attacking Bella. Me throwing him aside and fighting with the monster in me to resist her free flowing, sweet nectar._

_Rosalie – always engrossed completely in herself. Always thinking hateful thoughts towards Bella._

_Flash_

_Flash_

_Flash_

I leapt through Bella's open window, desperate to get away from the pain.

What I had done was wrong. I was surely being punished. I had made love to Bella, the love of my life, without being wed, and God was now striking out at me.

I hit the ground and lowered my head in shame. I sobbed tearlessly below her window, for what felt like hours, just waiting for lightening to strike me down and silently enduring the pain rippling through me.

Just as the sun was beginning to surface, I peered up at her window, a new but very familiar pain engulfing me. "Good bye, Bella, please forgive me… again," I whispered as I dashed into the surrounding forest.

-OO—

"Carlisle, help…please," I was barely able to whimper out as I collapsed through the door, the pain now too much to handle.

Esme was immediately at my side, brushing loose strands of hair from my face and sobbing as she begged me to tell her what was wrong.

"It's the venom," Carlisle stated quietly putting his arm around her shoulder comfortingly.

"Let's get him into my library. I've been working around the clock on the anti-venom. I sure hope this works. We don't have much time."

I felt my body gliding through the air. I could hear everything, but my vision was a haze of blacks and grays. I barely felt Esme's touch as she ran her fingers through my hair. She whispered words of love and begging me not to leave her, but I couldn't force a single reply out of my slack mouth.

Again, I could feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, but this time I had no choice but to ignore, I couldn't get a single part of my body to move. I was numb, no feeling what so ever. It was like my muscles had disappeared from my body and my mind was floating above it, and I was, now, just an observer to the things happening to me.

I felt something hot shoot up my arm, and whimpered at the intense burning sensation it caused. So familiar in intensity, but a whole different kind of burn.

"It's just the anti-venom, Edward. You are going to be okay, son. I promise I will do everything in my power to help you," Carlisle whispered from somewhere off in the distance.

I sighed as I let my body fall into the deep dark clouds that hovered nearby. I didn't want to leave this place. It felt so serene, so safe. I didn't want to go back. Back to a life without Bella, once again.

My heart clenched as I mentally said her name. I had made love to the most precious being on this earth, and then I had left her. This time, I knew there would be no going back. I would have to cut all ties with her if I wanted her to be happy without always dealing with the messy pieces of regret and sorrow I would bring to her life.

Somewhere, someone believed we shouldn't be together. I was being punished for that injustice. I was glad it was me and not her, but the pain was too much. I couldn't go back. I couldn't go through this immense pain ever again. The pain of losing her wasn't even this strong.

God, what a selfish creature I am, I thought while mentally slapping myself for fucking up so royally once again. I should have just stayed away. Why did I have to be so stupid and let my heart take over my mind and go to her house?

I bolted upright a roar ripping from my chest, and within seconds I, once again, collapsed onto the couch.

-OO—

**BPOV**

The harsh sunlight was streaming in through my window as I threw the blanket over my head and moaned at the pain this simple gesture caused.

I rolled over, desperate to get away from the light when I suddenly remembered last night.

I flung the blankets off my face and looked to where Edward should have been.

He wasn't there. He left. Tears sprung to my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

How could he do this to me? I thought….I thought it was right…finally, we could be together.

It felt so good, so right in his arms, and the way he had made love to me, last night, confirmed everything I had been fighting with in my head. I still loved him, just as much as before, if not more. I thought he did, too.

I curled into a ball and let the pain consume me. He had just used me. The man I fell in love with was gone, nothing but a distant memory. I had been a fool last night and gave myself to him, whole heart, body and soul, and he had left me at the first opportunity.

I lay there weeping and wallowing in my own misery until dusk, letting everything that had happened over the past few years run over and over again in my head.

With strength I didn't know I possessed, I bolted from my bed and stared at myself in the mirror.

"You are Bella Swan, and you are strong. You can get through this. You do not need Edward to survive," I hissed viciously and with headstrong resolve to the broken woman looking back at me from the mirror.

A small grimace played on my lips. I reminded myself of a crazy person leering at a possible victim. I shuddered at my appearance just as my stomach heaved. I sprang for the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach painfully into the toilet.

_Great! Used, abused and hung over. Could life get any better?_ I thought bitterly to myself.

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	31. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**The countdown has started, are you reading it?**

**See you on the flip side.**

**It just can't be!**

**BPOV**

I clung to the smooth, hard bowl reveling in the relief that that the soothing coolness brought me.

I knew I was burning up; I didn't need to take my temperature to know that.

As my stomach once again settled, I lowered myself onto the cool hard tiles and drifted into a light sleep.

What felt like minutes later, I jerked upright and dry heaved, once again.

I clutched at my swollen stomach, _Wait!_ Swollen? I fumbled with the hem of my shirt and whipped it up, starring disbelievingly at the round little bump below my breasts.

What the hell? Maybe I'm bloated. Was my period due soon? I struggled to remember when I had had it last, but for the life of me couldn't pull up the last date I had had it. Maybe a month ago… no, I remember still being on tour when I had it last. So, a couple of months ago. Shit the stress in my life must really be affecting my body. I should probably see a doctor.

I resolved I would call Carlisle as soon as I felt well enough to drive up to see him.

I pulled myself shakily from the floor and stumbled towards the bathtub. I sat perched on the edge taking deep calming breaths as I waited for the tub to fill. I gingerly lowered myself into the hot water and hissed as my swollen sex hit the water.

I laid my head back and put the wet washcloth over my eyes and let my body relax. I was nearing sleep when I felt someone nudge me. My eyes flew open as a gasp escaped my lips. My eyes quickly scanned the small room. No one was there. Hmmm… my mind must be playing tricks on me. I was pretty tired and my body ached all over. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, anyone in their right mind would be going a little crazy after all the emotional crap I had been through… right?

I shivered and realized the water had cooled considerably. I popped the plug and pulled myself out into the chilly air. I threw on my terry bath robe and pattered into my room.

I heard the faint hum of my cell phone vibrating somewhere. I scanned the room but didn't see it anywhere.

I rummaged through the discarded clothing on the floor on my hands and knees and pumped my fist in the air like a silly teenage when I finally located the sneaky little thing.

I flipped it open to find I had missed seven calls. All from Alice. I wondered what had her panties in such a bunch.

I clicked send and waited while the phone rang.

"Bella," came Alice's urgent voice on the other end. "Bella, are you okay?"

Of course I am. What the hell has gotten into her? "Yes, Alice, of course I am," I huffed. She had probably been flipping through my future and saw Edward and I making love. Nosy, little obnoxious pixie.

"Bella, I'll be right there. Don't leave your room, okay?" I barely heard her as a searing pain ripped through my stomach. I heard a loud ripping sound come from somewhere inside of me as I dropped the phone to the floor and howled in pain, the last thing I remembered before losing consciousness was peering down at my throbbing stomach and seeing a small bone jutting out from my rib cage as the sickeningly sweet, rusty smell of blood intoxicated me and caused my eyes to roll back as I crumbled to the floor.

**CPOV**

I sat in agony at my son's side. Hoping and praying I was not too late. I should never have let him leave. I should have demanded him to stay and take the anti-venom. I mentally berated myself while running my fingers through my hair. Now, because of my stupidity, Edward, my son, my best friend, might die, and it would be entirely my fault.

I could hear Esme's anguished cries coming from our bedroom. My heart clenched knowing it was I who had caused her this pain. My wife, my life was lying across the hall consumed with a pain one such as us should never have to endure. My body wracked violently with sobs as I clutched at Edward's lifeless body and wept on his shoulder.

"Carlisle?" Edward's voice was rough and startled me so much that I lost my balance and fell to the floor.

"Edward, oh, Edward. You don't know how good it is to see your eyes open, to hear your voice. You had me so worried, and poor Esme has been beside herself with worry. We…we thought we had lost you," I finished in almost a whisper as the words I spoke hit me like a ton of bricks.

Edward popped up from the couch and was at my side in a split second. If I hadn't just witnessed his brush with death, I would never have believed it. He seemed completely fine, normal even.

He pulled me into a tight hug and smiled at me. "I need to go see Bella. I've made a terrible mistake." His words were filled with pain and regret. I nodded my head in understanding. "Can I just quickly look you over before you go, to make sure everything is okay?" Thankfully he agreed without argument. Edward could be so stubborn sometimes.

I quickly pulled a special iron needle from my bag just as Esme rushed through the door and threw herself into Edward's waiting arms.

He kissed her head and smiled into her hair. I watched from my spot as mother and son sobbed together and relished in the fact that they indeed had many more years to make many more memories together.

"Alright, Edward, roll up your sleeve." He used one arm to pull his sleeve up and continued to hold Esme with the other. I quickly drew four viles of venom and pulled out some test strips and my mini microscope.

One quick glance at the blood sample told me, the anti-venom did indeed work, but also showed me some of the foreign venom had merged with Edward's own, venom thus causing his genetics to alter slightly. I didn't think this would pose a problem, so I nodded my head in his direction knowing he had heard my thoughts and we would discuss this after he returned from Bella's.

**EPOV**

I heard what Carlisle was thinking. My cells had changed slightly because of the foreign venom the Cracken had injected in me with its bite. I was worried for but a mere second until his thoughts turned to those of resolve. He was sure it would have no negative impact on me, and that alone was enough to ease my mind. Carlisle was never wrong, and I had every bit of faith in his expertise. Really, the man was brilliant. One couldn't ask for a better doctor.

The shrill sound of my phone brought me out of his thoughts. I flipped open my phone. Alice, of course it was Alice. I sighed. I may as well talk to her and get this done and over with, there was no way she would stop calling until she said her piece, anyway.

"Yes, Alice, everything's fine. I am fine. Thank you for worrying but…" Her high pitched panicked shriek stopped me short. "Bella….. Edward get to Bella…I'm on my way….but I might be too late…." I didn't wait for her to finish as I dashed downstairs and out the front door.

Within seconds, I was at Bella's and scaling the wall to her room. I caught the distinct smell of blood and scrunched my nose in disdain. That was weird; me not being drawn to Bella's blood or any human's blood for that matter. I would store that away for later and ask Carlisle his theories on that one.

I flew through the window and immediately saw Bella's broken body sprawled out on the floor in a pool of blood. I dropped to her side and pulled her into my arms, carefully looking her over to see where the blood was coming from. I noticed a small piece of her ribcage sticking grotesquely out of her skin and grimaced at the sight. My poor Bella. I quickly checked for a pulse as I rose from the floor with her in my arms ready to take her back to Carlisle.

Pulse –check.

Breathing –check.

Heart beat – check.

WAIT! What was that?

I stopped short and listened intently to the distinct sounds of a rapidly fluttering heart beat. Was someone else in the house? I quickly scanned the near area for any thoughts. Nothing!

That's when I felt it, a slight nudge coming from Bella's swollen belly. My eyes widened as I lowered my head to her belly and gaped while my mind reeled with possibilities as it became certain the fluttering heartbeat was coming from within the very body of the woman I loved.

**Did y'all guess from the teaser?**

**8 more chapters to go, including the epi, and this bad boy is all done :-P**

**I have submitted my one shot for the Fandoms against Domestic Violence. Link is on my profile, if you want to donate as little as 5.00 and, in return, you'll get a compilation of over 100 one shots from some amazing authors :-)**

**As always, reivews will be replied to in the form of teasers. And reviews are better than Edward realizing a moment too late, he was wrong. Leave one.**


	32. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Ann pre-reads and does a wonderful job, and Katie is my overly enthusiastic and verbal cheerleader…**

**I didn't send out teasers for this, because, well, It has only been like what? Two days?**

**I figured you'd prefer this instead. Was I right?**

**Leap of faith with a hint of trust!**

**TPOV**

Weeks…it had been weeks since I had last heard from Bella, and I won't lie, I was going out of my mind wondering what was running through her pretty little head and when she would finally call.

My every thought revolved around her. I sat in my room and moped about all day, starring at my phone, willing it with my eyes to ring. Just a simple 'hi, how are you' would have sufficed. I would settle for anything right about now.

Numerous times I would grab my phone, dial her number, and then sit there like a freakin' moron and stare at it for hours on end. I couldn't do it. I couldn't push her. She needed her time, to think, to decide our fate.

Pain crippled every ounce of my being as I imagined spending the rest of my life without my beautiful, smart, witty, funny, beautiful, amazing Bella. Did I just say beautiful twice? Of course I did, but she is so much more than that. She is my everything. Everything that makes me whole. Everything I have spent years walking this earth looking for in a life mate, and there was nothing I could deny this woman if only she would still have me.

Dry sobs wracked my body as I curled up in the fetal position at the end of 'our' bed and replayed every single moment with my sweet, precious Bella over the past three amazing years.

I conjured up her sweet touch in my mind; it was almost as if I could feel her gently grazing her warm, soft fingers across my face. I inhaled deeply and could swear I could smell her; a violent trembling began to take over my body. These things, these touches, these sounds, these feelings that I'd pulled up from the very depths of my memory may be the last I ever had, and I desperately clung to them and said a silent prayer to the gods above to please take mercy on my damned soul and let me be strong enough to face whatever decision Bella makes and support her no matter what.

**EPOV**

It was but mere minutes before I reached the house with Bella's bloodied, unconscious body in my arms. I could hear Alice approaching behind me, and I knew she was upset from her thoughts that I hadn't waited at Bella's for her, but I didn't have time to care right now; I needed to get Bella to Carlisle, and fast.

"Carlisle," I hollered as I kicked open the front door. He was at my side in seconds, followed closely by Esme. Her thoughts were motherly and very concerned. She brought her hand to her mouth and gasped as she took in Bella's broken appearance.

"Bring her over here, Edward. Lay her on the table," Carlisle instructed in a tight voice.

_What happened to her? My god her rib broke through her chest. The blood, Edward, can you handle it? _

I nodded.

Carlisle's thoughts were frantic as he tore at her clothing. I ran upstairs and grabbed his medical bag and some towels.

_It's going to be okay, son, just calm down. You're not doing any good to anyone pacing and freaking out like that._

I knew he was right, but still, I couldn't help but think that once again Bella's condition was my fault. If I hadn't been so consumed with my own guilt and left her, I would have been there for her and protected her.

"Carlisle, there is something you should know before you start," I broached hesitantly.

He looked at me imploringly, waiting for me to continue.

I tugged at my hair as a low, pain-filled growl slipped up my throat, "Bella's pregnant."

Carlisle's head jerked up, and I could tell he was straining to listen, to hear anything above the pounding rush of blood flowing through and out of Bella. His eyes widened, and his thoughts became so grumbled together I couldn't make them out clearly.

Hours later, he had Bella's rib taped up and she was all sewed back together again. We laid her upstairs in my bed and descended downstairs to inform the family of Bella's condition.

Emmett was pacing furiously, his thoughts filled with rage, he believed someone did this to Bella and was hell bent on revenge.

Rosalie's were mainly about herself, but she was also curious as to what had us all so freaked out.

Alice…well, Alice's thoughts were of Bella and I making love and of pure confusion as to how this was possible.

Jasper's thoughts were all over the place, and he strained to keep everyone calm while dealing with the pain that was emanating from me and Alice. I did, however, catch a flutter of a thought that confused the hell out of me. Something I would have to ask him about later.

"She's going to be okay," I breathed out in relief as my feet hit the bottom stair.

"Oh, thank heavens," Esme sobbed as Carlisle joined her and wrapped his arms securely around her shaking shoulders.

"What happened?" Emmett roared, "Who did this to her?" His eyes were furious and his thoughts told me he was more than ready to inflict a slow and painful death on whoever left Bella in such a state.

"Calm down, Emmett." I slowly approached him, dreading every step that brought me closer to telling my family that Bella's was pregnant with someone else's child.

"Don't tell me to calm down, you prick. Why the hell aren't you just as furious about this? I thought you loved her." A warning growl rumbled through my chest, and Emmett's stance changed to one of defense as he crouched low and got his game face on.

I chuckled, "You going to fight me, Emmett?"

"Stop!" Esme was standing, now. Her face paler than normal. "You two are acting like children and none of this is going to help Bella any. Now, will one of you so kindly inform the rest of us what the heck happened to Bella?" Esme's voice rang out high and demanding throughout the whole room.

I immediately felt horrible for causing her such distress. "Sorry, Esme," I whispered, hanging my head in shame.

"Yea, sorry," Emmett repeated clenching his fists.

Carlisle slowly rose and made his way out of the room.

_I have to check on something, Edward. I'll be right back._

"Looks like I'll be explaining this," I grumbled.

Five sets of eyes bore into mine as I inhaled a deep unneeded breath and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"No one did that to Bella," I started, saying each word rather slow.

Emmett's eye shot up, and even Rosalie, for once, looked intrigued.

"So, she did this to herself? Is that what you're telling us?" Rosalie piped in. "I always knew she was weird, but god, this is beyond words," she mumbled. I growled.

"Sorry, sorry. Don't get all freaky on me," she chuckled lightly while holding up her hands.

"No, Rosalie, to answer your degrading question, she did not do this to herself."

"K, I'm confused." Emmett's eyebrows were scrunched together, and he looked like he might be about to have a brain hemorrhage if I didn't make this easier on him.

"Bella….she's….she's pregnant," I choked out. "The child she is carrying must have kicked her pretty hard and broke her rib," I whispered the last part. It was getting harder and harder to keep the pain inside.

Jasper knew better and immediately he was at my side. "I'm so sorry, Edward." Such simple words, but oddly enough they comforted me, only a very small amount, but any amount of comfort right now was more than welcome. I felt waves of calm and pity wash over me. That was all it took, and as a loud sob rose in my throat, I bolted out the front door and away from my family. I didn't want them to see me break down, once again. I vaguely heard Carlisle yell out for me to stop before I hit the forest edge and was safely beyond hearing range of his thoughts.

**CPOV**

"Well, that didn't go so well," I mumbled from the doorway.

Esme looked at me like I had just grown a second head.

"It's not what he thinks. In fact, I'm not even sure exactly what it is," I said defensively while scratching my head.

"The baby is not human?"

I shook my head trying to shake away the confusion bubbling about in my head. As each and every vampire's jaw in the room dropped, I couldn't help but laugh. It was a hysterical high-pitched kind of laugh, but it seemed to take some of the tension I had been feeling with it. So, I didn't mind appearing like the crazy, irrational vampire, for once.

From the corner of my eye, I could make out Alice tensing up as a vision swept through her.

I waited patiently for her to share while the rest of the family gawked at me in shock. I smiled. "Sorry, everything has just been so tense around here, had to let some of it out."

Esme chuckled nervously, while Rose just huffed and walked away. Emmett's booming laughter shook the whole room until he saw the look on his wife's face as she flew out the back door. He looked to me; I just shrugged, not sure what had gotten into her. Emmett sighed and high tailed it out the back door after her. Alice gasped, re-capturingmy attention.

"It's one of us, but different somehow. This is definitely no regular pregnancy. Bella will have the baby within a few short months," she whispered as her clouded eyes came back into focus.

"Someone should tell Tristan," Jasper, the ever calm and head-strong one stated, finally speaking up.

"Tristan…why?" Alice stuttered obviously shocked as if for once someone had caught her off guard.

"Well, if she is pregnant, shouldn't he know…I mean he's going to want to be here with her. Especially if the baby keeps beating the crap out of her," Jasper explained exasperatingly, rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What if the baby isn't his, though?" Alice spat out, immediately slapping her hand over her mouth. I looked over at her wide eyed expression; she was fidgeting and looking immensely guilty.

"Alice, is there something you aren't telling us, dear?" Esme questioned softly.

**APOV**

Shit, shit, shit. Why did I have to go and open my big mouth and let all the word vomit spill out? Edward was never going to forgive me for this one. I sighed and raised my eyes up to meet Esme's sad ones. I felt horrible. I knew she hated secrets, but really, what was I supposed to do? Come running in the house and announce that Edward and Bella had finally slept together. Come on, that just wasn't right in so many ways. They had to understand that, right!

"Edward and Bella slept together the other night," I mumbled so fast even vampire ears would have a hard time understanding.

"What was that?" Carlisle apparently had been paying more attention to our interaction than I thought.

I flung my hands in the air dramatically. "Bella and Edward had sex. There! You happy now?" I could tell by their shocked expressions 'happy' wasn't the word they were looking for. "Edward's so going to kick my ass," I muttered as I walked out of the room and flipped my phone open.

I took a few deep unneeded breaths trying to calm myself as I dialed his number knowing very well Edward would flip when he found out.

**TPOV**

My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me out of my Bella induced haze.

I flipped it open and checked the caller I.D. Alice!

I wondered momentarily what would cause her to call me. I knew she was back in Forks visiting her family. Maybe she had news on Bella.

"Hey, Alice, how's everything back home?" I asked curiously.

"Umm…everything's….uh….okay…I …guess." I could tell she was holding out on me and scared to say whatever needed to be said, so I jumped right to the bottom line.

"Okay, Alice, stop beating around the bush. What's going on? Is Bella okay? And what has you so frazzled it would cause you, of all people, to stutter?"

I heard her take a sharp breath and felt a cold shiver run through my body. I tensed and braced myself for whatever Alice was about to say. For I was now sure it would not be something good.

"Tristan, we need you to come here, right away. Bella, she kind of had an accident. She's ummm."

"Is she okay? Alice, just spit it out." Fear prickled every molecule in my body, now. My head spun with possibilities. Picturing Bella broken and twisted in metal from a car crash. Pale and slightly blue from drowning. Smiling and kissing Edward and him losing his control and biting her. My heart broke a little as each vision passed and the next one took over. Alice interrupted the little movie in my head with words that made my dead heart sputter and stop again.

"She's pregnant."

For a few seconds I couldn't say anything, my mouth opened and snapped shut, as I tried and failed to grasp what Alice had just said. Bella. Pregnant. Not possible, was it? Had she slept with a human man when she left? Why would she do such a thing?

"And before you ask," Alice whispered. "It's not a human's."

My mouth gaped open. My fingers trembled and the phone slipped from my grasp.

This couldn't be happening. Bella, my beautiful Bella, was pregnant with my child. As realization dawned on me, I couldn't stop the huge grin that spread across my face. The joy I felt was insurmountable. I reached over for the phone and plucked it off the carpet.

"Alice, I'll be there soon," I sputtered giddily and sprang down the stairs and out the front door, anxious to get to my Bella…and my baby.

**Yeah- I ended that there.**

**Reviews are better than knowing for sure whose baby Bella is carrying. So, you best get on that. Lmfao**

**7 more chapters to go and this rollercoaster finally comes to a halt. Are you excited?**


	33. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Ann pre-reads and does a wonderful job, and Katie is my overly enthusiastic and very verbal cheerleader…**

**Devastating Adversity**

**BPOV**

I awoke to the sounds of people arguing. I squinted into the bright sunlight that immediately assaulted me and tried to roll over. A blinding pain caused me to crumble back into the soft bed.

I whimpered as a solitary tear slipped down my cheek. What the hell had happened?

Why was I so sore? Never mind that, where was I? And who was arguing downstairs?

I fought against the fog that still occupied my woozy head and strained to remember anything, any piece of information that might put it all together for me.

A booming roar jerked my thoughts, and I immediately recognized Emmett's voice, and boy, did he sound angry. Again, I fought against the hot, searing pain and tried to roll the other way this time. Slowly, as I gasped for much too needed air, I propped my sore self upright and grimaced as pain continued assaulting me from somewhere deep inside, and blanched as the reason for my pain came barreling back into my thoughts.

I was in my bedroom, looking for my phone. I found it. I was triumphant. Then, I heard a loud cracking noise and collapsed on the floor. Somewhere, in all the fogginess, I heard Edward's sweet, angelic voice laced with anguish as he told me to hang on.

I was at the Cullens.

"Carlisle," I croaked out, gasping, as the mere effort it took to whisper his name caused a blazing jolt of agonizing pain to shoot down my side.

Carlisle walked through the door just as I clutched at my offending side, looking concerned but relieved.

"I am so glad to see you awake, Bella. How are you feeling?"

"It…hurts," I gasped, once again, reeling at the pain that simply speaking caused me.

"Here, take these." He handed me a glass of water and some little white pills, which I gratefully took. I swallowed them back in one mouthful and grimaced as pain shot up my arm. I quickly lowered it and would have dropped the glass in the process had Carlisle not taken it from me.

"What happened?" I winced. I couldn't wait for those pretty little pills to kick in.

Carlisle picked up on my condition and slowly helped me lie back again.

"Here, you lay there and relax, and I'll talk. Try not to talk too much until the pills kick in. It is going to be awhile before you can without causing yourself immense pain." I looked up at him warily, pleading with him silently to just spit it out.

"Bella, you're pregnant." I shook my head vehemently. Where the hell did that come from? Maybe it was a side effect of the meds. Hallucinations… hearing crap.

"Sorry, go ahead and start; I was having some weird sort of hallucination," I whispered, knowing I didn't have to speak up for him to hear me.

He chuckled, "No, you are not hallucinating anything, Bella. I did, in fact, just say that you are pregnant."

My face fell, and I am sure I looked white as a ghost in that moment. I flung myself sideways and cried out in pain as I threw up all over the floor beside the bed. I didn't have much in my stomach and the dry heaving was immensely painful. Luckily, the nausea didn't last long and, once again, Carlisle gingerly lifted me back into a sitting position.

"H…How?" my voice came out as a tiny, scared squeak.

"We're not sure. But we do know it is not human," he said forlornly.

"Oh." My head spun with worries and wonders at this unexpected information, not one bit making any sense what so ever. How did it happen? When did it happen? Would Tristan be happy? How did a vampire make a baby anyways? I thought they couldn't. Maybe this was some sick joke? What was the date anyway? Maybe it was April fool's day? And the rest of the Cullens would jump out from the closet at any moment, yelling "Got cha". Maybe I fell and hit my head, and I am just dreaming right now? Yeah, that sounded plausible. But then where was the pain coming from? How did that fit in?

"Why am I in…so much pain?" I whimpered. I could feel the pills beginning to work but not enough to for the pain to completely subside, just enough to make me feel a little lightheaded and giddy.

"The baby is strong, Bella, very strong. I suspect he or she was trying to move and kicked, breaking your rib in the process." He pinched at the bridge of his nose as I slowly processed what he had just told me. I had to fight the urge to laugh in his face. It was all just so surreal, and then toss the happy pills into the equation, and that equaled my fighting with every ounce of my strength to keep myself from bursting into hysterical fits of laughter.

"Bella," Carlisle began somberly, "I think you need to take some time and think this through." He looked at me with such pain flashing through his eyes it made my heart sink a little. What could be so hard for him to say?

"I think it may be best to abort this pregnancy."

My breath hitched. This is what he thought?

"Is that you speaking personally or professionally?" I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over my already swimming brims.

"Both. I'm sorry, Bella. I have learned than humans bearing vampire children is not unheard of, but not in any of my findings has a single mortal woman lived through the delivery."

I blanched at his words, my heart sinking impossibly lower into my stomach.

He didn't think I would live through this; he wanted me to kill my unborn child. I wasn't so sure that was something I was capable of, but could I give my life in order for my child to live? I didn't even pause before I internally answered that, yes! I would die for my child and not think twice about it.

I struggled to calm the tears enough so I could make out Carlisle's sympathetic face. I tried to tell him that his idea, his plan, was preposterous. But the second I opened my mouth a deep, wrenching sob flew out.

"I'll give you some time, Bella, but not much. We have to act quickly. This isn't a normal pregnancy. It will be but a few months before the baby is fully developed and ready to come out." I watched his retreating form as I sobbed in agony from my spot on the bed.

Calm down, Bella, I scolded myself. You need to think clearly, you need to convince them this child is not an abomination but indeed a gift from God. And I wouldn't let them… they would not, no… could not, take my precious baby from me.

**TPOV**

"Where is she?" I demanded the second Alice opened the door to the Cullens' home.

"She's upstairs resting, but before you go up there, Carlisle wants to talk to you."

"Where is he, then?"

"In his study. Please, Tristan, try to keep an open mind and know that we love Bella too, okay?" she whispered.

"Sure," I responded as I walked briskly into the study.

"Tristan, it is good to see you again. Please take a seat."

"How is she doing, Carlisle?" I questioned worriedly. This was all knew to me. In all my years as a vampire never once had I heard of a human carrying a vampire's child.

"As well as can be expected. She has a broken rib and is in quite a bit of pain, but I gave her some medication to ease the pain. She should be pretty giddy by now," he said, likely trying to lighten the tense atmosphere that was clouding the room.

"How is this possible?"

"I don't honestly know," he hedged, "but I did some research, and apparently this kind of thing isn't as unheard of as we originally thought."

"Well, that must be a good thing then, right?" I looked at him expectantly.

Carlisle didn't quite meet my gaze and almost looked as if he might get sick. "What is it, Carlisle?"

He looked at me imploringly and seemed to be debating whether he should tell me what the problem was or not.

"Please, Carlisle; I have a right to know. It is my baby, too." I was getting a little antsy, and my words came out a bit harsher than I had intended. I immediately felt bad for raising my voice at him.

"Are you sure about that?" My head swung towards the menacing voice coming from the doorway. My eyes slanted slightly, and I clenched my fists at my sides.

"Of course I'm sure, you halfwit. Carlisle just told me it is, in fact, not human," I spat, annoyed with his implication and tone of voice.

"Yes, a vampire's baby, indeed. But which vampire's?" I blanched, and staggered back a step as his words sunk in and tore at my dead heart. No, it couldn't be. Bella wouldn't do that to me. She just needed time. If she had made a decision, surely she would have at least afforded me a phone call to let me know.

**EPOV**

I was livid with Alice when she came to find me and told me she had called Tristan.

I was so sick of hearing about Tristan.

Tristan this, Tristan that. Oh, Tristan is such a nice guy. Tristan is such a talented young man. Poor Tristan, he must be falling apart waiting for Bella to make a decision. Bullshit!

No one is that perfect. I had heard it all, in the minds of my family, and even as I listened to his thoughts I could hear the sincerity, the unwavering love, the never ending patience and, most of all, the true goodness to his thoughts. It sickened me to the core. It had to be fake. He must know of my ability and blocked his true intentions by replacing them with these sickeningly sweet, perfect ones.

I knew I had no right to be mad at him. He met Bella after I was long gone, and if anything, put the pieces of Bella back together and made her whole again. I should be grateful and thank the guy; instead, I had every intention of returning to the house now that I knew he was there and why, and stealing my Bella back from him.

At first, when Alice told me why she had called Tristan, I freaked out. How could she even believe the baby could be his? But when I calmed down enough to actually think about it, I knew she was right. In fact, there was a very good possibility it was his, considering Bella and I had only made love just a few nights prior.

It pulled at my dead heart to think of Bella pregnant with another man's baby, human or vampire. But I remembered my past well now, and the pain I had inflicted selfishly on Bella was not so easily forgiven. Therefore, I resolved if she could get past my indiscretions, I could afford her the same in return. But still, I had hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, she could still love me even half as much as I still loved her.

As I reached the house, I could hear his thoughts. He was ecstatic and excited at the idea of being a father. I snorted as I walked through the door, causing my family to look at me curiously. I stalked right past them, determination etched on my face, and waltzed right into Carlisle's study.

"Please, Carlisle, I have a right to know. It is my baby, too." Carlisle's head jerked up, and he looked at me with such pity it made me furious. He, too, thought the baby must be Tristan's.

"Are you sure about that?" I challenged, my voice gruff and menacing.

"Of course I'm sure, you halfwit. Carlisle just told me it is, in fact, not human," he growled at me, obviously annoyed.

"Yes, a vampire's baby, indeed. But which vampire's?" The look on his face told me he had never once considered this fact. He had always just assumed it was his. I felt triumphant for half a second until I saw the pain radiating from his eyes as what I had said seeped in and took hold of his heart. I couldn't believe I was actually feeling sorry for the guy who stole the love of my life right out from underneath my nose.

"Sorry, Tristan, that was uncalled for," I rushed out through clenched teeth.

"No, what did you mean by it?" he questioned softly, pain leaking from every word.

"I think this is something you should discuss with Bella, Tristan. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." With that, I turned and bolted out of the room, leaving him standing there hunched over and looking defeated.

**BPOV**

I could hear my cell phone ringing. Where the heck was it? Finally, I spotted it on the bedside table, and I carefully stretched to grab it, wincing in pain. "Hello," I croaked, making it sound like I had just woken up.

"Hey, Bells, where are you? I see all your stuff is still here, and what's with the mess in your room? It looks like a tornado went through there." My Dad's soft chuckle brought a genuine smile to my lips.

"Hi, Dad. Yeah, sorry about that. I was umm…looking for something and then had to run out. I'll clean it as soon as I get back." I couldn't tell him the truth, but didn't want to outright lie to him either, and this was the closest to the truth I could get without raising suspicion.

"And when might that be?" he asked.

"Huh? When will what be?" I asked confused.

He chuckled, "When will you be coming home? I brought back some fish. Maybe we can fry them up, and it will be just like old times."

"Actually, probably not for a few days, Dad, sorry. Something came up. But I promise as soon as I am done, you'll be the first person I come to see," I promised, meaning every word.

"Alright, Bells, but don't make me wait too long, okay?"

"I won't, Dad. I promise."

As I hung up the phone, I smiled to myself…

"Bella?"

My head whipped around and tears sprung to my eyes, "Tristan?"

Tristan slowly came and sat beside me on the bed. I could tell something was bothering him, the pain lacing his eyes was plain to see. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Bella, we need to talk."

**Reviews are better than the cold, painful truth. Leave one.**

**As always- reviews will be replied to by way of a teaser.**


	34. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

**Ann goes over my shit, and I love her for it.**

**FIVE chapters left- including the epi :-S**

**See you on the flip side.**

**Life's little mind games**

Tristan and I talked well into the wee hours of the night, right up until Alice came knocking on the bedroom door to remind me that I was, indeed, pregnant and would do well to remember that and get some damn rest. What a know-it-all little pixie.

I lay awake, restless and un-easy, long after Tristan had said goodnight and quietly shut the door.

The pain and betrayal pouring out of Tristan's beautiful eyes had left me feeling ashamed and guilt-ridden.

I told him everything, how I drank myself silly, slept with Edward and forgot all about him during that brief time.

I explained I still loved him, but it was like Edward owned a piece of me, a huge piece, one that he had tried to give back but was unconditionally and irrevocably his, forever.

This, he seemed to understand. However, the fact that I had slept with Edward without making the decision I had come here for is what had ripped him in two, and I had no reasonable explanation to justify my actions. So, I simply said sorry.

He sobbed uncontrollably on my shoulder after he explained to me that the baby could be his OR Edward's and that until it was born we would have no way of knowing.

My insides quivered, and I swear it felt like my heart might jump up and out my throat as the reality of the pain and anguish I was causing these two men slapped me square across the face.

After my little revelation, I couldn't bring myself to look Tristan in the eyes. He left shortly after that, mumbling something about needing some time to process everything.

Alice joined me after Tristan's departure. I begged her to look into the future and tell me who the father of my child is. All she would give me is that my future was not clear, until a decision is made by both me and whoever I end up with, and of course, until the baby is born, as well.

She bellyached while pacing my room rapidly, clenching her eyes shut and trembling slightly for over exerting herself trying to grasp anything in the future that would tell us whether I would even live through the birth. She begged and pleaded with me to consider my options heavily. I explained to her that this was my baby she was talking about, my flesh and blood, and it deserved a life, a life I was going to give it even if it ended up costing me my own.

She sobbed on my shoulder and told me how much she loved me, that she didn't agree with my decision, but she understood and would support me. Before she left she told me Edward was back and wanted to talk to me.

I told her I wasn't ready. I felt bad avoiding him, but I needed time to get my head on straight. Time was no longer on my side, and if I was going to leave this world in only a few short months, I needed to do some soul searching and set things straight with the people who meant the most to me, especially Tristan and Edward.

**-OO-**

The next morning I awoke to the bright sun. It didn't bother me like it normally would. I savored every moment it that it beat warmly upon me.

I smiled into my blankets as I stretched and realized I felt a lot better today, a little stiff and a few pains here and there, but pretty darn good, considering.

"Carlisle?"

Moments later the door opened. Carlisle was smiling, but the look in his eyes told me he thought I was calling him to give him my decision. I guess I was, but really, I wanted to talk to him about something entirely different.

"G'morning, Bella, how are you feeling today?"

"I feel great, actually. Thank you," I whispered, avoiding his intense gaze.

"Is there something you wanted to talk to me about, Bella?" Smart man!

"Yes, actually. I was wondering if you would mind calling the local university and seeing if some of my courses are available online. I'd like to try and finish, since I only have a few months before graduation."

Carlisle nodded slowly." So, I am assuming this means you have decided to keep the baby then?" His face was grim. I could see in his eyes that he was already calculating how much time was left, and what, if anything, he could do to help.

"Yes, I have. Please, try to understand," I begged softly, praying someone would understand how I was feeling.

"I can't say that I understand, Bella, but I get it. I really do. I may not ever be able to have my own children, but the ones I have now, even though they are older, I know I would do absolutely anything for. So, I truly do know the way you are feeling." His explanation made sense. Esme and he are very protective of the rest of the family. Maybe they, at very least, could understand how I was feeling. I smiled a little; it felt good knowing I wasn't completely insane putting my life on the line for my unborn child.

"Well, the boys are out hunting, gathering blood for you. I will hook up an IV and feed it directly to the baby so you don't have to consume it yourself." Carlisle explained as he switched over to doctor mode. I cringed inwardly at the thought of what he was going to do to me, but I knew he was right. The baby would be part vampire; therefore, it would need blood to survive.

"Before you do that, there is something I need to do. My dad called. I need to go back there and get my stuff and say good bye to him." A plump tear slid down my cheek. Saying goodbye to Charlie would be the hardest part of all of this. How do you say goodbye to someone but not let them know that you are?

"I see. Okay, do you feel well enough, Bella?" I nodded.

"I will see if I can get Rosalie to go with you then." I blanched.

"W…what?"

Carlisle chuckled deep and low, "You'd be surprised to know, Bella, since she returned the other night all she has done is ask to see you. In fact, she's waiting in the hall right now."

"Oh." I was so baffled by this bit of information, I couldn't even form a coherent thought, never mind a reply.

"Where's Alice?"

"She's gone shopping with Esme. For baby stuff. They likely won't be back until late." He chuckled again, while shaking his head as he made his way to the door.

Rosalie came barging in the second his hand was on the knob. "Remember, Bella, take it easy."

"I will," I promised. "Hi, Rosalie, umm… how are you today?"

Rosalie shuffled her feet from side to side, staring aimlessly at the floor. I'll admit, she still made me a little uncomfortable. I knew she didn't like me, but over the years we had made leaps and bounds in the toleration department. I couldn't help but wonder why she needed to see me so badly.

"Rosalie, are you okay?" I ask softly and patted the empty spot on the bed beside me.

She slowly made her way to the bed. The second she sat down, her arms flew out of nowhere and she squeezed me tight. "Thank you, Bella." I was confused. Why was she thanking me?

"Um…Rose, what are you thanking me for?"

She smiled brightly now, her eyes shining and her face almost glowing. "For keeping the baby. At first, when I found out you were pregnant, I was mortified, angry even. More jealous, if I was really being honest." She sighed loudly and wrapped her legs underneath her, sitting Indian style across from me, now.

"I always wanted a child. Did you know that, Bella?" she whispered.

I nodded, "Yes, Emmett mentioned that to me once."

"You are so lucky to be blessed with this chance. To have a child of your own, with a man who loves you," she went on, still staring off into nowhere, eyes glazed and face giddy.

"It's okay, Rose, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand what you are saying." I knew that she really wanted to say, 'Thank you for being un-selfish and giving up your life for this new one'.

I hiccupped as a tiny sob slipped past my lips.

Rosalie's head darted up; she immediately pulled me into her arms and cradled me while stroking my hair.

There was nothing left to say, we both knew the inevitable reality of what was to come. And we both knew and understood why I chose the things I had chosen. I knew in that very moment, with her reassurance and understanding clarifying every foggy thought in my mind, I was truly making the right decision.

**-OO-**

We arrived at Charlie's just over an hour later, walking caused a slight stab of pain in my chest, but I sucked it up and trudged forward. I had to do this. I needed this, and Charlie deserved it, as well.

"Hey, Bells," my Dad called cheerfully from his spot on the living room couch.

"Hi, Dad, so good to see you. It's been too long." He gave me an odd look, and I inhaled sharply as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a tight squeeze.

"Rosalie, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm great, sir. Thank you for asking." She smiled brightly at him, momentarily dazzling him and leaving him gawking like a love-struck teenager. Rosalie chuckled lightly.

"I'm just going to go upstairs while you two chat a bit and get your stuff ready, okay, Bella?"

"Sounds good. Thanks, Rose."

"So, you're leaving already?" Charlie asked as we sat down in the living room.

"Yeah, I have a ton of work to do." My mouth hung slack as I struggled to find the words that could tell him how I was feeling without telling him what was happening.

"I'm…uh….thinking of transferring to a school in Alaska," I choked out quickly.

"Alaska? That's kind of far away, don't you think? What's there that you can't get closer to home?"

"A new internship." I hated lying but knew it was best. At very least, this would explain my absence for the duration of my pregnancy.

We talked a little while longer. Charlie asked me to re-consider the whole university thing. I explained how this was a huge opportunity for me and how I'd be a fool to pass it up, and he seemed to accept that and moved on to telling me about his latest fishing trip with Billy Black.

"Are you ready to go, Bella?" Rosalie's voice rang from the stairwell. Moments later her head popped through the doorway.

I smiled, "Sure." My dad rose to walk us to the front door.

"I cleaned up that mess in your room, Bella. Man, you really are a pig, aren't you," she teased.

It still kind of caught me off guard, Rosalie being playful and friendly. But I smiled and laughed, "Yeah, I guess I am. Thank you, Rose. That was very nice of you."

"Try to keep in touch, okay, kiddo?"

"I will, dad, I…I love you." Tears sprung to my eyes as I flung myself into his arms, he hesitated only for a moment before I felt his warm strong arms wrap around my waist and gently squeeze.

He let go much too soon for my liking, and I swiped away the tears and kissed his cheek. "Take care of yourself, old man."

He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not so old, you know."

"I know, Dad. Goodbye." I barely got the last word out, my throat choked with emotion, and I had to bite my lip to keep the tears at bay, at least, until we made it to the car and Charlie wouldn't be able to see me.

The second I closed the door, anguished, painful sobs erupted from me. My chest heaved violently as I struggled to suck in small gasps of air in between the wails.

Rosalie sped out of the driveway and pulled up alongside of the road a few miles down. She pulled me into her cold arms and hummed a melody I wasn't familiar with. We sat like this for what felt like hours, until all my tears had dried up and there was nothing left but an empty void in the deepest, darkest crevice of my heart.

Rosalie silently slipped her arm out from under my curled up form, lowered my head on the arm rest, and resumed driving. I must have fallen asleep in the few minutes it took to get back to the house, because I woke to a chilly breeze and looked directly into Emmett's concerned eyes the second mine popped open. He had his arms securely around me, carrying me bridal-style into the house.

"I could have walked," I mumbled, still half asleep.

He chuckled, "It's okay, Bells. I don't mind."

He brought me right up to my room and set me down on my bed, pulling the covers up and over my shivering body. He leaned down and placed a light, chaste kiss to my forehead, pulled back and looked at me with sad eyes.

Tears pooled in my brims as I realized what this moment was for us. He, too, was making sure he got his chance to say goodbye.

"I love you, Bells. You're the little sister I always wanted," he whispered softly as he made his way to the door.

"I love you, too," I choked, as I once again broke down into a fit of wrenching sobs.

**-OO-**

**One month later**

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaaa." _Damn, even in my dreams Alice could pester me._

"Bellaaaa, come on, sleepy head. Time to wake uupp." _Shoot, I'm not dreaming, am I?_

I slowly cracked an eye open, sunlight battered my sore, swollen eyes, and I groaned.

"Go away."

Alice giggled. "Someone's a little grumpster this morning." I felt her join me on the bed. I snuggled further into the blankets, vainly trying to discourage her.

"Ah, what the hell, Alice?" I yelped as the covers flew off of me. I shivered involuntarily as the cool air hit my warm skin.

"I said it's time to get up." Alice glared at me.

"Fine," I huffed as I rolled out the side of the bed and wobbled over to the bathroom.

"Holy hell," I gasped. Alice was at my side before I could blink.

"What? What is it? I didn't see anything. Are you okay? Bella, answer me!" Alice shrieked from beside me.

I couldn't answer her; I was too busy ogling the massive lump that used to be my belly.

"What's going on in here?" Carlisle's tense voice came from the doorway.

"I don't know. She just freaked out." Was Alice's incredulous reply.

I spun and glared at her, "What the hell do you mean you don't know? I'm not crazy. Look at this," I yelled, motioning to my massive, protruding belly. "Do you call this nothing?" I continued in a high pitch, close to hysterical voice, ripping my shirt up and letting the ginormous bulge bounce out freely.

Alice squealed, "Oh, how cute, a baby bump." I grimaced and she danced closer and lowered her mouth to my belly.

"Well hewo there, big baby, I'm your aunt Awice," she cooed in a scary-ass imitation of baby-talk that made even me shudder.

"Cut it out, Alice. You're going to scare him or her senseless with that creepy voice." She shot me a death glare and stuck out her tiny pink tongue.

I huffed, annoyed that no one was seeing the real issue here. I looked over at Carlisle. He would be no help; he was too busy chuckling quietly, trying and failing to cover it up with horrendous half coughs.

"Argh," I huffed and stormed off into the bathroom.

-OO-

I took a shower, glaring at my giant belly the whole time. I could faintly make out small little pinkish marks near my hip bones.

I groaned aloud, "You've got to be shitting me. Stretch marks, already!" Yep! Today was going to be one of those days, those nasty-grumpy-never ending-kill-me-now kind of days.

I was just tugging on a pair of stretchy pants that Alice had bought me when the bedroom door came crashing open and a frantic looking Edward, followed by a tense, and just as frantic looking, Tristan.

"Umm, what's going on?" I hedged cautiously, eyeing them both up.

"Come on, Bella. No time for questions, hurry up we have to get you out of here," Edward rambled while throwing a few articles into an overnight bag I had just noticed he was carrying.

"Wait…what…why…what…are you talking about?" I stammered, completely confused and a little peeved that he was being so vague.

Edward kept mumbling about nothing of any sense. I looked imploringly at Tristan who was still hovering by the doorway, looking nervous and a little uncomfortable.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "What's going on?" I whispered, my voice quivering just a bit as I pulled back and saw the raw fear in his eyes.

"A small coven is coming. They are not like us. Alice had a vision…" He inhaled sharply and pulled me back to his chest. "As long as you stay here, her visions are not pleasant. We need to go, now."

I numbly stumbled towards the open door, nodding the whole way.

**EPOV**

It bothered me to no end that Tristan would be with Bella, alone, for the next three days, while I stayed back at the house and waited for our unwelcome guests.

From what Alice could tell from the blotchy, fragmented images, it was Victoria. She was back and had brought two little friends with her.

I dry heaved and fell back against the thick tree behind me as Alice's horrendous visions assaulted me over and over again.

_The blond hair guy leering at me and darting around me._

_Pouncing on Bella's tiny, frail body._

_Licking the side of her face._

_Victoria attacking and distracting me._

_Me, calling out, reaching out for Bella._

_The blond's horrible, menacing laugh as he tore through her pale skin, his eyes glowing red as he drank from her sweet, slim neck. _

_The sweet, alluring smell of her blood hitting me like a ton of bricks, but not in the way it once had. This time, it brought out the monster in me for a whole different reason._

_Me, tossing a snarling Victoria off of me and launching myself at the blond guy._

_The dark-skinned neutral man sitting back watching obviously bored with the desecration going on before him._

_Me, tearing the blond guy to pieces, smiling victoriously at the pile of ashes that was all that was left of him after I set his quivering limbs on fire._

_The dark-skinned man, dashing into the forest, obviously scared._

_Bella sprawled out on the damp earth of the forest floor, broken and lifeless._

_The unborn child in her womb squirming, desperately fighting to live. Her stomach bulging out at an odd angle as the baby wiggled, until it stopped all together._

_Victoria's gleefully, crazy laughter followed by my murderous roar ringing through the forest as I fell in a heap beside Bella's cold, inanimate body._

A low growl emanated from deep within me. Never, never would I allow this, and that is why we had sent Bella away with Tristan. I had to be here. My family needed me to decipher their thoughts.

Carlisle's plan was to ambush them before they reached our side of the forest. Unfortunately, we had to be careful, the forest line was too close to Quileute land, and if they even so much as step one foot over the treaty line, we were helpless and would have to stand back and let them taunt us. Surely, once they learned of this, they would use it to their advantage.

**BPOV**

"What did Esme say?" I asked, even though I was not completely sure I really wanted to know the answer.

Ever since Tristan had informed me that Victoria was coming back, my insides had been tied in tight, anxious knots. My last encounter with Victoria had not been pretty to say the least, and in the end, she had fled while her mate James had been torn to bits and pieces by the Cullens, then burned to a small pile of ashes.

"Everything is quiet for now. Alice saw them arriving tomorrow, late evening. We may as well relax and enjoy the peace and quiet while we can."

I nodded and smiled the bravest smile I could muster up in my tense state.

My stomach grumbled loudly. Tristan cocked his eyebrow at me and chuckled.

"Someone appears to be hungry."

I smiled impishly.

"Pick out a movie for us to watch and get comfy. I'll be back in a few minutes," Tristan said warmly, the love in his eyes shining brightly.

Fifteen minutes later, I sat patiently on the large sofa. I had chosen the re-made version of My Bloody Valentine and had it paused at the beginning when Tristan came gliding into the room carrying a plate of something that smelled absolutely heavenly and pulling an IV poll behind him with a red bag already attached at the top.

I groaned. I knew the baby needed the blood to grow and get stronger, but it still made me uneasy getting all the needles. Carlisle had offered to insert aperipherally inserted central catheter to make the constant needles easier on me and my weak veins, then all they would have to do is insert the needle into it instead of poking me constantly, but the idea of having some foreign object in my arm constantly, weirded me out a bit more than I was willing to admit, so, I fearfully declined and took my pokes in stride.

Twenty minutes later, baby and I were stuffed and quite content. Unfortunately, a content and full baby also meant an extra strong baby; it kicked and somersaulted about, causing me to wince in pain every few minutes, which ultimately led to me missing a good chunk of the movie. Tristan, I–pay–attention–to-absolutely–everything–Bella-does, didn't miss a thing and rubbed my back soothingly at each and every wince.

Just when I thought I could bear no more pain, Tristan lowered his head to my Bella and hummed a melody ever so softly, within seconds it appeared he had hummed the baby to sleep.

"Oh my, thank you so much. You don't know how good it is to have a still tummy." I chuckled, relieved to finally be able to sit up without getting a boot to the rib cage.

"Roll over, sweetie. I'll rub your back," Tristan whispered lovingly. Oh, how I missed his soft, sensual touch.

Wait! Could I do this? Let him rub me and keep my hands to myself. I love this man, had made love to him so many times, still yearned for his touch.

Ahh….of course I could. Even if I wanted to, it's not like I could have sex in my condition, anyway. I had had my last intimate moment, and oddly enough it hadn't been with Tristan, and now, I was pregnant with someone's baby and unable to be intimate with either man.

A small tear trickled down my face and landed on the pillow in front of me as I lay there longing for the days when life was simpler, nothing was terribly confusing, I was happy, Tristan was happy, hell, we all were. But as quickly as that yearning came, I swatted it right back down, because that would mean I would have to leave Edward in the hands of one twisted and fucked up Tanya. Living a life of lies and half truths, always wondering and never knowing, and that I could not be responsible for either.

I couldn't be sure if I was dreaming or not, but I could have sworn I heard Tristan's sweet, melodic voice whispering words of love and forgiveness as I fell into a deep, much needed slumber wrapped in a mixture of warm and cold and feeling utterly at bliss.

**Poor Bella. She is just so torn. Are y'all ready to kick me, yet?**

**I will send teasers out to all who review, if I don't update before hand. I anticipate this fic to come to a close very soon.**

**BUT as a parting gift, I would love to hear from each and every one of you at least once. Please?**


	35. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer still applies, Always has, always will.**

**Ann looks over my chapters and makes sure I don't miss the pesky lil shit.**

**I messed up, sent you teasers for the wrong chapter- not this one- but the next. So, I won't be sending out teasers this time, BUT, I will update later today or tomorrow if you really, really want me to. I'd love to hear from each and every one of you at least once before this story finishes. Can we do that, lovlies? Ima be the big 3 - 0 on the 21st, how's about I ask for that for my pity present? Snort***

**Goodbyes**

**BPOV**

"What could be keeping them?" I wailed, tears of worry blurring my vision.

"It's probably nothing, sweetie. Don't get yourself all riled up, it's not good for you or the baby." He was right. Hell, he was always right. If anyone knew how to take care of me and my stubborn ass it was him.

I sighed heavily into his chest as he wrapped his cool, strong, comforting arms around me.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me, sweetie. I will always be here when you need me," he whispered, pain lacing every word. I knew he tried hard to keep his pain hidden, but he couldn't fool me. I knew him too well, and I knew, now, that he was in an insurmountable amount of pain.

I opened my mouth to apologize once again for the pain I had caused him, when the shrill ring of the phone interrupted me; I strained my body to reach the phone before Tristan but was stopped mid way by a sharp, intense stab to my rib. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut as I heard Tristan say 'Hello' before joining me on the couch and rubbing my sore, swollen tummy.

"Okay, how is everyone?"

…

"Are you sure?"

…

"Alright, I'll tell her. Bye!"

Tristan flipped the phone shut and looked at me with such a disturbing look I almost fainted right then.

"Tell me," I squeaked as millions of scenarios played out in my over active imagination. I shoved them aside and took a deep breath. Everyone was okay. They just had to be.

"Victoria never came," Tristan whispered, his eyes taking on a tortured faraway look, "They don't know exactly why, but it looks like, for the time being, she's not coming."

"So… everyone's okay?" I choked out, a sob already rising in my throat. Didn't Tristan realize that I didn't care if Victoria came after me, I only cared that the people I loved and cherished most were safe.

"Yes." I let out a huge gust of air and shed a few happy tears. They were all okay. I would see them tomorrow. I couldn't hide my relief and immediately felt guilty when I noticed the look of pain on Tristan's face, he had mistaken my relief for the entire family as that of Edward alone. I just knew it.

"I am so glad _everyone_ is okay," I repeated, with emphasis on 'everyone'. "I can't even begin to picture my life without the _Cullens_, every single one of them."

"I know, Bells, I know," Tristan whispered while snaking his arm around my shoulders and giving me a gentle squeeze, "You should get some rest; we head back to Forks tomorrow."

I yawned. He chuckled as I lowered myself back on the couch, "Yeah, I guess I am kind of sleepy. It will be nice getting a good night's rest, now that I know everyone is safe." My eyes were already closing, and I let my voice trail off. I felt Tristan's cold lips against my forehead and something warm surrounding me. I sighed lightly as my mind drifted off into dream land, where everyone was happy and no one ever hurt.

**EPOV**

We were all crouched and waiting for Victoria and her lackeys to make their appearance, hidden high up in the trees of the forest surrounding our home.

Alice and Jasper were murmuring quietly a few trees away from me. I knew Alice was struggling to get a vision that was a bit clearer, but everything was coming out so murky and unsure. It was as if Victoria knew of Alice's ability and was purposely avoiding making any concrete decisions.

Hours later, Alice perked up. I immediately sifted through her thoughts so I could watch her vision as it progressed.

_Victoria and her two companions were laughing, obviously amused by something._

I snarled.

'_Forget it, Victoria, let's not waste our time. What do you care about James now, anyway? You have me now…' The blond guy crooned._

_The tanned guy laughed wickedly at that, and the blond one looked over his shoulder, confused. 'What the fuck's so funny, Brandon?' _

'_Oh, absolutely nothing, Josh, nothing at all.' You could tell by his expression that he was lying; not telling the one I now knew as Josh something._

'_Fine, we won't go for now, but soon. Soon, I will have my revenge, if not for James, then for my own dignity. They treated me like I was beneath them, and that is not tolerable.' Victoria sneered, while Josh rubbed her back and whispered loving words in her ears._

I jerked my head sideways, trying to block Alice's thoughts as my stomach wretched violently at the thought of them being intimate.

"I'm heading back now. Apparently, they're not coming, after all," I informed my family as I dashed into the forest and made my way back to the house.

I immediately called Tristan and let him know he could bring Bella back. Initially, I had hoped for right away until I noticed the time and decided, even though I didn't like Tristan alone with Bella for so long, she needed her rest. I could wait a few more hours to see her. I had so much apologizing to do, anyway. We had not spoken much since we found out she was pregnant, and it was killing me, tearing me to pieces to be so close to her yet feel worlds apart.

-OO-

**BPOV**

**2 months later**

"Come on, Bella… _please_!" Alice wailed from the doorway.

I was currently curled up on the couch in the Cullens' living room watching re-runs of Family Guy, gasping in pain every time I laughed too hard. I was now as big as a house and too weak to even go to the bathroom myself. Rose usually carried me up and helped me whenever I had to go. It was kind of degrading to not even be able to use the washroom on my own, but honestly, I seriously preferred Rose to either one of the guys. That would be way too embarrassing.

Alice had just gotten back from her, like, _sixth_ shopping trip and was currently neatly piling present upon present under the enormous Christmas tree in the dining room. She wanted to take some family pictures for her make-shift photo book, but I was being adamant about not wanting them. I knew what I looked like. I had caught glimpses in the mirror in the washroom when Rosalie didn't think I was looking. I saw the ghostly pale and frail looking being I had become. My bones jutted out at odd angles all over my body. My skin was freakishly translucent and thin. You could see the veins running beneath as it was papery thin. My eyes looked sunken and had deep, dark purplish markings around them. Bruises splattered a vast majority of my body, purplish black patches absolutely everywhere. My hair hung limply in my face. It seemed to be growing freakishly fast. It was now at least four inches longer than it had been before I got pregnant. No one wanted to take the chance cutting it though and possibly accidentally cutting me if I happened to squirm in pain at the wrong moment. I had become anemic and was taking a massive dose of iron pills as well as calcium, some maternity pills and something with fatty acids in it.

There was no way in hell that I'd want my child to look back in that photo book and remember its mother looking the way I did now. I wanted my child to see the pictures we had taken before I was pregnant, smiling, happy and full of life. Not the shell of a human I had become.

I had barely talked to Edward since we returned after Victoria's non-visit.

He did come to me and apologized for jumping to conclusions when he found out I was pregnant. He also made it very clear that he was against me keeping the baby and basically giving up my life. I cried as he held me and told him one day he would understand that I loved this baby more than life itself.

"Bella, you're not even listening to me." Alice accused in a high pitched voice. I looked over at her and grimaced slightly; smiling was just too hard.

"Yes, Alice. I mean no, I don't know. I'm sorry. My mind just kinda wandered for a second there. No, Alice, I don't want pictures, but I do have a favor to ask you," I whispered, pleading with her with my eyes and praying that she would allow me this one last thing. I knew the time was coming soon; the baby was already fully grown from what Carlisle had told me. So, now it was just a matter of waiting and living off of borrowed time.

"Anything, Bella, I would do anything for you," Alice whispered hoarsely as her eyes clouded and she joined me on the couch, hugging me gently before she sat.

Tears sprung to my eyes as I took in her forlorn expression, "I want a chance to talk to each one of you, to say my goodbyes, alone." Tears took over and my body began trembling.

I heard Alice take a sharp breath. Her voice trembled slightly, but she held her head high and tried her very best to smile at me, "Of course, Bella, when?" she asked, her chin trembling.

"Now," I sighed, "I don't think I have much more time."

A small sob flew from her mouth, and she clasped her hand to her lips, drowning it out and nodding her head as she left the room.

I could hear mumbling and arguing going on in the other room. I was too tired to call out and ask what was going on, though. I could only hope the rest of the family could agree and give me this simple request.

The front door slamming startled me out of my daze, and I looked toward to the doorway to find Jasper standing there looking at me with a long, sad face.

I patted the empty spot of the couch beside me softly, motioning for him to join me.

"How are you feeling?"

I laughed a dry humorless laugh, "Just peachy, Jazz, thanks for asking."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know, sorry. My humor isn't the best these days," I interrupted him, hoping he'd understand my apology and not think he had said something wrong.

"Alice said you wanted to talk to me?"

I nodded, sobs once again threatening to take over.

"Please, let me finish. I just need to get this out okay."

"Okay." He complied as he placed my small hand into his very large one.

"No matter what, always take care of Alice, okay. She is going to take this so hard. She's my best friend and my sister, and I need to know someone is going to be there for her once I'm gone. I know after a while it will get easier and my memory will fade but until then… please, promise me you'll be there for her."

I was sobbing softly now, and Jasper placed his arm around me protectively and dry sobbed gently himself. I felt horrible for putting him through so much pain, but this was just the way it had to be, no turning back now, not that I'd want to anyway.

"Of course I will, Bella, I love you so much. It's so nice to have even a small piece of my family with me after all these years." Jasper sobbed into my hair. "I'm so proud of you, Bells. And no matter what, always know that you made your decision on your own and didn't let anyone deter you from it. I may not like it, but I understand, and I am so very proud of you." The damn broke. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Hearing Jasper admit he was proud of me, knowing someone, anyone really, didn't resent me for the choices I had made, made me feel like a weight had been lifted off of my chest.

"Thank you, thank you," I repeated over and over again into his chest.

A soft knock brought us both back to reality. Rose was standing in the doorway now; I guessed it was her turn next. Jasper hugged me one last time and placed a soft kiss on the crown of my head, "I love you, Bells."

"Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" Rosalie asked, sounding alarmed, probably from the mere sight of me.

I nodded, "Come sit, please."

She warily sat at the other end of the couch. Her bright caramel eyes sweeping over me, "What's going on, Bella?"

I took a moment to compose myself before I explained myself to her.

"I want to thank you, Rose," I started softly, looking into her confused eyes.

"For what?"

"For being there for me when everyone else was against me. For understanding what bringing this child into the world means to me and sticking by my decision." I took a deep wavering breath and rubbed at my, now, very sore, lopsided belly. "Please, promise me you'll watch over her or him, treat my child as if it was your own, a part of the family." Rosalie gasped and unshed tears glimmered in her shocked eyes.

"Of course, Bella, nothing less. I _promise_," she pledged softly as she pulled me close and held me as tight as possible without causing me more pain.

"Thank you, Rose… and please, take care of Emmett."

My moments with Esme and Carlisle were a bit of a blur, nothing more than me sobbing uncontrollably into Esme's chest and Carlisle holding me while I calmed down after a sobbing Esme had fled the room. I don't remember much of either conversation, but I do remember words of love and understanding from Esme and words of comfort and respect from Carlisle.

My sobs had finally calmed to hiccups as I laid in Carlisle cold arms, wiping away the last trace of tears from my face when Tristan slowly walked into the room.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked softly, confused. I had told Alice I wanted to talk to the family before facing Edward and Tristan.

"He says he's not coming, he refuses to say goodbye and apologizes for going against your wishes," Tristan whispered while staring at the floor.

"I see, okay. Come here." I hugged Carlisle one last time before he, too, left.

"I hate this, Bella." The sorrow in his voice rang strong and clear, "I hate saying goodbye. I don't want to. I just want to come with you wherever you go. I don't want to live without you in my life, as my lover, my friend or just knowing you're alive, but this," he motioned to my belly and made his way up my frame, "This is wrong, I understand why you're doing this, but it doesn't stop it from hurting, knowing in a matter of minutes I can lose the only light in the dark, dreary world I live in."

He buried his face in his hands and started sobbing violently. I felt so lost. The pain I felt at this very moment could never even begin to be described. I knew in that very moment, I loved Tristan irrevocably, and that I didn't regret a single moment in my life that I had spent with him, no matter what the circumstances were.

"I love you, Tristan. I'm so sorry." I reached for his tangled hands and pulled them towards my trembling body. I looked right into his eyes, "Thank you so much for loving me, Tristan. I truly am blessed to have someone like you in my life. I love you so much. Please, promise me when I'm… when I'm _gone_..." I was stuttering now, fighting so hard to keep the tears at bay for just a moment longer, "When I'm gone, I want you to move on, fight, live life to the fullest and find love again. I need that for you. You're too wonderful to spend eternity alone. Please, Promise me."

"Oh, Bella..." If he could shed tears, I was sure in that moment he would be swimming in them. His eyes glistened, and his voice cracked. His hands were shaking, trembling and wringing in his lap."I'll try my best."

It wasn't exactly a promise, but I'd take what I could get, considering. We held each other tight, whispering words of love and forgiveness, until I felt a light tingle and knew Edward must be near. I pulled back begrudgingly and kissed him softly on the lips. He rose slowly, never taking his eyes off of me, "Forever, Isabella Swan, you and me forever." He backed out of the room and into a grim looking Edward.

Edward shocked me by patting Tristan on the back as he turned and fled from the room, his anguished wails trailing behind him.

I didn't even have to motion for Edward to come sit with me, within seconds he was by my side, curled up on the floor in front of me with his head in my lap, sobbing like a small, scared child.

"I don't know how… I don't know… how can I… it hurts so much…. Oh, Bella." I stroked his soft tresses trying to soothe him. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I can only hope one day you'll understand." Seeing him like this, so broken and child-like tore at my heart. A pain so intense, I am sure it would carry over to the afterlife with me, ripped through my chest as a loud, angry sob escaped my lips.

I wailed in a scream-like way for all the pain that had been inflicted on Edward and I over the years, all the lost years, all the confusion, him leaving me, the pain of not knowing where he was or what he was doing, the anguish I had gone through just to be able to move on with Tristan; and, of course, the guilt and resentment it took to push past the uneasiness that had settled into my very soul.

"No matter what choice I would have made…" I began in a soft trembling voice, "You and I… a love like ours… it never ends, Edward… we are forever intertwined, forever one. Even though we are two separate people; still, we are one entity, one soul, one body and one mind. Please, don't forget that."

"Never, never. I love you so much," he whispered as he kissed every inch of my face.

"I love your lips *kiss* and your eyes *kiss* and you nose *kiss* and your cheeks *kiss* absolutely everything about you *kiss* please, don't leave me, Bella. I can't live without you." I felt like I was hallucinating by that point, but then I felt a sharp stab of pain shake through my entire being and knew this was, indeed, all too very real. I swallowed a scream of agony down as I swear I felt tears drip onto my forehead, but I knew that wasn't possible. Edward couldn't shed tears. It was likely my own from when he was kissing my face.

I wailed out as a blinding pain tore through me. I could hear cracking and splitting as my vision began to blur.

"Bella, Bella, what's happening?" Edward's voice trailed off as darkness began consuming me, pain rippled through me. I could feel my body convulsing and my skin tearing apart, my bones breaking.

"I choose you, Edward," I screamed into the darkness before I lost all consciousness.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**OooOOoo- are you all smiley and shit right now? Or is your heart breaking just a wee bit?**

**4 chapters left, including the epi- no promises that you'll consider it a happy ending. Js...**


	36. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer still applies, Always has, always will.**

**Ann looks over my chapters and makes sure I don't miss the pesky lil shit.**

**I messed up, sent you teasers for the wrong chapter- that is why I did not send teasers Well, that and the fact that I am posting theser babies pretty darn fast now. Almost done...sniffle...**

**I'd love to hear from each and every one of you at least once before this story finishes. Can we do that, lovlies? Ima be the big 3 - 0 on the 21st, how's about I ask for that for my pity present? Snort***

**Prodigy child**

**EPOV**

"Carlisle, I need you,_ now_." I clutched at Bella's convulsing body, the overpowering scent of blood was taking over my senses, and I was slowly losing myself in the smell. I had yet to crave human blood ever since, well, since the attack years ago, but that record was quickly changing as Bella's sweet scent flowed all over my hands and clothing, intoxicating my every sense. I held my breath for dear life, praying Carlisle would hear my cries and come and take over. He was much better off for this than I… I was too emotionally involved.

I heard a loud cracking sound as more blood began to pool out of pale shaking body. I stared into her fading eyes, pleading with her to stay with me, as Bella screamed one last time, "I choose you." Her body jerked upwards and then fell lifeless to the floor. The loud cracking continued as I lifted her gently, kicking presents out of my way as I lowered her onto the table.

I could see her stomach moving rapidly, the large bump descending… that was what the cracking sound was, Bella's pelvis breaking. I howled in pain as I stood helplessly over the love of my life, watching her being torn apart from the inside out.

"Edward, I need you to get out of my way."

I could hear Carlisle talking to me, telling me to do something, but none of it was registering, the torturous echo of Bella's screams haunted my every though, muddled together and caused my hearing to crackle as a stream of agonized moans escaped my lips.

I felt someone push me out of the room, and I struggled with the person. I didn't want to leave MY Bella alone in there.

"Please, Edward, you need to let Carlisle get the baby out before it dies, too." It was Rosalie talking beside me.

"What did you just say?" I swear I felt my insides explode at her words, and the very last one rang over and over, tearing at me continuously…too…too…too.

My head started to clear as the implications of her words sunk in, "I'm so sorry, Edward." Rosalie actually sounded pained as she clutched at my arm, trying to hold me back. I dropped to my knees and moaned in agony. My dear, sweet, precious Bella was gone. She couldn't be right? I was just with her, holding her, talking to her and kissing her.

She couldn't be gone. I couldn't live without her.

Just then a blur of cold air flew by me; Tristan ambled into the dining room sobbing recklessly.

"I'm so sorry, Tristan, but she's gone." I heard Carlisle whisper in a pained voice followed by a high pitched cry.

"Do you want to hold her?" I heard Carlisle ask. Tristan didn't answer.

A sharp smash pulled me from my rubbery knees. I flew into the room and almost doubled over in pain as I was met with the brightest, most innocent brown eyes I had ever seen. So much like Bella's yet so much like mine. Carlisle was holding a little baby girl, Bella's little baby girl, in his arms, covered in a small towel.

She had a head full of fluffy brown hair with a slight tinge of auburn in it, bright bronze eyes, pale white skin, Bella's pink pouty lips. I reached a shaky finger towards the little girl, and her little tiny hand reached back. She grasped my finger in her little palm and gurgled at me.

I gasped as my mind was bombarded with thoughts as the sweet, tiny angel in front of me glanced in the direction of her lifeless mother.

Thoughts of love and admiration poured into me, followed by sad thoughts of wanting to see her mommy. _Where's mommy? _The little girl was thinking. I want my mommy. I staggered back in pain, my mind reeling as I spun and darted out of the room and into the forest. I ran and ran for what felt like forever, pushing myself further and further away from the pain that was now states behind me. All I knew was that I had to get away, away from Bella's dead, broken body, away from the happy gurgles of the little girl, away from my family's mourning thoughts, away from Tristan's anguished cries, away from everything and everyone. I couldn't go back, not now, maybe not ever. The pain was just too much to bear.

**TPOV**

"Tristan, come on, why don't you go outside and get some fresh air. I can take care of Bella." I knew Carlisle was just trying to help, but all he managed to do was anger me to no end.

My body was shaking violently; unshed tears begged to be released. My head pounded viciously, causing me to teeter on the brink of insanity. The pain in my chest was threatening to consume me. I clutched at Bella's side, sobbing abandonly.

"Come on, Tristan, she's gone." Hearing his words made something inside me snap. I jumped up and snarled at Carlisle; he looked shocked yet still empathetic.

"No, no she's not gone. Now, get out. Get the fuck out!" Venom was pounding in my ears; everything around me was lined in red, bright flashing red.

I slammed the door in Carlisle's shocked, sad face and sprinted back to Bella.

I lowered my lips and bit her neck, Carlisle's words ringing in my ears, _"She's gone."_

I bit her wrists, one after the other, _"She's gone."_

I scurried down to the end of the table and bit each ankle, as well, _"She's gone."_

I bit each hipbone, carefully avoiding the huge gaping wound there, _"She's gone."_

I bit her inner thighs. Wet, cool blood mingling there with the still warm blood flowing in my mouth, _"She's gone."_

I don't know how many times I had bit her; I had stopped counting at thirty-five. Each small wound was already healed. I made sure to lick each and every bite, sealing it with venom.

I hastily grabbed Carlisle's medical bag that was sitting on the end of the table and with shaky hands pulled out the sutures and a small pair of surgical scissors along with some iodine.

I cleaned up her wounds as best I could, stitching up each one as I went. I pushed her pelvis back into place, wincing at the crunching as I applied pressure. "Please, forgive me, baby," I whimpered as I snipped and tied the last stitch to her stomach. I softly ran a wet cloth up and down her blood stained body, climbing up onto the table and curling into her side. Sobs wracked through my body as I gently hummed to Bella's broken body.

-OO-

Minutes turned to hours, and hours blurred into days as I lay on the dining room table, never leaving Bella's side.

Various members of the Cullen family tried numerous times to enter the dining room, but each time they were greeted with my venomous growling, stopping them dead in their tracks. Alice was beginning to annoy me. She tried the most; she was so persistent.

"Tristan?" Alice's soft voice floated through the door.

"Please, Tristan, it's been _five_ days. You need to come out of there. You need to feed, and we need to deal with Bella's…" Alice stopped talking and let out a long loud, gasp.

The door swung open. A crazed looking Alice grinned at me as she barreled into the room.

"You did it. Oh my goodness, Tristan… _how_? I don't understand. Why didn't I see it? How is this possible? Oh, Tristan, I could just hug you forever." Alice flung herself into me.

"What the hell are you talking about, Alice?"

"Tristan! Is that you?" I was startled so badly that I fell off the side of the table. I jerked back up and was met with bright red, glorious eyes.

"Bella, oh, my darling Bella." I wept openly as I clutched at her hands, staring into her bright red, very much alive eyes.

"Yes, baby, it's me. I'm here."

-OO-

**CPOV**

"I don't understand, Carlisle, why didn't I see this coming? How did you not know she was still alive? Hell, how did none of us know? We should have heard her heartbeat or something, and how come the transformation took five days? It's usually only three." I wasn't completely sure how to answer Alice's questions. I, myself, was rather confused and dumbstruck, not to mention feeling completely ashamed of myself. As a doctor, with vampire senses, I had learned to use my extra senses and trust them, maybe this was just a reminder to not to rely so heavily on something so flawed. Somehow, I had missed something. Somewhere, a small piece of critical information had slipped passed me.

"I'm not positive, Alice… my best guess is that when I had checked on her, her heart stuttered or briefly stopped and was so weak and feeble that we'd missed it."

We were torn from our discussion by a loud commotion coming from the next room.

"I want to see my baby, let me go. I am perfectly fine. Just give me my baby." Bella was shrieking as we ran into the living room, to find a wide eyed, sneering Rosalie, clutching the baby in a protective stance, snarling and growling at Bella.

"What is going on in here?" I shook my head as Bella's intense, angry gaze flickered to mine. "Rose," I said switching my attention over to her, "why won't you let Bella hold her baby?"

"She's a newborn, Carlisle. How have you not thought of that? The baby has blood flowing in her veins. We cannot trust Bella near her," she sneered, looking at me like I had lost my mind.

I nodded my head slowly, "I see, Bella!" I slowly moved towards her, I wasn't about to admit it, but something about her expression scared the bejesus out of me. "Do you think you are in control enough, to be able to hold the baby?" I asked gently, not wanting to upset her.

I watched silently as she cocked her head to the side, then to the other side seemingly deep in thought.

"I am quite thirsty, but her blood does not appeal to me, too coppery and salty." I searched quickly, looking for any vision of chaos or any sort of slip up, but saw none. No matter what decision was made right now, the little girl would be fine in the end.

"Okay, why don't we take you hunting, satisfy your thirst a bit before you come back and get acquainted with your little girl?" I figured it wouldn't hurt to be prepared, and calming Rose down first might save us all a headache.

I smiled in relief as Tristan approached, "Tristan, would you like to take Bella hunting quickly, so she can get back here and get to know her daughter?" His eyes lit up. It still amazed me the amount of love I always saw shinning unfalteringly through his eyes. It was unlike any other love I had ever seen before… and as a vampire who lived knowing we only ever had_ one_ real, true mate in our very long lifetime, that was saying a lot. My chest clenched in guilt as I thought about Edward. I knew he, too, loved Bella beyond words, but seeing the intense, dedicated look on Tristan's face, the way his eyes lit up, the sincere and unwavering love shining through brightly, I had to wonder if Bella truly wasn't meant to be with Tristan, after all.

"Come on, baby, let's get you something to eat. I believe you have a beautiful, bouncy prodigy child that would love to meet her mommy and also needs a name. Maybe we can discuss some names while we're out?" he suggested softly.

That seemed to catch Bella's interest. She smiled brightly and giggled a bit; it was a glorious sound. Bella always had a cute little laugh but to hear it now, in her vampire form, the small little tinkle added to it only amplified the glory of it.

"Momma." We all gasped, and Rose struggled with the squirming little girl, who was now reaching for Bella with her little, pale hand outstretched.

I watched as unshed tears glistened in Bella's bright ember eyes. She took a step towards Rosalie and stretched out her hand, "Don't worry, Rose. I just want to touch her before I go."

"Mommy will be right back, baby girl, and then, we will have all the time in the world to get to know one another."

"Bella," I interrupted quietly, "Can I have a minute with you before you head out, please?"

She nodded and followed me to my office.

"Carlisle?" she questioned in her soprano like voice. It still startled me whenever I heard her speak, so high pitched and tinkling, with an underline of innocence.

"I was thinking, while you are gone, it might be a good time to do the paternity test," I hedged, knowing this may be a rather touchy subject for her, especially considering Edward was, once again, nowhere to be found. "We already have a sample from Tristan, so we can compare it to his for the result," I added, not wanting to bring up Edward's obvious absence.

I heard her inhale sharply as I stared aimlessly at the floor, avoiding her gaze.

"I understand, Carlisle. And you're right. It needs to be done, regardless. While I am out, please do it. I will come back in here when I get back to find out the results before going to Rosalie." Her voice now almost flat and emotionless, the pain she was trying so hard to hide rang loud and clear to my ears. Damn Edward and his never ending sulking. He was going to mess this up, yet again, and this time, I wasn't so sure Bella would accept his apology.

I nodded as I stared after her retreating form, wondering what the future had in store for Bella and Edward, the son I had always wished happiness for, always prayed he would one day find his true love, his life mate. I had truly believed Bella to be just that, but, now, seeing her with Tristan, the utmost respect he held for her, the love and devotion he showed her every day, the patience and kindness he showed to her and everyone around him; I couldn't help but compare his actions to those of Edward's, and a ball of pity began forming in the pit of my stomach, lined with a large amount of guilt. For if I was honest with myself, maybe… _just maybe_ Tristan was the better choice for Bella to make.

-OO-

"Carlisle, you have to see this," I heard Esme whisper in awe. I quickly put away the strips and papers I had carefully laid out on my desk and sighed. The test was conclusive, beyond a shadow of a doubt I now knew who the baby's father was, and I could do nothing now but hope that once Bella knew, all the pieces would just fall into place for her and her daughter. But, honestly, knowing what I knew now, knowing the truth, I couldn't see anything going smoothly for Bella anytime soon. This truth was going to break her.

"What is it, Es…" my words trailed off as I watched in amazement as the baby's bottle floated across the room and settled directly into her awaiting hands.

Alice gasped from somewhere beside me, and a slow smile stretched across my face, "Did you do that, baby girl?" I cooed as I looked down at her glowing face. Her eyes twinkled mischievously, and she made a gurgling sound with the bottle still firmly in her mouth. "Yes, I thought so." I ran my fingers through her soft, fluffy hair and smiled brightly at her. "Your Mommy is going to be so proud," I whispered as the front door slammed loudly.

Tristan entered the room, a content smile playing on his lips, but Bella was nowhere to be seen. I raised my brow at Tristan, silently asking about her whereabouts, "She's in the library waiting for you."

I nodded, "Alice, can I talk to you a moment before I go see Bella?"

Alice sprang up off the couch and danced into the kitchen.

"You want to know what my visions have been like and are frustrated as to why I saw none of this coming." She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "And honestly, I don't exactly know why… some of it comes to me in pieces, while other parts are completely blank." She shuddered, "Those parts scare the jeepers out of me. It's like there is something blocking me. I don't think it is something bad, maybe something protective. It's like as soon as a vision begins to form, something intercepts it, then all that's left, if anything, is a bunch of jumbled images."

I curled my arm around her shoulders, squeezing her reassuringly, "No one expects you to catch everything, Alice. We'll consider this a bit later, after I speak to Bella."

"Any idea of what I'm in for?" I chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Alice smiled, "She's going to take it a lot better than you think. She's strong, and honestly, I think she was anticipating this outcome ever since she found out she was pregnant. It never really was a question in her mind; it's almost as if she always knew."

"Okay," I whispered as I turned and headed towards my office.

-OO-

"Bella, please take a seat," I said while motioning to the chair opposite me.

"Have you decided on a name?"

She nodded vigorously, a huge smile breaking out on her face, "Yes… I've decided…" She paused minutely as if lost in thought for a moment. "Her name is _Destiny_ _Faith_…" Her words faltered. I assumed it was because she was berating herself for not being able to finish her own daughter's name. My heart went out to her in that moment, understanding how hard this must have been for her and the obstacles she had yet to face once she did know.

"That's beautiful," I whispered, "So fitting." _Destiny Faith Cullen,_ I thought proudly. Not realizing I had actually said it aloud until I heard Bella's sharp gasp.

**Thoughts?**

**PS- If you have yet to read it, I posted my Vday one shot on my profile. It is called 'Club Elite'. Check it out and lemme know what u think.**


	37. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer still applies, Always has, always will.**

**Ann looks over my chapters and makes sure I don't miss the pesky lil shit.**

**I messed up, sent you teasers for the wrong chapter- that is why I did not send teasers Well, that and the fact that I am posting theser babies pretty darn fast now. Almost done...sniffle...**

**I'd love to hear from each and every one of you at least once before this story finishes. Can we do that, lovlies? Ima be the big 3 - 0 on the 21st, how's about I ask for that for my pity present? Snort***

** – Revelations -**

**BPOV**

"Wh… what did you just say?" Either my mind was playing games with me, or Carlisle had just said my daughter's name was 'Destiny Faith Cullen', which would mean that….

"I'm sorry. What I should have said is… _Edward_ is the father, not Tristan," Carlisle apologized, watching me intently, pride shimmering in his caramel eyes, "I guess, _technically_, that makes me the proud granddaddy," he continued, his smile widening even more.

He cleared his throat when I didn't respond. I couldn't. I wanted to say something, anything, so he knew I had heard him and understood, but my mind was spinning. Fragmented thoughts were bouncing in my head, never connecting to make a complete, coherent one.

"Bella, are you okay? Bella, talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking." The murky cloud in my scattered brain broke as Carlisle wrapped his warm arms around my shoulders. It was funny. Now that I was a vampire, his temperature seemed to have suddenly changed to that of normal to me. I allowed my head to fall sideways and rest against his chest as I inhaled a deep, unneeded breath, and a small shudder ran through me.

"I'm okay," I mumbled weakly, "I guess a part of me always knew… it's just…" My voice broke as my resolve wavered. Sitting there in Carlisle's arms, finally knowing the truth, knowing Destiny was Edward's, only left me feeling uneasy and extremely exasperated… when it should have done the opposite, given me some piece of mind.

I was so confused. It was only a few days ago when I had thought my time on this earth was up. I had been so sure; I had been so relieved and truly thought I had made amends with my tattered heart. I was ready to pass through this world knowing that it was Edward who was my true love; I had chosen Edward.

"Where is he anyway?" I snapped, jerking my body away from Carlisle's. Anger suddenly consumed me. Why wasn't he here with me? Helping me through this.

"Why isn't he here? Doesn't he want to know? What was so important that made him leave, knowing I might die?" I hissed vehemently.

Carlisle sighed loudly as he ran his fingers through his hair roughly. I could hear each strand making a swooshing sound as his fingers passed by it. I was momentarily lost in the awe of it. Something so simple, I had seen happen many times from both Carlisle and Edward, now stole my attention. I heard things I had never heard before and smelled things I had never smelled before; like the smell of his shampoo that flittered in the path of my breath. It was all so enthralling and exhilarating. I shook my head rapidly, bringing myself back to the matter at hand. I couldn't let myself get distracted. I needed to know the truth, and I needed to get this all figured out. The time for wondering and thinking was over; I wanted to move on in my life and start a normal life for my daughter. Well, as normal as possible for being a vampire.

"Answer me," I yelled as I hovered over Carlisle's still body.

I waited as he pinched the bridge of his nose and composed himself.

"He left because he couldn't deal with the pain of losing you. Seeing you like that," he whispered, his voice full of regret.

"I see!" I huffed angrily, "Well, that says a lot now, doesn't it." I couldn't stop the disgust and disappointment I was feeling and was sure it merged heavily with my words.

I stormed towards the door looking back only once at Carlisle's tormented expression before I slammed the door shut.

**-OO-**

I stewed in the yard until early dawn. Everyone had left me alone, obviously knowing I needed some time to vent and calm down. I appreciated it, really, but I still couldn't help wishing Edward was here to talk to, to share this with. I had dreamt for so long, prayed even, to become like him, to be with him completely and to share eternity with him; loving him, holding him, always together and never to be torn apart again.

But now… now, once again, I was reminded of his pure selfishness. Whenever anything got too hard for him, or if he wasn't completely in control of the situation, he ran. Taking the easy way out, like a coward, and leaving a trail of pain and desperation in his wake for everyone else to suffer through and clean up.

I heard someone approaching, soft tentative footsteps floating across the grass behind me.

As I slowly turned, my face broke into a magnificent smile.

"I thought you might want to spend some time with your daughter, now." Tristan grinned ear to ear as I held out my hands to take Destiny into my arms.

"Hello, beautiful, it's nice to finally meet you," I murmured. She cooed back at me and gurgled happily as she pulled at a loose lock of my hair.

I watched her small eyes glimmer brightly and couldn't help but look over her every feature, memorizing every last detail; her tiny pale lips curled up in a little smirk, her bouncy auburn curls and the tiny dimples on each cheek… everything.

"Would you like some time alone?" Tristan asked softly. I smiled sheepishly at him while shaking my head.

"No, please stay with us, Tristan." He smiled back at me with such zest that my heart soared with happiness.

"Thank you," I whispered as we sprawled out on the lawn, basking in the bright warm sun, cooing and babbling at Destiny as she lay on my lap giggling adoringly.

**-OO-**

"Bella, Tristan." Alice's shrill voice interrupted our serene moment.

"Hurry, come inside," she demanded, sounding nervous and worried. I immediately perked up and took in my surroundings, looking for any sign of danger. Seeing nothing, I scooped Destiny up in my arms as Tristan wrapped a protective arm around us, low growls vibrating through him as he led us into the house.

"What's going on, Alice?" Tristan questioned warily, apprehension straining his features.

"I had a vision," Alice began as the whole family piled into the living room.

"It's Victoria… she's coming… my vision makes no sense, though. I don't understand," her voice faltered in between words as if she was grasping to find the right words.

"She sees you with Destiny, Bella, in the yard. She plans on attacking you. But she doesn't. She looks confused… she's mumbling something and now backs up a few feet, almost stumbling. Her eyes sort of glazed over and she decides to leave instead, to go back for her friends. But the moment she is on the other side of the forest, she flips back with the aim of destroying you. She's confused again; something is messing with her mind. She's screaming viciously." Alice stopped re-telling her vision and her eyes opened and widened in fear, a low growl rising up from the depths of her, "She's going to the Volturi, and she's telling them that you've created an immortal child."

"Wait! What?" Carlisle Interrupted, "We've done no such thing."

"She must have seen Destiny use her powers," Esme whispered from behind me.

"What? What powers?" I growled. Were they keeping things from me now? Why had no one told me of any powers? She was my daughter for heaven's sake. Why was I the only one who looked shocked by this revelation?

"I didn't get a chance to tell you, Bella," Carlisle began, "It appears Destiny, here, can move objects with her mind."

As he said this, Destiny reached her tiny, chubby hand out and touched my cheek gently. I swooned at the sight of her bright shining eyes and mischievous little grin. She was but a mere eight days old and already looked to be almost a year. Already, I had missed so much; there was no way to get that precious time back and I relished the thought of having forever to try and make up for it.

"Momma, look!" Destiny sang in her soft soprano chime-like voice as I was bombarded with images. Destiny wrapped in a small shirt, blood still covering her face and hair. I saw Carlisle smile breathtakingly at her, then Tristan's glowing face full of fear and sorrow as he spoke harshly to Carlisle. I then saw Edward staring in shock and reaching out. I felt his touch and saw pain twisted in his face as he fled the room.

I stood there, horror struck, staring at my own broken, mutilated body sprawled out on the kitchen table, lifeless and coated in blood. A sobbing Tristan flanked at my side.

I gasped at the realization of what I was seeing hit me. I was seeing things through Destiny's eyes; her memories and what she remembered from when she first saw me.

I staggered back and lowered myself into the chair behind me. Tristan was immediately at my side, whispering hurriedly, asking if I was okay. I fumbled for the words to explain, to tell them what had just happened.

As I looked into his love-filled eyes… everything, every little piece of the scrambled puzzle my life had become fell into place. Everything appeared crisp and clear as my heart and soul soared full of rapture.

"Apparently, she can implant images into the minds of others, too," I whispered as I snuggled my nose against hers, whispering a small 'thank you for sharing those disturbing but wonderful memories with me'.

The front door clicked shut and a confused, tortured looking Edward sauntered into the room, his eyes sweeping over the scene before him.

"How… how is this possible?" he gasped wide-eyed as his gaze landed on me with a now sleeping Destiny curled peacefully up in my arms.

"You'd have known if you had stuck around long enough," Tristan spat angrily, his face contorted in disgust.

But Edward was no longer paying attention; he was staring intently at Alice, his face masked in absolute horror. His hands clutched tightly at his side, his jaw clenching and un-clenching, a deep thunderous growl vibrated the whole room as he slammed his hands down on the table causing everyone in the room to jump aside from Alice.

"They're coming," Alice whispered, looking directly at me and Destiny.

**EPOV**

I stumbled around the vast openness of Alaska, roaring into the empty sky with pain radiating from every bit of my being.

I wished for nothing but death. But somewhere inside of me, I knew that was even too selfish for a creature like me; my family needed me right now. They, too, would be mourning the loss of Bella, and here I was, once again alone, having left them to pick up all the pieces of a mess I had caused.

I had to go back. It had been over a week since I spoke with anyone. Had I missed the funeral? What had they told Charlie? How had they explained her death? Had the wolves found out? And, if so, did they realize what had happened? Would this bring on the battle they had threatened us with so many years ago?

At the thought of my family fighting for their lives against the vile worthless wolves from the Reservation, I blanched. I had to get back and now!

**-OO-**

As I approached the house, I was assaulted with the thoughts of my family. My conscience clicked into overdrive as the aftermath of what I had done, what I had left behind, loomed over me like a dark, menacing cloud.

I scanned their thoughts rapidly, wanting to know what kind of berating I was in for.

Carlisle's thoughts rang loud and clear – Fear, worry, The Volturi and Victoria.

What the hell had I missed these mere eight days?

Rosalie's thoughts rather shocked me. They were completely about the baby, who had apparently been named Destiny, and keeping her safe. It shocked me considerably to find her actually thinking about someone besides herself for once. She was usually so self-consumed.

Emmett and Jasper's thoughts were very similar; concern for their mates mixed with the enthrallment of a good fight.

Again, what the hell were they all so anxious about, and who did they plan on fighting? Victoria? Had she decided to come back after I had fled?

Esme's thoughts punctured my very being. They were overflowing with love, but worry followed not far behind. She was scared for her husband and children, but mostly for Bella and Destiny.

I was almost to the house and deeply confused with their thoughts. Why would they be worried about Bella? She was gone, now safe from the evils of this world.

As I approached the front steps and reached for the door handle, I scanned Alice's thoughts. She was just getting a vision, a very _vivid_ vision. I pushed the door open as it started in a dark dreary room with numerous people sitting around a large mahogany table. As the vision came into focus, I could make out the members of The Volturi. Aro stood and declared in a sneer that they were to leave immediately. The vision shifted as I closed the door quietly behind me, lowering my head in shame as I walked towards my family. Feelings of dread and insecurity were flooding through me. What if this time I had messed up too much? What if they couldn't forgive me? I couldn't blame them, really, but could my dead heart handle any more pain right now?

It appeared I had interrupted a pretty serious conversation, and from what I gathered from their thoughts it had something to do with The Volturi. I took in their shocked forlorn expressions as they noticed me standing in the doorway, and froze when I heard a soft child-like voice. I knew it must be Destiny's, but I couldn't see her. I decided she must be elsewhere sleeping. Once I could hear her thoughts, however, they were of her Mommy holding her and cuddling with her, lying in lush grass in the bright, warm sunlight. What a beautiful little dream. My heart went out to her as I remembered the only real memory she would ever have of her mother was of her broken and bloody on the dining room table.

As I moved further into the room, my family slowly registered my presence. Alice's vision continued. I saw The Volturi coming in large numbers, numbers that we could never begin to stand a chance against, the whole guard and many other vampires who were of no consequence to The Volturi.

As they neared, I watched many of them become what appeared to be disoriented, confused expressions on their faces as they dashed off in different directions unnoticed by their leaders.

As they neared the edge of the forest to our home, all that remained of them were Jane, Felix, Caius and Aro. Their resolve was wavering mildly, but not enough to deter them from continuing on their mission.

The four continued their journey through the forest moving much slower now, a small amount of hesitation in their once sure steps.

I looked up at Carlisle who was watching me curiously; he nodded his head cautiously at the rest of my family, who then in turn parted before me one by one. I walked further towards the center of the room, my senses being bombarded with such an exquisite smell that I almost fell over, my legs wanting to give out at the mere scent of it. I gaped in amazement and completely forgot about the scent as the most phenomenal sight my eyes had ever beheld played out before me. With my family parting like the dead sea and an awkward, beautiful looking Bella sitting before me, holding a baby girl, Destiny, in her very pale arms.

"How… how is this possible?" I mumbled, momentarily jarred from Alice's vision, only to be thrust right back into it horrorstruck by the events unfolding.

Felix was attacking Bella, tearing her limb from limb as a squirming, crying Destiny lay just a few feet away watching the whole horrific spectacle with her sweet, innocent eyes. Jane darted over and swept the whimpering baby up and blurred back into the forest with Aro and Caius in tow.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" I roared. "When? We can stop this. There are only four of them and seven of us. We'll just never let her out of our sight."

"Two days," Alice whispered, burying her face in Jasper's waiting arms.

"What? What's going on, now? Why is it every time you two are in the same room, I am left clueless?" Emmett huffed. I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips. Only Emmett. I shook my head at him, "Alice, why don't you take everyone out to the yard and tell them what's going on? I'd like a moment alone with Bella." Alice nodded '_I'm glad you're back, we missed you. But don't be too cocky. This time you may be too late',_ Alice berated me with her thoughts. I grimaced. Could it be true? Had I truly lost Bella this time?

"Bella," I whimpered softly as I watched her carefully place Destiny in a small, pink bassinette.

She turned and glared at me, "So, you decided to come back, did ya? Why now, Edward? Why did you leave in the first place? You just left me. I poured my heart out to you, took a chance, and _you_ _fucking_ _left_ _me_," she spat angrily. I winced. I knew I deserved her vicious words, but it didn't make them hurt any less.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, and truly I was. How could I make her understand and believe that she was the reason I had left. I had been so heartbroken. I didn't know she had lived through the birth process.

"I didn't know. I thought you were dead," I defended desperately.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I was. Or, at least, on the brink of it. But I survived, no thanks to you," she hissed, clenching her fists at her sides. "Tristan saved me, Edward. Carlisle's not sure how, exactly. But when you took off and gave up on me..." I gasped. Is that what she truly believed? That I had given up on her?

I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up her hand, "Don't bother. I really don't want to hear your pathetic excuses. It's true no matter how you try and silver line it. Instead of doing anything and everything in your power to try and save me… even if it hadn't worked, you ran, because that's what you do best, Edward." She was shaking violently now, her eyes flashing with unadulterated hate and an anger blazing in them I had never once witnessed on any being, human or vampire alike.

"Every time you get scared, or can't control the situation you're in, you _run_. You're a coward, Edward. A _selfish_ _coward_."

She was right. I was. How had I never seen this before? When her scent overwhelmed me and I couldn't control my instincts, I _ran_. When Jasper attacked her, and I had feared I couldn't protect her adequately, I _ran_. When she needed me the most and was lying on the brink of death, I had let my own sorrow consume me, and once again… I _ran_. I wasn't worthy of her, and from the look in her eyes, it would seem after all my screw ups, all my selfishness, no matter how much we loved each other… she had finally realized this, as well.

"I can't do this anymore, Edward. Destiny needs a stable life. She deserves it. I want to give her that," she whispered, unshed tears glistening in her eyes as she looked up at me.

"Wha… what are you saying, Bella?" I rasped as my chest began tightening, cutting off my ability to speak.

"I'm saying… I can't be with you, Edward. It's over. No matter how much my heart throbs, no matter the physical and emotional pain and suffering I am subjecting myself to making this choice, I know deep down all the pain will be worth it, because this is, without a doubt, the right choice to make for me, for you, for Destiny and for everyone. Us together causes pain for everyone, inevitably; it always does. Us apart will only cause the two of us pain. That alone is a good enough reason." She paused momentarily and hunched over weeping tearlessly into her hands.

I took a wary step towards her, my head pounding as venom rushed up into it.

Her words were reverberating through the room.

"I can't be with you. It's over"

I gently pulled her hand back and clasped it reverently in my own, "Please, don't do this, Bella," I pleaded, emotions clogging my throat.

She jumped upright and pulled me with her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. I let out a sigh of relief. She didn't mean it. I still had a chance.

I inhaled her scent greedily, holding onto her for dear life. She pulled back a few inches and looked right into my eyes, into where my very soul would reside if I, indeed, had one.

"I just wanted to hold you one last time, Edward. I meant what I had said. We cannot be together. But…" She put her hands on either side of my face and whimpered lightly, "I want you to be a part of _our_ daughter's life."

I let go of her, gaping openly as I maneuvered around her and sat beside the little bassinette. I gently picked up the beautiful sleeping child; _my child_… with Bella. Destiny's little eyes fluttered open and twinkled with delight as they focused on me.

"Good morning, darling. Do you know who I am?" I gurgled as I rocked her back and forth in my arms.

She placed her tiny hand on my face, wiggling her fingers.

_'Daddy, you're so beautiful, just like Mommy,_' she whispered softly in her mind, as a picture of me flashed in my mind… I looked crazed and wide-eyed, covered in blood reaching out toward a new born Destiny.

"She… she's showing me the first time she saw me," I whispered in amazement.

"Yeah, I didn't get a chance to tell you about that. She actually seems to have a few different special abilities," Bella said, sounding like a true Mommy, elated and proud.

"Can… can we still live in the same house, be together like a family, but not together?" I questioned, equally wanting the answer more than anything, but also scared out of my wits of what it might be.

"No, Edward. I don't think so. I… I want to try and work things out with Tristan… if he'll still have me, that is," her voice trailed off with uncertainty.

My dead heart stuttered in my chest, ripping and tearing through any decent human part that had survived my transformation. I blinked back unshed tears that I prayed would finally fall. Surprisingly, a small, plump tear slid down my cheek as I whimpered into my daughter's shiny, brown curls. I cursed the angry, selfish, monster within me for blowing my only chance at true happiness.


	38. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer still applies. Always has, always will.**

**Ann looks over my chapters and makes sure I don't miss the pesky lil shit.**

**Almost done...sniffle...just the epi to go...**

**I'd love to hear from each and every one of you at least once before this story finishes. Can we do that, lovelies? Ima be the big 3 - 0 on the 21st, how's about I ask for that for my pity present? Snort***

**Endings lead to new beginnings!**

**BPOV**

The last two days were a bit of a blur. Most of the family was spending inordinate amounts of time preparing for our unwelcome visitors.

Alice's vision became clearer, and their true motives were revealed. They've planned to kill me to get to Destiny. They had heard of Edward's attack and assumed correctly that the child was his. They've anticipated remarkable and extraordinary powers for my daughter and wanted her for themselves and had never once believed Victoria's spew about us creating an immortal child, at least, not after reading her thoughts and memories. They were merely using that as a cover up to add an oddity of an addition to their power-hungry empire.

The idea of Carlisle's rather large and unorthodox coven adding two more powerful numbers apparently threatened them. They already believed us to pose a minor threat to their authority. They, now, considered us a hindrance of sorts. A family with beliefs they had once chortled at, they now saw as an arduous task.

Carlisle was thoroughly disgusted within himself, having once considered Aro a friend.

I, however, had faith. I believed in Alice's visions to an extent, trusted only that the four of them were to make it here and held hope that with the seven of us _plus_ Destiny, we would be able to protect ourselves. I may have been being a little reckless. But honestly, if I had to die to save my child… well, I already knew what the outcome of such a decision would be.

Edward had been spending most of his time playing with Destiny, who seemed to have grown inches in the matter of hours. She was now babbling like a one-year-old would and crawling around, pulling herself up on furniture.

My heart melted at the sight of the two of them together, giggling, cuddling and playing. It also broke each time they touched. Could I do this to Destiny? Take her father away from her? Well, technically, I wouldn't be taking him away from her; she just wouldn't have him around _all_ the time.

Would she one day forgive me for this?

Tristan, too, spent a phenomenal amount of time with Destiny. It was so hard not to love her. She was so friendly and charming, exuberant and delightful; I mean… who could resist?

I had spoken with Tristan and told him that Edward was her father. He had been rather upset, but surprisingly, not terribly surprised.

I remembered how he had kissed my forehead and told me that he loved me and wished me all the happiness the world could offer. I blinked back unshed tears as he turned to walk out the door. My heart screamed at me to let him go, but my head was yelling the opposite. As the front door clicked shut, the battle going on between my heart and mind ended; I flew out the door after him and threw myself into his arms and begged for forgiveness, begged him to give me another chance.

We sobbed on the front porch tearlessly, reveling in the feeling of each other and basking in the intense love we had for each other.

We had been inseparable since that moment, aside from when he was playing with Destiny.

I smiled to myself in contentment, thinking maybe, just maybe, this would work. Edward and Tristan had been civil towards each other, and Destiny was in pure bliss having so much attention from the two of them. Yes, this could work; it would work, and everyone would be all the happier for it.

I was distracted from my thoughts as a little pale hand grabbed at my ankle. Soft giggling floated up from the floor as I peered down, smiling brightly at my little girl.

"Well, hello there, beautiful," I hummed as I picked her up and snuggled her into my chest.

She sighed, her eyes fluttering.

I sat with her in my arms on the couch across from Edward and beside Tristan, smiling at them as Destiny's little fingers curled up in my hair.

A picture of Edward Flashed in my mind, '_I love him, Mommy. My Daddy's so great and strong and brave._' Next there was an image of Tristan that replaced Edward's, '_Can he be my Daddy, too? I see the love in his eyes, Mommy; there is enough there for us both,_' she giggled. I gasped, my eyes widening as I glanced back and forth between Edward and Tristan. I could tell by the tortured Expression on Edward's face and the glowing one on Tristan's that Destiny must have implanted those thoughts into all three of our heads at the same time.

Edward got up wordlessly from the couch and fled the room. Tristan looked apologetic but relieved at the same time.

"I love her, too, you know," he whispered fervently.

"I know." And I did know, and I loved him all the more for accepting my child with another man so easily and unconditionally. But it still pained me to see Edward so hurt.

**APOV**

"It's time to go," I called into the house, waiting by the front door with Jasper at my side.

"You're sure this will turn out okay?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled into him. "Nothing is ever sure in this life, Jazz. But I have to be optimistic that things will turn out for the best." My visions had intensified, but never once faltered. I still saw Bella in pieces, and I still saw Jane run off with Destiny. But I had to believe that once the time came, one of us would make a major decision that would alter the outcome to something more favorable.

Edward had been adamant about hiding Bella and Destiny, but even with making that decision, I still saw death and destruction. It seemed this was completely unavoidable, and our best chance was a strong stance against them. All of us together.

We had learned just yesterday what a great weapon Bella truly was. When a pissed off Rosalie stormed up to Bella ready to rip her to pieces after she found out that Bella had chosen to be with Tristan instead of Edward. We were all a little confused at first when Rosalie slammed Bella's door open. But instead of screeching out profanities like we expected or maybe even a small cat fight… Rosalie stared blankly at Bella and robotically turned on her heel and went back to her room.

She had explained to us that as she neared Bella, her thoughts became jumbled, and she forgot why she was there and what she wanted to do. She was left with nothing but confusion and distortion in her mind. And it wasn't until she was a floor away from Bella that she actually did remember why she had gone up there in the first place.

Carlisle had come to the conclusion that Bella was a mind-mixer, very rare to our kind, but not completely unheard of. Whenever she subconsciously or consciously felt threatened in any way, the cause of the threat would immediately become confused and disoriented, left with nothing but a blank mind until they were safely away from her.

**BPOV**

"Come on, sweetie. If we want to get there before they arrive, we have to hurry up." Tristan led me by the waist towards the front door, holding Destiny in his other arm while maneuvering me through the front hall.

We arrived at the edge of the forest fifteen minutes before The Volturi were due to arrive.

"I love you. No matter what happens today, I want you to remember that always," I whispered tersely, as Destiny giggled and pulled at my hair. She ceased her explorations when she looked up into my face; her eyes clouding over and a small tremor ran through her tiny body. She wrapped her stubby arms around my neck and squeezed me with strength that a child her age should never possess. It was almost enough to comfort me, momentarily. I squeezed back just as vigorously, hoping she could feel the love I had for her in each gentle squeeze.

Around me, I could hear sad whispered words of love and comfort. Jasper and Alice stood not far from me, holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. It was so sweet and personal I had to look away.

Rosalie and Emmett were a bit further away, almost blocked from my line of vision by some overgrown trees. Rose had her leg hitched around Emmett's huge torso, her tongue lodged in his mouth, with one hand sliding down her back and the other grasping her ass. I giggled nervously at their blatant display of affection and shifted my line of vision towards Esme and Carlisle.

Carlisle had his arms tightly wrapped around his wife, whispering into the crown of her head and placing soft kisses there every so often.

I felt guilt mount within me. This wasn't right. They shouldn't have to be here, risking their lives because of me. I could never live with myself if something happened to any one of them.

A small sob rose in my throat as my gaze landed on Edward. He was standing alone, near the edge of the forest, looking lost in thought, completely disheveled and nothing like the Edward I had once known.

"Tristan, I'll be right back, okay. There's something I have to do." He looked at me curiously but kissed my forehead and let go of my hand.

I saw Edward tense up as he heard me approach, and my dormant heart, I swear, stuttered. I knew it was my fault he acted this way around me. I had hurt him, stolen all hope of happiness from him. I was a horrible, wretched person who deserved to be alone and miserable for the pain I had caused him. I knew this, and it tore at my insides knowing that, even though I did know, I would do nothing to change it.

"Bella?" I walked closer, placing my hand on his shoulder gently. He flinched slightly at my touch but didn't shrug me off.

"Edward." I shifted nervously from one foot to the other, "I wanted… I wanted to say goodbye. In case things… things _don't_ go well." A huge lump of emotion rose up in my throat as I gazed down at a squirming Destiny in my arms.

Edward turned and smiled brightly as he held his arms out and scooped up his daughter.

A soft whimper escaped my trembling lips, "Please, Edward, I know you probably hate me right now, but please, if there is a choice… if only one of us can be saved. Please, save our daughter." I looked into his sorrow filled, glistening eyes. "Please." Edward hesitated, shifting back and forth as if battling with something before he flung his arms around me and pulled me into a warm, comforting, hug. I melted into his arms, they felt so right; he felt so good. I choked on a sob that threatened to betray the real pain that was burning inside of me. The pain I was desperately trying to hide from everyone. The pain inflicted from being separated from one's true mate.

I felt Edward's soft lips against my head. I inhaled his scent greedily, breathing deep, erratic breaths trying to engrain his smell into my very being.

The feeling of his arms around me, the sound of his sweet voice, the feeling of complete and utter security I felt in his arms; I didn't want a single piece of this moment to ever escape me. I would treasure it always. Etch it into my mind like an item in a safe locked up, safe and secure, never to be taken away.

"I could never hate you. Ever!" Edward pulled back. He held my gaze as he kissed Destiny one more time and then handed her back to me.

"They're here," he whispered as he pushed me behind him.

I sprinted over to Tristan who smiled at me and gave me a reassuring squeeze. What I ever did to deserve him, I would never, ever know.

I watched warily as the four cloak-clad figures emerged from the forest, flinching at the smug look on Jane's face. The memories of the pain she had inflicted on Edward the last time we had seen her were still fresh in my mind.

Carlisle advanced to greet his old friend, "Aro, to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Ah, Carlisle. It is good to see you, my dear friend. However, this is not a casual visit. I am actually here on official business," Aro drawled lazily, his eyes glimmering with amusement.

Everything happened so quickly, I barely had time to register what was going on. Within seconds, my family dropped to the ground, writhing in agony, howls of pain ripping through the air.

I leapt towards them wanting to help, but was blocked by the massive form of Felix; he loomed over me and leered, pulling his lips back and baring his teeth at me. I stumbled back clutching fiercely to Destiny to protect her.

Felix's leg whipped out and slammed into the back of mine causing me to drop to my knees. He tore Destiny from my arms and tossed her aside like a rag doll.

A massive growl flew from my mouth, my vision blackening as I launched myself at him, tearing at his face. But I was no match for him; he had years of training on me, not to mention a ton of human blood flowing in his veins. I didn't stand a chance as he slammed me to the ground and painfully jutted my arms behind my back. I whimpered in pain but would not allow him the satisfaction of hearing my screams.

A small scream rose in my throat as I bent my head sideways only to see my beautiful baby girl, crawling away from me, I tried to call out to her, but Felix's iron grip on my throat was crushing my windpipe. I scraped my fingers down his arms, lashing out, trying to get his grip to loosen even a bit, just enough to tell her to hide. Felix smiled down at me smugly, "You don't stand a chance, little girl," he snarled, flicking his tongue out and licking the side of my face, "Such a pity, really. I could have had so much fun with you."

My mind was running in overtime. In desperation, I tried one last thing; I raised my hand and placed it softly on Felix's crotch, rubbing it up and down. I twisted my face into what I hoped to be a seductive smile and batted my lashes at him.

His eyes flickered and his grip loosened just enough that I was able to manage a small whisper, "Let me go and we can run off together." I looked around and saw my whole family still writhing on the ground in pain. I saw the smug sadistic look on Jane's face and knew immediately that she was enjoying this way too much.

"Nice try, little girl," Felix sneered as he tore my arm savagely from its socket. I howled in pain, grimacing up at him and spitting in his face.

"You disgusting pig," Felix snarled as his free hand smashed into my face. I heard the bones crunching before I felt the searing pain. Still, I held my screams in.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Caius cautiously approaching Destiny.

I thrashed about wildly, my head pounding in fury, "Stay the fuck away from her," I screeched, but my screams fell on deaf ears. He didn't even flinch.

"Hello, cutie. Come, let me see you," I heard Caius coo in what I was sure he meant to be baby-like talk, but all I heard was a vicious snake-like hiss.

Within a matter of seconds, the events taking place began to change swiftly. At first, I thought I was dreaming or maybe I was dying and having a vivid hallucination from the pain. I watched horror-struck as Destiny swirled up and began shaping into a serpent, a large dragon-like serpent.

A thunderous roar bellowed from within the beast she had become, and a long tongue lashed out. Caius was trembling in fear, and his usually calm façade now looked horrified and confused. I, too, was confused. If he didn't do that to my little girl, then who did?

Destiny's long tongue snaked out and slashed across Caius' face. I watched with a confused expression as he howled in agony and fell to the ground. Aside from his rapidly blinking eyes, the rest of him lay still.

Destiny snarled and bared her massive teeth as she now set her sights on Felix. Felix shook above me, his breaths coming out short and rapid.

"What the hell…" he was cut off as once again as Destiny's tongue lashed out and slapped him across the face. I scrambled to my feet and stared wide-eyed at Felix's crumbled body lying at my feet. He, too, was looking about wildly with fear etched into his features.

I heard Aro whispering fiercely at Jane, telling her to stop her torment.

"STOP. This was not our intent," Aro hollered.

Simultaneously, Jane appeared to have lifted her pain induced gaze and Destiny slowly shifted back to her former self. I sobbed heart-wrenchingly as I snatched her up and held her tight to my chest. "What was that?" I whispered softly in her hair.

_'I can change into any thing I want, Momma.'_ Thoughts slowly implanted themselves in my mind. _Destiny waking up in the middle of the night, while the rest of us were outside discussing strategy. She was vividly remembering the dream she had just awoken from. She was dreaming about kittens and puppies she had heard about just before bed in the story Aunt Alice had read to her. She wondered what it would be like to be a small little kitty, jumping about with no care in the world, chasing mice and drinking yummy warm milk. The longer she thought about it, the more her body began to shimmer and fade until all that was left in her crib was a pitch-black, fluffy kitten, mewling and bouncing around. Moments later, the front door slammed and the black cat began to fade back into a gleeful looking Destiny._

"Baby! You can shape shift?" I asked incredulously.

Destiny nodded her head excitedly.

"Okay, let's deal with one thing at a time, shall we. First of all, we need to get rid of these damn Volturi," I hissed venomously.

_'Okay, Momma.'_

Carlisle was up front now once again talking to Aro in a low hushed tone.

I waited patiently as Destiny drifted to sleep in my arms. I watched her longingly as she whimpered and sighed in her sleep. I missed sleep. I longed for it. Sleep was the only time I really had to myself as a human, the time when all my hopes and dreams merged together into wonderful, vivid, glorious dreams. Dreams that would never come true in this reality, and now I couldn't even have them in my sleep.

I was snapped out of my revere when I noticed Aro standing before me, "I am so sorry, my child. Our intentions were never to harm you." He glanced down at my severed arm.

"Are you sure about that, Aro?" I hissed accusingly.

"At this very moment, for the first time in a very long time, I am not too sure about anything," he confessed while staring curiously at Destiny in my arms.

"But, I guess some mysteries are best unsolved." I wasn't sure if he was still talking to me or not as he turned and slowly joined the others.

As we all turned and made our way back to the house, leaving a stunned looking Jane, flanked at Aro's side, gaping at the lifeless forms of Felix and Caius sprawled out on the forest floor, I heard Alice call back to them, "It's only temporary; they should wake up within the hour."

-OO-

Many arguments, conversations and theories later, we were all joined in the dining room, once again convening around the large dining room table, as Carlisle explained his findings.

He had taken a sample of Destiny's blood and compared it to Edward's and then to his own. It appeared that the Cracken blood that had tainted Edward years ago had passed on to Destiny when she was conceived; therefore, giving her extraordinary powers that NO vampire had ever seen before. The mind altering and thoughts implantation was likely something she would have had, no matter what, but the shape shifting was a notorious trait for the Cracken, and he could only assume it had been passed on to her from Edward.

Carlisle mused that maybe Edward, too, could perform such acts, but after many hours of trying with Destiny's guidance, it appeared he had not inherited such powers from the venom.

Lastly, there was the mystery of Caius and Felix's reactions to her venom. Carlisle also took a sample of that, and after many different theories and an animated declaration from Emmett, who was the only one foolish enough to volunteer as a guinea pig, that as soon as the venom hit him, he began feeling startlingly cold. He explained that it started where the venom hit and within seconds had crept through his entire body, leaving him paralyzed, lying on the carpeted floor, able to hear and see everything going on around him but unable to respond or move.

My mind was whirling from the overload of information. It was just too much to process. My sweet little girl was apparently the world's most dangerous predator, and therefore, surely, she would always be an acquisition the Volturi would yearn for. She would never be safe.

I sobbed into Tristan's shoulder as he whispered softly to me, trying to reassure me everything would be okay.

I slowly pulled him from the room, having heard enough already. I looked into his eyes and placed my hand on his cheek, "We can't stay here. It's not safe. As long as we are with the Cullens, they will always know where to find her." My heart broke a little with each and every word as they fell from my lips.

"I know," was Tristan's quiet reply, "I'll go wherever you want, sweetie. Wherever you feel safe." I sobbed tearlessly into his shirt, clutching desperately to his strong frame until I heard Alice clearing her throat behind us.

"You're leaving," she accused softly.

I nodded, unable to form words to explain how I was feeling, to reason with her and help her understand it was the only way.

She came up beside me, her eyes filled with unshedable tears, "You don't have to explain. I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm going to miss you so much." She flung herself into my arms. We held on tightly to each other, neither one of us wanting to be the first to let go.

When we finally pulled apart and glanced around the room at the rest of the family watching our exchange, sorrow and despair filled the silent room.

"What about me?" Edward's wail sliced through the silence like a knife stabbing through my chest.

"She's my daughter, too… and you think you can just take her away from me?" he hissed, his eyes flashing with anger.

"I don't have a choice," I whispered softly, reaching out to him, only for my hand to be met with air as he lurched back away from my touch.

"Don't you touch me. Don't you dare touch me," he growled, shaking his head and snarling.

"As soon as we are settled in, we will contact you. You will always be welcomed to see her, all of you will be. As long as you're discreet and cautious about no one following you." I tried to assure him I would never do such a thing.

"It's for the best, Edward," Alice interrupted softly, taking his hand as her eyes glazed over and her head fell forward.

I heard a tiny, pain filled gasp fall from Edward's parted lips, "I see. Well, it would seem everyone has already agreed, and how I feel doesn't matter," he spat as he spun on his heel and headed for the other room.

"Where… are… you… going?" I sputtered, pain dripping from my words.

"To say goodbye to _MY_ daughter," he hissed as he disappeared from my line of vision.

I wanted nothing more than to run to him and tell him how sorry I was for having such preposterous thoughts, but my feet were like lead and wouldn't move. My chest felt like it was on fire and the only thing keeping me together, keeping me sane and strong, was the warm comforting touch of Tristan's hand on my back.

I sighed wearily as I made my way past my family and up the stairs to pack a few things we would need for our journey. Everything else could be replaced.

-OO-

**One month later**

**EPOV**

I was finally going to go see my daughter today. We had taken every precaution possible.

I booked a flight to no man's land, somewhere with absolutely no importance, but close enough that I could run the remainder of the way to Bella's new home, and far enough away that no one would connect the location to Bella's whereabouts. We decided that it was best I go alone, for numerous reasons. The first being, that I desperately wanted time alone with my daughter. Bella had emailed me pictures of her, and her growth spurt over the past month was staggering. She would be almost seven weeks old now, but already appeared to be two years of age. She was walking unassisted now and talking like an adult would.

I groaned impatiently as I stared out of the plane window at the vast, white, fluffy clouds. This was going to be hard, the hardest thing I had ever had to do, actually. I would have to go there and act like none of it bothered me, seeing Bella with Tristan in their happy little home they had built together. Not like I hadn't seen it already, Alice kept close tabs on them, to ensure The Volturi knew nothing of their whereabouts. And, I, being the sadistic man that I am, couldn't stop myself from looking in on her visions. I watched helplessly as the pain engulfed me, tearing at my insides, as Tristan held my Bella and made love to her. I had to hear Bella whisper words of love and commitment to him, watch another man teach my daughter how to throw a baseball, how to swim and how to walk.

I had watched in agonizing pain as he tucked Destiny in at night, singing to her softly and kissing her sweet face.

I bit back a low growl forming in the pit of my stomach. That should have been me. That was _my_ love, _my_ Bella, _my_ daughter, _my_ family, and _my_ life. But, somehow, I was not the man living it. And it was entirely my fault.

My thoughts of self-pity and hatred were interrupted as the pilot's voice rang out from the intercom telling us we would be landing in a few minutes and to put on our seatbelts.

Excitement began to overcome the anger and resentment, at the thought of being just a few short hours away from seeing Destiny, in person. Being able to touch her and hold her to me.

After the plane landed, I grabbed my carry on, the only bag I had brought with me, and sprinted as fast as humanly possible off the plane and through the airport doors.

It physically pained me to be moving so slow, but it was the middle of the day, and I had no choice but to keep up my human façade. I was lucky enough to find it cloudy and raining today, so I wouldn't have to hide out in the airport until dusk.

I was getting closer. I could hear Tristan's thoughts, now. I frowned. He was worried about how my visit would affect Bella, and wondering if he shouldn't have agreed with her and let her leave for the duration of my visit.

What! Bella didn't want to be there when I arrived? She didn't even want to see me? My dead heart stuttered in pain, as the repercussions of my past mistakes once again jumped up and bit me in the ass.

As I neared the house, I could hear Destiny's chime-like giggles ring out. I slowly walked towards the front window and snuck a peek at my daughter. She was curled up on the floor with Bella's arms wrapped around her. Tristan was tickling her sides. They all looked so happy, and the gleam I saw shine in Bella's eyes destroyed me. She had moved on, completely. She didn't regret her decision one bit. She was truly happy.

I fell to my knees as Destiny's thoughts berated my already tortured mind.

'_I would be the happiest girl alive if life just always stayed like this, Mommy and my step-daddy and me together forever. I am such a lucky girl to have two wonderful parents who are so loving and attentive. Why does Daddy have to come here and make Mommy so sad and Daddy so nervous?'_

"Des, why don't you run upstairs and get changed before your father gets here okay," I heard Tristan suggest softly.

"If I have to," she huffed back as I heard her little feet storm up the stairs.

"She's so confused," Bella whimpered.

"I know baby, I know." I peered through the window and watched as Tristan scooped Bella up into his arms and kissed her lovingly.

_Bella deserved this. She deserved happiness_, I reminded myself over and over as I clutched at my chest.

"I have a surprise for you." I could hear the stutter in Tristan's words and wondered what had him so nervous, "I was going to wait until tonight when we could go out and be alone while Edward is here with Destiny, but you look like you could use some cheering up… so…"

I gaped openly as Tristan lowered himself to one knee and grasped Bella's hand.

"Bella, you have been the one constant thing in my life. I never believed in the whole one true mate thing until I met you. Your love and devotion have made me a better man, the man I am today. I know our time together has not always been flowers and rainbows, but through it all, our love prevailed, and we are now stronger together than we ever have been. Would you do me the immense honor of joining me for eternity and becoming my wife?" I heard his words, could see the hope shining in his eyes, but could feel nothing; I was cold, for the first time since I could remember, I was frigidly cold and frighteningly empty, void of any feeling what so ever. Tristan's thoughts were of nothing but love, devotion and forever. He was completely sure of himself, sure of his life with Bella, not a single doubt fluttered through his mind.

I covered my ears with my trembling hands as Bella squealed in excitement, "Of course, I will, Tristan. I love you so much." I could hear the small smacks as their lips touched over and over again, and I dashed into the field and ran as far and as fast as I could away from the pain, away from Bella and my daughter.

"Please, forgive me," I sobbed as I neared the border.

-OO-

I arrived in Volterra two days later, looking like I had been hit by a freight train. My hair was windblown and hanging in my eyes worse than normal with leaves stuck in it. Mud was caked on various parts of my body from running through the rain and dirt.

My eyes scanned the town square in a frenzy. I didn't have a lot of time. If Alice got a vision of what I was planning, I was sure she wouldn't be far behind on her way to stop me. I couldn't allow that. I had to do this. It was just too much for me.

My eyes landed on a tall male, about six feet tall with a lanky build. He had light brown hair and pale white skin. If I didn't know better he could have passed as a vampire since he was so pale. But the blood flowing in his veins told me otherwise. Without a moment's hesitation, I lurched forward and flung him to the ground. He screamed out in surprise and pain as his body hit the hard cement beneath him. He looked into my black wild eyes and fear seeped into his own, "Please…" I didn't let him finish as I sunk my teeth into his warm, soft flesh.

I could hear people screaming and running about around me. Someone tried to tear me from the man's body, but with the flick of my arm, they went crashing into a nearby building, bouncing back and landing in a lifeless thud. I rose slowly, growling menacingly, warm blood flowing through my pulsing veins, and glared at the few people brave enough to still be anywhere near the horrific spectacle. I lowered myself, preparing to leap on the one remaining human staring blankly at me, when something hard and strong barreled into my side. I snarled and thrashed about wildly trying to shake the thing from my arm, to find it was not a thing, but two very large angry vampires. They flew into the nearby darkness dragging me by my arms.

"That was a big mistake you made back there," the larger one snarled as he pinned me to the wall of the building.

"No, no, it wasn't. It was exactly what I wanted to do," I growled back, no longer fighting him. I closed my eyes waiting for the pain that was to come. The pain I welcomed… the pain I yearned for.

**CPOV**

"Nooooo," Alice's shrill, pain-filled shriek tore me from my reading. I dashed into the other room to find her curled up and sobbing hysterically on the floor, Jasper and Emmett already at her side.

Her screams of agony were reverberating through the whole house.

"What's going on?" I asked anxiously, slowly making my way closer to Alice's withering form.

"I don't know. She was having a vision and then just started freaking out," Jasper whispered, pain seeping from his eyes.

"She's in so much pain. It's agonizing. I don't understand," he whimpered in a pained voice.

"Alice, honey!" I lowered to the floor and crouched beside her. I swept my hand across her forehead trying to calm her, "What is it, Alice?"

Her eyes slowly came into focus as I ran my fingers gently back and forth along her cheek.

She flew into a sitting position, her breathing erratic as her eyes scanned the room. I squeezed her reassuringly as her body sagged against mine, small sobs wracking through her body as she whispered so low I barely heard her, "He's dead."

"Who's dead, Alice?" Rose piped in softly from somewhere behind me.

"He went to the Volturi. He killed a man in the town square, and they killed him."

"Who?" Rose shrieked.

We all stood frozen in horror as she wailed, "Edward," before her body collapsed in a heap on the floor.

**Well, that's it, dolls. Epi will go up by week's end. So, in the next two days.**

**Are u all hating on me right now?**

**Epi is a biggie…don't miss it – cackles madly -**


	39. Epilogue

**Disclaimer still applies. Always has, always will.**

**Ann looks over my chapters and makes sure I don't miss the pesky lil shit.**

**And this is it, dolls. Wasn't terribly surprised with the hate mail, pm's and reviews, but I can't lie- it made me a lil sad...sniffle sniffle...**

**I'd love to hear from each and every one of you at least once before this story finishes. This is your last chance...Can we do that, lovelies? Ima be the big 3 - 0 on the 21st, how's about I ask for that for my pity present? Snort***

**Huge authors note at the bottom.**

**Epilogue**

As I came to, a deep and disturbing chuckle reverberated through the dark room.

I was woozy and disorientated, but even though I was wavering slightly, my body still immediately took a defensive stance. I crouched low, every muscle in my body tightly coiled and ready to fight.

A figure emerged from within the shadows of a corner in, what appeared to be, a cell in which I was being held in.

"You." My eyes widened, "What do you want, and why am I here?"

"Oh, my dear child, we have much to discuss, but first, how are you feeling? Are you hungry? You have been out for over a month now." With his mention of food, my stomach involuntarily grumbled, loudly. I grimaced, "No. Now what do you want, Aro?" I spat angrily.

"I see you want to get right to the point, then. Fine, so be it. I'm here to offer you a choice. Either join me and my guard _or…_ spend eternity sitting in this cell."

Of course, I should have known the moment I saw him what his intentions were. He had always made his interest in my family well known. None of us, however, had ever felt the desire to join him and had always graciously declined his offers.

"You know I would nev…" I started, but he interrupted, "Before you make your decision, let me _show_ you something." He chuckled darkly with a snide smile on his papery lips.

He pressed a button on what appeared to be a remote of some sort and caused a thin, off-white strip of thick rubber to descend, covering the whole left wall and transforming it into a huge television or viewing screen, like one you find in the movie theatre.

I gaped at him, confused as to why he would think this white screen would affect my decision any. So, I quickly chalked it up to him being a crazy, old vampire.

"Nope, didn't change my mind any. I still refuse…" my words trailed off shakily as a voice I never thought I'd hear again drifted through the room.

"I do," Bella's soft voice rang out, full of thick emotion and love.

I spun around and fell over in blinding pain. I clutched at my chest and sputtered and dry sobbed as the image on the now very large white screen played out.

"And, do you, Tristan Franco, take Isabella Swan to have and to hold from this day on, until death do you part?" The images of Tristan's large goofy grin and Bella's soft, loving gaze burned into my tortured mind.

"You see… your _dear_ _sweet_ Bella has moved on, Edward. There is nothing left for you. _Nothing_ to fight for anymore."

I couldn't respond. I didn't know what to say. Images of my family flashed through my head. But just as quickly as they had come, they appeared on the screen, also.

Laughing and crying right alongside Bella and Tristan.

Alice was apparently the maid of honor. Esme and Carlisle were smiling proudly and hugging both of them in congratulations. Emmett was grinning like a freaking moron and shaking Tristan's hand. Rosalie… oh my… Rosalie was holding a little girl in her hands, smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen grace her face. She was in pure bliss. I watched as Bella walked toward Rosalie and the child, who appeared to be about two years old and gave her a big kiss.

"I love you, baby," she whispered softly. The little girl smiled brightly and ran her fingers along Bella's cheek.

As Bella walked away and towards Tristan, I heard Carlisle whisper ever so softly, "She looks so much like her father," and Bella tensed and stopped dead in her tracks.

With that, the screen went black. I couldn't move or speak or do anything. My mind was working in overdrive. What did this mean? Bella had moved on, chosen to spend her life with Tristan. I knew this. But now they were married and apparently very happy, with…. I remembered now, my mind must have been blocking it from me as some self-preservation, likely because I couldn't handle the pain. I gasped. Aro chuckled. The little girl was mine. I remembered everything, now. Carlisle had done a paternity test… Destiny Faith Cullen. She was my daughter, and Bella was my love, and Tristan… Tristan was living _my_ life.

I slowly turned to face Aro's apathetic face.

"Fine, I'll join you. But I want that and any others you may have destroyed, and never… and I mean never, let me hear their names spoken in this castle again." All emotion was gone from my voice. I could feel it in me, too. The blackness was taking over, resentment, anger, jealousy and pain. The monster who I had spent so many years fighting had finally won. I was no longer Edward Cullen. I was now Edward, Volturi Guard and eternally damned.

-OO-

**5 Years later**

"I have a new assignment for you, Edward. There is a young, female vampire causing quite an uproar in a small town in West Virginia called Morgantown. Here are the specifics. Your job is to find her… and eliminate her." Aro's voice was low, rough and menacing as he handed me the plain white envelope. I could tell by the look on his face this was something he thought needed immediate attention. After all my years here being his personal assassin, you'd think by now he'd know I was infallible, but for some reason… there was doubt in his eyes this very moment, and I irrationally felt the need to point out my past conquests.

His thoughts were murky and hard to decipher. Either his thoughts were jumping around rapidly or he was struggling very hard to block me.

"No worries, Aro. I have never failed you before. I have no intention of starting now." My words rang with finality, leaving no opening for doubt or questions.

He nodded, and I left to start packing for my journey.

**-OO-**

I stood at the peak of the cliff, slinking around very agile and cat-like, watching my prey intently. She was just a young girl, maybe seventeen years of age.

She sat on a lower cliff, overlooking the water. Her long, jet-black hair flowed in the wind behind her. If you looked very closely you'd notice the light bronze streaks running through it.

Her thoughts were simple and sad. Apparently, her father had passed on recently and her mother had torn her world to pieces by confessing the man she had grown to know and love as her father was only her step father. The rest of her thoughts were all jumbled together.

She loved her parents dearly but felt betrayed and wanted revenge on all who had kept the truth from her.

She was quite hot headed and had a surprisingly stubborn mind.

Within a matter of seconds, her mind jumped to thoughts and wonderings of the father she had never known. Who he might have been? Why it pained her mother so much to speak of him? And why he had left in the first place. Apparently, her mother had told her that her father chose not to be in her life and then had been killed not long after.

Her despairing thoughts turned to those of yearning. Yearning for the life she could have had if her father had stayed. Guilt immediately followed in tenfold as she believed she was somehow betraying her step-father by having such thoughts and then anger for never been given the chance to make the decision in the first place.

I began to tire of her trivial thoughts, the same old crap I heard all the time in young, misguided, power hungry adolescents.

Revenge, desolation, betrayal and the 'everyone's out to get me' kind of thoughts… poor, poor, pitiful me.

_Boo fucking hoo, little girl. Don't cry. I'm here to take all the pain away,_ I thought smugly, as a small, snarled smile played on my lips.

A low growl emanated from deep within my chest. Something I had read in the girls file came back to me. Apparently, one of her talents was to play with people's minds and make them think things that weren't really there. I concentrated for a few minutes, clearing my mind and preparing myself for the task at hand, before leaping into the field and silently creeping up on the unsuspecting girl.

She was a vampire, so I had no doubt sooner or later she was bound to sense my presence. But as I crept closer and closer, her posture remained the same. I cocked my head in curiosity; either she was a very stupid or purposely ignoring me.

I was so busy contemplating the reason behind her lack of self preservation that I flinched at the sound of her voice. So soft, so sad and so lost.

"Who are you, and why are you here?" she droned softly, never once turning to look at me.

"'Who I am' doesn't matter… and I have been sent here to eliminate you," I growled, slowly lowering myself into a protective stance, waiting for the battle to begin.

"Oh," she whispered not even sounding the least bit surprised, "Okay then."

What? That's it? No fighting? No begging for her life? No sobbing? No pleading?

I took a weary step toward her, not trusting this 'I accept my fate and am willing to accept my punishment' act.

Slowly, she rose from the soft grass and turned towards me. I gasped. Her eyes, they were so familiar. Something about them seemed to claw at my dead, un-beating heart, ripping at it, pulverizing it.

A howl of pain rippled through me. Was she implanting this pain in my mind? How dare she?

Little bitch.

No one had that kind of power over me, now, and no one would, ever again.

I lunged at her. She watched unemotionally as my body collided with hers. A sharp stab of electricity shot up my hand that first made contact with her. I ignored it.

I clawed at her arm, tearing it from the socket and tossing it aside. I quickly moved on to the other and repeated the action. No sound came from the girl, not a single whimper of pain escaped her lips. Her thoughts were of forgiveness and goodbyes and acceptance. She was ready to move on, to leave this world, and she accepted, willingly, what was happening to her.

It baffled me. Never once in my very long life as a vampire had I encountered another of my kind with absolutely no resistance, no self preservation what-so-ever. Nonetheless, I continued dismantling her body, limb by limb. It was kind of a nice change not to have to fight to the death for once.

Finally, when she lay twitching in pieces on the ground before my feet, I pulled a pack of matches from my back pocket. I could see the body pieces quivering, trying to reattach themselves as I took one last glance down at her emotionless eyes.

I flicked the match and raised my hand, never letting my eyes leave hers. Fuzzy images of a woman with pale skin, long chestnut hair and soft caramel eyes flashed in her mind, '_I love you, mother. I'm sorry. I forgive you. Goodbye_,' she sobbed in her head. Her twitching, severed head faced up at me, and her sad, bright eyes never once left my face as she whispered softly, "I remember you," just as I flung the match the image in her mind became crystal clear.

I staggered back in pain.

BELLA!

My mind raced a mile a minute as I watched in utter horror, my eyes wide, as the match slowly inched towards the young girl; the young girl who called Bella her mother, the young girl who was just thinking about her dead step-father, the young girl who was mourning the loss of a real father she had just learned of. Her eyes, that beautiful caramel color, the same color mine had once been because of my once chosen diet, those streaks of bronze copper hair, the exact same color and shade as mine.

I wailed in agony as the match landed. Realizing a moment too late that the young girl before me, the one Aro had been so cautious with his thoughts about, the one he had sent me here to kill, was my own flesh and blood.

_My_ daughter.

**THE END**

**So, I need to take a moment and thank each and every one of my readers that share their positive, and sometimes threatening, thoughts with me, all the encouraging words of kindness and support. Sunsetwing for being my head cheerleader…and of course, I can't forget the rest of the squad….LAL69, textbratt67, traceybuie, twifanheart27, Princess Mishawaka, sarahlouise80, twilightnaley19, samiam77, Alice Vampire, Sarabella79, deliah69, Tazbrat, joynnco, morgpie, PJ Austin, Ellie082, Ishouldntbehere…this list seriously goes on and on….. you guys have been insanely amazing to me, and I love you all so fucking hard. I'm going to be so sad to lose you all :-(**

**Some of you have been with me for like EVER, and you…the ones that stick with me through thick and thin, angst and fluff, heartache and tears…you are the very best of the FF world…I am so thankful for each and everyone of you.**

**Deliah69, barbiedoll123, twilightnaley19,Mambomama, Princess Mishawaka, and some of you I may have missed- have been with me since 2009. You're like my posee, and I couldn't have done this, this whole fic, it's redo, all of it, without your unwavering support.**

**Of course, thanks to Ann for going over these chaps with me and missing my stupid shit. Katie for filling in when Ann was MIA.**

**New or current WIP fics.**

**As you can see, I have a few more to finish up, but once I am done with NSG, TSV and a few future-takes of Club Elite, I have 2 more stories in the works, on the down low…shhh…One called The Elusive G- **_**The Elusive G - **_

**Bella sleeps with numerous guys, in search of the elusive G. After hearing her mom go on and on about the infamous G and how mind blowing it is.**

**Each man has a different demographic. Whether it be race, or social status, age, experience, or whatever. Never wanting for anything more, what will she do when she meets her Mr' Perfect and he has a hard time reconciling what it is she had spent the last few years of her life doing.**

**And one Called Soul Walkers…**

**I don't actually have summary for this one yet…ummm. It starts off with B at the tender age of 4 and follows her- year by year as she grows and tries to fill in the missing pieces of her life, figure out why she is different than everyone else, and who the dark, pretty man is that visits her only when no one else is around. Not to mention the dreams….oh the dream…the missing pieces must be there, right?**

**both will be B and E- not terribly angsty, and they both will have HEA. So, put me on alert, if u don't have me on it already, and keep ur eyes peeled for those.**

**Okay, enough with that. Bring on the hate…I'm ready for it…ducks-hides-sniffles***


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